Chapter Thirteen
I ’m not a terrible person, am I?
Anthony climbed out of his truck the following morning at seven fifty-five with a drink containers in one hand and a bag in the other. He’d stopped at Kiss My Donut to get them breakfast and caffeine, although despite getting very little sleep, he was wired and ready to get on the road. Unfortunately, he’d failed to tell Pike he was traveling to Boise with Delilah. The guilt was eating him alive. He hated lying, knew the consequences and how even small lies could turn someone’s world upside down, and yet he’d omitted the truth from his best friend.
It wasn’t that Anthony thought Pike was broken up about Delilah’s rejection, but Anthony didn’t want to start anything with Delilah until after he’d had time to talk to his friend. Although, watching Pike pound back drinks and bemoan his single circumstances had been severely less fun than everything he could have been doing with Delilah last night. Only sex with Delilah wouldn’t solve his more significant issue and the reason he’d taken the vow of celibacy in the first place.
He’d never been in love at this point in his life. He was worried that he wasn’t capable of it. Nick and Noel had both been in multiple relationships before they realized their feelings for each other, and Pike had engaged his fair share of partners as well. They’d all experienced some degree of love multiple times. Anthony loved his mom and friends, but he’d never burned for anyone romantically, never experienced the overwhelming need to tell them he loved them. Even Yvette, whom he’d dated the longest, hadn’t moved him. There wasn’t a hole in his life when she broke up with him. He’d just gone on living.
Much like his father had after leaving his mother.
Just the thought of the man who’d sired him sent Anthony into a rage and he was going to the man’s house all day? Anthony tried not to think about what he’d agreed to, knowing that although he’d been invited to dinner, his reception would most likely be less than cordial. His other brothers weren’t exactly warm and fuzzy types. Part of him was curious as to why his father extended an invite now, but mostly, visiting his estranged family was a necessary evil to spend time with Delilah. After last night though, how could he tell her they needed to pump the brakes?
On top of the raw nerves about seeing his family, Anthony was nervous to tell Delilah about his vow. Would she believe him? Laugh at him?
He cradled the food in his other arm and used his free hand to ring the doorbell and heard Leia’s high-pitched barking inside. Delilah wore a maroon sweater dress that showed off her creamy shoulders when she opened the door. He noticed her legs were bare above the knee-high black boots she wore, and he swore, “Fuck me, woman, you’ve lived in Idaho your whole life, and you’re out here dressed like you’re from California. Why aren’t you wearing pants?”
Delilah scowled. “Good morning to you, too! To answer your question, I will sit in my nice warm car for the two hours and twenty-seven minutes of our drive.” Delilah’s dark look dissolved when she pointed to his hands. “I’ll be fine! Is that coffee and breakfast for the both of us?”
“Yes.” He should have left them in the car and just come up to see what she was doing first. “I think we should take the truck. I keep a blanket, a case of water, an emergency food kit, and other essentials in my back seat. I’m prepared for everything.”
“Well, aren’t you a Boy Scout?” she said dryly. “It would take three times more gas to get there in that tank than mine. I’ll make you a deal, though. I’ll let you hang on to my car, so if you need to duck out of your dad’s place, you aren’t trapped. Or paying insane Uber holiday prices.”
“Except I don’t feel comfortable taking your car to my dad’s and leaving you stranded.” Especially if things go south and he needed to head back to Mistletoe.
Delilah shrugged. “If I want to go somewhere, my mom will let me use her car. Seriously, I’m fine.”
“Alright, if you’re sure,” Anthony said, lifting his full hands up in surrender, “I’ll put these in the car and my duffle in the trunk.”
“Let me get my bag and Leia and I’ll meet you at the car.” Delilah turned and Anthony stepped over the threshold, checking out her house. The cream walls had photo collages and bookish art on the wall from what he could see. Delilah bent over to unlock Leia’s cage and the fabric of her dress stretched, drawing Anthony’s attention to the round, thick ass.
Realizing he was staring at her like a creep, Anthony cleared his throat and looked away. “Don’t you want to change into something warmer?”
