Chapter Eight
Trevor took a sip of the black coffee he’d just poured, then sighed with pleasure. The day had been whipping by, and he needed the buzz.
Leah reached around him to grab the pot from the Mr. Coffee they’d set up in the work area. It wasn’t as high-tech as the machine on the third floor, but it brewed coffee, and as far as Trevor was concerned, that was good enough.
She poured a cup, then took a sip, her eyes on his face.
“What?”
She lifted a shoulder, then let it fall. “Just wondering how you’re doing.”
He was tempted to respond with a terse fine , but this was Leah, and she knew him better than anybody. “Honestly, it’s rough.” He leaned against the wall, suddenly feeling completely exhausted. “Ollie’s broken up. And at the same time he seems to be avoiding me. I mean, I want to comfort him. Help him. But there’s this gap.”
“A gap?”
He shook his head as if trying to organize his thoughts. “We were in bed. I mean we’d finally leapt over the giant elephant in the room, but there’s absolutely no indication that ever happened. We haven’t even brushed fingers this morning.”
“I get that. But under the circumstances...” She trailed off with a shrug.
“I know. But I want to be there for him. Hold his hand. Put my arm around him. He hasn’t touched me once since we left the condo. As far as anyone else is concerned we’re nothing more than friends and co-workers.”
He could hear himself talking and felt like a total jerk. Of course there were bigger things to worry about. More than that, it shouldn’t bother him. But it did. Especially since after so many years, the kidnapper had drawn Ollie in, as if he and Courtney were still intertwined.
“I guess the crux of it is I’m jealous. I’m jealous of a woman who’s been kidnapped, and I hate myself for it.”
“Would it help if I said that sounded pretty natural? And so long as it’s not screwing with your head enough to keep you from leading this operation, I say cut yourself some slack.”
“You’re right. I know you are. And yet my mind keeps spinning.” He set his coffee cup down and ran his palms over the stubble on his jaw and chin.
“You should tell me. Maybe letting some of it out will shut down the noise.”
He hesitated, then shrugged. “Fine. I heard him talking to Damien. Basically the conversation boiled down to the fact that Ollie loves her.”
Leah took a step closer, then took both his hands in hers. “He probably does,” she said gently. “They were close for a long time. And love has a lot of permutations. Hell, I love you, even when you are being dense and emotionally overwraught.”
Trevor smiled. He needed that.
“Seriously, I get what you’re saying. But Ollie basically came out five minutes ago. So what were you expecting? For him to cry on your shoulder in front of everyone at the SSA? Did you think he’d hold your hand while we work?”
“No. Of course not.” He frowned. “Honestly I don’t know that I was expecting anything. I just...” He trailed off, then sighed. “I’m just afraid that this was an experimentation for him. And now he’s got cold feet.”
“Would that be the end of the world?”
He wanted to say no. There were other men out there. But instead he told her the truth. “I think it might. It broke me when Greg left, but he wasn’t the one.”
“And you think Ollie is.”
“Yeah, I do. But that doesn’t mean he sees it, too. Ultimately, it has to be up to him. And maybe he’s already made that choice.”
She squeezed his fingers. “Then let’s hope he chose to be all in, but right now you have to focus, my friend. Whatever their relationship, whatever your relationship, he cares about her and you care about him.” She squeezed his hand tighter. “Do your job, Barone. The rest will sort itself out.”
“I guess it will.” He managed a grin, then pulled her in for a sideways hug. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”
“For the record, I think you two are a match. And we both know I’m rarely wrong.”
“No,” Trevor said, “you’ve got good instincts. Let’s hope you’re right on this one.”
* * * *
Ollie stood on the third floor, looking down at the operations center on the first, his eyes on Trevor. The man was competent. Sexy. And damned if Ollie didn’t want him. The realization had been a shock—but only in the sense that it hadn’t been a shock at all. It had simply seemed right.
The miracle, of course, was that Trevor wanted him right back.
And yet here Ollie was—absolutely head over heels, not to mention desperate to finish what they’d started in Trevor’s condo—and he still hadn’t told his best friends. Before, he’d been an idiot not to share his growing feelings with them.
Now, digging in about his love life seemed crass. His attention—all of his attention—needed to be focused on Courtney. Finding her. Helping her. And not just because that was his job even if the kidnapper hadn’t thrust him into the middle of this. No, the truth was that Courtney mattered to him. He loved her, no question about it.
