Chapter 21 Other Thoughts
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Other Thoughts
Tristan entered the dark cabin and stopped in front of the wall with the framed insects.
Leaf’s home had always been a refuge when the past caught up with him, but at the moment, he felt none of that.
His hands continued to shake as the image of his parents lying in dark red pools of blood replayed in his mind.
While Milo had found a different way to deal with it, just the thought of it made everything much worse for Tristan. Something tightened in his chest, as if his heart was crumbling into pieces like a brittle leaf. When nothing was left, he dropped on his knees, gasping for air.
“Tris,” Leaf whispered softly, his touch gentle on his shoulders. “What can I do?”
Tristan grimaced and fought back the tears. It wasn’t just Milo and his parents breaking his heart. It was Leaf. The only person left to him when it came to family.
“Why can’t things go back to how they were before? I love you, Leaf, but I don’t know what I need to do for you to let me back in.”
“I know that,” he murmured, as if confiding a secret. “I know you love me.”
“But since I’ve been back, you’ve been avoiding me.
And then … Then something like that happens during the interview, and you rush in like a knight in shining armor to save me.
I …” Tristan took a breath and locked eyes with Leaf, who was kneeling in front of him, gazing at him with a worried expression. “I miss you, Leaf.”
“I hate seeing you like this. When you’re scared or holding back tears.”
“You’re right,” Tristan said, wiping away a tear.
“I’m scared. I’m fucking scared. All I wanted was to come back and show everyone that I’m okay, that I’m still alive.
That Nightstalker’s fire is far from burning out, and we’re ready for this tour.
I wanted to come back to you because … because I missed you.
I thought if I came back to you, this feeling would go away, but instead, it just keeps growing bigger every day … and bigger …”
Tristan paused, stunned at his vulnerability.
He sniffled and shook his head. “I want our love back. I want what we had before the world turned dark and dragged us down with it. Instead of holding each other up, we’re drifting further and further apart, and both of us are sinking—lonely and alone.
Please,” Tristan pleaded, “I don’t want to be trapped in this place anymore. ”
“Don’t do that. You don’t need to prove anything. Not to anyone. I’m here,” Leaf whispered. “I don’t want to sink. Not alone. And not with you.”
Tristan stared into Leaf’s dark brown eyes, silently begging for forgiveness. He didn’t know exactly for what, but having Leaf so close, sharing the heartache, and distracting him from his memories simply by his presence filled him with hope again.
He hesitantly leaned forward and kissed Leaf, as if kissing his friend for the first time. A tingling sensation ran through him, a cool shiver raising his hair despite the heat in the cabin.
Leaf sighed, breathing into his mouth. A chill flooded Tristan’s veins as Leaf turned away. He anxiously watched as Leaf licked his lips, brushed back his hair, and stood up.
For a moment, it felt like he had lost Leaf, as if his words had been nothing but empty promises. But then Leaf held out his hand and helped him to his feet.
“Come on.”
Tristan clung to him, shuddering with the warmth pulsing through his body as Leaf wrapped an arm around his back and led him to the bedroom. They stopped in front of the bed. Tristan did nothing. He didn’t know what Leaf had in mind, so he waited.
The ceiling fan swirled the warm air around. The shutters were closed, allowing only single rays of sunlight to filter in. In the dim light, they faced each other, and Tristan felt his breath catch in his throat.
Leaf removed his T-shirt and tossed it carelessly on the floor. Next, he undid the buttons on Tristan’s shirt and stripped it off him. Finally, he unbuttoned Tristan's pants.
“Take those off,” he commanded.
Tristan pushed his pants down and kicked them off. He watched as Leaf did the same. He observed the play of muscles under his tattoos and how a strand of hair fell across his forehead. As Leaf straightened up again, Tristan’s gaze lingered on his lips—getting closer and closer.
A gentle kiss, a touch on the temple, and a smile. Leaf traced Tristan’s cheek down to his chin.
Tristan swallowed, filled with sadness and deep melancholy.
