13. Maddie
CHAPTER 13
MADDIE
“ I haven’t seen you in forever ,” Tess complained as she set the lunch tray down on the table between the two of them. “That’s how it feels, at least. I miss you!”
“I know,” Maddie said sympathetically. She reached out to take her soup and sandwich from the tray and arranged them in front of her, consciously aware of the fact that she hadn’t said she had missed Tess too.
The truth was that she hadn’t, exactly. Not that it wasn’t good to see her friend, of course. They were at their favorite cafe today, a few blocks from the beach where Maddie had once worked, and thus, by definition, close to the neighborhood where Eli and Charlie lived. She’d never realized how close this cafe was to those ritzy, upscale houses. Certainly there was nothing blue-blooded about this place, which served sandwiches to order, soup of the day, and soda that you dispensed yourself into a paper cup. Maddie and Tess loved it because the soups were so well made, but not because there was anything fancy about it.
She was glad to be here, but in all actuality, she couldn’t say that she had missed these outings with Tess, even though it had been a long time since one had taken place. She had been too distracted with everything that was going on in her own life to feel much longing for this.
She felt guilty about that — but at the same time, surely Tess must understand. She was preoccupied herself, living with her boyfriend for the first time.
“How have things been with Damian?” she asked.
Tess rolled her eyes. “Don’t ask.”
“Uh-oh. Not good?”
“No, it’s fine. I mean, I’m glad he moved in,” Tess said. “It’s just an adjustment. You and I lived together for such a long time that there were never any surprises, but with Damian it’s like something new every day.”
“Good surprises, I hope?”
“Well, some of them are. He makes me omelets in the morning, and brigs me coffee in bed on the weekends. You never did that.” Tess grinned. “I mean, it would’ve been a little strange if you had, of course, but it does make for a nice change. So that part is good.”
“I’m glad,” Maddie said. “But you sound like maybe not all of it is good.”
“It just takes some getting used to,” Tess said. “He doesn’t sort his laundry.”
“Is that a big deal?”
“It doesn’t need to be, necessarily,” Tess said. “But like, the other day, for instance, he threw a bunch of my stuff into the washer with his. He said he was trying to help me out, and I’m sure that’s the truth, but it meant all my delicates went through in the same load as his blue jeans.”
“Are they all right?”
“I mean, probably. I might be imagining it, but my bras don’t feel as soft anymore. And you know how expensive they are to replace.”
“I do know.”
“It’s probably not such a big deal for you, living in that big fancy house now.”
Maddie laughed. “Just because I live in Eli’s house doesn’t mean he buys my undergarments,” she said. “I still get paid for the job of being a nanny, and that’s not exactly a six-figure income.”
“More than you were getting lifeguarding, though?”
“More than that, yes.”
“Well, that’s good, at any rate,” Tess said. “The man should pay you well. You know he’s one of the wealthiest tech tycoons in America, right?”
“Don’t call him a tycoon. He isn’t like that.”
“I’m serious, though. Have you looked him up online at all?”
“No.”
“He’s on all kinds of lists.”
“What do you mean? What kinds of lists?”
“Lists of the most successful businessmen in America. I can’t believe you haven’t looked him up, Maddie. Don’t you want to know everything you can about the person you’re working for? I sure would if it was me.”
“I guess I’m learning about him the old-fashioned way,” Maddie said.
“Well, you can’t be learning much. All the articles I’ve read on the subject seem to say the same thing — he’s a total workaholic. They say he’s constantly in his office. They make it sound like a good thing, that he’s so devoted to his job, but all I could think when I read it was, of course this man needs to have a nanny. He must have no time at all to spend with his son if he spends that much of his time at work.”
“He’s not that bad,” Maddie protested. “And actually, he’s been a lot better lately.”
“What do you mean, he’s been better?”
“He was worse when I first moved in. Staying at the office until all hours. Hardly seeing his son at all. Now, though, he usually makes it home for dinner. It’s a big improvement.”
Tess frowned. “He’s changed his work habits to come home and have dinner with you?”
“Not with me , with Charlie. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Why on earth would it? He wants to see his son. He doesn’t care about spending time with me.”
“Okay, why do you say that as if it disappoints you, though?”
“What? You’re reading into things,” Maddie said. “Or you’re imagining something in my tone that isn’t there. I don’t have any reason to be disappointed that Eli isn’t interested in spending spare time with me.”
“You call him Eli?”
“It’s the twenty-first century. Who doesn’t call their boss by their first name?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s standard for household staff,” Tess admitted. “I guess I thought there would be more…”
“More what?”
