Chapter 68
Sixty-Eight
Kanik
A yla put on her sandals, but her entire body was tense. While she put her hair up, I headed for the living room, wanting to know what exactly had happened. There, Zasen sat in one of the chairs, bent over his knees.
"Help me out here?" I begged.
He looked up. "Sex hurts."
"Give me more?" I told him.
He sighed heavily. "Kanik, that's why she didn't want to get married. All this time, we've been thinking it was the ownership and abuse, right? But no. She said sex is pain. Men enjoy it, but Eve's curse makes it hurt women. Then, just to top that off, the women are bred over and over, producing children until they die."
"In childbirth," Rymar said as he came out of the kitchen carrying a pair of beers. "Now stop and think about what Ayla looked like when we found her."
"Skinny," Zasen said. "Malnourished, weak, and not in a state where she could safely deliver a child."
"So what do you want to bet they're all like that?" Rymar asked. "I mean, if the men eat first, most, or whatever shit they do, then all the women are going to be in bad shape."
"And pregnancy would then become fatal," Zasen said. "Either from a lack of muscle to push, being pulled down by the demands of the fetus, or a million other things. Mom would call that a high-risk pregnancy, and most likely do surgery instead of natural birth."
"Mm..." I murmured, taking all of it in. "But why did you tell her you slept with Lessa?"
"Because she keeps saying things are improper," he muttered, sounding ashamed. "I thought that if I showed her it wasn't, let her see a woman who doesn't care about the opinions of others, then it might help her reconsider what she's allowed to do."
"Like fuck you?" I asked.
Letting out a sigh, he reached up to scrub at his face. "I was actually thinking more about touch. I mean, yesterday she actually touched me. Okay, she was feeling my scales, but it was the first time she's ever really, I dunno..."
"Been personal," Rymar finished for him.
"Yeah," Zasen agreed. "So I thought I'd double down. If sex is allowed simply because someone wants to, then all those other little things she's scared of would be okay too, right? But yeah. I didn't see this coming."
"Although it makes sense," I pointed out.
Rymar gave me a confused look. "It does?"
"We've known their marriages aren't consensual. We've known women are traumatized down there. We're well aware rape is a common thing, buried under layers of their screwed-up religion. So why is it shocking for her to believe sex would be torture?"
"Just..." Zasen tossed himself back in the chair. "Kanik, make sure she knows we're not going to do that to her?"
"Promise," I said.
Then a hint of a smile touched Zasen's lips. "But, guys? There's one good thing."
"Oh?" Because I sure as hell wasn't seeing it.
That whimsical look flashed on his face again. "She yelled at me."
"Yelled?" Rymar asked.
Zasen nodded. "With anger and everything."
"Nice," I breathed just as Ayla opened the bathroom door.
The three of us turned in time to see her step into the room. Her hands were clasped before her. She'd put her hair up in that severe bun at the back of her neck again. Worse, her eyes were locked on the floor as her demure mannerisms took over.
"Ready to go have fun?" I asked. "And talk? Probably lots of talking, I bet."
She sucked her lower lip into her mouth, then nodded. "Okay. And I'm sorry I was rude earlier."
"Ayla..." Zasen said, keeping his tone gentle. "I told you that you should ask. You didn't do anything wrong. You let us know what we needed. Remember how I said that sometimes you wouldn't like the answer?"
She nodded, but it was a tiny movement.
"Well, sometimes we won't either, and that's okay," he promised. "This time, we simply don't like the answer because it means our friend has been scared and we didn't stop it. It makes us realize we've been failing you."
"But you haven't!" she insisted, finally looking up.
Zasen smiled at her. "We have. Now, because we know, we can fix it." Then he gestured to the door. "And while you're out, make Kanik buy you some things for your new room, okay?"
"I don't need much," she promised.
I simply opened my arm in a gesture for us to head towards the door. "But you still need some. We can at least pick colors. What do you think?"
That earned me the smallest little smile. "Okay."
