Chapter 9
H e wore me down, because of course he did.
It didn’t even take very long. In fact, it took an embarrassingly short amount of time for Sebastian to convince me that I should perform “Musketeers” with Burning Bright.
For the first couple of shows of the actual tour in Japan, I ended up hanging out at the side of the stage to watch Burning Bright play.
They tore through “Musketeers” both times, and I couldn’t help but feel drawn to Sebastian, to the stage, to that god damn song.
I wanted to play it with him, wanted to give the crowd that memory.
I even tried to rationalize it to myself – maybe playing the song with Sebastian again would be good for me, would help me move on.
Playing together would be different now, because all the heat would be gone.
We weren’t sleeping together anymore, weren’t settling for even the flimsiest excuses to touch each other.
Performing “Musketeers” with Sebastian and Burning Bright now would be a perfect opportunity to re-write the memories I had from half a decade ago, replace the heat-soaked hazy memories with something perfectly platonic so that every time I heard that song, I’d think of Sebastian-my-friend rather than Sebastian-my-sexy-secret-ex.
“You guys sound incredible,” Sebastian said as he sauntered on stage, his jewel bright eyes hidden behind yet another pair of designer sunglasses.
He looked perfectly at ease in his carefully curated outfight – soft, slate gray, skintight jeans and a washed out, lavender sleeveless shirt.
His dark hair was already styled, curling around his ears.
“Thanks,” I nodded, telling myself that the fluttering in my stomach was nothing but pre-show jitters.
I hung around to watch Burning Bright do their soundcheck, ignoring the way Shep, Annabelle and Mira kept an eye on me at all times. Sebastian and Jet were discussing a new extended intro to “Musketeers” when Sebastian caught my eye.
“The extended intro would be the perfect time for me to announce you’re joining us on stage, Max,” he called out to me, one eyebrow raised above the rim of his sunglasses.
“You know what, fuck it,” I yelled back. “Ray, you got a spare mic for me?”
Ray, Burning Bright’s sound guy (who also happened to be one of the most badass sound guys in the business) hurried over, a microphone in hand. He handed it to me with an excited grin, slapping me on the back as I headed back out onto the stage.
“No way!” Abbey exclaimed behind me. “I have got to post this on Instagram.”
“Yay, Daddy!” Sara was bouncing on the balls of her feet, clapping her little hands.
“I knew you couldn’t resist,” Sebastian said, smiling slyly at me. “You remember the words?”
“No, I was thinking I’d use my verse to sing about how much of a dick you are,” I replied, but I couldn’t help but smile. The butterflies in my stomach kicked it up a notch as I followed Sebastian back to the center of the stage.
I glanced over at him, captivated by the joy on his face.
It made him look so young, like a little kid on Christmas.
Any nerves I had about being back on stage with him vanished instantly, completely obliterated by the sheer force of his delight.
It was hard to be nervous about anything when he was looking at me like I was his hero.
“Smile for the grid, boys!” Abbey shouted. Sebastian and I rolled our eyes in unison, both turning to flip the bird at her. She held up her middle finger on her left hand, took the picture with the phone in her right hand, and within 5 minutes it had become the most liked photo on her Instagram.
◆◆◆
Our set that night went off without a hitch. The crowd was so loud, and so large that I couldn’t even make out individual faces. It was a blur of colorful movement and beautiful noise, soaking into my skin until I felt like I was on top of the world.
Abbey had put Sara to bed after our first few songs, but Shep took over babysitting duties so she could come back and watch me perform “Musketeers” with Burning Bright.
Abbey had practically begged him to give her some time off so she could come watch my little guest appearance.
After all, she’d missed the first time Reliant had toured with Burning Bright, so she’d never seen me perform “Musketeers” with them.
Well, she’d seen videos. A lot of videos, apparently.
Maybe enough to make it a little weird, but she’d never admit that.
“Ladies, gentlemen and my non-binary friends, we have a special treat for you tonight,” Sebastian said, a bead of sweat glistening as it slid down his neck.
He grinned in my direction and I could feel my face burning under the sudden onslaught of his undivided attention.
I told myself it was because of the stage lights, but I’ve never been the greatest liar – not even to myself.
