Chapter 38 - Before The Storm
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Before The Storm
Leaf’s leg bounced nervously, his eyes darting repeatedly to the door.
After the soundcheck, he had unexpectedly bumped into Nathan backstage.
The photographer had just arrived through the back entrance, laden with his equipment, and was heading to the dressing room.
Leaf had decided to accompany him. He wasn’t surprised that Andrej and José hadn't followed; they had a well-worn routine of heading straight to eat after soundcheck. But where was Tristan?
“Now he’s got a lawsuit on his hands, that idiot,” Nathan said, fiddling with his camera.
“Who beats their girlfriend so badly she has to go to the hospital? Sure, she’s a pain, but that’s no excuse.
He could have just ditched her in the desert.
And then he calls me, asking if I’ll post bail!
Like we’re best friends or something! So I called Daniel, thinking he might help since his brother’s a lawyer—which, by the way, is shocking.
Daniel works at Starbucks in Beverly Hills, and he had nothing better to do than tell me this dumb story about someone getting shot in front of their store. ”
Nathan paused as he inspected the lens beside him.
In a casual tone, he continued, “So he goes, ‘You won’t believe it, Nate, it took three minutes for the whole cavalry to show up! In our neighborhood’—he’s so proud of living in the ghetto—‘it takes fifteen minutes for them to show. And it’s not even the cavalry, it’s just one freaking cop car.
And if they’re lucky, they don’t get shot.
They just check how bad it is, then impose a curfew.
’ God, what an idiot. Daniel, remember him?
The guy with the long rant about the new generation.
He needs to stop smoking. He smokes Salvia four times a week!
Can you believe that? Acts like he’s hot stuff but hasn’t achieved anything. The guy’s pushing fifty.”
Leaf took a drag on his cigarette and watched Nathan babble away while switching lenses.
“Here, look. I took these in Griffith Park today.” Nathan held out the display, clicking through the pictures.
“Tires? Man… What are you on?” Leaf whispered, enduring the slideshow.
“And these are from yesterday. Took them at your place.”
They were pictures of Leaf’s insect collection, the view from the balcony into the woods, and a few shots of the living room table cluttered with drug paraphernalia.
Even though the images on the screen were small and the drugs barely recognizable, the sight triggered something in Leaf.
He inhaled sharply, clenching his fists as a wave of unease washed over him.
Fuck… I need to pull myself together. Find some way to distract myself. And not with Nathan’s babble.
It wasn’t that he was out of control, but he was terrified of losing it and spiraling again. The thought of yesterday’s relapse haunted him, and despite everything, his body still craved the drugs. Even Nathan noticed how the photo disturbed him and clicked past it, returning to the framed insects.
The door swung open, and a burst of noise from the opening act’s soundcheck flooded in as Tristan entered the dressing room. He closed the door behind him and glanced around.
Dressed in a black, half-buttoned shirt that hung loosely over his black jeans, his wild curly hair made him appear effortlessly hot.
He didn’t need tattoos or extravagant jewelry.
But he seemed a bit hesitant. His gaze swept over Nathan, who was busy with his camera, then paused on Leaf before landing on the drinks table.
That’s where he headed. When Tristan poured himself a glass of orange juice with a trembling hand, Leaf knew something was up.
He approached him from behind and wrapped his arms around his waist. Just feeling his warmth turned him on. He tenderly kissed Tristan behind the ear and on the neck, prompting Tristan to shiver.
“What’s wrong?” Leaf asked softly.
Tristan tilted his head and pressed his lips together, his expression thoughtful.
As he nestled against Leaf, the pressure reassured Leaf that he wasn’t the source of Tristan’s turmoil—despite having every reason to think so.
With only Nathan in the dressing room, Tristan seemed unbothered by their closeness.
“We need to talk,” Tristan whispered.
Yes, we do, Leaf thought, snuggling even closer. But now?
He placed his hands over Tristan’s chest and kissed his neck again. Feeling Tristan’s reaction only aroused him more, and he could barely hold back. He slid one hand down Tristan’s stomach and the other up to his throat.
