Chapter 54
Fifty-Four
Kanik
A yla went to sleep early. She said she needed to get eight hours of rest so she could keep taking the venom. No, that wasn't quite what we'd told her, yet somehow she'd decided more rest was better. Not a single one of us said otherwise.
So when her door closed for the night, I made my way upstairs. It had been one hell of a day. The sting of her rejection this morning still hurt. Lessa's rant about making a family with Zasen and Rymar was like a little salt in that wound. Not that she - or they - would ever get together like that. It was more how easily I'd been pushed to the side once again.
But the end of summer was getting closer, and I had classes to prepare for. So, heading to my office, I stepped around the mess on Rymar's side and plopped down behind my desk. Now that I'd heard English spoken and used, I wanted to incorporate some of it into my lesson plan.
If we started teaching children in Lorsa how to understand the words, maybe that would help them hide from Moles in the future? Or fight back? Or something! I wasn't sure, but it certainly wouldn't hurt.
I was breaking down the semester studies by week when the sound of nails on the floor made me pause. Looking up, I watched as Zasen made his way into the room, aiming for the worn-out chair at the side. Then he all but threw himself into it.
"I saw the flowers on the coffee table," he said.
"Mm..." I started writing again because I really didn't want to talk about this.
"Rymar also said Lessa showed up at the bar."
"Mhm."
Zasen sighed. "Kanik, I didn't send Lessa there. I wasn't trying to dump my problems on you again. Look, I know I've been letting you handle things with the girl, but it's because she seemed more relaxed around you. I didn't realize it was bothering you."
Calmly, I set my pen down and gave up on my lesson plan. "It wasn't until I screwed up with her this morning, okay?"
His eyes narrowed. "How?"
Snapping my leather-bound study plan closed, I swiveled my chair around so I was facing him. "The flowers Rymar got her were dying. I thought she might like some girly things around, since our house is a little functional."
"Makes sense," he agreed.
"Well, she tensed up when she saw the flowers. And then we started talking about the first dose of venom, and she was nervous - so I touched her."
For a long moment, he simply stared at me. "Touched her how?" he demanded.
"The side of her face," I admitted. "She backed up and made it quite clear such things are improper. "
"Mm." His tail flicked beside him. "Well, I saw that you'd gotten her flowers, so when she did well with the bow, I had this brilliant idea. I would get her some to celebrate her success, right? She said she thought the ones out front are pretty, so trying to make it a surprise, I asked what her favorite color is."
And now my tail was twitching. Damn it!
"Well," he went on when I didn't reply, "I scared her. When I moved too fast, the girl flinched like I was going to smack her around, so we had a little chat. Seems half her ideas are from the Moles. She's supposed to love all God's creatures but not touch them, because that's only for a husband and wife. If she's touched, she'll be worthless, and shit like that."
"Fucking Moles," I grumbled.
"Mhm," he agreed. "But it's all religion, Kanik. My fucking religion, and seeing what it's done to her?" His barb was starting to slide into view.
"Yeah, I told her that Dragons touch and that people are made for touching," I admitted. "I made it clear that doing something nice isn't going to lead to rape. At least not with the three of us."
"You think she even knows that word?" he asked.
I nodded my head slowly. "Ayla? Yeah. I have a feeling she doesn't completely understand it, since her views on things are so fucked up, but I'm willing to bet she's read a dictionary she wasn't supposed to or such."
Which made Zasen laugh. "Yeah, sounds about like her," he agreed. "Also explains why she was so tense when I was trying to adjust her aim."
"Huh?"
So he demonstrated, reaching his arms into the air before him. "Standing behind her. Angling her bow better. She didn't slap me, but she was almost trembling."
"What the fuck did they do to her down there?" I breathed.
"Kinda what I'm wondering," he admitted. "Although I'm starting to think she's at least listening to us."
"How so?"
"Well," he explained, "you told her touching can be okay. A few hours later, I touched her, and while she was definitely nervous, she let me. That girl was confused and ready for me to 'punish' her, but she still gave me a chance. I've been thinking about it all afternoon. I mean, she was winding herself up right in front of me, and yet she didn't run, didn't slap me, and didn't curl up into a ball. She actually tried to..." He huffed out something like a laugh. "I guess she tried to act normal?"
"Our normal," I realized.
He nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. But I came up here because I wanted to run an idea past you, since you're the one who's spent the most time with her."
"Okay?"
He leaned over his knees and licked his lips. "I want to ask my sister to take her to church."
I felt the breath sliding from my lungs. "That's a bad idea, Zasen," I said. "The congregation will take one look at her and think she's going to attack them. Not even Jeera can hold off that many people."
"Not a service," he assured me. "Just to the church. To let her meet the priest and hear a different side of things. Make it clear that not everything about God is as screwed up as those Moles say."
But I had another idea. "What about her marriage?"
Zasen's tail went still. "What about it?"
"Annul it," I said. "Zasen, she didn't agree to it. They didn't even ask for her consent! When she was telling us about it, she said they pinned her in place. That is not a valid marriage, but to Ayla, it means that old man has a claim on her. What if you give her a way to remove it?"
"Oh, that's a fucking good idea," Zasen breathed. "Fuck. Yeah. That might help more than anything else!"
"We hope," I grumbled. "The truth is we have no idea what twisted shit they've taught her. We do know she can unlearn it. We know she doesn't want to be like them. The real question is what she does want."
"Her friends," he admitted. "She's mentioned them a few times."
"Okay?"
"Bringing them here," he clarified. "Getting them out. Ayla wants to help her friends, because she thinks being aboveground is better than belowground because we don't punish her."
