Wednesday, May 24
I wake up on the couch, the movie still paused on Keanu standing alone in the park. I always stop right before he takes off the blindfold and realizes he’s alone. I rewind to the beginning.
Up until yesterday, I thought I was Charlize.
I thought I would get the luxury and privilege of leaving Marco.
It felt like something I deserved—the right to walk away unscathed—after everything else I’d gone through. But instead, I’m here—sick and hurting and confused.
And Marco is somewhere else—on a plane, in Los Angeles—living his life.
How could I have been so dumb? Of course it was always going to end this way.
My phone is quiet except for an occasional ding. Allie keeps sending me videos. She doesn’t know what happened. I’m too embarrassed to tell her, to gently request that she leave me alone.
I reach for the notepad on the floor, next to the trash can I’ve had to keep close by.
things i never knew before lupus:
I add one more:
you might feel like a Charlize but you are actually a Keanu—advertising asshole who gets laid and thinks he deserves the entire fucking world.