Chapter 5 Re
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Reunion
Leaf stubbed out his cigarette in the sand bucket by the entrance and stumbled through the doorway into the Redwood. Just in time, he caught himself on the door and squeezed his eyes shut for a second to stop the dizziness.
“My goodness,” Andrej groaned. “I can’t believe I let you drive yourself.”
Leaf rubbed his eyes, glanced back at the ominous threshold, and then at Andrej. Andrej shook his head incredulously. “Come on,” he said, pulling Leaf by the arm into the bar.
After three steps, Leaf wriggled out of his grip and turned longingly toward the entrance. The cocaine’s effects were already wearing off. Mixed with raw nervousness, the trembling returned to his hands. It wouldn’t be long before he couldn’t pretend to be normal anymore.
“The others are waiting.”
With a reluctant sigh, he followed Andrej past the counter into the back of the bar. As the words echoed in his head like a mantra, a sudden cold shiver ran down his spine.
The others?
Tris?
His body froze. Just the thought of him threw Leaf off balance, and he nervously chewed on his lower lip.
“What’s wrong?” Andrej asked as they passed between two tables. “Are you having a panic attack?”
Leaf would have preferred to turn on his heel and leave the bar right away. But there was also this deep-seated desire to see Tristan. He had to see him. Had to make sure it was really him. Alive and well.
Carol’s choice of the Redwood for their meeting caught Leaf off guard.
Doesn’t she know what kind of place this is?
The L.A. Times building was just around the corner, and it was widely known that journalists frequented this spot.
The bright red phone with a direct line to the newsroom still hung next to the entrance.
At least they cut off the line. Leaf also gratefully noted that they were the only guests.
He followed Andrej past the wooden posts wrapped in thick ropes, tilting his head to avoid being blinded by the glaring red light. The decor was mostly dark wood and reminded him of a pirate bar.
“What the hell was that?” he heard Carol exclaim. “First, you disappear, and then we find you in a clinic. If you’re going to kill yourself, then do it properly and don’t keep us in the dark!”
“Damn it!” José gritted his teeth. “Calm down, Carol!”
“We held a damn audition because we thought you’d never come back,” she continued to rant. “I’ve aged ten years. I got wrinkles! For fuck’s sake!”
As Andrej stepped aside, Leaf watched as Carol wrapped her arms around Tristan’s neck and hugged him tightly.
“God! I’m so glad you’re still here. So glad! Come on! Let’s sit down.”
“Hey, guys!” Andrej raised his hand in greeting.
Leaf felt like he was turning to stone on the spot. The blood in his veins seemed to freeze in shock. He could only see Tristan, who turned to face them, and in that beautiful face, he discerned so many emotions at once.
Joy. Grief. Shock. Horror. Longing. Love.
Leaf swallowed hard, not even noticing how the others greeted each other. The moment between him and Tristan felt like it lasted forever. When Andrej greeted Tristan, Tristan forced a smile and hugged the bassist in friendship.
Leaf barely managed to stay upright. The dizziness was gone, but the blood roared in his head like a thunderstorm.
That was good because as long as his pulse raced like that, at least he wouldn’t faint.
It was better to feel like a hunted animal than to have a circulation that could fail at any moment.
His emotions were also overflowing. A stabbing pain spread in his chest. His love for Tristan had been banging against the walls for weeks, and now, everything threatened to collapse.
He had locked away his feelings deep inside because they were no longer good for him. He couldn’t love Tristan anymore, at least not in the same way. This realization was choking him again; everything about Tristan drew him like a magnet.
His black locks were tousled in all directions.
In his dark eyes, there was a longing and the deep pain of an infinite universe.
His whole being cried out for comfort, for relief.
Yet, Tristan stood fearless before him. Fearless as always, but Leaf knew Tristan was scared.
It was evident in the way he licked his lips and the way his lower eyelids twitched like a suspicious cat or when he furrowed his brows slightly.
When Tristan awkwardly scratched his elbow, Leaf noticed the bandage on his right forearm.
Sadness washed over Leaf, and his gaze blurred. Even if he had nothing to do with Tristan’s accident, he knew it was all his fault.
“Leaf.”
One word, and Leaf knew Tristan was looking right through him. His name was a painful reminder of his relapse. Tristan’s sorrowful expression and hesitant approach said it all. Tentatively, Tristan reached out, but Leaf turned his head away, suppressing tears of remorse.