He just didn’t love her in a way that was romantic. Not anymore. It hadn’t been for a long time. For that matter, it hadn’t been even before they’d finally broken up, and it was all on him for dragging that out.
She was a friend, and he was grateful for that. Considering everything he’d put her through, she would have been justified to walk away and never look back.
But she hadn’t. They weren’t close anymore, but they were still friends, and he’d never forgive himself if she’d seen this coming—if she’d been in any way scared or uncomfortable—but hadn’t reached out to him for help because of their past and the shitty way he’d treated her.
He drew in a long, deep breath, wishing he could talk to Trevor about that. About how he’d let down this woman who’d been so special to him. But how could he? Courtney was his ex, and he and Trevor were still navigating their way into what he hoped was a relationship and not just sex.
With a frown, he ordered his brain to settle. To quit showing him mental images of what they could be doing to her.
Of her terrified eyes.
Of her wrists bound with cable ties.
Of Trevor’s delicious smile.
Ollie winced. Yeah, he was a mess all right .
He took a breath and forced his attention back on the buzz of activity two floors below. Jamie was there now, carrying a box of bakery goods that she dumped on the conference table. She headed for the stairs, then looked up and smiled when she saw him.
She started climbing, reaching the landing as Nikki came in from the kitchen.
And wasn’t that convenient?
“Overseeing your domain?” Jamie asked him.
Ollie shook his head, then looked between the two of them, gathering his courage. “Can I talk to you two?”
Nikki and Jamie exchanged a glance. “Of course,” Nikki said.
“Here?” Jamie asked.
Ollie considered. “How about the balcony?”
“Sounds good.” Nikki led the way through the bedroom suite over to the balcony that had the most privacy. There was a chaise lounge and two chairs, and Ollie took one of the chairs while the women sat on the chaise facing him. “So what’s up?” Jamie asked.
He started to speak, then froze.
Then he mentally kicked his own ass and ordered himself to tell them because it was the truth and they wouldn’t care. They’d be happy for him.
“I slept with Trevor.” The words fell out in a rush. “Or, more accurately, I was in the process of sleeping with Trevor when we found out about Courtney. Even with that horrible interruption, best time of my life.”
He sat back, watching their faces as he waited for them to say something. When they didn’t, he squirmed, cleared his throat, and went on. “I, um, I guess I’m falling for him. Actually, I think I’ve already fallen for him.”
The two women exchanged looks, and as Ollie’s stomach started twisting, they both broke out into grins. “About time,” Nikki said.
“We’ve known for ages,” Jamie said. “We weren’t sure you did.”
“You knew? That I was crushing on Trevor?”
“Oh, please. Have you seen the way you two are around each other? It’s great. We like Trevor. I think he’s perfect for you.”
“And in the interest of full disclosure, Sylvia said she’s always wondered if you were gay or bi,” Nikki added, referring to Jackson’s wife and Damien’s former executive assistant. “And that was without even seeing you with Trevor.”
“She did?” He shook his head, amused. “Always good to be the last one to your own party.”
“But it feels good to finally be there, right?”
“Yeah. Yeah, it really does. I was keeping a secret from myself, and I don’t even know why. How absurd is that?” He glanced from Jamie to Nikki. “And you two? You’re okay with it?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
Nikki raised an eyebrow. “Are you seriously asking that? Ollie, it’s us. And what’s the big deal? I’m happy for you. What about Trevor?”
“What do you mean? We’ve always known he’s gay.”
“Yeah. But I meant how does he feel about you—I’m guessing it’s mutual?”
“It sure feels that way. And he says it is.”
“That’s perfect then.” Nikki’s smile was wide. “That’s how it should be.”
“It feels right. You two get that, don’t you. With Damien and Ryan? It was the same, wasn’t it?”
“Very much so,” Nikki said as Jamie nodded and silently mouthed oh, yeah.
Nikki reached out for his hands, then tugged him over to the chaise. She tucked her head onto his shoulder. “I’m so happy for you.”
“So Trevor’s the first guy you’ve actually been with,” Jamie began, “but what about that cute roomie you had when you were doing FBI training. Dustin, right? You mentioned him like three times when you were telling us your How Ollie became James Bond story a while back.”
“You’re a hoot,” Ollie said, but he seriously thought about the question. “Nope, not really. I liked him as a friend, but nary a zing. But,” he added, “I think it was during that time that I realized I was bi. I just didn’t tell myself until after I met Trevor. But now I’m...”
