Chapter 47
Chapter Forty-Seven
WILL
Day Thirteen
‘At the Parthenon?’ Lydia gasps. ‘Oh, wow. Who is rich?’
Both Alec and Ollie look at one another, their mouths hanging agape.
‘Well, um,’ Alec begins. ‘Rich isn’t the right word.’
‘We work hard,’ Ollie says.
‘I see,’ Lydia says. ‘Still, though. It’s not cheap to rent that place for a wedding, is it? In fact, I’m not even sure if they allow it.’
‘Alec’s parents used to own the company of the wine you’re drinking,’ Ollie says, pointing at the wine on our table.
‘They sold it years ago,’ Alec says.
‘Why didn’t you want that wine for your wedding?’ I ask Ollie.
Ollie and Alec exchange a warm look, laughing together at an inside joke.
‘Mum would hate that,’ Alec says. ‘She doesn’t like the new owners.’
‘Alec knows the right people because of it. Someone who can get us in.’
‘That’s how you’re rich. You’re an heir,’ Lydia says.
‘You’re Paris Hilton,’ I exclaim.
‘I wish I was the heir to my hotel,’ Lydia says drily. ‘Perhaps then I could retire early.’
‘Lydia’s the receptionist of The Laurel,’ I say to Alec.
‘And are you a nude receptionist?’ Alec asks, his chin on his hands.
‘Not when working,’ Lydia says. ‘But I take part in some of the nude activities.’
‘Such as?’ Alec asks.
‘Water polo,’ Lydia says, the first I’ve heard of nude water polo. ‘Aerobics. Yoga.’
‘Nude yoga?’ Sam asks. ‘I wouldn’t mind trying that.’
I try to get the thought of Sam doing a naked cat cow out of my head because that’s a distraction I don’t need right now.
‘And Tim and Jemima are guests,’ I say.
‘We painted his member,’ Tim says to Ollie.
‘You painted his … what?’
‘His member.’ Tim almost shouts this, as if Ollie couldn’t hear him from across the table. ‘At the life drawing class Lydia introduced us to.’
‘Life drawing?’ Ollie looks at me. ‘You went to a life drawing class?’
‘I was the model,’ I say.
‘Did someone order the pepperoni?’
Thank goodness for the waitress.
‘Me, please,’ I gasp, as if the pizza were the answer to world peace.
We eat in silence, except for the stilted attempt at conversation from Jemima and Tim.
It doesn’t go anywhere. Lydia keeps glancing at me, then to Ollie, as if trying to work us out.
Sam taps his leg, his jaw twitching. Ollie looks around the table, and I know that look: it’s the one he would use when judging someone he didn’t like.
His nose would wrinkle ever so slightly.
His eyes would narrow. He would make a small sniffing noise.
What did I ever see in him?
Has he always been like this?
I may not know Lydia well, or Tim or Jemima, but they’ve been kinder to me in the last two weeks than he ever was in ten years. They’ve welcomed me like they have known me all my life.
And Ollie?
He couldn’t even tell Alec about me.
‘Will you be in the coffee shop tomorrow, then?’ Tim asks Sam.
‘Oh, um…’ Sam looks anywhere but towards Ollie’s end of the table. ‘Yeah, I think I will be.’
‘We’ll have to stop by,’ Jemima says. ‘I do adore a No Name Coffee.’
‘The coffee shop we walked through?’ Ollie asks.
‘Sam’s shop,’ Lydia says.
‘Sam’s shop?’
Oh God. Beam me up. Abduct me. Alien experiments would be preferable to this.
‘What do you mean, Sam’s shop?’ Ollie pushes. ‘Sam’s a porn star.’
‘You watch your tongue,’ Tim blusters.
‘You can’t just call people porn stars,’ Jemima says, a little shocked.
A smile spreads across Ollie’s face as he considers my own stricken one, like he’s spotted prey. ‘What’s going on?’
I put down my last slice of pizza, a shame because it looks so good.
‘Nothing is going on,’ I begin, but Sam clears his throat.
‘It’s fine,’ he says. ‘We should come clean.’
Lydia chews slowly on her pizza as the car crash unfolds. I wish she wouldn’t look at me like that, like she wants me to fight back. Like she’s daring me to.
‘Sam isn’t my boyfriend,’ I say. Is that true? ‘Well, I don’t know what he is.’
‘I don’t follow.’
Sam’s hand finds mine, and in that moment, I feel like I could take on the world.
‘I’ve known Sam since I was a kid,’ I say. ‘He left when we were at primary school. Moved to Athens. I lost touch with him. And then he found me on the roadside.’
‘But you’re a porn star?’ Ollie asks Sam.
‘No.’
‘You told us you were.’
Alec laughs, drawing a glare from Ollie. ‘Sorry, but I think he was having us on.’
‘Having us on?’
‘A joke, darling,’ Alec says. ‘I think Sam was winding you up.’
Ollie’s jaw clenches, and he looks at Sam like he’s a problem that needs pesticide. ‘You think that’s funny?’
‘I do.’
Ollie’s jaw twitches.
Lydia sips her wine, catching my eye. I try not to pull a face.
‘So, what do you do?’
‘I own the coffee shop,’ Sam says. ‘The one you walked through when we double-dated.’
Ollie lets out a laugh. ‘So, that double date thing was…?’
‘Fake,’ I say. ‘Yes. Kind of.’
‘Why did you lie?’
His question isn’t directed at me.
‘Hey, it wasn’t Sam,’ I try to interject, but Sam leans forward.