“No,” Delilah said, the cage springing open with a metal twang. Leia bounded out of the cage and ran circles around him, stopping to sniff his boots. “All my sweaters are vacuum sealed in my suitcase, and if I open them up, I won’t be able to close them, and I’ll have to repack.”
Anthony looked to the sky, calling on a higher power to give him strength, when Delilah returned with a large roller luggage, a tote bag, and a backpack slung over one shoulder. Leia gave up her inspection of his footwear and wiggled her fuzzy butt by Delilah’s side but didn’t cross over the threshold when her mom paused in front of Anthony.
“Why would you need to pack so much?” Anthony grumbled. “Aren’t you only going for the weekend?”
“I like to have choices,” she said, releasing the handles to point to each bag. “My mom usually packs in half a dozen fun-filled activities, and the tote is Leia’s food, dog bowls, and toys.”
“What about the backpack?” he asked.
“That has my laptop for work, my iPad, my headphones, chargers, knitting—”
Anthony held up a hand. “Did you say knitting?”
“Yeah, it relaxes me.” She stepped onto the porch and closed the door on her dog. “I’ll put this in the car, come back for Leia, and lock it.”
“If you want to leave them by the trunk, I can put them in after I load mine. I just need to set these down.” Anthony held up the pastry bag with a sheepish grin. “I don’t know why I thought we’d have time to eat before we hit the road.”
Delilah rolled her eyes with a huff. “I told you I wanted to be gone by eight.”
“So you did.” Anthony followed Delilah down the walkway toward her car. Despite his protests on the ridiculous dress, he enjoyed the view. He set the bag and the coffee cups on the driver’s seat and shut the door. When he looked at the back of the car, Delilah was trying to lift the massive suitcase into the trunk. “What are you doing? I told you I’d get it.”
“Maybe I don’t like being bossed around?” she grunted, setting the suitcase back down.
“That’s funny,” he said, passing her to grab his duffle from his truck. When he returned to her side, Anthony dropped his bag into the space and took the handle of her suitcase from her, lifting it into the trunk easily. “The night I took you home wrapped in my blanket, you liked it fine. You disobeyed me and came running back to me so that I’d carry you inside again.”
Her cheeks flushed. “Yeah, well, that was before.”
Anthony shut the trunk and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest as he grinned down at her. “I also remember you doing exactly what I said last night.”
“That is in a completely different capacity and has nothing to do with right now,” she said, setting the tote bag in the back seat. “Can you start the car while I get my dog?”
“Someone woke up feisty today.”
“I’m just trying to stick to a schedule,” she said, pulling out her phone and tapping the screen. “I had us leaving five minutes ago, and in an hour or so, we’ll stop for a bathroom break and continue to Boise.”
Anthony ate up the distance between them and plucked her phone out of her hand, studying the detailed chart. “This is very type A of you. I would have never figured that.”
“Only because my parents expect me at a certain time,” Delilah said, hopping up to grab her phone, but Anthony held it just out of reach, “and they start calling if I don’t arrive within a ten-minute window.” Finally, she gave up her ridiculous retrieval mission and asked, “Can I please have my phone?”
“Of course, you just needed to ask,” he teased, ignoring her fuming. “Better get your little dog so we can get back on track.”
Anthony heard her grumble something about impossible men, but he didn’t take offense. He’d rather have Delilah griping and sarcastic than ignoring him any day of the week. He moved the food bag and coffee onto the passenger seat and tried climbing into the driver’s seat, but his knees wouldn’t fit under the wheel. His head hit the ceiling and he scrambled for the seat adjustments on the side when his leg got stuck. The seat was so close to the steering wheel that he couldn’t climb back out and kept pressing the seat adjustment frantically, taking deep, calming breaths as he was able to adjust slowly.
When Delilah came into view holding Leia’s leash, Anthony continued holding the button. “Jeez, I didn’t realize how short you were.”
“Excuse me?” Delilah said, placing one hand on her hip.