The crowd roared in response, a seething mass of glittering upturned faces, rapturous with joy.
It felt like a world away from where I’d grown up, from the life I’d run away from.
Sebastian was standing in front of 75,000 people, openly bisexual and totally comfortable with it and they adored him.
They were eating out of the palm of his hand, hanging on his every word.
Before I could process it, he was saying my name while Jet started playing the extended intro for “Musketeers”. Sebastian was holding his hand out to me, inviting me to join him, to share the adoration of his crowd .
I only hesitated for a second before taking the microphone Ray offered me and striding onto the stage, my free hand raised in greeting to the crowd.
Sebastian was smiling so widely I wondered if it hurt – my heart hurt a little bit just looking at him.
I took his offered hand, letting him pull me into a quick one-armed hug.
He was wearing a fine mesh shirt, so I could feel the heat of his skin through the thin fabric.
Despite the perspiration glittering over his tattooed skin, he smelled so good, like clean cotton and freshly cut grass.
I took a deep breath to steady myself, but it just made me feel even more lightheaded.
I watched Sebastian tear through his verse, absolutely dazzled by him.
I’d watched him perform a few times since the tour started, but it was different being so close to him while he did what he did best. He was like a force of nature on that stage, commanding everyone’s attention with the greatest of ease.
I was so caught up watching him perform that I almost missed my cue.
I could feel Sebastian’s eyes on me as I sang my verse, bouncing up to the front of the stage to try and take it all in.
There were people crying in the front row, screaming every single word back at me.
They were clearly having a moment, hell, I was having a moment.
Sebastian joined me at the front of the stage and I flung my arm around him, pulling him closer so I could savor the moment with him.
He was still smiling as he turned to me, the stage lights picking out the dozens of shades of blue in his glittering eyes. It was like we were 22 again, impulsive and reckless and madly in love with each other. The past 5 years had disappeared in a flutter of his incredibly long eyelashes.
The urge to kiss him rose up so fast I almost choked on it. I rocked back on my heels, trying to put a bit of distance between us before I ended up kissing him in front of thousands of people and half the internet, if the number of phones in the air was anything to go by.
If he noticed that I’d nearly kissed him, he didn’t show it. He wrapped an arm around my waist and gave me a little squeeze as we stepped back from the edge of the stage, song finished.
“You were incredible,” he whispered to me, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. This time, I was definitely able to blame the blush on the stage lights. That was my story anyway and I was sticking with it.
“Thanks,” I murmured back, barely able to hear myself think over the wall of excited screams that had risen from the crowd.
We took a bow together and then I walked off stage, handing Ray the spare microphone and hoping he didn’t notice the tremor in my fingers.
I caught Abbey’s eyes, wondering if I looked like a deer in headlights because that’s how I felt.
My heart was still hammering in my chest and I couldn’t tell if it was the adrenaline from being on stage again or being so close to Sebastian.
“Just friends my ass,” Abbey snorted, shaking her head as she fell into step beside me.
“Abbey, don’t,” I warned her. I couldn’t talk about it, couldn’t think about it or I’d go crazy.
“I won’t,” she promised, holding her hands up in a gesture of surrender as we headed back to the buses. “The internet will, though.”
“And that’s why I stay off the internet,” I told her, still trying to get my breath back. “You should, too.”
“Alright grandpa,” she said, chuckling. “Just…stay out of my Insta comments or you’re gonna end up equally furious and turned on.”
That stopped me dead in my tracks. I had to blink a few times to clear my head, both stunned and kind of intrigued in equal measure.
There was no way I was going to check her Instagram comments.
I didn’t need strangers telling me how good Sebastian and I looked together. I knew we did – that was the problem.
◆◆◆
We all fell into an easy rhythm, after that.
The tour rumbled on through Europe: raucous late night pasta dinners with the entire touring crew, an afternoon wine tasting tour that ended with Mira and Annabelle taking a spill on a cobbled street and scraping their knees, Sebastian, Sara, Abbey and I wandering the sun soaked streets of Rome in hunt of the best slice of pizza – it all melted together into a wonderful, colorful set of joy-infused new memories.