He trailed off with a shake of his head.
“What?”
He waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s nothing.”
Nikki shifted to face him. “We need a little more to go on.”
He looked out toward the ocean. For a moment, he just watched the waves crash in, feeling a bit like a piece of flotsam tossed about in the roiling surf.
“I don’t know,” he finally said. “What if that was it and we’re done? What if he regrets it? I mean, we didn’t even—you know— do anything. What with Horowitz pounding on the door. But, I don’t know. What if he regrets it?”
Jamie’s eyes widened. “Why would he?”
Ollie shrugged. He’d felt a distance since they’d been pulled to Stark’s Malibu fortress. Maybe it was his imagination, but what if it wasn’t?
“You’re a dufus,” Jamie said, after he managed to—poorly—articulate his thoughts.
“Um, hello? I thought this talk was all about supporting your best friend.”
“Yeah, not so much,” Jamie said. “This is the reality check conversation, not the support convo. In this chat, you tell us the truth, and we sling truth right back at you.”
She leaned toward him. “So, here’s the deal. You told us that you had the best time of your life with the guy, and that’s without doing all the things. And, by the way, I’m not taking that whole best thing personally. But maybe that’s the problem.”
He furrowed his brow, trying desperately to translate Jamie Logic. But it was Nikki who voiced the question. “What the fuck, James? I haven’t got a clue what you’re trying to say.”
Jamie rolled her eyes, then locked them on Ollie. “You two came straight here from being all hot and sweaty and fast on your way to Happyland, right?”
He shifted on the chaise, a little uncomfortable with this whole conversation, then reluctantly answered. “Yeah. I told you.”
“And yet you’ve barely even looked at the guy since you got here.”
The words were like a punch in the face. It was true. Whether from general insecurity, an inability to deal with his feelings, rampant confusion, or just generally being a prick, he’d barely even acknowledged Trevor over the last few hours.
He glanced at Nikki, who nodded.
He closed his eyes. “God, I’m a jerk.”
“No,” Nikki said, reaching for his hand, then squeezing his fingers. “Maybe a little, but cut yourself some slack. You’re overwhelmed. You’re dealing with Courtney’s kidnapping and with, well, all of this. It’s been like five seconds. But Courtney used to be your fiancée. You two have a complicated history. It makes sense you’re confused, even standoffish. But from his side, that’s gotta hurt.”
“You’ve both been paying attention?” The idea was both baffling and completely unsurprising.
“Duh,” Jamie chimed in. “And we were starting to wonder if maybe we were wrong about you two.”
“I wish you’d talked to me before. I could have used an ear or two.”
“That goes both ways,” Nikki said.
“Touché.” He grinned at both of them, realizing he felt lighter than he had since Horowitz had pounded on the door. “You know, you both spend way too much time thinking about my sex life.”
“Is that all it is? Sex?” Nikki asked.
“No.” It was the easiest answer in the world. “No, and I’ll rip my own heart out if I’ve hurt him.” He sighed, feeling a little bit like an idiot for being so twisted up. “This shouldn’t be weird or awkward. Why can’t people just love who they love?”
“Love?” Nikki asked.
Ollie shrugged. “I’m just making a point.”
The women exchanged a knowing look. “It’s sweet,” Nikki said.
“And you fell in love with him long before you fucked him.” Jamie grinned. “That’s kind of rare within our trifecta.”
The three of them exchanged glances, then burst out laughing. “I love y’all,” Ollie said. “You know that, right?”
“Duh.”
“And I love Trevor. Or, I think I do.” He really did. The sex part might be new, but he’d been slowly falling for him for months. “Why am I getting so up into my head about this?”
“Because when you crossed the line toward sex, you shifted your reality.” Nikki shrugged. “Made you face the fact that you weren’t only attracted to women. You needed time to adjust. That’s all. I mean, come on. That’s normal.”
“I guess. But why should it matter in the first place?”
“It shouldn’t,” Nikki said firmly. “It doesn’t. And fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t need time to readjust. To see yourself through a different lens.”
“You’re right,” Ollie said. “And I’ll say it again. I love you two.”
“Of course you do,” Jamie said. “I mean, honestly. How could you not?”
Laughing, they headed back inside, only to freeze when Trevor came into view. He was standing in the third-floor open area not far from the painting of Nikki that Damien had paid a cool million for. And the moment Ollie caught sight of him, his heart started to do that fluttering thing that was so uniquely his reaction to Trevor.
