19. Hailey
CHAPTER 19
HAILEY
I followed Jackson through to the kitchen, not wanting to be alone with my thoughts. Today had been good, with the endless distractions, something to focus on besides what came next. Record my next album or take some time off? Tell Mom and Dad they would soon have a grandchild? How to tell Jackson? All that could wait. Today felt detached from the rest of my life, an island of peace on the rough sea. Real life couldn’t find me here, at least not yet. I had space to breathe, and it felt good.
Jackson went in the breadbox and pulled out some sourdough, then got two blocks of cheese from the fridge. He buttered the bread and laid it on the sandwich grill, then shaved cheddar and mozzarella into two piles.
“White or orange?” he said.
I couldn’t choose. “Both.”
“Cayenne or Worcester sauce?”
I picked both again. I was hungry for the first time in what felt like years.
“It’s amazing,” I said, half to myself.
Jackson paused. “What is?”
“That you happened to get all the stuff for grilled cheese. There’s not much in that fridge besides cheese and yogurt, and that jug of pink lemonade tucked at the back.”
“You mentioned grilled cheese one night on the road. How you first had it when you were at band camp. And you always get lemonade from vending machines.”
I knew it was Jackson’s job to be observant, but I still welled up. Hormones, maybe. Or maybe it was that he could’ve just observed, but he’d gone out and found me my top comfort foods. I had no doubt Jackson could be a great dad. But, would he want to? Would he, with me?
I pushed the thought away. Jackson served me my sandwich, along with a tall glass of pink lemonade.
“If you ever have kids…” I bit my tongue hard.
Jackson raised a brow. “If I had kids, what?”
“You wouldn’t take them to see some sketchy sasquatch?”
He burst out laughing. “Are you kidding? Hell, no. I don’t think my dad would, if there’d been Yelp back then.”
“But would you take them on trips? To see the world?”
Jackson chewed his own sandwich. Took a swallow of lemonade. “I would, but I’d want it to be the whole family. You’ve got to do things together or you end up apart.”
I let myself picture it just for a second, me and Jackson, our family, on a road trip. We had two kids in my vision, a boy and a girl, both leaning past me to take in the sights. Jackson was up front playing DJ, spinning the kids’ songs on an endless loop. We were both sick of “Baby Shark,” but we didn’t care, because our kids were laughing and singing along, excited for Mexico. Canada. The Grand Canyon.
“Guess that’s a ways off, though,” Jackson said. This was my moment, my chance to come clean. I opened my mouth, but the words wouldn’t come, and then Jackson smiled at me. “Your parents will call.”
I checked my phone on instinct, but they hadn’t. Not yet. Maybe they hadn’t heard I was in hiding? But Jackson’s guys must’ve told them when they went by their house. My eyes went misty again and I felt cold. Suddenly all I wanted was to be held. I stood up abruptly, and Jackson did too.
“Hailey? You all right?”
I bit my lip. “Come upstairs.”
He glanced down the hall, at his men at the door. They didn’t look back at him. He shook his head.
“Just for a minute?” I stretched out my hand. Jackson didn’t take it, but he headed upstairs. I followed and herded him into my room, and pressed my back to the door to block his escape. He turned and stood watching me, brows raised in question. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. I stepped into his arms and pressed my face to his chest. At first, he just stood there, then his arms came up. He held me loosely, then tightly, rubbing my back. And I might’ve been satisfied with only that — that moment of comfort, and nothing else — but I looked up and our eyes met, and sparks chased down my spine.
“Hailey…”
I loved the way he said my name, all low and rough with a hard edge of want.
“Jackson.”
He swooped in and kissed me long, deep, and hard. I drank in every moment, every sigh, every touch. Jackson’s hand tangled itself in my hair. I slid mine up his shirt. Tugged it out of his pants. When he tried to pull back I caught hold of his tie, jerked him down for another kiss. He didn’t resist.
“The walls here are thin.” His breath grazed my ear.
“So we’ll be quiet.”