I must not love him anymore, he reminded himself, suppressing his emotions and adopting the most expressionless face he could muster.
But Tristan’s hand touched his neck, his cheek, then his chin.
Like a sculptor, he traced his face, and Leaf couldn’t help but lean into the touch.
Tristan’s warmth flowed into him, bringing him back to life.
Leaf’s gaze wandered over Tristan’s pronounced Adam’s apple, full, shapely lips, straight nose, and finally settled on his deep black eyes.
At that moment, Tristan enveloped him in his arms and held him tightly.
His body warmth and closeness pulled Leaf out of the icy stiffness, even having a similar effect as opium.
He gently placed his hands on his friend, gliding over his slender body, his hips, his shoulder blades, and pulled him close.
The feeling of security stole his breath away.
He stroked Tristan’s head and breathed in his wonderful scent.
A tingling sensation ran through his body as Tristan buried his face into his neck, reciprocating the gesture.
Despite all his resolutions, Leaf allowed Tristan to place a hand on his cheek and kiss him tenderly on the mouth.
Leaf felt a spark between their lips, and his breath caught.
He wanted to hold onto the moment and hugged Tristan tightly, absorbing his warmth and breath, craving much more that he couldn’t have; that he had forbidden himself—and mourned ever since.
When Tristan backed away, it felt like someone was ripping his heart out.
Leaf gasped for air, but it was no use. Gradually, his strength left him, blood rushed to his legs, and his face turned chalk white.
Overwhelmed by dizziness again, he staggered slightly to the side.
Tristan held him firmly, his expression filled with concern.
That alone tore Leaf’s heart apart once again.
Perhaps it was for the best. Leaf believed he deserved every punishment for his actions.
Tristan knew nothing of his wrongdoing. Until Leaf had resolved things with Diego, it was better that Tristan remained unaware for now.
Tears welled up in Tristan’s eyes, and Leaf knew the guy was looking straight into his soul. “I’m glad you’re doing well … considering the circumstances,” he said, brushing a strand of hair from his face.
His calm way of speaking hadn’t lost any of its magic. Whenever Tristan spoke, it sounded like he was reciting a poem. Leaf nodded weakly. “Me too.”
“Hey, Leaf,” Carol said, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s so good to see you.” With open arms, she gestured to the table.
While the others were already sitting down, José approached him and greeted him with a brief hug.
Leaf was secretly glad to see his longtime friend from childhood.
He was, in a way, his backup – not just on stage.
José walked around the table and took a seat next to Andrej.
Leaf’s gaze wandered to Carol, who was waiting for him.
He didn’t notice any wrinkles—she was only in her mid-thirties, but appeared genuinely tired, with dark circles under her eyes and her hair tied in a messy bun.
That could explain why she buttoned up her blazer, attempting appear stern as usual but wasn’t quite successful.
Unlike him, Carol always focused on the future, despite being weighed down by the past at the moment.
As the band reunited at one table, she visibly relaxed.
Leaf took a deep breath and collected himself. Not that he wasn’t ready for this meeting; he just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. He sat beside Tristan, and out of the corner of his eye, he noticed how pale and gaunt the singer looked.
Tristan had clearly lost weight and exhaustion clouded his gaze, yet Leaf could sense the storm raging in his friend. Like a demon, grief clung onto Tristan’s shoulder, holding him captive.
Because of me.
Remorsefully, Leaf hung his head, letting the loose strands of hair fall into his forehead. He rested his elbows on the armrests and hid his face behind folded hands.
The waitress set down the beers. Carol immediately took one, raised her glass with mock solemnity and said, “You wouldn’t believe how glad I am that you’re here.
And I’ll feel even better when you’re on stage on Saturday.
All five hundred tickets have been sold.
The Whisky a Go Go is going to explode! People know this will be the last concert on such a small stage for the time being.
And as bad as your publicity has been for the past three weeks, they’re eager to see you live.
Can you pull it together by Saturday? Do you have what it takes? ”
Andrej exuded confidence as he spoke for everyone. “Of course.”
“Tris?” Carol asked suspiciously.
All eyes turned to the singer. Tristan absentmindedly raised his head, saying nothing.
“You had … well … an accident.” Carol chose her words carefully.
Andrej let out a contemptuous snort. “Nonsense.”