“There you are. I was coming to tell you we’re meeting downstairs in five.”
“Sounds good,” Ollie said, as the women magically disappeared, leaving the two of them alone.
“You okay?” Trevor took a step closer, his brow furrowing.
Ollie shook his head. “I’m not at the top of my game. And I owe you an apology.”
He saw a muscle twitch in Trevor’s cheek. “Do you? Why?”
“You don’t have to pretend like I haven’t been an ass.” He reached out and took both Trevor’s hands in his own. “I’m so sorry. You probably thought I was avoiding you. I swear I’m not.”
Tension seemed to melt from Trevor’s body. “Good to know.” He drew in a breath, then exhaled, a smile warming his eyes. And in that moment, Ollie truly wanted to kick himself, because that’s when he realized just how much he’d wounded this man he would never, ever, intentionally hurt.
“And, yeah, I may have spent some time wondering if you’d had second thoughts,” Trevor admitted. “Fortunately, I have a kidnapping case to keep me busy.” The corner of his mouth ticked up. “Sorry. Bad taste. It’s just—”
“No,” Ollie said emphatically. “You don’t owe me an apology. This is on me. I guess I was parsing out the rules, maybe? Overthinking? Being an idiot?”
“Maybe a little of the latter,” Trevor said with a laugh. “I guess it’s a good thing you’re so cute.”
Relief flowed through him, as warm as sunshine. “I am, aren’t I?”
They shared a smile, holding each other’s eyes in a way that had Ollie wishing they could justify some down time. That, however, wasn’t on the agenda just yet.
“So how are things going downstairs?” Ollie asked.
“We’re making progress, but it’s slow. Not unexpected, of course, and you know the drill. But you haven’t lived it before.” He frowned. “Sorry. Actually, I guess you have.”
He was right about that. Ollie had come as soon as he’d learned about Anne’s kidnapping. And, of course, he was around when Nikki was taken. “Yeah, I have.”
“But this is different,” Trevor said, something odd coloring his voice. “Because you love her.”
“It changes things,” Ollie agreed. “I mean, I probably shouldn’t be working this case at all, but there’s no way I’m walking now. Horowitz couldn’t keep me away if he tried.”
They were still holding hands, and Trevor gave Ollie’s fingers a quick squeeze before releasing them. “No, you’d find a way to see this through even if he locked you in a cage. That’s who you are.”
“Is it? Or is it just because this one eats at me more?”
“It’s personal,” Trevor said firmly. “It’s Courtney. Of course it eats at you more.”
Ollie nodded, ridiculously grateful that Trevor understood. He glanced toward the stairs. “We should get back to it,” he said, and together they descended, reaching the bottom just as Brax was calling for everyone’s attention.
“Bree made out our room assignments,” he said, gesturing to the nanny, whose long, dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail. “You want to take it away?”
“Me? Oh. Um, sure.” Bree brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face. She was a mix of Cherokee and Jewish, with stunning features and huge brown eyes. She was also incredibly poised despite being tossed into the middle of what had to bring back hellish memories of when she’d been taken with Anne.
“You’ll be sleeping in shifts, obviously,” she began, “but even so, some of you are going to have to double-up. I’m going to go around the room and tell everybody where they’re bunking.” She glanced down, then looked around until her gaze landed on Ollie. “You know where you are,” she said, referring to the room he habitually stayed in when he crashed at the Stark home. “Trevor, you’ll be—”
“Trevor’s with me,” Ollie said, searching the group for a reaction, his stomach settling when he didn’t find one.
“No problem.” She pressed her pen against the clipboard. “Who has which shift?”
“We’re working and sleeping the same shifts,” Ollie clarified. “You can use the room for someone else during our awake shift.”
Bree nodded, made a note. “Got it.”
Trevor slid a hand around Ollie’s waist, then leaned in to whisper. “Nice move, trapping me with you like that.”
Ollie had to force himself not to laugh. “I’m sorry I was an ass.”
“We’ve been over that. You weren’t. Besides I like your ass.”
He wouldn’t laugh. “Work harder on the jokes, Barone.”
“I’ll get right on that.”
After the room assignment, Trevor went to go get a status update from Denny and Mario. At the same time, Brax sidled over. “I thought so,” he said casually. “You two look good together.”
“Thanks, buddy. I think so too.”