Chapter 5
Chapter Five
WILL
My head is pounding. My memory a little hazy. How many bottles did we have?
I can’t even get lost in the world of Willow in an attempt to look busy and therefore not get fired. The illustrations sit in my drawer and just leaning over to open it makes me feel like I want to throw everything up.
Alice texts.
I’m never drinking wine again.
Same time tonight?
A middle finger emoji swings back my way.
Noted.
I boot up my computer, thankful that it’s taking its time to sort itself out. Leaning back in my chair, I try to recall the night before.
I lurch forwards, hands grasping the table.
No.
Oh God, no.
Sweating, I open my phone, frantically swiping at the screen. ‘Fuck,’ I whisper then, in case it’s a trick, I close the email app. Opening it again, an email from Ollie makes my heart flip. Checking my response, I throw my phone on the table and let out an almighty moan.
Why the hell did I say yes to going to his wedding?
What was I thinking?
There is no way I can just swan up to Ollie’s wedding and go and see him marry someone else. Swimming thoughts of last night come back to me as I log into my computer. I remember seeing the invite, speaking to Alice. Her encouraging words.
Of course. This is Alice’s fault. If she had just told me no, then maybe I wouldn’t have responded.
But then I think about how confident I was that I could convince him I was someone else. That I’ve moved on, barely remembered him even.
I open my work emails and the Excel spreadsheet that has become my daily companion. Stifling a yawn, my mind steps away, leading me down another path.
What if I went?
Before I know it, I have a blank Google page in front of me, the search bar taunting me. Curling my legs underneath me, I take a deep breath and look up prices for return tickets to Athens.
Okay, so not so bad. I could get a flight for… Well, that’s a very decent price indeed. EasyJet coming through, saving the day.
And accommodation? What about that?
Yikes. My hands jump back from the keyboard as if it has short-circuited.
I exit out of the window.
I tip back in my chair, staring up at the ceiling, knees rapping the bottom of my desk before I let my feet fall back to earth.
Well, it was a fun, brief dream. Drunk me thought anything was possible.
Sober me realises the reality of the situation.
A week in Athens would come to half my salary, and I’m not putting more debt on my credit card for Ollie.
No, Ollie will have to get married without me.
I don’t think he’ll miss you.
The intrusive thought makes my shoulder sag.
Maybe it’s for the best. I like to think I’d be able to go and be happy for Ollie, but I know my heart would break and I would cry. Although, I could always object.
‘Does anyone here know a reason why these two should not be married?’ the vicar would ask.
‘Yes, he’s supposed to be with me,’ I’d shout, in my best soap opera voice.
I sigh, looking at Willow.
‘After all, I had him first, didn’t I?’
Willow doesn’t move, but I like to imagine her intense stillness is her way of listening.
‘Why did I have to say no?’ I ask her, the room, myself.
My phone buzzes, and I reach for it. But it’s only a reminder of my therapy session later this evening.
‘What shall we do instead of going to the wedding, Willow?’ As if moving to my voice, she trails down on her web, twirling. ‘Well, that’s very pretty. You want to go dancing?’
She pulls herself up, her legs moving inwards as if she’s gathering her thoughts.
Honestly, how can anyone hate spiders?