Chapter 16
M y body is still trilling, pleasure buzzing through my veins. But my brain is basically on the verge of a panic attack.
Jax is too close, I can't breathe, my chest is tight. I gasp, trying to pull away.
"Jax—"
"Yeah, baby?" Sluggishly, he turns his head from where he'd buried it against my neck. His customary smugness curls his lips. Right up until the moment he meets my gaze. "Whoa—"
"Let me down." I shove at him ineffectually. He's still inside me, pressing me into this wall, pinning me with his cock and his arms. My feet dangle above the floor, and I'm naked in the middle of a hallway in a house where five guys live. What the hell was I thinking?
I wasn't. Clearly, not a single thought has entered my head in the past ten minutes, because if one had, I would have had the intelligence to stop this insanity before it was too late.
"Hey. Hey— hey —" Jax must have been trying to get my attention for a little while. The sharpness in his tone finally snaps me out of it. The hand on my face doesn't hurt, either. "Haley, you have to breathe."
I choke on an inhalation that fills my lungs with much-needed oxygen, but it doesn't lend me any clarity. I push him away again.
He seems to get the message this time that we're not getting anywhere until he lets me go. With a grunt, he pulls out. Slick come slides down my thigh, right, because I let him in me without a condom, because once I've taken as many risks as I have in two days, why not go ahead and take a few more?
He sets me down. The coolness of the hardwood beneath my bare feet helps to ground me, at least a little.
I reach down and grab the shirt and pants I'd stolen from Cayden after I let him fuck me, too.
I pull the shirt over my head because that'll hide a little more of me.
It falls to mid thigh. I hold the wadded up mass of his sweat pants in my hands, frozen, because I don't know what to do or how to escape or how this happened.
"Here."
Thank God, Jax takes over. My brain is screaming at me not to trust him, but I'm so paralyzed that I don't know what else to do.
He puts a hand on my arm and hauls me along down the hall.
Before I know it, we're in a bedroom I've never seen before.
In my haze, I vaguely recall that it used to be one of Cayden's brothers'.
It's big enough to have an attached bathroom, in any case, and that's most of what matters.
Jax moves with such authority, with a kind but firm gentleness that I never would have expected from him.
Without making a single asshole comment or giving me any looks that make me want to die inside, he hustles me into the en suite.
There, he sits me on the counter, and God, this is so embarrassing.
He parts my legs, though, and I'm wet with him.
With his claim. But he doesn't make any bullshit comments.
Instead, he grabs a washcloth and soaks it in warm water in the sink.
Dropping to his knees, he spreads my legs farther.
He runs the cloth over me, cleaning the semen and my own juices from my legs.
When he reaches my pussy, he's achingly delicate, and it's a good thing, too.
I'm raw from so much sex after years without.
But his touch is so tender that it doesn't hurt.
If anything, it makes low warmth gather there.
Only, for the first time since I arrived, I have the presence of mind to think about something other than sex.
I reach out, stilling him. I clutch his wrist too hard, but I don't know how to let go.
I don't know why this is happening.
"But you don't even like me," I choke out.
And it's like the words spill from me. I sure as hell didn't mean to say them. I definitely didn't mean to speak in a voice that small. That weak.
Jax huffs out a low, dark laugh. His head hangs low for a moment. Then, with what seems like great effort, he lifts it, raising his gaze to connect with mine. "I like you way, way more than I should."
"What?"
My head spins. That…isn't possible. I don't remember everything from my childhood on Lonely Peak, but a few things are clear. Cayden Tucker was kind and sweet, and Jax Bane was an asshole who hated me and made fun of me and wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.
As if he's remembering the same conflict-filled history that I am, Jax sighs heavily. He takes one more gentle pass with the cloth over my sex, then tosses the washcloth into a hamper and pats my legs, encouraging me to close them.
"Come on."
His voice holds none of the command of a few minutes earlier, when he was coaxing me through a moment of crisis, though it's still firm.
Unsure what else to do, I hop down off the counter.
He hands me the pants I was wearing earlier, and I pull them on, then follow him into the main part of what must be his bedroom.
Much like Cayden's, the room is incredibly masculine.
But unlike the blend of old and new pieces that gave Cayden's space a cozy, traditional feel, Jayden's decorated in only the most modern of styles.
His bed is a platform made of bleached birch.
He has a bookcase and desk to match, all the accents in glass and chrome, and it looks like it belongs in another house entirely.
Suddenly, everything I thought I knew about this mountain man has been turned on its edge. He's been gruff and cruel, secluded, but he's also kind. He has style.
And he likes me.
That's the part I really can't get my head around.
"Sit," Jax invites.
He's stands beside a window. Pale gray shades have been raised, leaving plenty of glass available to view the mountain around us, and he keeps his gaze trained squarely there, at the world beyond this room as I move to sit on the edge of his bed.
When he doesn't speak, I finally find my voice. "I am very, very confused."
"Yeah, I got that."
And it's a glimmer of the Jax I've known since I was a kid, just tempered by the newer, gentler one that's revealed himself this morning.
"Care to help clear things up?"
"Not really, but I guess I have to." He turns, then, facing me partially. "Did you know that Cayden and I have been best friends since we were four?"
I nod.
"You don't betray a guy like that, okay?"
"Okaaay…"
"So when he confessed to me when we were twelve that he had a massive crush on you, what the hell was I supposed to do?"
Excuse me? "You've liked me since we were twelve ?"
