Chapter Three
D elilah spent the day curled up on the couch with her corgi mix, Leia, watching Shadow and Bone and scrolling through vibrators on her phone. Although she loved the show, not even the evil sexiness of Ben Barnes could banish the dark cloud of depression that hovered over her.
Leigh Bardugo is so lucky , Delilah thought. She’d created these amazing worlds that people loved, that were so exciting she’d been picked up by a major streaming service. Delilah would never write anything clever or intriguing enough to get published, let alone have her book turned into a hit show or a blockbuster movie. She was a sad sack of sand, dull and irritating.
Delilah paused on an interesting toy that looked like a unicorn with a very long tongue and added it to her cart. At least if she was going to be a whiny loser, she could have satisfying orgasms.
Her doorbell rang, and Leia bounded from the couch, her furry butt wobbling back and forth as she ran for the front door. Delilah huffed off the couch and shuffled to the front of her two-bedroom home, slipping her phone into her pocket. She’d have to finish her order later.
Delilah checked the clock on the microwave and saw it was after six in the evening. Not really caring who it was, she answered the door in her Star Wars Life Day snuggy to find her best friend standing on her porch with a bottle of peach wine and a bag of chocolate.
“I brought the best medicine to cure any awful day,” Holly said with a wide grin.
Delilah stared at the label of her favorite wine, which featured a country girl in cutoff shorts holding two large peaches in front of her chest, and sighed. “Not even boob wine and Dove can banish my melancholy.”
“Oh, come on.” Holly stepped past her, heading toward the kitchen with Leia dogging her heels. “Tell me what happened.”
“It doesn’t even matter,” Delilah said, laying her forehead across the cool countertop in her kitchen. “I suck at life.”
“Stop avoiding my question and explain yourself so that I can help you come up with a solution.”
Delilah rested her cheek on the surface to scowl at Holly. “You can’t fix this.”
“Please, I should legally change my name to Ms. Fixit. Now spill.”
She straightened up, rubbing her hands over her damp eyes. “I got another rejection letter for my book proposal.”
“And?” Holly tossed the chocolate onto the counter and opened the top drawer in Delilah’s kitchen with an arched brow. “That just means they weren’t a good fit and couldn’t appreciate your genius. Next.”
“I walked in on my bestie and her boyfriend getting it on.”
Holly giggled. “It was funny but not your fault.”
“I know, but even if Declan is out of town, I should probably still call or text before I come over.”
Holly rubbed her chin as if deep in thought before wagging her finger at Delilah, speaking in what Delilah could only imagine was an impression of Robert De Niro. “You. You. This is why I keep you around. You’re so smart.”
“Shut up,” Delilah said, fighting a smile as she straightened up. “That shouldn’t count as your fix since I’m the one who suggested it.”
“Fair enough.” Holly held out the golden bottle of wine with a grin. “I feel like we need to open up this bottle of thinking juice for the rest of it.”
“Drinking is probably counterproductive to rational thought.”
“Tell that to Hemingway. He was sotted most of his life and wrote the most beautiful books.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m missing,” Delilah said, tapping her finger to the side of her head as if she’d just come up with a brilliant idea. “A touch of alcoholism.”
“Let’s not go drowning our sorrows just yet.” Holly pulled out the corkscrew and slammed the drawer shut. “What came after the rejection?”
Delilah sighed. “I bumped into Pike and Anthony at Kiss My Donut this morning.”
“Why is that a bad thing?” Holly asked.
“Anthony talked to me.”
“No,” Holly gasped sarcastically, popping the cork out of the bottle. “The nerve of that jerk.”
“I’m serious. He said he liked my shirt.”
“Which shirt?” Holly asked, turning her back on Delilah to grab two glasses from the cupboard.
“My I Heart Boobies shirt. He looked at it and said he liked boobies, too!”
Holly tried to keep a straight face. “That’s probably true.”
Delilah glared at her. “Not funny.”
“Why does he bother you so much?” Holly filled each glass half full and recorked the bottle. “Is this about the party last year?”
While she loved Holly, Delilah hadn’t told her everything that had gone down with Anthony for many reasons, but mostly because she was embarrassed. She’d gone upstairs with Anthony and a liquor bottle because he’d been nice to her. Saying the words out loud made her feel a little desperate but that was not the case.