“Fuck… Leaf…” Tristan trembled.
Gently, Leaf turned his head and kissed him. He hadn’t been able to think of anything else during the soundcheck. When their lips met, he even let out a sigh. He just wanted Tristan. Wanted to feel him, taste him, devour him. Maybe with him, he could distract himself from his craving for drugs.
His pants grew tight, and he pressed even closer to Tristan’s backside. While one hand still held Tristan’s jaw and he was practically devouring him, he untucked Tristan’s shirt with the other and slid his hand inside. The warm skin felt electrifying, but it was too tight to touch Tristan’s penis.
A cough from behind startled him.
Nathan.
“I don’t want to spoil your fun, but it sounds like we’re about to have company.”
Fuuuck…
Tristan disentangled himself from Leaf’s grasp and faced him.
He smiled awkwardly, a hint of sadness in his expression, but there was also a determined glint in his eyes.
Leaf tugged at Tristan’s shirt, seeking his soft lips again, but this time, Tristan placed his hands on Leaf’s chest and looked deeply into his eyes.
“Come with me.”
Just then, the door opened and the opening band entered the room.
Without protest, Leaf followed Tristan through another door, down a hallway, and into one of the bathrooms. The tightness in Leaf’s pants was becoming unbearable.
He locked the door behind them, pushed Tristan against the wall, and devoured his lips.
“I want you,” he whispered between kisses. “Now. Here.”
Tristan desired him just as much—Leaf could feel it—but he was also fighting something. While he tried to push Leaf away, he simultaneously clung to him as if he never wanted to let go.
“Leaf,” he gasped, cupping Leaf’s head and seeking his gaze.
But Leaf didn’t want to talk. He kissed Tristan’s neck, fumbling with his belt.
“Leaf, I talked to Carol.”
“Yeah?” Leaf murmured, continuing to kiss his skin.
“We can postpone some concerts.”
Leaf didn’t care. He finally got Tristan’s belt undone, unzipped his pants, and found his mouth again. Tristan sighed, meeting him with his tongue.
“Fuck… Leaf. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.”
“I was so scared for you.”
“Me too.” Leaf slid his hands under Tristan’s shirt, over his stomach, and up his back.
“We… found a place for you. In a clinic.”
Tristan tensed visibly, waiting for his reaction.
But Leaf wanted only one thing. He yanked Tristan’s shirt over his head and kissed him.
Then he pulled off his own shirt, tossing it aside, and sought Tristan’s lips again.
Tristan touched him just as hungrily, playing with his nipples and drawing him closer.
“Leaf, what do you say? We’ll postpone the tour if you agree to go to rehab.”
The word sparked something inside him—it was the help he had longed for—but his body was already burning too hot. He didn’t care what happened to him. All he wanted was Tristan.
“Leaf! This is important. Please. I don’t want you to feel like we went behind your back. We’re giving you an opportunity.”
“I know,” Leaf said, sliding his hand into Tristan’s boxer briefs.
Tristan moaned and clung to him.
“So? What do you want?”
“You. I just want you.”
“Oh damn.” Tristan sighed and glided his fingers into Leaf’s pants. He tugged them down and massaged his cock. “Fuck, you’re driving me crazy.”
Leaf moaned, ramming his body against his. “No, you’re driving me crazy.”
“Do it right,” Tristan said, turning around and bracing himself on the sink. “I want to feel you. Inside me.”
“I’m not equipped.”
“But I am. Back pocket.”
Leaf stripped down Tristan’s pants and crouched, his hands kneading Tristan’s buttocks as he kissed his way to the entrance.
When he teased with his tongue, Tristan arched and moaned, his breath hitching with each touch.
Leaf continued, savoring the act of teasing him.
He slicked his finger with lube and gently prepared Tristan.
“Oh fuck…” Tristan moaned, pushing back against him, whimpering. “Don’t make me wait any longer.”
Leaf slid on the condom and coated himself with lube.
Positioning himself at Tristan’s entrance, he slowly pushed, going deeper until he was fully inside, then took a deep breath.
Tristan also paused to catch his breath.