"Don't say it so loud, Jeez. I have reputation to maintain."
"I think you, me, and the trees are going to be able to keep it to ourselves."
He rolls his eyes, but resists the opportunity to give me shit, so he really must be turning over a new leaf.
"Yes, I liked you even then. But Cayden did, too, and he was the first one to get up the balls to admit it.
So I had to sit on how I felt, and holy hell, Hayley.
You were so fucking cute back then. So smart. "
"I was a dweeb."
"You were an angel." He says it with conviction. The only way I could keep a lid on how I felt was to push you away. Keep it to myself."
He gazes at me expectantly. Part of me is convinced he's messing with me. Is there a hidden camera around here somewhere? I can't find one, and besides. If he is setting me up, he's a hell of an actor.
And it's weird, because I can see the old Jax and the new one, too. They overlap in these strange ways. He's still got this twist to his lips that I've been interpreting as a nasty sneer for years, but what if that's just my own prejudice?
I shake my head. Even if it is, I've had good reason to assume the worst.
"Sorry, this is taking me a minute to get my head around. Am I just supposed to be forgiving and forgetting that you were a total jerk to me when we were kids now?"
He huffs out a breath, gritting his teeth as he faces the window again. "Cayden warned me you might see it that way."
"How else am I supposed to see it? So you liked me. Okay. But you made me miserable in seventh grade."
"I didn't mean to."
"But you did."
"I'm sorry. God. Can't you see that? I am so fucking sorry. For all of it."
Crap. My eyes sting, but I refuse to let him see me getting emotional about this.
Just… I don't think I knew how badly I needed to hear that until right now.
"I appreciate the apology. Like, a lot. But…I still don't know if I can forgive you that easily."
He shifts, directing the full power of his piercing gray eyes on me. "Can you try?"
"I…" I swallow hard, but my throat is desert dry. "I don't know."
Can I? His teasing haunted me, and it inspired others to be jerks as well. He ran with a popular crowd, and the fact that he was mean to me gave a whole bunch of kids license to do likewise. Cayden kept it from getting too out of hand, but that doesn't change what Jax did.
Just because he did it for a good reason doesn't change things.
Except…
Does it? He's looking at me now with real regret in his eyes.
His gaze bores into me, and he's always had a way of looking at me.
He made me feel small and stupid and sometimes dirty, but he also got my blood pumping and my temper up.
We clearly have chemistry. The things that happened between us happened ages ago.
And Cayden vouches for him.
If the story he's telling is true, Cayden wants me to be with him.
Cayden wants me to be with all the men who live in this house.
My head hurts. "Can we back up a minute? Not that I don't want to keep rehashing our entire middle school feud, but…"
"Be my guest."
"You guys. Everyone who lives in this house. You really share women like that?"
He rolls his eyes. "Not women, Haley. Woman. You. We want to share you."
"I only just met most of you."
"You knew Adam about two seconds." He lifts his brows meaningfully.
I wrap my arms around myself. "That was unique. I don't usually…"
"Calm your tits. I'm not saying anything. I'm glad you trusted him. He's a good guy."
Yeah. He was. He seemed to be. I really, really hope he still will be, when this all shakes out.
"But the other guys…"
"Serge and Deandre aro good dudes. You'll like them, if you give them a chance."
My stomach dips. This next question is too telling, but I have to ask it. "How do you know they'll like me?"
"I don't know how they couldn't. You're—well, you. Funny and smart and sexy as hell. Creative." His gaze flashes dark. "And I can say with authority now, you are a hell of a fuck."
I squirm. There's that dirty feeling in the pit of my stomach, only it's not all bad this time. He doesn't seem to be implying that my being easy for him—and half the members of this house—is something to be ashamed of.
"But you didn't know that until ten minutes ago." I somehow manage to keep my voice even, to not betray the quaking inside. "And yet you all were willing to take this chance on me?"
"Because two of us have known you forever, and we've been in love with you forever . That's a pretty good vouch, if you ask me."
Holy shit. Holy shit. Who said anything about love?
He stiffens, like he realizes at that very moment how much he's given away. He doesn't take it back, though. He stares me down.
"Look, whatever. Just—think about it, okay? If you really hate me that much, I can stay out of things." His brow creases, like it's literally killing him to say that. "But we're a package deal. Fuck me or don't fuck me, but give the other guys a chance."
I can almost hear his other plea on the silent air.
Give me a chance .
A part of me wants to. The other part just isn't sure.
I stand, hugging my arms tighter around myself. "I need to think about all of this."
"You should. Talk to Cayden, too. Because whatever else happens here, he's a good guy, okay? Don't take anything out on him."
"Yeah." That's fair. God knows I have enough questions for him. "Okay."
"Okay."
We stare at each other, and it's awkward in a way it's never been before. We always saw each other clearly—or so I thought. My conceptions have all been thrown on their head, though. I don't know how to feel.
I just know I need to get out of this room.
I point at the door. "I'm just going to…"
"Right. Sure."
Ugh, how is this suddenly worse than when he was an asshole all the time?
I turn to go. I make it almost to the door before he stops me.
"Haley?"
I pause, spinning around, suddenly breathless. "Yeah?"
And he's there. He reaches out, almost tentative. When I don't stop him, he plows forward, cupping my face. He leans in to plant a hard kiss that speaks volumes to my lips.
"Just. Really think about it, okay? Don't write the idea off. Don't write me off. Because this—all of us. It could be incredible."
And that's the problem.
I'm absolutely terrified he's right.