Chapter 8
Eight
AIDYN
Ten Days until Christmas
Like most small towns, Mule Creek goes all out for Christmas. Garland twists around the light poles and fairy lights turn downtown into a magical place.
After I park, Garrett and I walk up and down the sidewalk, checking out the shops. They’re all decked out for holiday shoppers, and I’m not sure where to go first.
“What about here?” Garrett stops in front of the Sinclair’s Five and Dime. A mom-and-pop store with candy, crafts, and most importantly, Christmas decorations.
Inside, the place smells of pine and gingerbread. “White Christmas” is playing on the speakers overhead, and I can’t stop the memories of Emily and me finding just the right ornament for six-year-old Lanie.
The aisles are small, so Garrett walks ahead of me. I reach up to touch his back. To ground myself. And drop it again. Touching Garrett in public is not something I get to do.
And whose fault is that?
I’m the holdout. But why? I love Garrett. And I don’t think anyone will care if we’re together. Maybe his parents. Okay, definitely his parents. They didn’t think I was good enough for Emily.
But I don’t really care what they think. I care about Lanie and how it would affect her. Would it bother her? She loves us both.
Early on, I was worried about the town. And how it would look. Would customers go elsewhere if they didn’t approve? Would it affect my business?
But Emily has been gone for almost ten years. That’s no longer my main concern.
The thing is, I can’t really say what’s stopping me. But when I think of telling anyone, I panic.
I lost Emily. I can’t lose Garrett too.
Garrett makes a sudden turn to the left and touches my arm to guide me. As I follow, his hand drops, and I want to grab it and never let go.
The wall of ornaments is divided. One half displays individual themed ornaments. The other side has boxes of ornaments in various colors: red, green, blue, and even purple. It’s beautiful and overwhelming.
“My thought for decorating the tree is to use a color scheme like red and gold or blue and silver,” Garrett says, stopping in front of the blue ornaments.
The store is crowded, and with so much packed into the small area, there’s barely any room to move, let alone breathe. My chest tightens and I rub my hand against it to ease the sudden pain. It doesn’t help. Why didn’t I talk to him? I could have avoided all this. Having to explain.
“Aidyn?” The concern in his voice has me smiling at him.
“I’m fine, lo— Garrett.” I clear my throat. “Whatever you think. It’s your house.”
He narrows his eyes. Is he going to start yelling?
A mom with two wee lads, twins, knocks into me and apologizes. One of the boys grabs my sweater as he zooms past me, leaving red prints. I try to wipe the spots away, but they’re sticky. That’s just grand.
Garrett grabs my arm and pulls me to a less crowded area. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug. “It makes sense that you want new ornaments.”
He crosses his arms. “Isn’t that why we’re here?”
“Yes.” The words are right there. They aren’t really the problem. It’s this pressure on my chest.
“Aidyn.”
My head snaps up at his sharp tone and the words spill out. “New is nice. I like new…things.” I sound like an idiot, but at least I’m not bawling like a wee babe. “But older things, traditions, are nice as well.”
“I don’t have any ornaments. None. Zilch. I know my family has some, but—” He sucks in air and his eyes widen. “Aidyn. I, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry. I wanted to start new, not erase the past.”
“It’s fine.” I touch my chest again. My wedding ring, hanging on a chain, is tucked under my sweater. Everything is fine. It has to be.
Garrett steps closer so someone can go around him. He’s inches away but still too far as he stares at something on the wall behind me. “I know you have your own ornaments—”
“Garrett—”
He squeezes my arms. A quick squeeze and then gone. “Let me say this. Everyone, my parents included, has boxes of decorations and ornaments. But I don’t want— I can’t—” He takes a deep breath, getting a look from the person walking by. Mr. Peavler. The owner of the store.
“Everything okay, Garrett?” His hard gaze turns to me. “Christy?”
“We’re fine,” I snap, irritated by the interruption. Damn nosy people.
“Sure, sure,” he says, nodding. “But if you plan on knocking anything over, can you take it outside? Or to the hardware store across the street?”
I gape at him. “Seriously?” You knock over one cake, one time, and no one lets you forget it.