“It bothers me because I thought he might like me,” Delilah said softly, tucking a hair behind her ear. “So I invited him upstairs to my room.”
“You told me that part,” Holly said, handing a glass to Delilah. “But I suspect there’s more.”
“We had a few shots of Fireball and then … I kissed him.”
Holly’s jaw dropped open. “You kissed Anthony last December and didn’t tell me?”
“Because it wasn’t a big deal! It meant nothing!”
Holly gave her a skeptical look over the rim of her wineglass. “If it meant nothing, why are you holding a grudge?”
“I kissed him, and he whispered my name—”
“Still not following.”
“And immediately bailed.” Delilah snapped her fingers. “Like he was picturing someone else while kissing me and realized his mistake when he opened his eyes.”
“Are you sure that’s what happened?” Holly asked. “I’ve known Anthony forever, and he isn’t a jerk.”
Delilah sighed. “It doesn’t matter. You’re right, though. I should stop holding a grudge. Honestly, I should thank him. That kiss proved that I am missing something in my life.”
“Whiskey-fueled make-out sessions with strange men?” Holly joked.
“Close, but nope.” Delilah took a sip, humming as the sweet wine swept over her tongue and down her throat. “I am missing passion with a man who knows how to kiss. You know what I attract? Men who think the clitoris doesn’t exist.”
Holly choked on her wine, coughing laughter erupting from her. “Um, didn’t they take health class?”
“Their parents probably opted them out of it to protect their precious sons from learning how to pleasure a woman!” Delilah yelled the last part, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She was sick of disappointing sex and something had to change.
Holly put her hand on Delilah’s shoulder, her eyebrow arched. “Do we need to make a calming circle?”
“With just the two of us, it would be more like a square, but no, I’m good. Got all that pent-up rage expelled from my body, and now it is time to act.” Delilah removed her glasses and tossed them onto the counter. “I am going to find a man whose kisses makes the ground shake beneath my feet.”
“Not without your glasses, dork.” Holly picked up the black frames and handed them to her.
“It was a metaphor. The girl removes her glasses in the movie, and the audience realizes she has always been gorgeous.” Holly opened her mouth and Delilah held her hand up, placing her glasses onto her face. “Don’t say I’m beautiful because I know that. However, I am not giving off the vibe that attracts men who are fantastic in bed! I know I’m a rock star in the sack. I could become a plus-size stripper as a side hustle and bring men to their knees before me.”
“Really?” Holly hopped up on the counter without spilling her wine and waved a hand at her. “I gotta see this. Dance for me. Time to collect those dollar bills.”
Delilah bit back a smile as she set her wineglass down and dropped her snuggy on the floor, revealing gray lounge pants and blue tank top. “Give me a beat!”
Holly laughed but pulled her phone out of her pocket, tapping the screen. While Britney Spears crooned “I’m a Slave 4 U , ” Delilah took several steps forward, shaking her hips and shimmying. When she reached the cupboard, Delilah held on to the knob and spun out as she opened it before dropping into a squat and hopping across the floor. Holly bent over the counter screaming with laughter, and Delilah lost her balance when Leia jumped on her, knocking her into the cabinets. Delilah rolled on the floor, avoiding Leia’s darting tongue.
“See! I got this!”
“If I had a fistful of dollar bills, they would be yours!” Holly said, clapping.
“Leia, I’m fine. Off, love.” The tan and white dog sat back, her bat ears perked. Delilah climbed to her feet less than gracefully and hobbled to where she’d set her wineglass. She picked it up, wincing at the sharp pain in her derriere. “I think I pulled something in my butt.”
“Uh oh! Is it a career-ending injury?” Holly asked between laughter.
“I’m afraid so.”
“I don’t think you need to change your appearance to find a man with bedroom skills,” Holly said, downing the rest of her wine. “I also remember saying something about not needing a man to make me happy.”
Delilah chuckled. “Uh-huh. Should I mention that philosophy to Declan?”
“I was already happy,” Holly said, grinning cheekily. “He’s just a bonus prize.”
“Like the ring at the bottom of the cereal box?” Delilah teased.
“Exactly.” Holly set her glass down before jumping off the counter. “Now, for our manhunt. Sometimes, the quiet ones surprise you.” Holly tapped a finger to her chin before she snapped her fingers with a, “Ha! What about that science teacher at the middle school you dated earlier this year?”
Delilah winced. “Tom is nice, but … ” She searched for another way to describe him, only what popped out was “bland.”