She headed for the door and I fell in behind her, but the guys didn't call goodbye to us. The mood in the house was heavy, and if I could feel it, I could only imagine Ayla was being smothered by it. That was why I wanted to get her out.
And Rymar's little suggestion was a good one. Buying vegetables sounded nice and safe. It also meant stopping by Jeera's stall to do so. I was pretty sure that once I explained what had happened, she'd take over and make all of this sort itself out somehow. Besides, hearing from a woman? That was exactly what Ayla needed right now.
So we walked, turning our feet up the street. I refused to walk in silence, though - or to ignore what had happened.
"So is sex why you don't want to get married?" I asked.
She nodded. "Yes. Having sex means getting pregnant. No one ever knows which baby will kill them either. Sometimes it's the first. Sometimes it's the tenth."
"Ten?" I gasped.
"Those women are revered in the community," she explained.
"Okay..." I nodded. "Well, around here, most people only have a few. Two or three is most common. Four, sometimes. I've never known anyone to have ten."
"But not everyone gets married here," she reminded me. "If they just have sex, and then sometimes that makes a pregnancy..."
I wanted to slap myself in the face. "Okay," I said. "You know how sometimes it's the most common things that are easiest to forget to tell someone? Like how I would never explain how to breathe because it's just assumed you'd already know how?"
"Yes," she said. "I feel like that all the time, and so often you're all surprised at what I never knew you needed to know. Like the days!"
"Exactly like that," I agreed. "Well, here's something we forgot to tell you." I glanced over because I needed to see her reaction. "Tailless Dragon women use birth control."
"What's that?"
"A medicine which prevents pregnancy so women can have sex without needing to fear having a baby afterwards."
Her feet stumbled to a halt. "What?"
I nodded. "That's why families don't have ten children, Ayla. The women decide when they want to have a baby and stop taking the medicine. Otherwise, they can do what they want. Have sex, not have sex, or just fool around."
"But why would they do that?" she asked.
"Take birth control?"
"Sex!" she hissed, struggling to keep her voice down even as the word burst from her lips.
"Well..." I paused.
Right now, I was so glad I'd covered this a million times with my students. While it might not be a part of my official job, the kids asked the adults they trusted. Now, Ayla was doing the same.
"Okay," I tried, struggling to put this into terms she would not only understand but also believe, "Ayla, people like touching each other. A hand on your shoulder. A palm to clasp when you're scared. Arms to wrap around you when you're sad."
"They didn't in the compound," she admitted.
"But you hugged Zasen when he gave you the bow," I reminded her. "Did that hurt?"
A tiny smile flickered over her lips. "No. It was nice."
"Exactly," I agreed. "And when two people care about each other, sometimes they like to touch more. I heard you saw Drozel kiss his partner. Did that seem like it hurt?"
"No."
Nodding, I kept going. "Well, that's touching too. It makes them feel good. It's romantic. They kiss because they are in love, Ayla. Even though they are two men, they are in love and attracted to each other. Jeera kisses Brielle the same way. Believe it or not, sometimes men feel that way about women. They love them - and women love the men back."
"Really?" she gasped.
Again, I nodded. "Yep. They hold hands, and kiss, and even cuddle. They touch because it makes them feel closer, and most people like being emotionally connected to someone. Close to them, Ayla."
"Like friends?" she asked.
"More," I said. "Or maybe it's different. There are many kinds of love, but falling in love is amazing. It makes you feel like you want to smile all the time, and you can't stop thinking about the other person. You want to touch them, even kiss them, and all of that is okay. It doesn't hurt at all. In fact, it's one of the best feelings you can imagine."
"Maybe for men," she mumbled.
I angled us to the side, aiming for the area filled with brightly-colored canvas canopies. "For women too. If you don't believe me, you can ask Jeera, because that's where we're going first. Her stall is just up ahead. The blue one."
