Chapter 12 #2
I release him and grab the lube, and then everything is better. I coat my cock with it and fuck between his legs. “Can you feel that? Are you ready to have this monster in your ass?”
He’s humping the door, trying to get friction. And I can’t resist reaching around and stroking his cock, just to hear him moan.
“Aidyn, fuck.”
I chuckle, my hand circling his throat as I push a lubed finger past his ring of tight muscles.
“Oh, God yes.”
I push another finger in and stretch him open. I’m big, and it’s been a while. I don’t want to hurt him. When I get to three, I fuck him with my fingers, hitting his prostate over and over.
“Aidyn, I’m going to—”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I growl in his ear. Pulling my fingers out, I turn him around for a sloppy kiss.
He whimpers in my mouth. “Fucking need you.”
“I’m yours, love.” The words are out before I can stop them.
I kiss him over and over as I lead him to the bed. His expensive, huge fucking bed with his silky sheets. I love that we’re going to dirty them up. “On your hands and knees, Garrett.”
He rushes to do as I ask, and fuck, I could stare at him all day. Posed and ready, waiting eagerly, desperately, for my cock.
“Get the fuck over here.”
And bossy as hell. I grin as I drape my body over his. It’s not long before I’m just as desperate and needy. But I want to be sure. He complains when I continue to prep him.
“Now, Aidyn. Put that giant cock in my ass right the fuck now.”
Pulling his cheeks apart, I position myself as he tries to push back onto my cock.
I slap his ass. “I’ve got this.” Adding more lube, I push into him.
And it doesn’t take long for him to adjust. He’s tight, and every moment brings me closer to the edge.
When he tries to push back again, I squeeze his leg.
“Hold on, love. I need a minute.” It’s been so fucking long, and he’s so fucking tight.
I blow out a breath. And then I thrust my cock all the way in.
We both groan at the feeling, and then I’m fucking him hard and fast. And he can take it.
No matter how hard I thrust into him. My cock is huge, but I don’t have to worry about hurting him.
I kiss his back and trail my hand up the hair on his thighs. I finally reach my goal and grab his hard cock. “Now, love,” I whisper against his heated skin. “Come for me.”
He comes with a shout, and it drives me over the end. I finish in his ass, leaving a part of me in him.
We both slump back onto the bed. We need to clean up, but I need this more. As I kiss him, I stare into his dark eyes.
“Aidyn,” he says, sounding breathless as he combs his fingers through my beard, “that was…okay.”
I laugh. “You arse.”
He grins and kisses me again. “It was earth-shattering.”
I nod. “It was.”
But I don’t mention it was more than that. Sliding into Garrett’s body felt like coming home.
My good feelings don’t last near long enough. Because now we’re fighting. It started with snuggling, and then Garrett got quiet, and I made the mistake of asking if he was okay.
He’s not okay.
“It’s getting harder and harder to hide that you and Lanie are my whole world.”
“I know. I hate hiding how I feel.” I wrap my arms around him. “I love you, Garrett. Don’t ever doubt that.”
“I just hate lying to everyone. Sneaking around.” His body tenses, and I tighten my arms around him.
Emotion makes my voice rough. “Please don’t pull away, love. I know this is my doing. I can’t lose you…” There’s an open space after my words. A hole. But we both know what goes there. I can’t lose you too. I can’t lose another person I love.
He places a kiss over my heart. “I’m not going anywhere. You can’t lose me.” His hesitation has me wondering if we’re thinking the same thing. I lost Emily.
He touches my face, brushing his fingers over my cheek. His dark eyes are full of love. “I think I’ve proven that I’ll always love you.”
“But what if I can’t— I don’t want to hurt you. I want to come out. I want to tell everyone I’m in love with a man. This man.” I cover his hand with mine and squeeze. “But once it’s out there, I can’t take it back.”
He pulls himself up until we’re face-to-face. His eyes search mine. “Why would you want to take it back?”
That’s a good question. Why would I? But the answer is right there. I expect Garrett to leave. I don’t know how or why. Maybe he’ll decide I’m too much work and go back to New York. Or maybe he’ll just work all the time. I’m not sure how to answer him.
“You don’t expect us to last?” He watches me, and I’m not sure how to reassure him. “Are you worried you’ll change your mind?”
“No, love.”
“You’re worried I’ll change my mind?”
“Not that you’ll change your mind. Just that— I can’t really explain it.”
“Fear isn’t rational, and I get that. I think that’s why I’ve been against all this Christmas stuff. It’s been a long time since I felt like I was part of a family.”
The loneliness in his voice breaks my heart. “You’re part of our family.”
He nods. “I’m there at birthdays. Celebrations. And I love having dinner with you and Lanie, but I feel like I’m still just a visitor. Always leaving and going back to my fancy house. But still alone.”
I kiss him. “Garrett…”
“Don’t be sad for me, Aidyn. I’ve been alone for a while. Being in Mule Creek, around you and Lanie, and even the rest: Zye and Miles, Isaac and Simon…and his prince. You’re all family. Even his bodyguard—”
“Reginald is his steward.”
“Steward then. He’s part of the family. And now Jane and Chad…” He shakes his head. I notice he still doesn’t mention his parents. “I feel like I’m going to fuck everything up and ruin Christmas.”
“You might. But so what?” I hold his face in my hands so he can’t look away. “We all mess up. Family…real family loves you anyway.”
“Even if I don’t deserve it?” He moves away, shaking his head. “Ignore me. Let’s go back to making out.” He blinks and looks away.
My heart hurts. How can I get Garrett to see what I see? A man who will do anything for the people he loves, including sacrificing his own happiness. “Talk to me, love. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
His lips press together and he shakes his head again. I should leave it. But whatever thing he believes is hurting him, I can’t let that go.
I sit up and adjust the pillows so I can lean against the headboard. “Go on. Let’s hear it. Why don’t you deserve love? And make it convincing because I think you just want to be a grump.”
Tipping his head to look at me, he laughs. “I love you.”
“No distracting me.”
He moves around until he’s next to me, the blankets pulled up to cover his waist. Is that to keep me from getting distracted?
“I’m not saying it’s logical…” I gesture for him to go on.
“I was happy for you and Emily. But it hurt seeing you together. And I felt like a jackass— That’s not important.
I thought distance would help. That I would meet someone, and there was a greater chance of that in New York. ”
“I get it. It makes sense to me. But?” I prompt.
“But it kept me away from my family. All those years I stayed away, dealing with my shit…all those Christmases lost. When Emily died, I realized how much time I wasted. I was selfish—”
“Self-preservation isn’t selfish.”
His jaw is tight, and I want to take away his pain. “If I’d been here, maybe I could have—” His head jerks to me, and his eyes widen. “I’m sorry, Aidyn…”
“If you’d been here, what?” I move in front of him, trying and failing to push back my anger. “You think you could have saved her? I fucking tried, Garrett.”
He gathers me into his arms. “That’s not— It’s just my guilt. I don’t blame you.”
Anymore. He left that word off, but we both know it. He used to blame me for his sister’s death. “Maybe you were right. We should make out instead.”
I move out of his arms and off the bed as I pull on my briefs. Garrett jumps out of bed and puts his arms around me. My back to his front.
“I’m sorry.” He kisses the back of my neck.
I close my eyes and get myself under control. “Don’t be. I asked.”
“I think, and I know it’s irrational, that if I’d been here, it might not have happened. That…” His swallow is loud. “Losing Emily is my punishment for loving you.”