“I’m just saying, I’m not sure if this seat goes back far enough for me.” Anthony pressed down on the other button and the seat dropped slowly. Finally, he could sit up straight instead of keeping his head at a painful angle.
“If you need me to drive, I will,” Delilah said sweetly.
“Nope, I think I’ve got it.” He tilted his seat back a tad and when he was finally comfortable, he moved the coffees into her cup holders and placed the pastry bag on the middle console. Delilah opened the back door and pulled a folded cube out of the pocket on the passenger chair. She hooked the two straps on the cube into the back seat before picking up Leia and setting her inside, attaching a short leash in the cube’s center to her harness.
“Is that a car seat for your dog?”
“Yes, why? She needs to be safe, too,” Delilah said.
Anthony didn’t comment, as she already seemed to be on guard with him. He’d hoped that texting her to say he’d made it home safe and adding the number of hours before Anthony would see her again would soften her to the fact that he was being genuine, but apparently not.
When she climbed into the passenger seat, Anthony cleared his throat. “Delilah, do you not want me to drive you? Because I can take off now if you want nothing to do with me.”
Delilah ran a hand over her head with a small laugh. “I’m not angry with you. I’m nervous. I will be stuck in a car with you for two and a half hours, and I have no idea what you’ll say.”
“Do you want me to go through the highlights, and you can decide if I’m worth the drive?” he asked, turning in the seat to face her. “Your mom and dad will understand if you’re a few minutes late.”
“You’re probably right.” Delilah reached for the coffee closest to her and twisted so she could watch him. “Go ahead. Lay it on me.”
No point in pussyfooting around it. “I haven’t had sex with you because I’ve been celibate for almost two years.” Delilah’s mouth opened, most likely in shock, and he chuckled. “You probably weren’t expecting that, huh?”
“No, I wasn’t,” she said, studying him. “Why are you celibate?”
“As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve never been in love. I got tired of dating women, having sex, and having it lead nowhere.” Anthony rubbed his hand over his hair with a sigh, flustered. He’d only ever talked to Nick and Pike about this, and Pike had teased him about it. “I guess I agree with you to a point about how sex is only good when you’re attracted to each other, but I’m going to take it one step further. Sex is truly amazing when you’re in love with someone.”
Anthony braced himself for laughter or even mockery, but she simply took a sip of her coffee, cradling the cup between her hands.
“If you’ve never been in love, how do you know?” she asked.
“I can imagine it.”
Delilah took another sip, as if contemplating her next response. Finally, she said, “So you’re not having sex until you’re in love, which you’ve never experienced, but you’re sure you’ll know what it feels like when it happens?”
“That is the plan.”
Delilah’s smile stretched across her face. “You are an extremely romantic man.”
Anthony chuckled. “I don’t know about that, but I want something special. I just don’t want to rush in or force it. I am looking for something natural, without any complications and drama, so I wanted to drive you to Boise and get to know you better. I’m incredibly attracted to you. You’re smart. Funny. Unique. Gorgeous.”
“Thank you. I—I feel the same way about you.”
Anthony leaned across the console toward her. “You don’t sound so sure.”
Delilah scoffed. “Well, it’s true.” Delilah reached out, her hand trailing over the skin of his cheek. “Thank you for telling me all that.”
“Of course,” he murmured, turning his head to kiss her palm. Her warm flesh trembled against his mouth and he resisted to urge to nibble her skin, or they might never get out of there. “Do you think we can get on the road now, or do we need to lay everything bare right before we leave?”
Delilah smiled softly, booping him on the nose before she settled back into the seat and put on her seat belt. “I think unless you tell me you have a clown kink, we’re good.”
“Clown kink, huh?” he said, pressing the button to start the engine. “I’m afraid to ask why that’s your deal-breaker.”
“The title isn’t self-explanatory?”
“Good point.” Anthony backed out of her driveway and spun the wheel to the right, heading for the main road out of town. “Wanna grab your pastry out of the bag?”
“What about you?”
“I’ll wait until I’m on the main highway.” Anthony kept his eyes on the road, listening to the bag’s rustle as he passed all the shops on Main Street. “When was the last time you visited your parents?”