"And she's allowed to read," I added. "Yeah, I can see that. So how are you dealing with this?"
"I'm not," he admitted. "The fucking truth is I don't know these girls she's talking about."
"But you can guess they weren't treated any better," I countered. "C'mon, Zasen. If Ayla needs a reason to help us, then give her one - and fucking mean it."
He shifted in the chair, casually lifting his tail up and over the arm. The blue drew my eye to the end where the stinger was still completely extended, proving my friend wasn't as calm and collected as he was pretending.
"Your tail's giving you away," I pointed out.
He laughed once. "So's yours."
My eyes dropped to the end. Sure enough, half of my purple barb was now visible. A flick put my tail behind me, though. Fucking bright colors. I barely got any of them, and the places I was colored like a man were the ones that gave me away.
"Look," I said. "I think having Jeera take her to church certainly won't hurt. It will also get her out of the house. Ayla's been locked up here for weeks now, and while she doesn't seem to mind, I'm sure she has to be curious about the rest of Lorsa."
"Yeah, but how do you think she'll take it when people sneer at her? Or worse, try to attack her?" he countered.
"Jeera," I reminded him. "Zasen, I don't know how to break this to you, but your sister is a lot more terrifying to us than you are. To the Moles, it's different. To us? I'd rather deal with you any day of the week."
He nodded. "So we'll start there," he said. "When she gets back, we can reevaluate, but I'm thinking that getting her out where people can see her is the best way to convince everyone she's not the enemy. She's just orin. After that, taking her into town should get better quickly."
"What, are you planning on taking her on a date or something?" I snapped.
Zasen's tail flicked. "Considered it."
"Where she'd be freaked out the whole time?" I added. "You know, waiting for you to rape her, or punish her for not knowing the same table manners you have, or just scared shitless on principle?"
"Kanik, she likes the idea of friends."
"We're still men!" I shot back. "Men, Zasen. Ones with dicks. How many times has that woman made a comment about not wanting to get married? Maybe we need to start there, hm?"
"Oh, is that your plan to win her over?" he growled.
And now my tail was lashing. "You're the one who asked me to be nice to her," I reminded him. "Don't get pissed off because I am. She's a nice girl. She also likes the same things I do."
"Like Peter Pan?" he asked. "Did you two share a few childhood memories during the day? Make yourself all nice and non-threatening for her, Kanik?"
"Fuck you, Zasen," I grumbled, forcing my tail to stop.
"Well, just remember that when you go back to work, I'm going to be the one spending all day with her. She wants to learn how to fight. Wants to, Kanik, so she'll be thrilled to see me every morning."
My jaw was clenched so tightly my teeth were starting to grind. Pulling in a deep breath, I tossed myself back against my chair.
"Fine," I said. "You can see what it's like to be her friend all day long. To walk that tightrope between wanting to be nice to her but not touch her, not move too fast, and never do anything she might consider romantic."
"Does she even believe in romance?"
"No!" I flung my hands in the air. "And that's the part you're not getting. You fucking steal my idea with the flowers - "
"Technically, that was Rymar's idea," he pointed out.
I sighed because he was right. "Okay, fine. But the same day I get her a bouquet of wildflowers, you're going to pick some more in her favorite color? Buy some that are fancier? Fuck, Zasen. That's a total dick move, man."
His tail snapped once, then curled back around his feet. "No, you're right," he admitted. "It was."
"She's scared of us," I reminded him. "She's trying so damned hard, but she's still scared. And yet, somehow, she convinces herself to trust us. Now, I don't know if that's because we're the only people she knows, but I like to think maybe it's because we've all been good to her."
"Oh, and you've been real good," he mumbled.
My barb snapped out so I pulled in a long breath and forced it to retract. "I've been teaching her our language. I've been trying not to scare her."
"Just tell me one thing," he demanded. "Are you into her?"
My entire body - including my tail - went still. "She's scared of men, Zasen."
"Just..." He sucked in a breath, looking away. "Kanik, just fucking answer the question."
"Yeah, maybe a little."
"Yeah," he said softly. "This gonna be a problem between us?"
"Nope," I said. "See, it all goes back to the same thing. Ayla's cute. Fuck, she's really cute. She's also sweet, innocent, and completely clueless. That means we can't touch her, Zasen. Doesn't matter what she says, because we know how bad the Moles fucked her up. We can't be sure they didn't train her to think she has to be okay with a man's attention. That she has to say yes when he wants anything ."
"So we make sure no one else can take advantage of her either, right?" he asked.
"Right," I agreed.
Zasen just nodded. "Good. Sounds like we're on the same page." Then he gestured around the room. "We should also think about moving all of this to the workroom."
The change in subject confused the hell out of me. "My office?" I asked. "Rymar's?"
"Mhm," he agreed. "Because this room has a door and I'm getting real tired of sleeping on the floor."
Which meant Ayla was definitely staying a while. I felt a smile curl my lips as I began to nod. "Yep, that sounds like a plan. You going to give her your room or move her up here?"
Zasen flicked his brows up smugly. "I'm going to let her pick. Earn myself a few kindness points."
"Asshole," I muttered.
He just pushed himself to his feet. "Yep, but you're currently ahead, so I need to catch up."
And that, more than anything else, made my shitty day a little better. Not completely, because the truth was that liking Ayla didn't matter at all. What mattered was whether or not she'd ever feel comfortable and safe enough to feel that way about anyone.
And if she did, would it be a man? Could it be me? Or would I once again find myself smiling as one of my friends found his own happiness? Because I would. I'd also mean it. I loved these guys like brothers, and so far as I cared, they would always come first.