Chapter 7
Seven
Ayla
W e didn't get to see Meri after that. It was as if she'd completely disappeared. When I got brave enough to ask Ms. Lawton about it, she told me not to bother myself with the affairs of a married woman. Her husband was Meri's sole concern now. For her, childhood was over. I should take note, since mine was running out quickly.
And yet nothing else changed. Callah kept her bed against one side of our room. I kept mine against the other. Meri's stayed made up and empty on the wall between us, but all of her personal belongings were gone. Not that any of us had many.
A week later, Callah caught me after our class and suggested I go back to my library. She asked for a book about a hero. One with a good story that wouldn't be too scary and give her nightmares. I promised her I'd find something, then slipped into the darkness again.
When I returned to my room to change for dinner, a dress was set out and waiting for me, just like always. When I caught up to Callah to eat, we compared our choices, like we had for so many years. Again, I'd picked more greens while she had more fungus.
And the months passed.
Every morning, the compound lights came on, letting us know another day was upon us. Every night, they went out, turning our world into pitch blackness. A few days before the holidays, the hunters would return with wounded and we'd be woken up to care for them.
Time turned into a blur. Repetition kept the devil at bay, Ms. Lawton always said, but I'd never been more aware of it than in those days. Monday, Sunday, and all the days in between were identical. From our classes with Mr. Cassidy to our prayers every evening, it was as if nothing ever changed.
Until Callah's list of genetic matches was updated. Boaz Alred was removed, like I'd told her. Reynold Saunders was officially printed in his place. When I checked my own, the same old man was there. His was the only name we both shared, though.
That was the problem with the Elders getting to choose a wife first. In the end, my generation was made from people who were mostly my cousins, nephews, or half-siblings. Full siblings in some cases, since I did have three of those. Not that I knew them well.
Yet when I walked into the classroom a few days later, I noticed my sister sitting with her hands folded in her lap. The girl glanced up and her eyes landed on me. I offered a weak smile. Her lips curled to match.
Like me, she had golden-blonde hair. Her eyes were brilliantly blue. I was pretty sure our faces were even similar, because they both reminded me of my mother. Not that I got to see mine often, but when I was allowed the use of a mirror, I was always startled to see Tiesha staring back.
Nissa, my little sister, didn't talk to me. That would've upset Mr. Cassidy. Still, that one brief glimpse made me feel like the pair of us had shared something. Claiming my regular seat, I straightened my skirts around me, doing my best to present myself as a proper lady, exactly as we'd been taught.
When the clock on the wall reached the hour, Mr. Cassidy stood and moved into the center of our cluster of chairs. The man made a point of looking us all over, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to decide which sermon to recycle for today's lesson.
"The worship of our Lord God Almighty," he started, having clearly figured it out. "By now, you should all know about the power of faith, correct?"
Around the room, we all nodded. Across from me, Callah bobbed her head hard enough to make a curl break free from her bun. I wanted to gesture for her to put it up, but that would be too obvious.
And Mr. Cassidy simply continued. "Throughout the centuries, while we have survived belowground, the Council of Elders has found reasons for us to celebrate. Days such as the upcoming Feast of Saints aren't merely meant as an excuse to eat more food and gossip with your friends, though."
"But we still get to eat meat," a boy broke in.
Which made Mr. Cassidy smile at him. "Yes, we do. Our hunters work hard to supply the entire compound with it. Protein is necessary for all of us because we live underground."
"But why?" a girl asked. I was pretty sure it was the same one who always broke in.
Today, Mr. Cassidy gave her a stern look. "Anabell, you need to lift your hand if you have something to say."
So the girl thrust her hand up and repeated herself. "But why?"
Mr. Cassidy just sighed. "When God created Adam and Eve, he planned for us to live in the light of day - not the lights in the compound. To stay healthy, we must eat things that bring daylight to us. That's why our meals have so many plants. And when the seasons change - "
"What's a season?" another boy asked.
Confusion claimed Mr. Cassidy's face. "Spring, summer, autumn, and winter," he replied.
"But what are those?" the same boy pressed.
This time, Mr. Cassidy's sigh was even louder. "It's the cycle of the world turning, David. Sheltered away from the surface, we don't feel those changes here in the compound. The plants above still do, and they grow in time with the world. That's why we have fruits in October. The seasons have changed so the world can ripen."
"What does that have to do with meat?" the precocious girl asked again, belatedly thrusting her hand up.
"Meat is filled with minerals and protein," Mr. Cassidy explained. "It's how we grow big, strong hunters. It's why you girls should be sparse with your meal choices. Gluttony will not be tolerated in the compound, you see. It's one of the seven deadly sins."
I was impressed with his transition this time. Once Mr. Cassidy mentioned the seven deadly sins, he became more animated. One by one, he discussed all of them, explaining how such things were the Devil's influence and reminding us all that if the Devil claimed our minds, we'd be sent to quarantine to pray until the evil influence could be cast out.
