Chapter 16 #3
“So,” Sergio says, putting the next part of his plan into motion.
He gives Henry in Jeremy’s lap a quick wink, and Henry hard blinks back at him before his eyes fully close and he begins to fall asleep.
Sergio smiles at the sight of Henry, takes a breath, then focuses his attention on Jeremy.
“I don’t want to make this awkward. But I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about what I said last night.
It was insensitive, and I shouldn’t have said it. ”
“It’s fine,” Jeremy says with a heavy sigh, avoiding Sergio’s eye contact.
“Even if it is fine,” Sergio says, knowing not to push Jeremy, but also knowing better than to take him at his word. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Honestly,” Jeremy says, positioning himself to look at Sergio more directly. “I wasn’t even that upset. Everyone else made such a big deal about it, I didn’t really know how to react.”
Sergio considers this. So much of what unfolded that night had little to do with Jeremy’s reaction to Sergio’s faux pas.
It doesn’t excuse it. Giving Jeremy a sincere apology was the right thing to do, but there’s a new level of this whole situation that he’s beginning to understand.
Something he’s familiar with himself that will help him in the future when it comes to dealing with Jeremy.
He reaches over and lightly places his hand on Jeremy’s forearm.
“I think I know what you mean,” he says. “When our parents died, so much of mine and Adrien’s time was spent navigating other people’s feelings that they were having on our behalf. We never got to actually express our own emotions about it.”
“Right?” Jeremy says, sounding surprised. He flips his hands up and glows with relief. “It’s so weird. Ever since I got diagnosed, I’ve spent the bulk of my time making everyone else feel okay about it so I’ve never had time to figure out how I feel about it myself.”
“Yep. And because of that, all you ever really feel about it is angry and resentful.”
“Because you can never have an interaction with anyone ever again that isn’t tainted by it.”
“Exactly,” Sergio says. He places his elbow on the table, then rests his head on his hand and keeps his eyes on Jeremy, admiring his face.
Relaxed and at ease, like he often is on the days when they’ve been alone and away from everyone else’s influence.
“It’s always there, waiting in the shadows, haunting every interaction.
” Sergio pauses and realizes something. “It does get better, though. Over time,” he says, thinking about how over these last however many months he’s been living this same day that he hasn’t thought about Jeremy in relation to his having MS. Most days he forgets about it and is only ever reminded by the way everyone else treats Jeremy in his presence.
“I no longer think of you as Jeremy with MS. You’re just Jeremy. ”
“That’s impressive. It only took you, what? Thirty minutes to come to that conclusion,” Jeremy says, laughing. But there is no malice behind it. Somehow Sergio has broken through.
“Oh, come on, I’ve spent at least a solid forty-five minutes on this.”
“I bet you have.” Jeremy shakes his head and laughs some more. “But really. Thank you. It’s honestly nice for that to not be the center of everyone’s conversation.”
“I promise” —Sergio crosses his heart— “to never make that the only thing there is about you to me.”
Their moment is broken by uproarious laughter around the table, with Adrien leading the charge. “And then,” he wheezes out. “He had to come and find me in my room wearing nothing but a hand towel.”
“Serves him right,” Rose says, clapping her hands together as she leans back in her chair.
“What is happening?” Jeremy asks.
“Oh, Adrien must be telling everyone about the time I slept through my hotel room being robbed in Paris,” Sergio explains, laughing lightly himself.
“Oh, my god. You didn’t?” Jeremy asks. His jaw has dropped open in shock.
“He sure did,” Adrien says.
“They even stole my underwear. I hope they got a good price for those.”
“Yes,” Adrien says, wiping laugh-induced tears from his eyes. “Everyone in Paris wanted your Versace drawers.”
“Wanted them or wanted to be in them,” Holden adds.
“Hey!” Sergio tries to defend. “I’m trying to turn over a new leaf here.”
“Oh, come on now, Sergio,” Jeremy says, smirking. “Even I’m guilty of wanting to get into your Versace drawers in the past.”
“In the past?” Sergio challenges.
A faint blush creeps across Jeremy’s cheeks. “Are you saying you still have some?”
“I restocked my supply later that day.” Sergio smirks.
“Jeremy, no,” Rose scolds from his other side. “You’re better than this.”
“How about you let me be the judge of that for once,” Jeremy says, taking his eyes from Sergio to Rose. “I’m a big boy. I can handle myself and a man in his best Versace underwear.”