He started to say something else, but I shut him up with a kiss. He pushed my shirt up and unhooked my bra. I was flying, ablaze, a leaf in a wildfire. I couldn’t have stopped myself if I’d tried. Jackson moaned and I bit him hard on his lip. He slapped my ass and I stifled a squeal. Next thing I knew, I was stretched on the bed, clawing Jackson’s belt open as he unzipped my pants. He was breathing hard, panting, his eyes dark with lust.
“Lift your hips up.”
I did, and he tugged my pants down. I pulled off his tie and tore at his shirt, too impatient for buttons. Too hot to think. He pushed his shirt off and I bit his nipple, and he made a sound between a hiss and a shout. Could they hear us downstairs? I didn’t care. I didn’t care if they heard us all the way in Hoboken. All I cared for was him and the heat off his body, the taste of his skin all salty with sweat. His chest hitched and jerked with irregular breaths. His cock twitched against me and I rubbed up on his bulge.
“Hurry up.”
He laughed. “You need it that bad?”
“Keep teasing, I’ll strangle you, I swear to God!”
Jackson tossed his tie away. Pinned my wrists with one hand. With the other, he pulled out a single condom. I could’ve told him then he didn’t need it, but he tore it open. Spat the wrapper aside. I felt him roll the condom on and then he was in me, and I held my breath so I wouldn’t scream. Jackson was pounding me into the bed, slamming me so hard I swear I saw fireworks, and felt them as well from my head to my toes.
“Fuck, fuck, shut up.” He froze mid-thrust. I growled, frustrated, and bucked up my hips.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“No, it’s the bed.” He rolled his hips to demonstrate and the bed knocked the wall, but all I cared about was the fire in my belly.
“They’ve heard us already. Just fuck me. Just?—”
He lifted me bodily into his lap, and turned us crossways so the bed wouldn’t move. I rode him hard, up and down, my hair in his face. He pushed it back to kiss me, my lips, my neck. His breath in my ear as he whispered my name. I wished he would shout it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to let go and let it all out, my fear, my frustration, my mounting lust. All that I felt or ever could feel, trapped in a primal shriek behind my teeth.
“Don’t,” Jackson said. He covered my mouth with one hand. I moaned into his palm from deep in my chest. It was torture staying quiet, holding it all inside. I couldn’t come like this. I grabbed for a pillow.
“What are you doing?”
I screamed into the pillow as loud as I could. Jackson snatched it away from me.
“That doesn’t work!”
I didn’t care. I toppled off Jackson’s lap. I fell flat on my back and pulled him down with me, my head hanging off the side of the bed. The rush of blood to my brain made me hot and dizzy, but in a good way. I locked my legs round his waist.
“Fuck me,” I moaned.
Jackson obeyed. He fucked me like he meant it, and I matched his pace. I arched up against him, chest slick with sweat. He slid his hand up to cup my throat, not choking me, but the threat made me shiver. He leaned down instead and smothered me with a kiss. Pleasure rose up and crested, then crested again, and I saw stars and rainbows and still wanted more.
“Yes… yes! ” I grabbed him by the back of his neck. He went stiff as his climax hit, and I crested again. I could feel his cock pulse and his whole body shudder, a head-to-toe ripple as his muscles went loose.
“Hailey…”
I lay there, my vision gone white. Breathed through the aftershocks, helpless with pleasure. Jackson’s pants were still half-on, and so was my shirt, my unhooked bra digging into my ribs. I couldn’t move to dislodge it. Couldn’t open my eyes. Jackson rolled off me and nuzzled into my neck.
“Again,” I croaked.
He chuckled into my hair. “That was my last condom.”
“You’ve got fingers. A tongue.”
That made him laugh again, and I laughed with him. I groped for his hand and twined my fingers with his. If we could just stay here, like this, in this moment… If time could just pause a while, and life could be easy…
I couldn’t finish that thought. If time could pause, what? Two days ago, this would’ve been… not enough. Not all I wanted, but enough to get by. But now I needed more than the comfort of touch. I needed answers, what my future would be. What our future would look like, mine and my baby’s.
“Jackson…”