We entered the market section and turned right. As we walked down the aisle, Ayla looked around in awe, but the girl pressed closer to me. That proved she still trusted me, so I'd take it. And once we reached the end of the row, I turned her into a square booth covered with bright blue fabric.
"Jeera!" I said, getting her attention.
The woman turned from where she had a collection of her wares spread out. "Kanik? Ayla!" At the sight of my companion, Jeera's eyes lit up. "Need vegetables? Fungus?" And she flicked her brows, clearly aware those were the names Ayla knew - and only those names.
"Actually," I said, "I need your help. See, we just found out Ayla's convinced sex hurts, and since she won't believe a man..."
"What?!" Jeera looked at Ayla. "Really?"
"The first time makes us bleed," she said softly, glancing around like she was making sure no one overheard. "And if a woman tries to move, her husband will hold her down or hit her to keep her in place."
"Yep, this is a long talk." So Jeera grabbed a sign, dropped it on the front counter, and then hurried to the side. "Loviah? Can you keep an eye on my stall for a bit? I have to step out."
"Got it, Jeera," the woman beside her said.
So Jeera came around her counter and didn't stop until she was clasping Ayla by both shoulders. "Sex is absolutely amazing with the right partner. It's boring with the wrong one. It's painful with someone who's an asshole."
"Oh." Ayla's eyes were big.
So Jeera turned the girl up the next aisle and started walking, draping an arm over Ayla's shoulders to keep their heads together. I followed, thankful she was willing to help. I couldn't even imagine how I'd explain all of this to Ayla otherwise.
"So," Jeera said, "you never have to have sex. It doesn't matter how good people say it is. If you aren't ready, then you shouldn't do it. If you're scared, you shouldn't do it. If you don't like the person, don't trust them, or anything else, you shouldn't do it."
"Okay," Ayla said, nodding quickly.
"But," Jeera went on, "a lot of people like it. Now, before you have sex, you need to get on birth control."
"Kanik told me about that on our way here," Ayla admitted.
Jeera looked back to glare at me. "Now? Seriously? You fucking waited this long to even mention it?"
"I didn't think about it!" I tried to explain.
"Fucking men!" Jeera grumbled. "I should cut off your tail, Kanik." She grunted. "Rymar's and Zasen's too!"
"And we probably deserve it," I agreed.
Which made her turn her attention back to Ayla. "I'll talk to Mom and get you an appointment for that, okay? Just so it's one less thing for you to worry about. She'll need to do an exam, but it's not a big deal."
"Naomi gives birth control?" Ayla asked, her eyes lighting up.
"Mom's main job is delivering babies," Jeera explained. "Yes, she helps with emergencies, but all doctors do. Mostly, Mom focuses on women's vaginas."
Ayla gasped, shoving a hand up and over her mouth. "Jeera!"
"That's not a bad word," Jeera insisted. "And you know what else isn't? Asexual. That means someone who isn't sexually attracted to others. Maybe that's you?"
"I don't know," Ayla said.
"Well, do you look at any of the guys you live with and want to touch them? Do they make you feel excited? Do you want to smile or blush when they do something sweet?"
"But that's normal," Ayla said.
Jeera just grinned. "And some people don't feel like that. It's fine. If you want to touch, you can. If you want to kiss, you can. If you want to have sex, you can. Well, sex after birth control, but yeah."
"I just want to be a Dragon," Ayla said softly.
"Why?" I asked, stretching my legs a little to catch up.
"So I can be strong like everyone else," she said. "So I will feel like it's allowed to do all of these things. So I'm not a Mole!"
Jeera's feet turned, and with that arm over Ayla's shoulders, she pulled the girl with her. "Yeah? So you think being a Dragon will make it easier for you to learn?"
Ayla nodded quickly. "And then maybe I won't get sent back if I ask the wrong thing."
"No one," I told her, "is sending you back. Not now and not ever. They'd have to come through me, Rymar, and Zasen first."
"Mm, but I have a better idea," Jeera said, glancing back to catch my eye. "I think maybe it's time for Ayla to meet Boris."