‘The way you spoke to Will when we first bumped into you was awful,’ Sam says. ‘You acted as though you pitied him because he was here early. Like you own Athens or something. I didn’t want to watch you walk all over him. So, I said I was his boyfriend, and we went from there.’
If we’re being honest, I might as well go all the way. ‘Ollie, I was trying to make you jealous.’
Alec leans back in his chair. The candle light on the table dips like an omen of doom, as if a spirit wanted to blow it out and tell us to go home.
‘Jealous?’ Alec repeats.
His voice is small.
Ollie freezes in his retort.
‘I don’t get it,’ Alec says. ‘What does he mean, jealous?’
‘You don’t know?’ Lydia asks, surprising me. ‘How long have you been a couple?’
‘Near enough three years,’ Alec says. He looks at the table, everyone looking back at him. ‘Can someone please tell me what is going on?’
Ollie’s smug expression is gone.
Both of us have been caught in a lie.
I don’t know which one is worse.
Except I do.
‘Will’s humour,’ Ollie says, aiming for light and ending up sounding hollow. ‘He’s always had a bit of a thing for me, but we never wanted to let it ruin the friendship.’
My mouth drops open. Sam lets out a low whistle.
‘This guy is a dick,’ Lydia states.
‘Excuse me?’ Ollie asks, turning to her.
Jemima hiccups.
Tim rubs her back again.
‘Ollie, tell Alec the truth,’ I say, gently.
‘That is the truth.’
Any illusion I had of Ollie, any wonderful memory, all shatters in that moment.
This is not the guy I remember.
Except maybe it is. Maybe it always was.
Maybe, young and insecure, I trusted Ollie. Maybe he was perfect for me then. Perhaps I was happy to let someone take control of me, guide me, talk to me like I was nothing, because I felt like I was nothing.
My rose-tinted glasses lay shattered on the floor.
‘If you don’t tell Alec the truth, then I can’t be the one to marry you, Ollie. I’m sorry, I can’t.’
Ollie’s face falls, his hand running through his hair. ‘Will, c’mon.’
‘No, Ol. It’s not fair.’
Alec dabs at his mouth with his napkin, clearing his throat. ‘I’m sorry to interject here, but I feel like I have every right to.’
‘Damn right you do,’ Lydia says, before sipping her wine.
My eyes flicker to the three nudists at our table, to Sam besides me. This gorgeous, warm restaurant is going to be the scene of disaster, and it’s all because of me.
‘Ollie and I were together. He was my everything.’
I don’t look at Alec, but his intake of breath is enough to make me grip Sam’s hand tighter. Sam gives me a reassuring squeeze. My ears ring, drowning out the rest of the restaurant. For all I know, the world has stopped.
‘Together.’
His tone is dull, and I finally meet his eye. It’s the least I can do. Ollie falls back into his chair, head in his hands.
‘Alec…’ he begins, but Alec reaches for him.
‘Ol, I want to hear this from somebody. If you’re not going to tell me the truth then Will can.’
Ollie shakes his head, exhaling. ‘Yeah, fine.’ He waves his hand. ‘Fine. All right? Yeah, Will’s my ex. But that’s all he is.’
Wow. There it is.
An ex. Someone to discard.
Alec moves closer to Ollie, meeting his eye.
‘Did you love him?’
It comes out in a whisper. We all hear it. We all have the decency to look away.
‘No.’ Ollie says.
The flimsy foundation of self-esteem I have started to rebuild since meeting Sam crumbles, and I’m right back to that night Ollie left me.
Slow music plays over speakers. A light breeze catches my hair, and the candles ebb and flow. How foolish it all feels now. Have others had their heart broken here in such a romantic setting as I have?
Alec reaches for the napkin and brings it to his face, where he hesitates dabbing his eyes. ‘Fuck, Ol, I’m not going to ruin my make-up because of this.’ He looks at the floor, the silence between us stretching on.
‘I…’
Alec’s lip quivers, and I know the make-up he wears is going to smear. He takes a long breath before standing upright and departing from the table, out into the cobbled street, into the night.
‘You idiot,’ Ollie hisses.
‘It was going to come out at some point,’ I say, feeling a dead weight inside me.
‘You’re the idiot,’ Lydia says.
‘What?’ Ollie challenges.
‘No, she’s right, Ol,’ I say. ‘All of this could have been avoided.’
Ollie’s fists clench together, his jaw set. He gets up, but Lydia rises, halting him in his tracks.
‘We’re not paying for the food,’ she says.
‘Whatever.’ He chucks an obscene amount of euros on the table, and heads into the night.
Lydia sits back down as I trace my finger over my wineglass, staring at the contents. Even Jemima has fallen quiet, despite her drunken hiccups.
‘Are you okay?’ Sam asks me.
I don’t answer. The words won’t form. My own tears threaten to spill, but it can’t happen here, not now. My cheeks burn, and everything is empty, but guilt and shame fill all the vacant spaces.
How could I be so foolish as to think I could come here and win Ollie back?
Why did I waste so many years convincing myself Ollie and I were meant to be?
Telling myself we could have what we had before?
And why did I ever think that what we had before was right, the perfect blueprint for the perfect relationship?
His eye-rolls, the way he spoke to me, the tones he used. Judgement that he only reserved for me, my experiences, my likes. It all forms a coherent picture now. The nights I’ve doubted myself. The way I’ve held myself back.
Bullies. They always had power over me.
I fell in love with one, once upon a time.
‘Can we talk about something else?’ My voice breaks, making me feel even more like the pathetic guy that I am.
‘Will, he’s a dick,’ Lydia starts.
‘Please.’
Silence, broken only by Jemima’s hiccup.