“The weekend before Halloween. I try to go down at least once a month, depending on what I can afford.”
“You’re a substitute teacher, right?” he asked. “Are you still writing?”
Anthony saw Delilah turn toward him out of the corner of his eye. “You remember that?”
“Why not? I’ve never met anyone who writes magazine articles. I always think of those kinds of writers living in a loft in New York, using a typewriter by an open window, hearing the sound of car horns, listening to their music of choice.”
“I’m impressed you’ve given this so much thought,” she laughed. “I prefer writing in bed on my laptop or iPad, the sound of instrumental pop music in my ears.”
“Yours sounds less stressful.” Anthony took in the scenery around them, watching the pine trees give way to sage brush and meadow. “I’ve always loved reading, but I’m not into classic literature. I need a decoder ring to figure out what they’re saying.”
“Let me guess, not a Shakespeare fan?” she teased.
“Not if I can help it. I like modern books that are action-packed. If I’m going to read, it will be for entertainment.”
Anthony heard a crunch and Delilah’s moan as she took her first bite of breakfast. “I did not realize how hungry I was. Do you like audiobooks?”
“I’ve never listened to one before,” he said.
“The narration has to be enthralling, or I’ll lose interest, but I’ve found it’s an amazing way to keep up my reading goals.”
“Maybe we can find one to listen to together if we run out of things to discuss.” Anthony didn’t think that would happen, mainly because there were open-ended issues they needed to discuss from last night.
“I’d like that.”
The fact that she didn’t reject him driving her home, too, gave him hope. But not far from Anthony’s mind was what he would tell Pike if things went well this weekend.
When Anthony arrived at the bar last night, Pike was lit and sitting at a table with two women, regaling them with stories about all the snow activities in Mistletoe. Anthony sat down with them, conversing politely, until it was apparent Pike wasn’t making it home without a ride. Anthony said goodbye to them and helped Pike to his feet. When he swayed, Anthony held on to him by his waist and assisted him to his truck. When Anthony opened the passenger door, he spotted Delilah’s sports bra on the floorboard of the driver’s side so he kept Pike distracted until he could close the door and extinguish the light again. When Anthony climbed in the driver’s side, he picked up the bra and shoved it into his back seat. Anthony didn’t want to get into a discussion with drunk Pike about how Anthony had a right to Delilah before Pike because he noticed her first. That wasn’t rational or mature, but it was like an invisible claim had occurred, and he didn’t want anyone, least of all Pike, pining for her.
I kissed her so she’s mine.
After dropping Pike at his apartment, Anthony went home and texted Delilah but she didn’t answer. Sleep eluded him and he only got a few hours before he had to be up but he wasn’t tired. Energy coursed through him like electrical currents just being near Delilah. He could still remember tasting her, and he wanted to do it again. He just wasn’t sure that Delilah would be satisfied without sex since that was her current mission. Could he break his celibacy and give her everything he had? Yes, but he wanted his next sexual experience to mean something. Even his first time had been lacking because he’d just wanted to see what the fuss was about. Did it feel good? Yes? Was it mind-blowing? No.
Now, going down on Delilah last night and making her lose it all over his tongue? That had been epic, and he hadn’t even come.
“You’re awfully quiet over there. Not falling asleep on me, are you?” Delilah teased.
“I’m just thinking about what a beautiful morning it is and how that bear claw is calling my name.”
Delilah laughed and he heard the bag rustle before the pastry was placed on his thigh. “I’d feed it to you, but I’ve always thought people feeding each other was a weird fetish.”
“Kinks and fetishes are awfully similar creatures. Are you trying to segue so you can share yours with me?”
“I’d say exhibitionist after last night, but that was a one-time thing.”
Anthony’s stomach bottomed out. “You don’t want a repeat of last night?”
“No! I would love to do it again. Just not in a truck, even if it does have tinted windows. I think it would be nice to try a couch or a bed.” Delilah laughed. “I know, I’m so vanilla.”
“You say that like it’s bad,” he murmured. “Vanilla is my favorite flavor.”