Chapter Thirty-One
Mel sits in the car outside the rental place. But it’s Boxing Day and, of course, it’s closed. The car is switched off and cold is seeping in, her hands turning numb in her lap. It’s dark outside, and she’s in the middle of the city center, with no idea what to do now.
She’s called Finn repeatedly but hasn’t gotten through. Either he’s busy or he’s ignoring her—and her money is on the latter. She left two different voicemails, and when that didn’t work, she texted Hattie. She rereads the message exchange now.
How is she?
She’s okay. Doctors are running some tests. But it’s cancer, Mel.
She starts to type out I know, then thinks better of it.
Keep me posted. I hope you’re all okay. I’m here if you need anything, okay? She wants to add that she’ll be there in the morning, when visiting hours are open—but is she allowed? Would they want her there?
OK. Thanks Mel.
She looks around her. Everything nearby seems closed and empty. Should she eat? Possibly—lunch was abandoned, after all. But she doesn’t feel hungry.
Because her phone is in her hand, she does the only thing she can think of—she calls her parents. They are clearly asleep. It’s not a video call this time, but she can tell from the hoarse sound of her mum’s voice.
“Mel? What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
“No, no, I’m fine.” Shit, she shouldn’t have called them—she should have thought about the time difference. Obviously, they would panic. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have woken you up.”
“That’s okay. Your dad wants to hear. Hang on. I’m putting you on speaker.”
“Did it work?” It’s her dad’s voice.
“Dad? I’m here.” Her voice is choked, and she feels heat burn the back of her throat. God, it’s been a really, really long day.
“Mel, what’s this all about?” her mum asks gently.
“It’s Susan,” Mel says on a sob.
“Susan? Finn’s mum?”
“Lovely woman,” says Gavin.
“She’s ill. She’s got cancer and I don’t know how bad and she’s in hospital and everyone’s there and I don’t know what to do.”
“Okay. All right, love. Calm down. Have you spoken to Finn?” Her mum is clearly trying to follow.
“He doesn’t want to speak to me.” That much, at least, is true.
“Well, this is a stressful time. People process this kind of thing in their own way. All you can do is offer to be there, can’t you?”
“But Susan—she’s really ill, Mum. She’s in hospital and I don’t know what will happen, whether she’ll be okay.”
“Exactly. You don’t know what will happen.
And there’s little point worrying about things until they do happen.
I know that’s impossible. I know you’ll worry anyway.
But, Mel, you can’t do anything. And you don’t know yet how bad it is, do you?
So wait, try to distract yourself. And deal with it when you know a bit more.
” Her mum’s voice quietens a little, though Mel still hears the next bit.
“Maybe we should try to get an earlier flight, Gavin.”
“I’ll google it.”
“No! No, please don’t cut the trip short. You couldn’t do anything even if you were here.”
Her parents say nothing—and Mel suspects they are looking at flights on her dad’s phone, fully intending to ignore her. “I mean it,” she says firmly. “Don’t come home, okay? I’ll be fine.”
“Where’s Priya?” her mum asks. “Is she with you?”
“She, ah…” Mel swallows. “Yeah. Yeah, she’s with me.
Not with me with me, but she’s, you know, nearby.
” It will make them worry less if they think she’s not alone, won’t it?
Maybe it will stop them cutting their trip of a lifetime short, all because she rang them in tears.
But she can’t have her mum questioning her too much on this—she needs to change the subject.
“Also, I hate my job.” She blurts it out, the first thing that comes to mind.
“What’s that?” her dad says. “Did she say she hates her job?”
“But, darling, you love jewelry.”
“I do, but I hate my job.” It comes out in a rush. “Well, I hate the business side. I hate the numbers, I hate all the meetings, I hate the stress. I—”
“Melly, slow down.”
Mel takes a breath. “I’m sorry.” She’s on the verge of crying again. “I’m sorry. I know how proud you are of me. And I’ve tried, I really have, to keep going, to make it work. But I don’t think I can—”
“Mel,” her mum interrupts firmly. “We don’t care what you do.”
“You…You don’t?”
“I have been so, so proud of you—look what you’ve accomplished! I always knew you were destined for great things.”
“Exactly,” Mel murmurs. “If I’m not running it anymore, I won’t still be great, will I?”
“Your happiness is more important. Do you know, that’s something that’s really hit home, traveling out here.
” Her mum takes an audible breath. “I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured to live up to expectations, Mel.
” There is a muttering in the background from her dad, and her mum continues.
“I’m sorry that I made you feel pressured.
I just wanted you to have opportunities, to believe you could do things, not to settle if you wanted more.
But I didn’t mean that you had to do anything, and I know it might have come across that way.
” She sighs. “I was trying to do the right thing. But I suppose you never quite know what that is.” It’s so close to what Susan said, and that makes Mel tear up.