Garrett gives him his charming smile. The fake one. “We promise not to destroy anything, Mr. Peavler.” After the guy moves on, Garrett laughs. “This town, I swear.”
“You said you can’t. What can’t you do, love?” I ask in a low voice as I study his face.
His eyes catch mine for a brief moment, showing me his pain—his uncertainty—before darting away. “I can’t surround myself with the past. Christmas isn’t always a happy time…as you know.”
“We can make new memories. Happy Christmas memories.”
He smiles. “I want that. Or to at least try.”
“That’s all you can do.”
“Just so you know, I really want to kiss you right now.”
I grin. “Same—”
“Nope.” Mr. Peavler glares and points his finger at us. “None of that in my store.”
My laugh sounds almost hysterical as I try to push down the rising panic. “None of that?”
“Kicking. No kicking in my store. Now either buy something or get out!”
After he stomps off, we both break down laughing. But I don’t miss the disappointment in Garrett’s eyes. I know what caused that look because I’m just as worried. Will I ever be ready to tell everyone about us?
Garrett Bishop doesn’t do anything halfway.
I know this. I’ve known for a long time. But to watch him in action as he takes charge is nothing short of amazing.
We compromised on the old and new, and I’m happy with it.
I want something new with Garrett. But I can’t forget Emily.
And it’s important to keep her memory alive for Lanie.
She was six and a half when Emily passed away.
Her memories are vague. Filled in with stories I’ve told and videos we’ve watched.
When Emily died, she took a piece of my heart with her. She left an empty spot that nothing and no one can fill. That doesn’t mean I don’t have room for Garrett.
Garrett is doing exactly what’s expected. Fixing a problem. We need Christmas, and he’s giving it to us.
So why am I so angry?
When we get to his house, we unload my van. Thankfully, his parents aren’t there.
His home is beautiful. He bought the Stryker farm when he decided to move home and completely remodeled it. Keeping the charm of the old farmhouse but modernizing it.
I’ve been here a few times. But I’ve never slept in his bed or done anything else there. We’ve always done that at my house when Lanie is over at a friend’s. Or one time, when she was at summer camp.
This is part of the problem. Garrett says he’s all in, but is he? He wants me to come out to the entire town, but he’s still holding back parts of himself. Hiding behind his suit. His work.
I slam the boxes of outdoor lights on the kitchen table.
“Careful. Don’t break those.”
“Wouldn’t want to break anything, would we?” I shove my way past him.
“Hold on, Aidyn. Did I do something wrong?”
I turn to yell at him, but he’s right there. I poke his chest. “You did everything perfectly.”
Unlike me, his voice is calm. “Then why are you yelling at me?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
He places his hands on my biceps. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”
“You did everything perfectly. Figured out what we needed and bought it. Just like that.”
“Is this about the money? I spent a lot.” He shrugs. “I have it, and I wanted to do this right.”
“It’s not about the money.” I can’t even look at him. I’m being unreasonable. Except, I’m not. And the fact that he doesn’t get it makes it worse.
“This isn’t my thing, Aidyn. You know that. But I am trying.” He drags a hand through his hair. “And still fucking it up.” The defeat in his voice drags me out of my grumpiness.
“You’re not fucking it up.”
He shakes his head. “You yelled at me.”
“I yell. It’s what I do. Ask Zye. I yelled at him yesterday for twirling in the diner.”
His smile is weak. I hate seeing him like this. But it’s exactly what I need.
“Your brain is a wondrous thing, love. It’s one of the things I love about you. But it sometimes gets in your way.”
“I don’t understand. What do you want? Tell me, and I’ll do it.”
The lump in my throat feels like it’s lodged there permanently. “Your brain has worked hard today. Let’s give it a rest.” I place my hand on his chest. His heart is pounding strong and fast. “Use this instead.”
Garrett covers my hand with his. “I can do that.” He laughs and squeezes my hand. “Except, I might need a hint.”
I move closer and rest my left hand on his hip. “Of all the ornaments you bought, which one speaks to you?”
“I bought them because they’re pretty. And they made you smile. That’s all I need. I’m not sentimental, Aidyn.”
“Is that right? How many bar coasters do you own, Garrett?”
He starts to pull away, but I hold on to him. “That’s different.”
