Chapter 23
F rom across the length of the hallway, Jax's gaze connects with mine.
For a second, he falters. Crap, we must be thinking the exact same thing.
I just don't want to deal with this right now.
He hides it quickly enough, though, his face twisting into his usual sneer—which apparently is just his face, or so he's told me.
My stomach dips.
If this whole dating five guys scenario is a jigsaw, then Sergio was one of several missing pieces from the puzzle. One concern that had been keeping me up tonight.
That piece has been more or less been slotted into place.
But that still leaves a whole section of the board in disarray, and that crumbled corner has Jax Bane's name spray painted in red all over it.
I still don't know what to think about him.
He treated me like dirt in middle school, and yes, that was a long time ago, but the memories still plague me.
He claims now that he was only mean because he was trying to keep his distance.
That he liked me even then and likes me more now.
His previous behavior was only out of loyalty to Cayden, and I can understand that.
I'd do a lot of things to save Cayden pain, too.
Just because I can understand doesn't mean I can forgive, though.
It definitely doesn't take me from the weird, awkward stalemate we're currently dealing with to some sort of functional relationship where he and I live in the same house and I occasionally sleep with all his friends.
And with him.
God. Even now, when he's looking at me with so much conflict on his face, the chemistry between us practically screams in my bones. He pushes so many of my buttons. Finally giving in and letting him fuck me into a wall opened a dam, and I don't see it swinging closed anytime soon.
So, basically, it's all a mess. He makes me angry and hurt and horny all at the same time. How am I supposed to deal with that?
Not well, is my current answer.
As he approaches, I look away, unable to stare into those clear gray eyes. They're challenging and pleading and accusing, and it's just too much.
In my periphery, I observe his reaction to my refusal to engage. He clenches his jaw and diverts his own gaze straight forward until he looks like a man headed to the gallows, and I fucking hate that I put that expression on his face. But I still don't think it's my fault.
He passes by without a word, but the hurt rolls off of him in waves. My own heart clenches in sympathy. Guilt churns in my gut. His heavy footfalls continue around the corner.
The slamming of a door down the hall makes me jump.
And it's not that I'd forgotten I was sitting there with Sergio, but the gentle touch of his thumb on my ankle bone still takes me by surprise somehow.
His voice shocks me even more. "He's really not as much of an asshole as he pretends to be, you know."
I blink. "Excuse me?"
"Jax. He's a good guy, under all the bullshit."
"So he keeps trying to tell me." Bitterness colors my tone.
It's not just Jax, either. Cayden's been assuring me since we were teenagers that Jax really isn't so bad, once you get to know him.
I've always wondered how the two of them could be such good friends.
It only makes sense that there's more to Jax than I ever realized.
I just don't know how to accept it, is all.
"Look, I know you two have history…"
I laugh. "That's an understatement. He was such a bully. You don't even know."
"I don't," he concedes. "I just know he pulled me out of a building that was on fire." He turns, showing the scarred side of his face more clearly. "I was lucky to get out with just these—if he hadn't been there, I wouldn't have been so lucky."
I swallow hard. "Oh."
"He didn't have to do it, either. Nearly got killed himself."
Well, now I feel like the asshole.
It's easy to remember that Sergio is a war hero, but all these guys are ex-military. They've all done things and seen things. They've sacrificed huge parts of their lives.
Sergio leans in closer. "And just between you and me?"
"Yeah?" This isn't a sexy move, but with our heads bent so close together, the warm scent of him washes over me. A trill of excitement hums up my spine.
"Cayden wasn't the only one looking in on your grandmother."
I startle, rearing back. I glance down the hallway in the direction Jax disappeared in a huff. "He—?"
But he didn't even know my grandma. He sure wouldn't have felt any obligation to her—not the way I can easily accept that Cayden would have.
"You should ask him about it. But yeah. All the time."
With that, Sergio gives my ankle another squeeze. Then he bends his head back to his reading.
Conversation closed, apparently.
I don't mind his sudden silence. The fact that he spoke up at all, given how reserved he is, speaks volumes. I want to know more, but his advice isn't lost on me.
If I want to get to the bottom of who Jax really is—and who he is to me—I need to talk to him.
And I need to do it soon, before this whole new life opening up in front of me slips away.