Chapter 15 #2
“Okay.” I shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for him. The ring is there. But the possibility he’d say yes seems further away. “Then why are you upset?”
“Just leave it, would you?” His voice isn’t loud, but it’s harsh. Like a slap. And it stings just as much.
When we’ve fought—and it’s been a lot—it has never felt like this. I’m losing him, and the thought terrifies me.
Some of that must show on my face because his eyes soften just a fraction. “You don’t have to fix everything, love. I’ll be fine.”
I nod, not trusting my voice, and take his hand. I desperately need a connection with him.
The tension in the air isn’t any less as he squeezes my hand and releases it. “Let’s get this done so we’re ready for tomorrow.” He walks out the door, not once checking to see if I follow him.
This is just a blip. Holidays are emotional. Stressful. Hell, my very capable, highly motivated assistant just had an emotional breakdown.
Buckle up, Garrett. This is what you’re good at. Stripping away the emotional aspects and getting shit done.
As the afternoon progresses, Aidyn seems more like himself. Though it’s the guy everyone knows, not the Aidyn I usually get to see. But I give him the space he needs and focus on our task.
My house is transformed into an ad for Home and Garden: Christmas Edition. It’s almost too beautiful.
The only thing real is the tree.
Because of Aidyn. If I’d decorated the tree my way, it would look like something out of a magazine. Gorgeous but flat. No depth. No love.
The ornament with Ireland on it. Emily’s dragonfly. Lanie’s over the years. I add the ornament I didn’t buy at first but later changed my mind. It’s a stained-glass dragon ornament, and it reminds me of the books I read as a kid.
“That ornament is fire.” Lanie smiles at me, but her eyes are sad.
“And that’s a good thing?” I ask.
She rolls her eyes, but then glances back at her dad. He’s storing the empty boxes in totes for when we take down the tree. “I don’t know how to help my da,” she says in a low voice. “He’s sad.”
“The holidays can be hard.”
She shrugs. “He’s been wearing his wedding ring.” Her eyes are tinged with worry.
I try to keep my voice even. “I haven’t seen it on him.”
“It’s on a chain around his neck. I caught him staring at it.” She shrugs again. “I thought maybe you could help him.”
I nod and pull her into a hug. Surprisingly, she lets me. I'm not sure how I can help. I feel like the ghost of my sister is always between us.
“The tree is lovely,” Aidyn says from behind us.
“Thank you—both of you—for your help.” As Lanie nods, her phone buzzes, and then we’re alone. “I mean it, Aidyn. Thanks for everything.”
He smiles, and for the first time since I returned home, it reaches his eyes. “You’re very welcome.”
My parents return just as the others prepare to leave. After Jane drives away, I follow Aidyn and Lanie to the van. As Aidyn stows their stuff, Lanie gives me a quick hug.
“See you tomorrow, Uncle Garrett.” Her smile is sad. Because of her dad. I know—I feel in my bones that this is true. I have the urge to hug her again, to tell her it’s going to be fine. But I don’t know that. And I don’t want to make things weird.
I smile. “See you tomorrow, Tato.”
She rolls her eyes. “Stop calling me that.” But the corner of her mouth lifts. Once she’s in the van, Aidyn shuts the side door and turns to me.
Panic grips me, my heart pounding. I want to hold him, kiss him, beg him not to leave. But that’s crazy, obsessive behavior. He’ll be back tomorrow.
He nods his head to the left, and we move toward the back of the van, just out of Lanie’s sight. My parents are inside, but it’s highly unlikely they’re watching.
“Are you sure you have to go?” I ask, cursing my weakness.
“I’m sure.” He places his hand on his chest. Over the ring? “Lanie and I have traditions we do every year.” Emotions flit across his face, and I want to hug him and never let go. “Christ, it’s been almost ten years, but…” His eyes reach mine, begging me to understand.
“No worries. Do what you need to do.” I place my hand over his and squeeze.
“I’m sorry about all the drama, love.”
“It’s fine—”
“Is it?” he asks with a laugh.
I shrug one shoulder. “It will be, right?” I immediately want to grab the question back. It feels weighted with all my worries. And I’m not sure I can handle it if the answer is no.
“I hope so.” An icy wind blows through, and he pulls his jacket tighter around him. “Feck, it’s cold.” His cheeks and nose are bright red.
“You should get in the van. I just— Are we okay?”
“We are. I just need to get things straight in my head, that’s all.”
“That’s going around.” A shiver runs through me. The temperature has really dropped over the last few hours.
Hooonk!
We both jump at the sound.
“Hold on, lass,” Aidyn says, even though there’s no way she can hear him. He shakes his head. “It took me forever to drag her away from Maple.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” I squeeze his shoulder.