The idea that Susan blames herself for anything in her children’s past.
“If you want to quit, then you quit,” her mum continues. “You could come and live with us if you’re a bit tight for money. Couldn’t she, Gavin?”
“Love to have you,” her dad says, full of such sincerity that Mel is welling up again.
“I don’t want to quit,” she says on a deep breath.
“I just don’t want to run it all myself anymore.
I want to do some bits—the bits I love.” And to think she was so worried about admitting that.
So worried about not letting anyone down, when all this time her parents didn’t care.
Or, more accurately, they didn’t mind. She was trying to live up to expectations that just didn’t exist, and she wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of it.
“Well, that sounds wonderful!” her mum exclaims. “Though I think I’ll still do my business degree,” she muses. “Or maybe I’ll do a computer science one. Apparently, that’s all the rage these days.”
“I think you have to like computers for that,” her dad says.
“Maybe I could learn to like them. You know, like you taught yourself to like chili.”
Mel’s phone beeps in her ear with an incoming call. “I’ve got to go. Someone is calling me.”
“Okay, love, keep us posted about—”
But Mel has already hung up. She thinks it might be Hattie—or Finn—but it’s Priya, calling on WhatsApp.
She answers.
“Hey,” Priya says. “I saw you were online and I thought maybe we could—”
Mel immediately bursts into tears—why can she not stop —and has to explain the whole thing again. She tells Priya about Susan and about the fact she knew, and about Finn, and how it’s all such a bloody mess.
Priya takes it all in, offering the occasional brief comment or asking for clarity, but mostly just lets Mel talk. When she’s done, Priya speaks.
“Well, I think I need to state the obvious here and say that none of this is your fault.”
That elicits another sob from Mel. “I’m sorry. You called me and you get this.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Priya says firmly.
“Right. But now tell me why you were calling. Distract me. God. Please distract me. I can’t bear to keep talking about this. I’m going round in circles.”
“Okay…I hate Australia.” It is said exactly like Mel has just admitted to her parents that she hates her job.
“What? But you said you loved it!”
“I lied. I’m so lonely out here, Mel. I think I made a mistake quitting my job, moving here—who do I think I am, Julia Roberts?”
“Ah…”
“Eat Pray Love.”
“I’m not sure that was—”
“Whatever. I just…I wish I was home.” It’s Priya’s turn to cry now. “I wish I was back in England. I’d come to Scotland and be there for you.”
“I know you would.”
“But not just now. I want to go back. I want to live in our flat again. I want my old colleagues back. Everyone here is so, so…”
“Australian?”
Priya lets out a sob-laugh. “Exactly that. I just…I thought it would be this grand adventure. But it’s hard, and really it’s just me and my life but somewhere new with people I don’t know well enough to be stupid in front of or say how I’m really feeling.
And it’s exhausting. And I think I want to come home, but what will everyone think?
I’ve barely managed a few months and everyone keeps saying how jealous they are and what an adventure it is and—”
“Stop. It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, P.
And it’s okay if things don’t work out.” Which is something she’s learning, too, isn’t it?
“It’s definitely okay to let things go and realize it’s not right.
You’re not letting anyone down. And who cares what random people think, anyway?
Most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to give any of it much thought. ”
“Yeah,” Priya sniffs. “Yeah, maybe.”
“But also—things might get better. It’s okay if things take a while to settle too. Either way, Priya, things will work out.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah. I do.” She’s not sure where this optimism is coming from, given everything, but it’s there, somewhere. “And I’ll come and visit. Soon. Even if you decide to come home, I’ll come and visit before you do.”
“Okay. Yeah. God, it’s so good to talk to you, Mel.”
“You too. I’m sorry I’ve been so crap. Things have been…”
“Not great.”
“Yeah. Not great. And I didn’t want you to worry.”
“Mel, I worry—whether or not you tell me—so you might as well talk to me.”
Mel laughs and though she feels hollowed out, it is a real laugh. “Good to know.”
“Bugger, I have to go. But, Mel? You can’t let Finn shut you out like this, okay? This isn’t your fault—he’s upset and shocked and panicked and he probably doesn’t even mean it. But even if he does, you’ve got to think of Susan here. She’s your family, too, remember.”
She’s your family too. And that’s true, isn’t it? Despite how hung up she’s been, about them being Finn’s family and not hers, it’s been clear, this holiday, that they do not think of it that way.
“You’re right,” she says. “You’re always right.”
“I try. I love you.”
“You too—always.”
Mel stares at her phone after Priya hangs up.
Still no message from Finn. But she squares her shoulders, then starts the engine.
Because Priya is right. Susan would want her there—she’s sure of it.
And she wants to be there. She wants to be there for Susan, who is going through the most awful time, and for Hattie, who might just need a friend to talk to.
She wants to be there to support them all—including Finn, whether he likes it or not.