After lunch and wanting nothing more than to go back to the Harings’ with Jeremy, Sergio restrains himself.
He’ll have plenty of time for Jeremy this evening, and hopefully tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and the day after that and every day from today until forever.
But he’ll never get there if he doesn’t make it right with Rose—who is, by far, his biggest hurdle.
So with his goal of making this his last New Year’s Eve—until next year that is—he bids Jeremy goodbye, resisting the urge to kiss him on the cheek.
He takes one last longing look when Jeremy walks away with Henry in his arms, then turns and grabs Rose’s attention.
“May I take you on this first run?” he asks, holding the crook of his elbow out for her to take.
He looks over the top of Rose’s head towards Holden.
“You don’t mind if I steal your wife for a bit, do you? ”
“It’s your funeral,” Holden says, then clicks on his skis and calls out to Adrien, “Hey, Adrien! You want to go hit that double black diamond?”
“Yeah, alright!” Adrien yells back.
“I’ll be on the bunny hills,” Allison says, tucking her bundle of corkscrew curls underneath a cap before she skis away.
Sergio holds his elbow out to Rose more prominently, giving it a shake. “Shall we?”
Rose rolls her eyes. “You know you don’t need to escort me,” she says, but loops her arm around his elbow anyway, effectively making their skiing awkward and clumsy. They manage to make it onto the chairlift with minimal effort or separation. “What’s this about?”
“It’s about us.”
She huffs out a laugh. “There is no us, Sergio.”
“Well, sure,” he relents. “There is no us like there is a you and Holden. But we do have a relationship of sorts. We’re more like brother and sister.”
“I guess so,” she says, raising one shoulder and twisting her lips to the side. She waves her arms at the chairlift their sharing, making its slow incline up the mountain. “That still doesn’t explain what this is about.”
“Maybe not. But …” he drags the word out and looks over his shoulder at her with a half-smile. “Siblings are interesting. Did you know I fired my brother today?”
She snaps her head to look at him. “What?” she asks, surprise clear across her face.
“Yeah,” he says, raising his eyebrows and shoulders.
“Damn.”
Sergio nudges her with his shoulder. “You thought he’d be the one to do it, didn’t you?”
“Well, yeah.” She shrugs. “I’m surprised he made it this long.”
“Over the last few days, that’s become obvious to me as well.
” He angles himself in the chairlift to face her like he’s about to spill the best tea.
“But here’s the thing. I needed to do it.
I needed to fire him. I may not have originally liked the idea, but it’s what’s best. He’s always going to be my brother, and I will always support him and love the ever-living shit out of him.
This way, we can both go our own ways with our heads held high and no hard feelings. ”
“Okay …” Rose says slowly. Her face is pinched like she’s trying to decipher his angle. “I’m still missing your point here.”
“My point is that I’ve basically been controlling my brother in an effort to keep him from leaving me for the last couple of years. But I can’t control him any more than he can control me, and lord knows we’ve both tried and have ended up resenting each other.”
“Again, still not sure what this has to do with me.”
“I’m getting there, I promise,” he assures her, then looks forward, checking to see that they are about halfway up the mountain. He turns back to face her and continues, “So, here’s the thing. Same as how Adrien and Holden are my brothers, you are my sister.”
“Well, I don’t work for you. Thank God. I don’t know how Adrien did it. So you can’t fire me.”
“Not my intention, but thank you for the reminder. And I have nothing to fire you for. Except … maybe I do.”
She looks at him with her eyebrow raised to new incredulous heights. “What on earth for?”
“As my constant critic.”
“No offense, Sergio, but you need a constant critic.”
“Maybe the Sergio of before did. But I don’t think I do anymore.”
She lets out a mocking, bitter laugh. “You officially consider yourself to be infallible?”
“Oh, god.” Sergio waves her off and laughs casually, a stark contrast to her far less jovial one. “Far from it. If anything, these last ten months or so have taught me exactly how fallible I am.”
She lowers her raised eyebrow. “I will admit, you have seemed somewhat self-aware today. Better than last night, that’s for sure.”
“Fully agree,” he says with all seriousness. “And I do apologize for kicking this week off so poorly. Especially since I know you wanted to cancel it.”
She freezes up, and her skin pales.
“Don’t worry,” he assures her. “I get it. You have a lot going on right now. And I need you to know I’m rooting for you. And Allison. And Jeremy. I’d never do anything to derail all that you’ve built and worked for.”
“I know you wouldn’t … at least not intentionally.”