“Distance. He comes home to dinner with his son, but you said we . You eat with them?”
“I have to eat somewhere.”
“I mean, do his other employees also eat with you?”
“Well, no.” Now that she thought about it, it would have been odd for the cook or the groundskeeper to join them at the dinner table. And yet, it had become such a habit, such a common thing, for the three of them to dine together. Maddie couldn’t even imagine going back and telling Eli that she would take her meals up to her suite from now on. He would assume that it meant something was wrong. To be honest, he wouldn’t even be wrong to think so. It was nothing she would every choose on her own, unprompted by anyone else, and of course Eli would realize that. He would think he’d done something to make her want to pull away.
Worse yet, Charlie might think he had done something to make her pull away.
Thinking about it in those terms made Maddie fully realize the seriousness of what she might have done. Of course it would have been a mistake to get too close to Eli — if she had. But the bigger mistake would be crossing professional lines and allowing it to affect Charlie. He had started to trust her and to rely on her presence in his life. Maddie couldn’t let anything get in the way of that.
“What are you thinking?” Tess asked.
“I was just thinking about… about dinner tonight.” It was close enough to the truth.
Tess stared. “You’re not eating dinner with them tonight, surely?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Maddie, today is your day off, I thought. What are you doing? You’re going to go back to work?”
“It’s not really work . It’s only dinner.”
“And you’re telling me that’s what you choose to do with your downtime? You get one day off a week and you’re going to have dinner with your boss and his kid?”
“It’s not like that.”
“No, I’m getting that,” Tess said slowly. “I warned you when you took this job that you needed to be careful. I warned you not to get yourself in too deep with this guy.”
“And I told you that you didn’t have anything to worry about,” Maddie protested.
“But you’re wrong. You’re either lying to me or you’re lying to yourself. Anybody can see that you’re into him, Maddie. Having dinner with him every night — even on your night off? Why else would you do something like that? You have feelings for him.”
“Even if I do?—”
“I knew it!”
“I said if , Tess. And what you didn’t let me say was that even if you’re right, it doesn’t matter. It’s not as if he has feelings for me, so what harm could a little crush really do?”
Maddie felt better as soon as she had said the words — but she also felt worse. Better because it meant there was a limit to the damage she could have done with her errant feelings, but worse because it hurt to acknowledge out loud that — whatever it was she was feeling — Eli would never feel it in return. He couldn’t.
She took a deep breath and re-centered herself. “Look, I appreciate you checking in about this, but it’s not something either one of us needs to worry about.”
“I don’t think you should go back and eat dinner with him tonight.”
“Yeah, well, I kind of have to. I promised Charlie,” Maddie said. “You wouldn’t seriously expect me to let down a little kid.”
“Well, no, of course I wouldn’t. I just don’t think you’re being mindful about where all this is heading.”
“I told you — nowhere. Eli has no interest in me like that.”
“Maybe he doesn’t. You would know better than I would about that,” Tess conceded. “But what I do know is that this is heading somewhere . You’re in your feelings about this guy, Maddie. I’ve seen you get this way about enough men that I recognize the signs. And you can’t let it happen. This one is your boss.”
Maddie sighed, abandoning the pretense. “He’s so attractive.”
“I know. I’ve seen the pictures.”
Maddie had forgotten that Tess had been running internet searches. She vowed later to do some searches of her own and find out what her friend might have seen. But for now, it didn’t much matter. “No picture could do him justice,” she told Tess, thinking of the softness in Eli’s eyes when he spoke about Charlie and the way his whole face seemed to light up in those unguarded moments when they made him laugh. He was attractive when he was serious, but when the facade cracked there was simply nobody like him in the world.
“You should let me meet him,” Tess suggested.
Maddie couldn’t help laughing at that. “You want me to keep my distance from him and also bring my best friend home to meet him?”
“I guess you’re right… that would be difficult to pull off.”
“Try impossible .” But even as she said it, Maddie found herself wishing that it wasn’t impossible. It would be wonderful if she was able to combine these two parts of her life somehow — introduce her best friend to the man who had captured so much of her attention and interest. She and Tess had always talked about their romantic prospects, and it felt odd to have feelings for a man she couldn’t introduce to her friend.
But that’s for the best. Because nothing is going to come of these feelings. There isn’t any reason for him to get to know Tess. She’ll never be a part of his life. And as soon as he stops needing a nanny, so will I.
Not for the first time, she found herself wondering when that would be.
She had never intended to nanny for Eli forever. Moving on had always been the plan. But more and more lately, she found herself dreading the day she would have to actually bite the bullet and do it.
She was beginning to fear that it would just be too hard to say goodbye.