chapter055
‘Listen, we’ll talk later,’ Elliot said. ‘This isn’t the time.’
‘That’s what I said, and it made me a liar!’ Edie was too upset to keep her voice quite quiet enough, underscoring Elliot’s point. ‘Then you went and nuclear dropped “we’re not working”!’
‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have.’
‘Because you want to take it back, or because you don’t?’
‘Edie,’ Elliot said, shaking his head, and she knew.
She was about to go through this wedding waiting for her verbal dismissal to be formalised and confirmed as such. Edie was therefore in too great a state of distress to simply stop.
‘Are the cold feet connected to your belief that falling in love is a temporary insanity and that I’d never offer to move to be with you’ – yes, have that – ‘and that the intensity of the initial frenzy is no promise of anything lasting? That it’s a flood of drugs in your body designed to make you want to make more humans?’
Elliot frowned. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I heard you with Fraser, when he came to the hotel in Nottingham to discuss his stag do. He said you didn’t think we’d last. You were explaining why we weren’t … ever likely to do what they were.’
‘You’re using things against me that you got from listening in to a private conversation I had with my brother?’
Edie hated him thinking less of her, and she could see that he did.
‘I didn’t mean to hear it. Fraser arrived really late, so it clashed with when I got back to the hotel, and you were talking about Anto. Then my name came up, and it was difficult to tune out. I didn’t know I’d end up being the focus.’
‘What you heard was Fraser’s take on us, not mine.’
‘He was quoting you.’
Elliot stared at her before he spoke. ‘The problem with something you’re not meant to have heard is that you’re not meant to have heard it. The purpose of that talk was to dissuade Fraser from being an impetuous idiot. Of course I was going to be a hard-ass about new love being a brain fog. I was trying to do a job. I’m hardly going to say: I’m more mature than you and a better judge of character, do as I say not as I’d do. How far would that have got me? Not that I got very far anyway.’ He gestured down at his attire.
‘I see …’ Edie said, thinking that admittedly made sense, and Elliot didn’t seem wrong-footed. And unfortunately, he was too bright not to join the dots that Edie had indulged her own crisis of faith in him as a result.
‘Given I’ve told you many times I wasn’t being casual about us, you thought – what, that I was telling you what I thought you’d want to hear?’ Elliot said. ‘Do you not think the fact you doubt me all the time might be significant? That you might need me to give you an out?’
‘It’s not that I’m hunting for problems. It’s being highly strung.’
‘Fact remains, you had a choice between Elliot is being pragmatic and Elliot is a bullshitter, and you chose the latter.’
‘I didn’t! I wasn’t sure what to think. You’re not someone who says things he doesn’t mean.’
There was a knocking at the door that made Edie jump, and Elliot hang his head.
‘Are you decent?!’ Fraz called. ‘I’ve got marrying to be doing very soon, you know?’
‘Nearly there. Right with you!’ Elliot said, with the necessary jollity. ‘Five minutes.’
‘Nearly there? Nearly where?! Oh no. Edie, you’re not in a harness, are you?’ Fraz said.
His humour had never been more misapplied. Edie replied: ‘Yes, but I’m pretty sure I know how to undo it.’
Having to perform this way was entirely necessary and utterly wretched. In fact, Fraser, your brother is ending things, and the only thing I am in is pieces.
‘See you in the lobby in five then,’ Fraser said. ‘I’m shaking like a shitting dog here, Lell – I need you to give me some of your awards speech tips. Also, I need a nip of whatever Iggy’s got in that hip flask.’
‘You do NOT need whatever Iggy’s put in his flask – it’s probably toad venom. We’ll get you a whisky at the bar. Wait for me, OK?’ Elliot said.
‘Come on then! Five minutes! Let Edie go – she’ll let you molest her at the end of the night,’ Fraser implored, incorrectly.
‘Five minutes!’ Elliot said, Edie alone able to hear the note of desperation.
‘Downstairs!’ Fraser replied, and it seemed, retreated.
They breathed out.
Edie looked over at Elliot to share a moment, whatever moment that was, but he’d purposely stalked back to the bathroom to avoid such a thing.