chapter053
‘Look at the two of us, being corporate swish,’ Declan said, in a long coat over a suit, as Edie met him on the train station concourse, her lace-up heeled boots clip-clopping on the concrete. ‘Like Harrison Ford and Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.’
‘Pepsi is our Trask merger?’
‘Well remembered! I’ve had to see it loads thanks to Cara and Sinead. I must warn you, I have a “bod for sin”, and the sin is a Sausage Egg McMuffin.’ He brandished a paper bag. ‘Got a spare in case you want to partake.’
Edie laughed heartily, while wishing he wouldn’t refer to his body. Every time he did, she had to work out what facial expression best conveyed: I have definitely forgotten what you look like naked.
Before Elliot’s outburst, Edie would’ve overlooked the fact Declan had referenced a film where two people fall in love at the office. She’d been pushed into greater awareness, no doubt as Elliot wanted. This super-injunction, it worries me.
Edie squelched such concerns; today was business.They were about to do their best two-hander act for the Pepsi meeting in London. They spent the journey down with their notes in front of them, mock-interrogating the other to find the weaknesses.
‘What if I said you’re devaluing a beverage with over one-hundred-and-thirty years of history for cheap laughs from the extremely online peanut gallery?’ Edie said, as they passed Kettering. ‘… Diarmuid.’
‘Why am I Diarmuid?’
‘I’m wrong-footing you by forgetting your name and thus hazing you about how insignificant you are.’
‘Fuck’s sake. I’m pitching to make funny clips on TikTok, not joining the Marines, Edna.’
‘Swearing and petulance. You’ve lost the account.’
Declan grinned at her. He looked good in T.M.Lewin, slightly unexpectedly, given his usual look was more unironed free spirit.
‘Whatever happens, this is fun,’ he said, indicating the pair of them. ‘It’s been fun putting it together, too. Let’s go after more big fish. What is there to be scared of in trying, even if we fail? The only thing to be scared of is boredom.’
Edie nodded, while thinking that this might be precisely the sort of moment she’d previously missed. On the surface, all Declan was doing was being boosterish about their work. Underneath that, he was emphasising their connection, their value to each other.
Couldn’t that be him being nice, though, she interrogated herself? It was still a leap that it indicated a desire to peel her Fair Isle cashmere cardigan off. Elliot’s being vigilant and articulate didn’t make him infallible.
Once they arrived at Chancery Lane and nerves were jangling, Edie was nothing but grateful for their effortless mutual support. They agreed afterwards, cautiously, that the presentation had gone well. They knew their case back to front, and when questioned, had a sixth sense about when to cede the floor to the other. Both of them liked a win; neither of them was cut-throat about it, and nor were they fans of pretending to be someone they weren’t or laying it on thick.
Whether Pepsi liked their ideas or not, Edie decided, was the luck of whether the meeting room members were their way inclined. Like selecting a jury: whether you got people who were sympathetic to your world view or not was entirely a matter of chance. At least they’d acquitted themselves respectably.
Afterwards, they met Richard for a late lunch at the Midland Grand. He arrived looking typically and impossibly sharp in a three-piece brown wool suit and claret tie. He was entirely in tune with the opulent Grade I listed dining room.
‘Worth it for this alone,’ Edie whispered, looking up at the gilt plasterwork ceiling. ‘Like being in an Agatha Christie. I hope we have made it worth it.’
‘A bottle of champagne to start, please,’ Richard said, snapping the wine list closed and handing it back.
‘I hope that doesn’t jinx us,’ Declan said.
‘Unlikely, given Pepsi have already called me. The digital contract is ours for the next eighteen months – conditional on the two of you being the ones who run it. Neither of you have plans to leg it to one of my rivals anytime soon, I hope?’
Both Edie and Declan whooped. Edie found herself grateful they were seated and couldn’t hug, however. Had guilt infected her, or was this telling her something?
‘Oh my God! Already!’ Edie said, dumbfounded. She wasn’t used to overachieving.
‘We were lucky it was the right idea at the right time,’ Declan said.
‘Luck is simply when opportunity meets readiness,’ Richard replied.
Once a waiter had ceremoniously filled flutes, they clinked, and Edie momentarily basked. She’d finally repaid Richard for his faith in her. He’d been life coach and friend at a time when Edie badly needed allies. She’d never forget it.
When Declan dipped out to take a call, Richard turned to her. ‘I hope you won’t find it too paternalistic if I say I’m very pleased you’re doing so well. In your professional and private life.’
‘Thank you,’ Edie said. ‘It does feel like I’ve found … equilibrium.’
‘Declan pushed this particular project forward, I know, but the ideas and spark come from you. All you lack sometimes is self-belief. No one else sees why you should doubt yourself.’
‘Hah. A lot of people see why, I’m afraid,’ Edie said. ‘Hence why I’m bloody grateful not to go into the HQ today …’
‘Ah, Edie …’ Richard said, shaking his head. ‘You were an object of scorn, and now you’re an object of envy. Treat those two imposters just the same. Notice instead that when you persevere, good things happen.’
‘Is that it – the secret? Stop caring about what people think of you? Move forward regardless?’
‘I’m not sure about secret – I’m not pretending to be any guru,’ Richard said, topping up the superb red wine that had made Edie’s earlobes grow warm. ‘But how much was your life – I mean the one before the Harrogate contretemps – dictated by what people thought of you? And would you want to go back there? Your former status quo, not the Yorkshire spa town.’
Edie did a double-take. ‘Do you know, I’d never considered that. All this time I’ve spent yearning to go unnoticed again.’ She paused. ‘I suppose I spent a lot of time trying not to make mistakes or stand out or be talked about. To be liked was everything. I rated myself by the negatives that hadn’t happened, not by the good things that … hadn’t happened either.’
