Chapter 16
sixteen
Secretly, I hoped that sleazy Jackson from his not-holiday dive bar was also throwing his guts up if this was from the bar.
Even though, for some reason, I had a feeling that he was likely still living it up with his two-dates-a-night schedule.
That grimy bar was probably his breeding ground.
He was immune to the layer of grime on the glassware.
I was pretty sure I was actually suffering from a very real case of food poisoning. Glass poisoning? It seemed odd that it had taken this long to settle in, but …
At least I hadn’t been drugged.
I almost wanted to laugh—if I didn’t want to cry at how nauseous I felt.
I told Josh about the whole tasting my drink for drugs bit that Jackson did, though he didn’t think it was quite as funny as I did now looking back.
“What an asshole.”
“I already went over this with Gina.”
“Well, I agree with you both,” he said.
That made me feel somewhat validated. Even as I sat next to the toilet with my hair stuck to my forehead. Validation quickly returned to embarrassment as Josh squatted down next to me and—God—flushed the toilet. Again.
I shut my eyes in shame.
“You done?” he asked.
“I think so.”
“You might just have a virus.”
“But that feels so much less fun to say than I was actually poisoned environmentally by another bad date. The readers would get a kick out of it.”
He chuckled. “Readers?”
“Kind of. Online.”
“You’re writing again?”
I wiped beneath my eyes and checked my fingers. Mascara. Of course.
“It’s silly,” I muttered.
“I doubt that,” he said. “Unless you’re writing comedy. Then it’s probably hysterical.”
“Well, I guess it kind of is then. Gina talked me into starting a newsletter, and my life might as well be a joke these days.”
I gave him a half-hearted smile.
“It’s mostly just for me. Misery loves company and all that, so at least it feels like I’m not writing to an empty room.”
“Are all the dates really going that bad?” he asked, settling into the corner cushion, one arm slung lazily over the back.
I huffed. “If I say yes, will it make me sound like I’m the problem?”
“Doubtful.”
“I’ve had six dates,” I said, wincing. “And I think I have another one tonight—which, right now, just makes me want to curl up and die.”
“Oof.”
I exhaled. “And there are still so many more left. I don’t know how I’m supposed to pull off twelve before Christmas.”
“Why do you keep doing it then?”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” he said with a slight shrug, as if what he was about to say was completely obvious, “you could just … stop going on the blind dates.”
I stared at him. It was such a simple thing to say. So logical. And I had thought about it. But saying no would mean letting someone down. Gina who went to all the trouble along with her friends to set me up. Maybe, even a bit, me.
It would mean stopping the momentum when everything else in my life already felt stalled.
“I don’t want to disappoint Gina,” I said finally, my voice quieter than I’d expected.
“She’ll get over it,” he said, and there was a softness in his tone, not dismissive, but understanding. “She’s barely home anyway.”
“I know. But she’s excited about it. And lately, I guess…” I gave a nervous laugh, immediately wishing I hadn’t said that much. “It’s stupid.”
Josh didn’t laugh. He just waited.
“Things have changed, you know? Even though it feels easy again—living with her, talking like old times—we’ve grown up. It’s not the same anymore. So, this gives us a thing. A grounding point.”
His hummed as he took in my response. “I get that.”
I looked at him—really looked. His hair was tousled, hoodie wrinkled.
He was a lot like the guy I remembered years ago, but different.
Comfortable in a way that made the conversation even more easy.
Neither of us hiding who we were from each other like on all these dates I was going on.
I was so used to having to put my best foot forward. Here, with him. I could just be.
Even if right now I was being sick on the bathroom floor.
“These guys you’re going on these dates with,” he said, rubbing a hand along his jaw, “they’re really screwing it up out there, huh?”
“Apparently.” I gave him a sideways glance. “Are you dating right now?” The words were out before I could stop them. I wanted to claw them back immediately.
Josh paused, and something unreadable passed over his face. His fingers flexed against his leg.
“Nope,” he said finally.
I didn’t realize I’d been holding my breath until I let it go. Though I shouldn’t have been feeling what I did. Relief.
“You should,” I said after a second.
His brow lifted. “Should what?”
“Date,” I said carefully. “You’re a catch, right? Isn’t that what guys like you always say?”
He grunted as he pushed up off the floor, stretching his arms behind his back. “You trying to put me through the same sort of torture you are?”
I laughed, tilting my head back and letting my eyes drift closed. “Just suggesting.”
Josh stood for a moment, quiet. Then, before walking past, he ruffled the top of my head lightly—like I was still the girl who used to tag along behind him and Gina in the summer heat.
But I wasn’t her anymore.
And I had a feeling he knew that too.
“How about I help you get up off the floor?” he offered. “How are you feeling?”
“Oddly better.”
He shrugged. “That’s a good sign.”
“I guess so.”
“Just get some rest and see how you’re feeling later.”
I nodded, letting my body weight lean against him as he walked me next door to my room. This was becoming a habit. Yet he didn’t make a complaint as he pulled back the blanket on my bed and maneuvered me until I was sitting on the edge.
“In.” He directed my legs.
“Thank you.”
Shaking his head, he walked toward the blinds and shut them until we were in near darkness. “I’ll get you some water.”
“Can you get me my bag too? I dropped it by the door. I wasn’t finished with my computer.”
Pausing, Josh looked at me again. Though I felt a little better, I guess I still wasn’t looking well enough for a computer. He nodded anyway.
“Thank you,” I repeated, watching him turn toward the door.
I let my head loll to the side on my pillow as my eyes followed his long steps out the door and into the quiet apartment, where I heard the cabinet open and a glass being filled with water from the tap.
I was asleep before he got back.