When he lifted his head and saw Leaf in the mirror, their eyes met, igniting Leaf’s desire.
Unable to restrain himself any longer, Leaf moved carefully, thrusting in and out while running a hand over Tristan’s back.
He thrust faster and faster, his gaze fixed unwaveringly on Tristan. Tristan arched his neck, prompting Leaf to gently place a hand on his throat, guiding him closer.
“Harder,” Tristan moaned, squirming in his hold. He leaned back against Leaf’s shoulder, seeking his lips.
Their tongues entwined in a wild dance, their breaths mingling. Leaf wrapped his hand around Tristan’s cock, stroking him while he thrust deeper, drawing sweet sounds from him.
Tristan braced himself against the sink again. When their eyes met in the mirror and Leaf saw his lust, it lit a fuse inside him. Driven by a single thought, he picked up the pace.
“Yes,” Tristan panted, planting one hand on the wall beside the mirror. “Faster. Fuck me hard.”
Leaf gripped Tristan’s hips with both hands and did as he was told. Deep, hard, and faster, he drove them both to the edge. He felt Tristan writhe beneath him, his muscles tensing, and then Tristan came loudly into the sink.
“Oh fuck,” he gasped. “Don’t stop. Keep going.”
And Leaf did, until he too was swept away by the hot wave.
He moaned, spurting into Tristan, and leaned his head back.
When the wave subsided, he wrapped his arms around his lover, rested his forehead on his shoulder, and savored the feeling of their bodies breathing in sync and coming down together.
“I love you,” Leaf murmured breathlessly against his shoulder.
“I love you too,” Tristan replied, straightening up and turning to face him. He gently caressed Leaf’s cheek and kissed him, searching for his gaze. “What do you think about the suggestion?”
“Yes.”
“Yes? Just like that? Do you understand what it means?”
Leaf averted his gaze. “I understand it very well. I want you, Tris. And the music. I don’t want to go through the tour half-dead, searching for drugs in every country, and end up having to send Iggy on stage because I can’t get it together.”
Tristan’s expression softened at his words. “Leaf…”
But he wasn’t done and shook his head. “It scares me. What happened yesterday—that can’t happen again.
Fuck, I’m even afraid of the next hit because I know where it leads, and I’m scared it could be the last one—yet I can’t stop thinking about it.
I still have a choice, but it’s only a matter of days before I’m hooked again. ”
For a moment, he faltered, his expression contorting.
He didn’t know why tears filled his eyes.
Maybe because every word he said was the truth?
It wasn’t a junkie’s truth, but a real, honest one.
“The only way out of this mess for me is therapy. I know that. As shitty as it will be. But there’s no other way.
I was going to ask you for help today anyway. I’m doing this for you.”
“I don’t want you to do it for me.”
Leaf managed a smile. “I’d do anything for you.
You know that. And I’m also doing it for me.
I want to be the man you deserve. I want to be there for you.
I can’t do that like this. I want to lose control with you, not with the drugs.
I want to do the right thing.” With these words, his smile faded as his gaze shifted away from Tristan.
If only he had done the right thing and refused to help Milo from the start.
Tristan knew him too well and noticed where his thoughts were drifting. “Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t control.”
“If you really think that, then… I’m sorry. I…”
“It’s not your fault,” Tristan said, stroking his cheek and neck. “Understood?”
“I should have…”
“No. You wanted to help Milo. He asked for your help, and you gave it to him. Because that’s who you are. Because you’d do anything for us. It’s not your fault.”
“I’m so sorry.” Leaf felt his eyes well up again. “I miss him. And then you were gone too and… I just couldn’t handle it. And now…”
“Me neither,” Tristan whispered and embraced him. “But we’ll get through this.”
Leaf admired Tristan and wished for some of his strength. Maybe the therapy would work wonders, because right now, he needed all his strength just to live this broken life. As long as Tristan was by his side, he would make it. “When do I check in?”
“Wednesday.”
“Please, don’t let me out of your sight until then.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
Leaf hugged Tristan even tighter and breathed in his wonderful, spicy scent. Staying like this for a while, gathering strength—that was all he wanted.