18. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
M addie
I stop by Julia’s desk to retrieve my files and laptop from the previous day.
“You’re fashionably late.” She grins. “What’s up?”
I hide my blush by picking non-existent lint off my blouse. “Nothing. Can I get my laptop and my files?”
I don’t need to look at Julia to know she’s eyeing me.
The laptop and files hit the desk. “By the way, where’s the boss?”
I snatch them up gratefully. “I don’t know.”
Then I spin away before Julia can ask me more questions.
I lock myself away in the conference room and catch up with yesterday’s work—or try to. I can’t get my mind off him.
I wasn’t lying when I told Julia I don’t know where he is. I left his home in my laundered clothes—when he got the time to clean them, I’m not sure. But I got back to the villa, cleaned up and changed into new clothes, and arrived at the office.
I expected to run into him but apparently, he isn’t here yet.
Last night was wild. After the long day with him, I forgot everything I promised myself I wouldn’t give into. And I did give in, hard.
I shut my eyes against the memory and bite my lower lip, resisting the urge to moan.
“A-are you okay?”
My eyes flash open to meet Lindsay’s eyes. She works in the conference room sometimes too. Totally forgot that she’s here.
I clear my throat. “Of course. Just trying to remember something.”
She looks unconvinced.
I squeeze out a smile and face my laptop, but it doesn’t take long for the words to blur out. And then I’m drawn into reminiscing about yesterday’s events again.
The conference room door opens and shuts and I snap out of my daydreams again.
Tired, I sigh and hang my head.
This is what I tried to prevent. I can’t get caught up in feelings. Just the thought of it causes bile to rise to my throat.
That’s a recipe for disaster, especially since he doesn’t feel the same. Taking me to the beach was simply a kind gesture, and afterward, fucking me to the height of ecstasy, that was… lust. That’s all.
“Are you alright?” Lindsay asks again.
“What?” My eyes lift to her.
“You’re not breathing right.”
Jesus. “I think I’ll just take a walk.” I flip my laptop closed and step out into the hallway.
Faces blur as I pass by co-workers and head toward Julia’s desk. She turns to me with a smile.
I smile back, hoping she has some tea about someone else to distract me from my conflicting emotions.
“Guess what?” She sits forward.
“Mm-hmm?” I lean over the counter, excited for something, anything.
“He’s here.”
“Who’s here?”
“The boss.” She smiles. “And he’s acting as weird as you.”
“Julia, you’re imagining things.” My heart is trembling, not because she’s close to the truth, but because there’s just a door separating Chance and me.
It’d be too easy to walk in now and get a sight of him. Maybe satisfy my prickling fingers with a touch across his broad chest. Would he let me?
“Maddie? Earth to Maddie.” Julia snaps her fingers in my face.
I blink and settle my attention back on her.
“Are you even listening?” She frowns.
It’s hard to catch Julia with a frown. I must be bad at hiding my thoughts. “I am.” I smile, probably poorly because she comes around the desk and takes my hand.
She drags me off to the conference room I exited minutes earlier. “Lindsay, can you give us a moment of privacy, please?” The woman starts to speak but Julia smiles. “Thank you.”
Lindsay rolls her eyes and struts out, complaining about not having a damn office.
Once she leaves, Julia turns the lock and faces me.
She crosses her arms and cocks a hip. “Spill.”
“There’s nothing to—”
“Really? You’re going to keep pretending?” Her face falls. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“We are.” I take her hands and squeeze gently. “But I can’t make up shit that isn’t happening.”
It breaks my heart to lie to Julia, but I can’t admit it to anyone. Not until I understand what’s going on myself.
“So what was that about yesterday? Both you and Chance left for hours only to come back today with…” She scrunches up her face. “...secrets in your eyes.”
“Secrets in our… is that Shakespeare?”
Julia laughs. “It’s Juliaspeare.”
“I think I like it.”
“I know, right?” She bats her lashes with a smile.
I turn the lock and open the door. “You should do more of that.”
“I will. Wait, are you trying to distract me?”
“Distract you?” I gasp, herding her out. “Certainly not.” Once she’s out, I wave. “See you later.”
I shut the door and cave into myself. I only have to deal with all of this— the feelings, secrets, and pretenses for a week more. Soon, I’ll leave Magic Island and be free of it.
That thought sends a sharp ache into my chest.
Do I really want to leave?
The door yawns open and I skip out of the way. Shit, Julia’s back.
“I seriously wasn’t trying to distract you.” My eyes meet Lindsay’s.
She has a what the hell look on her face.
“Um… I thought that was Julia.” I turn away and head back to my laptop.
Finally, I manage to wrap up the report I’m writing.
Now, I have to get it to Chance.
Nerves churn in my belly as I head over to his office. Julia gives me a look as I pass by her desk. I ignore her.
Nothing is going on. It’s simply a PA going to give her boss a report. That’s all.
I close my hand around the door handle, take a deep breath and turn it.
Chance is not at his desk. He has his back to the office as he looks out the window.
Is he thinking about yesterday and regretting it? Or maybe he isn’t thinking about me at all because I mean nothing.
