5. Kidney Bean #2
After a slow, controlled exhale, she whispered, “Not the right guy and I don’t want to do this alone, but I have a good job, and I have you and Pops and Finn and Haley, and…
oh my god I have Patricia now. At least college tuition shouldn’t be a problem, or that’s what Finn said she told him anyway.
Not that they needed to worry about that, but I’m not that flush…
know what? I’m going to pull it back to the moment. What the freaking hell?”
He snorted a laugh and patted her on the shoulder. “Whether Ryder’s on board or not, that woman is fierce, and she’s already working on being super grandma for Finn and Haley’s little guy, and he’s not even born yet.”
Both of their eyes widened.
“Look, Zoe, you don’t need to justify yourself. Whatever you want to do, the rest of us are here for you. No matter what, okay?”
She nodded, lip quivering again, for entirely different reasons this time.
“I’m super excited. I get to be an uncle twice over,” Evan said sweetly, one side of his mouth lifting into an arrogant grin.
“Alright. Now I have nine months to get used to this.” Zoe scrunched her hands in her hair and set her elbows on the table. “Ugh. What next. Um. Doctor’s appointment.”
“Tonight, ice cream. Tomorrow, you call the doctor. And then you can call Ryder and let him know, when you’re ready.”
She sat up and wiped the blurry liquid that accumulated in her eyelashes, exhaling into a wet smile. “You can have the ice cream. I want popcorn. Buckets of it. And Keanu Reeves.”
Evan laughed and popped up to get the popcorn going. “Point Break, Replacements, or John Wick? Please say Replacements.”
“Replacements. I need sappy football right now.”
B lack and gray fuzziness taunted her, whooshing and crackling sounds as the gooey wand invaded her. Evan, Finn, and Haley had all offered to come for support, but she wanted to do this one alone.
Pops… fuck, she couldn’t tell him yet. That was going to be worse than telling Raphe. After Finn had been a surprise to upend their parents’ lives, how could she have made the same mistake they did?
Eyes blurring over, she swallowed the lump that swelled in her throat.
Zoe went completely silent when her uterus came into view, and her nurse midwife left her to her thoughts as she worked. But Zoe could hear her thinking. Measuring. Calculating.
A small printer buzzed out a long pile of glossy black and whites of a peanut with its alien blobhead. Fuck. At least she had a legit reason to call in sick today, but she hated being away again.
Wendy lowered the drape back over Zoe’s lower half and rolled back on her stool.
She snapped off her gloves and rubbed sanitizer all over her hands, then wheeled back to flick on the lights.
Feet out of the dreaded stirrups, Zoe adjusted on the exam table, cringing at the gooey lube on the absorbent pad under her.
Wendy waited with her hands in her lap.
In a sleeveless tee not nearly heavy enough to combat the air conditioning, Zoe folded her arms over her chest and took a long inhale. “So,” she said, then bit her lips together. Too many diagrams in the sterile room. The sky-blue walls and beige trim did nothing to make this place appealing.
Wendy crossed one leg over the other and braced her hands on her knee, glancing at her foot and back to Zoe.
“So,” she repeated before continuing their conversation, her professional poker face radiating empathy.
“You’re measuring eight weeks, three days.
That’s within two days of your last period. ”
“Yep. Sounds about right. We were together right about six weeks ago.”
Wendy bit the edge of her cheek and nodded thoughtfully. “Let me know anything I can do to support you. I know this isn’t easy. You know all your options?”
“Yes. Thanks.” Zoe nodded. She’d agonized over every option to make sure she wasn’t going to regret her decision, but had known what was right for her. “I’m keeping the little bugger.”
“I want you to start taking a prenatal vitamin.”
“Will do.”
“Great, great. How are you feeling?”
“Nauseous. Tired. But… I’m okay.”
“Have you told him yet?” Wendy’s manner was professional, her tone and posture were as sincere as a friend.
May as well be, after Zoe’s breast cancer paranoia and geneticist referrals after her mom’s diagnosis, her last pap, the STD testing after she and Raphe broke up, another round after the night with Ryder, and that damn vaginal infection last summer that took three rounds of antibiotics to shake.
At this point, they may as well start exchanging Christmas cards.
Shaking her head, Zoe answered, “I wanted to confirm it first. He lives in Phoenix.” Zoe snorted a mirthless laugh, and was pretty sure it would be a genuine laugh in about twenty years. “Do you see this a lot, failed condoms?”
“It’s not common, but it can happen.” She bit her lips together and gently cringed.
“I’m starting to regret quitting my birth control pills after Raphe and I broke up.
Dammit, I figured my period was weird because I was still getting used to being off the pill, and, well, it’s never been normal without pills.
Ugh. I guess I don’t have to worry about contraception for a while now.
” She held the picture in her hands and studied the shapeless blob now.
By the time she got out to her car, she was…
done. Wiped out. A few appointments were now scheduled for an intake and her next visit with Wendy.
She called Finn to fill him in about the appointment, and hopefully Evan would be home when she got there.
Neither judged, nor made threats against Ryder.
Their father? Not so promising. “Don’t tell Pops yet, okay? ”
Finn’s cringe echoed through her car speakers as Bluetooth connected, “Don’t make me keep something this big from Pops.”
“Then just avoid him until I’ve gotten a chance to tell Ryder. You know he’ll flip and want to know my entire plan or he’ll plan it all out for me, and then he’ll apologize and then he’ll give himself a stress fracture from pacing while he tries not to tell me what to do.”
“Give the guy a break, he’s been there.”
“Yes, but he and Mom were in love.”
“They were a couple of stupid kids who didn’t even think about getting married until after I was born.”
“And I’m over a decade older than they were. Not a stupid kid.”
“Don’t go down the self-blame track, it won’t lead anywhere helpful.
Haley and I had planned to wait until after the wedding, but, well, I’m not going to pretend we were using protection, but we were hoping for it to take a few months to get the ball rolling after she quit her birth control.
Grady and Claire have been trying for months, but no luck.
These little buggers don’t care about timing. ”
Letting out a deep breath, she added, “I’ll see if there’s a flight to Phoenix today or tomorrow. Just tell Pops I’m home with a stomach thing.”
Finn groaned under his breath. “You’re just going to show up at his house? What if he’s not even home? Zoe, this is a terrible idea. At least let Evan or me come with you. What if he’s pissed? Or doesn’t believe you?”
A text buzzed on her phone. Raphe, asking if she was still on for tonight. Ugh. The last few times they’d been out had actually been fun. True to his promise, he had been trying to appreciate her interests. Would he understand? Even a little?
“Fair point. He said he travels a lot for work. I have a better idea.”
Evan wasn’t going to love the plan, but he’d go along with it.