Across the room, Callah lifted her head. Immediately, our eyes met and we both smiled. We'd figured out how to avoid quarantine long ago. Our mothers had made sure of it. The stories of her childhood weren't much different from mine, except she hadn't been allowed as much time with her mother.
Still, those memories remained - and they were strong. For so long, quarantine had been all I'd known of the world. My existence had been limited to the tiny room my mother was granted and the time I'd been sent to the hall to wait while my parents were busy. Every time my father had visited, I'd been told to play in the hallway.
And every time, my mother had screamed.
Maybe that was why I didn't want to get married? Could my mother have been broken by the Devil's control of her? It would be so easy to believe that, and yet Meri's husband proved otherwise. Those two were supposed to be happy together. They were what all girls longed for: a young and handsome man to dote on us.
The reality was nothing like our daydreams, though. There was no doting, unless the wife was the one doing it. Handsome didn't matter if all a wife saw of her man was the back of his hand. Being young only made him stronger, and thus his punishment would be more severe.
Because we were always punished. A woman's lot in life, our place, feminine duty - I had all the trite phrases memorized and could spill them when expected. That didn't mean I truly believed them. In truth, it simply made me wonder why men were allowed so much freedom when we women weren't.
The sins of Eve, Mr. Cassidy would say. Yet why did no one talk about the sins of men? We'd been excluded from our place on the surface because of men, not women. We were locked down here, with the Devil winning the war against Heaven because of men, not women!
I longed to point that out, but I knew better. Mr. Cassidy would have some ready excuse, but it would be empty. That was the way it always went, and I was so tired of it. Nineteen years old, and I was sure I'd already figured out the most obvious truth in the world: the rules would always be easier for men than women.
I wanted to change it, to prove I was just as good as them, yet I couldn't. To step out of line always ended in punishment. Meri's marriage was only one example. So was Gideon's reaction when I'd merely been trying to help my friend.
We women could do nothing but work. Men liked it that way. And yet, I'd read so many books that talked of a thing called equality and a time when it had been real. There were historical records of women being able to do the same things as a man. There had even been women soldiers, back when the world had tried to fight back against the Devil's evil forces!
Not now. Worse, I couldn't figure out how to even push at the restrictions on us, and yet it was on my mind when I made it back to my room that afternoon. Callah looked up as I entered, waiting until the door was closed before she said anything.
Then, "Why aren't you reading your books?" she demanded.
I just flopped down onto my bed. "Maybe my books are my problem, Callah. Maybe I want too much because I was too curious. There's a reason those books aren't allowed in the compound, right? Could they be the opening that allows the Devil inside a person's mind?"
She scoffed. "Do you really believe that?"
"Then why aren't we supposed to read them?" I asked. "Why are women expected to read nothing but the Bible?"
"Because the more we know those words, the more we're reminded of our place," she said. "Ayla, knowledge is power. That's the one thing I remember my mother telling me. She would brush my hair and explain that the more a girl knew, the safer she would be."
"But we're not safe!" I snapped. "I turn twenty in mere weeks!"
She nodded slowly. "But that knowledge will help, don't you see? That's why Meri came to tell us about consummation. It's why Gideon was so mad."
"Mr. Kobrick," I sneered.
She chuckled once. "Yeah, him. And I suppose I should get used to calling Meri Mrs. Kobrick, huh?"
"Probably," I agreed. "Because she's now his property."
"But she's really not," Callah grumped, dropping onto her bed to face me. "And you won't be your husband's property. I won't belong to mine. Sure, we'll pretend, but that doesn't make it true."
"Do you think that's why the Devil's still winning up above?" I asked.
For a long moment, she pressed her lips together, clearly thinking. "I don't know," she finally said. "Some days, I think so. But on other days, I can't help but wonder if it's because our hunters aren't good enough. Then there are times when I wonder if the Devil might actually be right."
"Callah!" I gasped, sitting up to gape at her in shock.
She shrugged. "Think about it. The Devil's minions are given the Earth, right? They're allowed to run rampant, wallowing in lust, gluttony, and all the other sins, and he praises them for it. Wild women are just as deadly as men, according to our classes, and yet here we are, not allowed to do anything. Nothing fun, nothing happy. Our lot in life is to suffer while theirs is to sample every vice the whole world has to offer."
I couldn't manage to close my mouth. For Callah, who always seemed so devoted, to say something like that? It wasn't at all what I'd expected! Then again, her piety was probably as broken as mine. Having faith literally hammered into us with the back of a hand? It had a way of doing that.
"But God is good," I finally said.
She simply smiled. "Where? How? When?"
"What?"
"Explain to me one way that God is good, Ayla," she clarified.
"He saved us," I reminded her. "When the Devil claimed the world, God saved humanity by making the compound."
She nodded her head slowly. "But is that really good?"
"It has to be," I decided. "Callah, it must be, because otherwise, what point is there to all of this?"
"And that's the question I've been asking myself a lot lately," she admitted. "Every time I look at my list, I ask it again."