That second thought should bring me relief. But it hurts, so bad. I want him to think of me, to want me. Not as an employee or a fake girlfriend but just me, Maddie Lowe.
“Are you going to keep standing at the door or are you coming in?” His stern voice tears through my thoughts.
I shake myself out of the fog of sadness trying to swallow me and shut the door. Then I head over to the desk, sliding the report onto it.
He doesn’t look my way, gaze still fixed outside.
My pulse thrums. I don’t care if his thoughts have anything to do with me. I just want him.
Without putting much thought into it, I cross the space between us and stand behind him. Then releasing a breath, I wrap my arms around his middle.
He receives my touch with a faint oof , probably because I’m squeezing him so hard. I ease up and he turns around.
His gaze is on mine, hand stroking my cheek tenderly. The feelings in my chest heighten.
I don’t want to feel.
He cups my jaw and tilts my face upward, then lowers his lips to mine.
It starts slowly as he slides our lips together, with no tongue, just a gentle glide.
It lulls me to a comfort I didn’t know I needed. I flatten my body against his and rope my arms around his neck, just feeling him.
Then his tongue prods my lips apart. I let him slide inside and roll around, find my tongue, and make them dance together.
Sensation pours through my body. A soft moan falls from my throat and I pause, alarmed that I’m taking it too far. If I sleep with him again, I’m sure I’ll silence the voice of reason in my head permanently.
But Chance doesn’t push for more. He keeps up the languid pace, his hand threading into my hair, rubbing tenderly, his kisses gentle and unending.
My heart thumps for him, for this. I rest a palm on his chest and feel him too. His heartbeat matches my rhythm.
Means nothing. It’s just kissing.
It’s just kissing . I tell myself this as Ralph drives me back to the villa that night.
There’s a chill in the air I can’t feel on my skin. All I feel is the memory of Chance’s hands on my body, his skin pressed on mine.
I get into the apartment and lock the door behind me, then lean against it and sigh.
Just a few more days .
I make myself a chicken and veggies stir fry with baked potatoes for dinner. I’m eating at the table when I grab my phone and text Nat.
You up?
Her call comes through seconds later.
“Of course, I’m up. What’s going on?”
I drop my spoon and sigh. “I fucked up.”
“Oh, no. Maddie, are you pregnant?”
“No, what?” I gasp. “Why would I be?”
“Sorry, when you said that I just assumed—”
“Hell, no. Or am I?” I press my hand to my stomach. “Wait, no. I can’t be. I’ve been taking my pills like I should.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course. Jeez.”
Nat sighs. “Good, so what’s up?”
“My blood pressure. Why did you mention a pregnancy?” I massage my chest. “I don’t need more complications right now.”
“I just meant— Wait, did you say more complications?”
“Yeah.”
“Maddie,” Nat says slowly. “What happened, doll?”
I tell her about the previous day and then the night.
“Yes, Maddie! Get it.”
“No, no. Not get it.”
“Oh-oh.” Nat’s excitement tanks. “Why not?”
“I have feelings for him, Nat. It’s not fun or cute or cool. I feel things when I’m with him.”
“Oh...” She’s silent for a few seconds. “What kind of feelings are we talking about? Love feelings? Sex feelings? Friendly feelings?”
“The first,” I whisper. “And the second too. The third is a given because he’s so cool and fun and... The first worries me the most.”
“Oh, Mads...”
“I’m so stupid. I should have known I can’t do physical without wanting more.”
“Hey, you’re not stupid. You’re just kind and sweet and you have a soft spot for everyone around you.”
“I wish it’s only a soft spot I have for Chance.” I tuck my knees against my chin and rest my chin. “It feels like more.”
It is more .
“What about him?”
I scoff, shaking my head. “What do you think? He’s a man being a man. Of course, he’d take the sex and the kisses... But that’s all it is to him.”
“And you know that for sure?” Nat asks.
“I’m not going to put my heart on the line to find out. Just imagine the rejection.” I exhale. “I just want this week to be over so I can get back home.”
“You’ll be welcomed with open arms. It’s been too long since we saw each other.”
That comforts me a bit. It’s nice to know some things stay the same even when everything else is all up in the air.
“I’ll be happy to, seriously. Magic Island has been nothing but spectacular, but I think my time’s up. It’s time for me to face my life once more.” My voice tapers out on the last few words.
“Don’t sound like that. It’s not like Todd’s here to bother you anymore.”
I sputter a laugh. “Heard from him since the last time?”
“Nope.”
“Well, at least that’s some good news.”
“Yeah.”
A few beats pass as we’re both quiet.
“Hey.” Nat sounds perky like she’s injecting forced cheer into her tone. “You’ll keep yourself safe for me, right?”
“Yes, I will.”
“I mean your heart, Maddie. I know Chance is a far cry from Todd, but I don’t need you crying over any man again.”
“I will. I promise.”
I say so more to myself than to her. I only need to survive the next few days and then I’m up and away from here.
I’ll finally be able to put Chance and these feelings behind me.
Hopefully.