‘There you go,’ Richard said.
‘How did you become so wise?’ Edie said.
‘I made lots of mistakes, of course,’ Richard said, smiling broadly.
He looked from Declan to Edie as he left, saying: ‘Congratulating myself on my professional matchmaking here. Have a drink in the bar next door and charge it to expenses.’
Edie, inhibitions loosened, leaped forward, and kissed Richard on the cheek. ‘Thank you! For everything, not just my sirloin steak.’
‘Water on the train, perhaps,’ Richard said, but he looked rather touched.
They took Richard at his word and finished strong with a couple of whisky sours.
By the time she and Declan piled back on the train at St Pancras, they were somewhat the worse for wear. Edie was glad of a grainy coffee in cardboard cup to help straighten her out.
They spent a rewarding hour picking over the presentation, safe in knowledge of the result.
Declan toasted her with his builder’s tea. ‘To many more days like this.’
Edie said: ‘Here’s to you for suggesting it.’
‘Here’s to … you,’ Declan said. ‘If that sounds like less praise, it’s the exact opposite.’
‘Thanks for being such a mensch over the Jack Marshall wedding bollocks,’ Edie said.
‘No thanks required,’ Declan replied.
The journey flew by fast, thanks to prior alcohol and no shortage of topics.
‘Ah, looks like the bog is finally free!’ Declan whispered to Edie, leaping from his aisle seat as they passed East Midlands Parkway. She banished the mental image of having seen him almost going to the loo. Her brain was juvenile.
Declan’s phone on the table next to her lit up with a message. It was a WhatsApp group, ‘Dunne Roaming Charges’, indicating family.
Cara
Gutted EO is boring brat. Must be with him for shagging clout view. Don’t blame …
Edie was startled at recognising the subject. EO. She tried to barter with herself that it wasn’t him, it was a coincidence, yet the rest of the content made that a ludicrous hope. Her mind raced with a radical and upsetting realignment of who Declan Dunne was and how much he was to be trusted.
Once he returned, she saw Declan see his phone. She kept her eyes carefully trained on the window but in the reflection, she caught the shit, did Edie read that? thought rolling across his face. It somewhat confirmed his treachery.
Edie was mature enough to know people told white lies, cut their cloth. It wasn’t that Declan disliked Elliot, though obviously, it hurt. It was the discovery of another false friend. Elliot seems a lovely bloke. She didn’t pressure Declan to lie. If he’d come to that withering conclusion about her boyfriend, the proper thing to do was omit an opinion entirely. Presumably he was going to agree with Cara’s analysis of why she’d be with a ‘boring brat’, too – why else would you be? No, she’s just got really poor taste.
Edie examined her tattered feelings and realised she’d have rather lost the Pepsi work and kept Declan as a friend, than this way round.
‘Looks like there’s enough cabs for both of us,’ Edie said blankly, once they left the station and were in sight of the rank.
‘I like a walk when I’ve taken the drink. I’ll catch one at the other end of town,’ Declan said. He was avoiding her, and she wasn’t going to argue.
‘Night then,’ Edie said. ‘Brilliant effort today – well done.’
‘Night,’ he said. ‘Helluva day for the Notts branch.’
She gave a miserable fake smile and raised her hand in farewell. Don’t try to make friends at work, Edie thought bitterly. Or friends full stop. Nick and Hannah were a fluke; clearly, Edie had no judgement whatsoever.
She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and faced into the cold. The first Hackney with its light on peeled off, and she quickened her step to get the next one.
‘Edie.’
She turned to see Declan looking windswept, out of breath, having run back to catch up with her.
‘That reply from Cara. I want to explain …’
‘Really, no need,’ she said. There was no point in pretending not to know.
‘There is a need, because I have a choice now. I either let you go on thinking I’m another one of the arseholes, or I tell you the truth. I said what I said because my sisters had me sussed. The amount I talk about you, the way I talk about you. They were right on the brink of finding out, and the only way I could stop them was raising an objection.’
He drew breath, and Edie quaked.
‘… I had to invent one. Apologies to your fella, but I went with him. He’s a nice guy, self-effacing, not a brat at all. Sharp and annoyingly witty. It’s not his fault I wish he didn’t exist. It’s not his fault I was praying for him to be a boring brat, someone you might need saving from.’
Declan shrugged, and Edie’s skin was hot under her coat.
‘What I didn’t want my sisters to know is: I fucking adore you, Edie Thompson. Gives me stomach pain type of adore you. I know there’s no hope, no chance – I’m never going to mention it again. I know you’re madly in love with someone else. I’m settling for colleagues and friends. I’m grateful for that, and I don’t want to ruin it. But I didn’t want you to think I’m a two-faced shit. I’m only two-faced in so far as I don’t want anyone to know this. Including you, but – I forgot to turn off lock screen previews, and here we are.’
‘Understood,’ Edie said.
She did understand. Not only that, but somehow, she discovered she had understood this all along. Elliot was right. She’d chosen not to know, which wasn’t the same thing as not knowing.
‘You and I haven’t done “drama free” from the word go, have we?’ she said, after a pause, surprised not to find this at all awkward. Somehow, there was no awkward left. ‘We’ve packed in about ten years of getting to know each other into a few weeks.’
‘Hahaha, right enough,’ Declan said, with a look that blended love and humour and sadness and gratitude, all at once.
They needed a reset.
‘Thank you for being honest, and I’m glad I’ve got to know you, Declan,’ she said.
‘Thank you. So am I. We’re good?’
‘Good,’ Edie said, extending her hand for him to shake. ‘You know, I’m starting to think smartphones are like keeping a pet rattlesnake.’