Chapter 4
chapter
four
Joy
When the light flickers on, the initial sight of my husband steals my breath, and I forget for a moment how different we are now. I brace myself for the flinch. For the gasp. For the disbelief that will kill whatever fragile hope still beats inside my chest.
But Malcolm doesn’t flinch. He just stares—eyes wide, mouth parted, chest rising like he’s forgotten how to breathe.
“Oh my God,” he says softly. “You have wings.”
I nod, my fingers clutching the edge of the counter because if I let go, I might fold in on myself. “Yeah. And antennae.”
He steps closer, slow and careful, like he’s approaching something sacred. His gaze drifts over me, over the russet-brown wings that shimmer when I move, over the delicate antennae that twitch of their own accord. His voice comes rough, husky. “They’re… beautiful.”
“Beautiful?” I huff out a laugh that sounds half-broken. “You don’t have to lie. I look like something out of a nature documentary.”
He shakes his head. “You look like you. Just… upgraded.”
That pulls a small, shaky laugh out of me. “Upgraded, huh?”
He grins faintly. “Absolutely.” Then his gaze catches mine again, deep and steady. “What else is different?”
The question catches me off guard. No one’s asked that yet—not even Amelia.
I swallow. “I can fly,” I admit, stretching one wing slightly before letting it fold again.
“Not far yet, but… enough to feel the wind. I can see in the dark now. And I can smell things—tiny things, distant things. It’s all sharper. ”
He smiles, soft and proud. “Sounds incredible.”
“It’s overwhelming,” I whisper. “Everything is.”
He reaches out, brushing a thumb along my jaw. His touch feels like coming home. The gentleness makes my eyes sting.
“How have you been?” he asks. “I know this has to have been hard on you. I can’t believe you thought you needed to do this on your own. You must have been so scared when it first happened.”
A bitter laugh bubbles up. “Hard on me? I left you, Mal. I disappeared. I didn’t even give you a chance to understand.
” My voice cracks. And I look—really look—at my husband that I walked out on six months ago.
His eyes are nearly hollow with dark circles underneath.
He’s lost weight and he needs a shave. My disappearance has weighed heavily on him.
“I’m so sorry I left the way I did. It was never about you. I just—” I shake my head, wings trembling faintly. “I didn’t want you getting caught up in this. My life isn’t normal anymore. It’s dangerous.”
He looks at me like I’ve said the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. “You’re my life, Joy. Normal or not.”
This man. Just like it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him when we first met, he goes and says that. And my heart just cracks open for him all over again.
The air between us shifts. Heavy. Charged.
He inhales deeply, and his brows pull together. “What is that smell?”
I freeze. Oh, no.
“I’m not sure what it is,” he murmurs, voice low, unsteady, “but it’s the best thing I’ve ever smelled. And it’s making my dick rock hard.”
My stomach drops. “Oh, no.”
“Oh, no?” he echoes, blinking.
“It’s happening.” My cheeks burn. “The pheromones. I think I’m going into heat.”
He stares, then lifts an eyebrow. “Going into heat? Like… the way a dog does?”
I cover my face with my hands. “I guess it’s an animal thing, yeah.”
He laughs under his breath. “Well, that’s—uh—new.” Then, softer, his voice gone rough again, “Please. Can I touch you? Joy, fuck, I’ve missed you so goddamn much.”
His words wound, making me feel guilty for all of this. I take a shaky step back. “No. You need to leave. Right now. This is when it’s dangerous. When I’m dangerous.”
“Dangerous?” His tone sharpens. “What are you talking about?”
“If I go into heat and I’m not mated—if I don’t get impregnated—I could go feral.”
He stares at me like I’ve spoken another language. “Feral?”
“It’s what happens to unmated mothmen,” I say quietly.
“There was one before—Vivian told me. He was unmated and tried to claim her. But he was already pretty much feral and he wouldn’t relent, even after Atticus had claimed her.
He tried to hurt them and… ” I shake my head. “I don’t want to hurt you. Ever.”
“Don’t you know that by leaving me, you’ve hurt me? Joy, I don’t want to live without you, no matter what.”
“I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you.”
Malcolm steps forward, close to me, until I can feel the warmth of him again. My nipples pebble at his nearness and moisture floods my panties.
“That’s completely different,” he says. “That other moth was looking for a mate. You already have one. I’m your mate.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t work like that. You’re human—”
“I don’t give a damn,” he interrupts, voice deep, determined. “No other man—or creature—is going to fuck you or mate you. You belong to me.”
I shiver at the ferocity of his words.
He makes a deep growly noise in his throat. “The smell is driving me wild, Joy. Your pheromones.” He slides his nose up my throat, and I whimper.
“I can’t help it. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I can help. Let me help.”
My breath stutters. “I—Mal—”
He cups my face, thumb brushing my bottom lip. “What do I need to do?”
“The first thing…” My voice trembles. “The first thing I need to know is that you’re not going to change your mind. That you’re not going to wake up two weeks from now and realize you don’t want a wife with wings and bug antennae.”
“Baby,” he says, fierce and sure, “I don’t care if you have wings, antennae, or twelve sets of eyes. You’re beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful. This—” He gestures to me. “This just enhances everything I already loved about you.”
It’s time for me to trust him, to not assume he can’t handle me at my worst. My heart thunders, and relief settles into my bones. “Then I just need you to fuck me.”
His grin is quick, wicked, and so achingly familiar it makes me ache. “Well, let’s do it, then.”
I laugh through a shaky breath. “I don’t know if the wings will get in the way.”
He tugs me closer, lips brushing mine. “We’ll figure it out,” he murmurs. “It’s an adventure. Our adventure.”
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“Don’t be. It’s just me. It’s us. We’re meant to be, remember?” His eyes search all over me. “Your wings are really beautiful, Joy. Just stunning.”
“Not bright and vibrant like a butterfly, though,” I say.
“No. But butterflies are delicate things. You have always been so strong. It’s one of the things I love about you.” He says all of this while unbuttoning his shirt. “I take it Amelia lives here with you?”
“She does.
“Where is your bedroom?
I lead him to my room and watch as he tosses his shirt onto the dresser. God, I’d forgotten how beautiful his body is. “Amelia will be gone for hours. She needs the water time,” I say.
“Good. We have a lot of missed time to make up for.”
“Are you really sure you want me?” I can’t help but ask.
“Babydoll, when we said our vows and promised to stand by each other in sickness and in health, did you mean your promise?”
“Of course.”
“I did too.”
“This is a little different than an illness, Mal. The wings are permanent. And I’m pretty sure any kids we have will end up like me. Little monsters.”
He grips my arms. “You, my love, are not a monster, and I’ll count myself a lucky man if our kids look like you.”