But there was also desire and a longing for normalcy between them.
He knew Leaf too well to know that he was punishing himself for something.
He still seemed to have it under control and hadn’t completely crashed yet.
But how long could he withstand the pressure and keep that tearing monster at bay?
Was it even possible to overcome the insurmountable distance that had opened up between them since his return?
“Lay down,” Leaf instructed.
Tristan obeyed. He lay down on the bed and rolled onto his side. His heart skipped a beat as Leaf joined him, wrapping his arm around him. Tristan clung to him tightly. It took a while for him to relax and be sure that Leaf was staying.
Leaf kissed him repeatedly on the head, then the cheek, the face, fondling his body and giving him a sense of security. The togetherness was comforting and relieved the built-up tension that Tristan had been carrying since his return.
For a long time, Tristan cuddled Leaf, scratching his back, his neck, and breathing in his rugged scent. Time lost its meaning. Clint and the interview were far behind; Milo and the accident in another life.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Tristan murmured into Leaf’s neck.
“I’ve missed you too.” Leaf continued to caress him. “You’re the most important person in my life.”
Leaf’s lips were like a drug Tristan couldn’t get enough of, igniting a consuming fire that prompted him to roll onto Leaf and kiss him passionately. Feeling Leaf’s hardness against his stomach, he rubbed his hips against his, showing him that he felt the same.
“I want you now,” Tristan said between kisses. “Damn … You have no idea how much I desire you.”
Leaf grabbed his butt and rolled over with him, so that Tristan was on his back. Leaf smiled. “You have no idea how much I want you.”
Leaf distributed kisses on his stomach, pushed down his briefs, and went down on him. Warmth enveloped Tristan’s penis and elicited a moan from him.
“Oh damn … so good.”
He grabbed Leaf’s hair and enjoyed the wonderful feeling of melting into the devoted movements and closed his eyes.
When Leaf withdrew, Tristan needed a moment to come back to himself. Leaf was now naked too and was reaching for the lube and condoms from the drawer.
He leaned over him again, spreading kisses and caressing his forehead and temples. Tristan touched his slim body, his sexy ass and could no longer keep his fingers off his penis.
“Do you want to?” Leaf playfully held up a condom.
The greed in Tristan overflowed. He snatched it from Leaf and pulled him closer to kiss him, to feel his body and be close to him. “I love you so much.”
Leaf sat up between his legs and reached for the lube. Meanwhile, Tristan opened the condom and put it on him.
“How do you want it?” Leaf asked as he rubbed his length with the lube.
“Like this,” Tristan replied. “I want to see you.”
A lustful smile spread across Leaf’s face as he applied some lube to Tristan’s entrance, preparing him. “I want to see you too. You’re so beautiful when you come.”
Leaf’s touches sent a tingling sensation through Tristan’s body, causing him to throw his head back and stretch.
As he felt the tip at his entrance, he held his breath expectantly, seeking Leaf’s gaze.
Gently, Leaf penetrated him. He then propped himself up with his hands next to Tristan’s head and paused for a moment, giving Tristan time to adjust.
“So beautiful,” Leaf said, kissing Tristan’s neck.
Tristan wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. “I can feel you.” A movement made him gasp for air.
With tender thrusts, Leaf penetrated deeper into him, kissing him and seeking his gaze.
Tristan longed for him with every fiber of his being. He held his gaze until Leaf hit that one spot. Moaning loudly, Tristan tossed his head back and gripped the pillow with one hand.
Their breath and heartbeats were in sync, and as Leaf brought him closer to the edge, Tristan slid a hand between them and touched himself. There was no turning back now. Leaf sat up and clutched his thighs tightly. He increased the pace, pushing Tristan over the edge.
Moaning loudly, he spilled onto his stomach. Shortly after, Leaf pulled out of him, and Tristan watched, breathing heavily, as he removed the condom and came all over him.
He was breathtaking when he came, and Tristan knew it was only the beginning.