Holly grimaced. “Bland is not good.” She turned to face Delilah once more, gripping the side of the counter behind her. “What about Fletcher Nielsen? He is back in town, and you always thought he was cute.”
“Holly,” Delilah said with a heavy sigh. “I appreciate you advocating for me not to change, but what if I want to?”
Holly crossed the room and hugged her. “Whatever makes you happy makes me happy. I don’t want you ever to think you aren’t good enough for love just how you are.”
“I know that, bestie.” Delilah wasn’t surprised Holly had reservations about Delilah changing who she was.
Holly had been there in middle school when Delilah saved up her money and bought a pair of the distressed skinny jeans everyone was wearing. They’d dug into her stomach when she sat down, and after a long day of suffering for fashion, one of the popular girls had dropped a nasty note onto her desk, with multiple handwriting. It turned out to be a group note, with dozens of people talking trash about her. They’d spent the day making fun of how she looked, and it had taken everything in her to hold back the tears.
It wasn’t until Delilah pulled off the jeans that night and saw how her thighs had been rubbed raw from chafing that she let the tears fall.
She’d faked a stomach ache the next day, and her mom let her stay home, curled up in bed watching Drop Dead Diva . When she tried to fake sick again the following morning, her mom shook her head and told Delilah to shower. Instead of taking her to school, they’d headed to Boise for the weekend. They’d gone to dinner, and after some gentle prodding, Delilah broke down and told her what had happened.
“Lilah, honey, do you like those girls?” her mother asked.
“No, they’re mean.”
“Then why do you care what they think of you? You are smart. You are funny. You are kind. You are beautiful inside and out. Fuck those kids.”
“Mom!” Delilah’s horrified cry at her mother’s cursing dissolved into laughter. Her mom joined her and the two of them had an amazing time.
She’d returned from that weekend with some new clothes and, although she wasn’t bulletproof yet, a thicker skin.
However, she wasn’t twelve years old anymore, and her mother was right. If someone didn’t like the way she looked, they could fuck right off.
Holly pulled back with a sniffle and poured more wine into her glass. “Alright, then, let’s do this. Come on, universe! My friend needs a handsome, funny, intelligent guy to sweep her off her feet!”
“Which might be a tough find in good old Mistletoe.”
“Oh, no,” Holly said firmly. “I will support you in finding your bliss unless it means you are leaving me, and the only time I get to see you is over FaceTime.”
“I’m not saying I want to leave, but you have to admit, Mistletoe has a lot going against it.”
“Such as?” Holly asked.
Delilah started ticking things off on her fingers. “It’s cold for nine months out of the year.”
“That gives us all an excuse to cuddle and take more vitamin D,” Holly said with a salacious grin and an eyebrow waggle.
“The traffic during peak tourist season is ridiculous.”
“Please,” Holly scoffed, “don’t make me laugh. Ten cars backed up on one road in the evening does not traffic make.”
“It does when you just want to get home,” Delilah fired back. “To be honest, the only thing I like about Mistletoe is a handful of people. I’m not outdoorsy, so no recreational stuff appeals to me. I think the holiday events are over the top—”
“How dare you?” Holly interjected with a scowl.
“It’s true! And it takes packages two or more days longer to get here.”
“That’s just Idaho in general,” Holly protested. When Delilah gave her an “oh, really” look, Holly sighed. “Fine. I’ll admit, Mistletoe isn’t for everyone, but you’re selling this place short. I’ve heard the way you talk about the kids you sub for.”
“I can substitute anywhere for a lot more money.”
“Go on then, flee,” Holly said, waving her hands and pointing. “Go on, get! I’ll be better off without you.”
While Holly’s tone sounded lighthearted and teasing, Delilah heard the slight tremor and set her wineglass down. She circled the counter and hugged Holly tight. “Stop trying to White Fang me. We both saw that episode of New Girl one too many times.”
Holly laughed, returning her hug. “So, when do we start this search for the great, rare sex-god?”
“I’m thinking tonight.”
“Oh, dang,” Holly said, frowning. “We can’t go shopping tonight. By the time we got to Twin, all the stores would be closed.”
“That’s okay; I have something in my closet that might do the trick.”
Holly followed Delilah into her bedroom, and when she pulled out the hanger with the sparkling blue dress, Holly nodded. “That will freaking do.”