“We can do better than that.” He pulls me into a hug and squeezes me tight. “I fucking love you, Garrett.” His breath is hot on my neck.
“I love you too, Aidyn. So fucking much.” I hug him tighter. “But don’t make me cry. The tears will freeze on my face.” Pushing down his scarf with my chin, I kiss his warm neck.
He squirms. “Your lips are cold.”
“You could warm them up.” I kiss him again, right below his ear, and pull away, adjusting his scarf to keep him warm.
“I wish I could. But I need to do this with Lanie. And take care of some things at the diner. We’ll be back early tomorrow. Don’t forget to start the ham.” He catches my gaze. “I’ve left instructions.”
“I’ve got it.” I squeeze his arm again. “Now go before Lanie drags you into the van.”
He smiles, but it can’t hide the sadness still lingering in his eyes. “See you tomorrow, love.”
After they leave, I trudge into the house, feeling slightly better. Aidyn loves me. That’s all that matters.
My parents are in the living room, putting gifts under the tree.
“Garrett, how are you, dear?”
“Good, thanks.” I nod to the pile of presents—professionally wrapped, of course. Why do something yourself if you can find others to do it? That’s not really fair to them, but after years of nothing, I’m not ready to forgive and forget. “You’ve been busy.”
“This is our first Christmas in a while with all…um…our kids.” Her eyes shine as she stumbles over the words, and it’s the first real emotion I’ve seen from her in a long time.
All the media bullshit over Christmas being the happiest time of the year makes me want to scream. But my mother would not welcome my observations, so I keep them to myself.
“Oh, Garrett! I found all our old Christmas videos.”
No please, God. “Found them?”
“The files, dear. They were all saved to a…leap…bounce…” Her brow furrows.
“Jump?”
“Yes. Jump drive. Lanie downloaded them and converted them to— I don’t know, but we’ll be able to play them on the television.” She beams. “Isn’t that wonderful?”
“Wonderful.” I suddenly can’t take it anymore. The family togetherness that’s a little too late. Wanting to relive the past. I just can’t. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”
Her smile drops. “But I thought we could go through the videos. Pick the ones we want.”
Not a chance in hell. “Sorry, Mother. I need to catch up on work.”
“But it’s Christmas. David, tell him.”
“It’s Christmas, Garrett,” my father says with a sympathetic look. “But since everyone will be here tomorrow, now’s probably the best time to do it.”
I smile at his unexpected break in alliance with my mother, even as she scowls at him. “Thanks, Father. I’ll get to it then.”
As I walk away, Mother whispers harshly. “You’re supposed to support me, David.”
“Let him be. You can boss everyone around tomorrow.”
Her outraged squawk is the last thing I hear as I close my office door.
One Day until Christmas
As I follow Aidyn’s instructions for cooking the ham—that’s already mostly prepared—I wonder why he isn’t already here. Is he ghosting me? On family Christmas? But Aidyn wouldn’t do that. I need to calm the fuck down.
Aidyn and Lanie arrive before the others, so I forgive him for his tardiness.
My house is full as most gather in the living room and some in the kitchen.
Isaac and Adrian arrive with Simon and Reginald, the prince’s steward.
Aidyn gets a panicked look on his face when they come face-to-face with my parents.
Right. The custody battle. But Isaac is polite, and only a slight tightness around his eyes gives away his stress at seeing them again.
“Hello, Lanie.” Adrian smiles, and I sometimes forget he’s a prince.
He’s definitely got the regal and handsome thing down.
But it’s times like these that I remember.
Lanie was obsessed with the royal wedding—that didn’t happen—and Prince Adrian.
So much so that she wasn’t able to talk to him without blushing or knocking things over for a long time.
“Prince Adrian,” she says with a smile. “It’s nice to see you again.”
He gives her a mock stern look. “I’ve told you to call me Adrian. We’re family.”
She beams at him even as Reginald shakes his head.
When Jane and Chad arrive, Simon yells, “Mommy, mommy,” and throws his arms around her. His voice is full of awe, like he almost expected her not to come.
After a half hour or so, Aidyn finally relaxes. He might actually be more stressed about this dinner than I am.
Everyone is gathered in the living room when my mother does the thing she always does.
“Garrett, dear. I invited someone for Christmas dinner.”
I stare at her. “We already have thirteen people. You can’t just invite more.”
She waves me off. “Of course I can. And thirteen is an unlucky number. Your father and I met this barista, Vivian something. Smart and pretty.”
I jump to my feet, ignoring everyone’s stares. “I’m gay, Mother.”
She harrumphs. I’ve never actually met anyone who does that except my mother. “Yes, I know. Vivian is a man.”