“How many?”
He’s stubborn enough to not answer. And I’m stubborn enough to not let it go. He sighs. “Over a hundred.” I raise a brow, and he laughs. “Fine. One hundred and five.”
“And of those one hundred and five,” I ask, catching his gaze, “how many are special to you? Sentimental?”
“You already know.”
“I want to hear you say it.”
“Just one.” Maybe it’s not fair to remind him of the day we met. And the coaster from my family’s pub in Ireland that started his collection.
“Just the one.” Wrapping my arms around his waist, I pull him closer and kiss him. I’ve missed this closeness. Just holding Garrett. Touching him. But I can’t get distracted. “Let’s try this again. After going to every store in this county and the next one over, none of the ornaments spoke to you?”
He hesitates. “There was one.”
My heart melts. “Why didn’t you buy it, love?”
His eyes don’t meet mine. “It didn’t match the rest.”
I palm the side of his face and look in his eyes.
“Everything doesn’t have to be perfect.” And maybe that’s the part that really bothers me.
“I have ornaments that Lanie made. Ornaments that belonged to Emily. And some from when I was but a wee lad in Dublin.” I search his face.
“Are you saying those shouldn’t go on the tree? ”
“I thought you’d have your own tree—”
“Fine.” It hurts more than it should, but he’s not wrong. I try to pull away, but he tightens his grip.
“Hold on.” He rests his forehead against mine. “I’m not saying I don’t want your ornaments on the tree. But no one knows about us— I wasn’t sure how it would look.”
“This is on me.” Closing my eyes, I breathe in his calming scent. “I’m not ready, love. Everything with Lanie and—after Christmas, I swear we’ll tell them.”
“Okay.” He sounds defeated. But this is Garrett, so it only lasts a few seconds. “We’ll have everyone bring an ornament or two to add to the tree. We’re celebrating family.”
“I love you so much, Garrett.” These kisses are more insistent.
Garrett holds the back of my head and ravishes my mouth. I slide our tongues together as I grind my aching cock against his. It’s been weeks. And now we’re alone. “Aidyn, fuck. I want you so much.”
My hands shake as I fumble with the buttons on his shirt. “Need you.” I greedily kiss his mouth. His neck. Why won’t my fingers work?
His hands cover mine. “Don’t destroy another shirt.”
“Then wear something easier to take off.”
His chuckle reminds me that I’m being grumpy and unreasonable. “Sweetheart, we have time.”
Time? My brain reengages, dragging itself out of the lust-filled haze. “What time is it?”
He glances at his watch. “Just past three.”
“Shit.” I pull out of his grasp and adjust my clothes. “Lanie’s home.”
Garrett crosses his arms and watches me. “She’s sixteen.”
“Exactly,” I snap. Feckity-feck. Raking my fingers through my hair and my beard, I give him a smile. “She’s sixteen. With a boyfriend.”
“You don’t trust her?”
I never told him how she lost that trust. The reason I grounded her. And now is not the time. So, instead, I say, “I don’t trust him.”
He nods. And he looks so disappointed that I want to kiss him again. But the sound of tires on gravel stops me. Garrett glances out the living room window. “Great. My parents are back.”
I grab his face and kiss him. “Sometime very soon, I’m going to fuck you so hard.”
“Aidyn,” he says with a moan, “you’re an evil bastard.” He takes a step away and swallows. “Come back tonight.”
“But Lanie—”
“Bring her. We can decorate the house. Buy a tree. Decorate the tree. Anything you want. Bring ornaments.”
“Are you sure? It’s a school night.”
“You and Lanie can stay over.” His voice is low as he stares at the floor. Is he afraid I’ll say no?
“A sleepover? Thought you’d never ask.” I lean in to kiss him—
“Hello, we’re back.” Mrs. Bishop breezes in as I jerk away from their son. “Garrett, be a dear and bring in our bags. We found the cutest elves—”
“No elves,” Garrett says, putting on his coat. “They’re creepy.”
I say goodbye and leave them arguing over elves. Ramon is doing prep today, so I need to check that he got everything done. And make sure Lanie hasn’t brought her boyfriend home with her. But my thoughts are on Garrett and what it would be like if we weren’t hiding.