21. Maddie
CHAPTER 21
MADDIE
M addie’s heart raced as the ride share pulled up in front of the address Eli had given her.
She had never noticed this cafe before, oddly enough. She had certainly been in this part of town plenty of times. In fact, she noticed, the property she had always had her eye on for a dance studio was just across the street. She wondered whether Eli had considered that when he had chosen this place for their meeting — whether it had occurred to him to think about the significance it had to her.
It probably hadn’t, she decided. He had proven so many times that he simply wasn’t thinking about things like that. He didn’t consider other people’s feelings. He would have chosen this location for some practical reason. It was probably the most convenient to him, nothing more.
Still, she couldn’t get the idea out of her head — the thought of him standing on the street and looking at the empty space she dreamed of owning. If he had done that, it would mean that he had — in some sense — envisioned her future. And there was no way for him to do that without thinking about their child.
She wanted him to think about the baby, she realized. What Tess had said was right. Eli would probably always have to think about the fact that he had another child out there somewhere, a child he would never even know. That thought would be nothing but a source of unending questions for him.
Maddie wanted him to live with those questions. He shouldn’t be able to simply shake this off as if nothing had happened. He should have to feel something about it for the rest of his life.
She went into the cafe and took a seat by a window, not bothering to glance around to see whether he was already here. She was determined not to search for him. Let him come and find her.
And a moment later, he did exactly that. She saw the shadow he cast over her table and knew that it was him, and she had to restrain herself from looking up at once.
“Maddie,” he said quietly.
Now she did look up, slowly, careful to compose her face and not betray all the things she was feeling. The anxiety at facing him again, the grief at knowing that it would be the last time, the anger at the fact that he had somehow made her feel all these things in the first place. She couldn’t let him see any of that.
Still, when her eyes met his, it was like a punch in the stomach. All she could think about, all of a sudden, was the way it had felt to lie in his arms and have his hands moving all over her.
She couldn’t wish away that moment. She couldn’t wish away her baby. No matter how much it all plagued her now, she was still glad it had happened, and she held onto that fact. She would always be glad it had happened, even if it hurt.
“Can I sit down?” Eli asked.
She gestured to the chair, indicating that he might as well.
He sank into it and glanced out the window. Maddie knew he was looking out and seeing the space she had longed to make her dance studio, though whether he was registering it as such was a different question.
“I’m guessing you have something for me to sign?” she said. It wasn’t that she was in a hurry for this meeting to come to an end, exactly, but she did want to feel as if she was in control of it, and sitting here waiting for him to speak first would have put the power in his hands.
He looked back at her, confusion etched on his face. “Something to sign?”
“Some sort of paperwork, I’d thought,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“This is about the bank account you set up for me, isn’t it?” She felt a sudden spark of embarrassment. Maybe it wasn’t about that. Maybe she was coming across as rude or entitled for asking about that.
But shouldn’t she ask about it? It was no more than what he had offered her in the first place, after all, and besides, he should take care of his child. That wasn’t asking some unreasonable amount. No, this was just an awkward conversation, that was all. It made sense for her to feel awkward about it, but she couldn’t let that awkwardness keep her from doing what had to be done.
Eli shook his head. “I didn’t come to talk about money,” he said.
“Well, I think we should talk about it,” Maddie said determinedly. “If the arrangements haven’t been made yet, I suppose that’s all right, but I’m going to have doctor appointments soon, so this isn’t something that can wait forever.”
“I’m sorry,” Eli said. “It’s not my intention to make you wait. It’s just that there’s something else you and I need to talk about.”
Maddie frowned. “What else could we have to talk about? We don’t have anything else between us. Not anymore.”
He ran a hand through his hair. Maddie’s heart ached, remembering what it felt like to run her own hands through his hair. She steeled herself. This would be over soon enough, and she would be able to give in to all the feelings she was experiencing about it, but she wouldn’t let herself break down in front of him.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about,” he said. “The way things ended between us. I don’t like it.”
“What were you hoping for?”
He hesitated. “Charlie really misses you.”
It was the one thing he could have said to make her doubt herself. “I miss him too,” she admitted. “But it’s for the best that we ended things when we did. I couldn’t exactly stay in your house. I’m having this baby, Eli. Charlie’s a smart kid. He would start to ask questions, and what on earth would we tell him? I don’t know if he even knows where babies come from.”
“He does. He’s inquisitive. I had to tell him the truth about a year ago.”
“Okay, then he’d understand that a baby means a father,” Maddie said. “He’d want to know who. What could I tell him about that? The truth? A lie? There’s no good answer. You don’t want to be a part of this child’s life, and that means I can’t be a part of yours or Charlie’s.”
“This isn’t going at all the way I meant it to,” Eli murmured.
“If you don’t have the account ready, maybe it’s for the best if I just go,” Maddie said. It was unbearable, having to go through all of this for a second time. “You can get in touch with me when there’s something to talk about.”
“No, wait,” Eli insisted. “I do have something to talk about. It’s not just that I don’t like the way we left things. I don’t want us to leave things at all.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want you to come back.”
It was the very thing she had dreamed he would say, but she had never imagined he could actually mean it. She couldn’t believe it now. “Why would you want that?” she asked. “You don’t want this. The way you responded when I told you…”
“That was unforgivable. I should never have acted like that. You took me by surprise — of course you did — but the baby is mine.” He sighed. “All I could think about in that moment was making sure you were provided for, Maddie. All I could think about was the thing I’ve devoted my life to — working hard to make sure that no child of mine ever suffers the way I did. I wanted you to know that there would be money for your baby.”
“I wasn’t asking you for money.”
“No. I know you weren’t. But in that moment, it felt like the most important thing I could do. You know I’ve been struggling at work,” he said. “You know I lost a client.”
“I know that.”
“But what you said to me has been ringing in my ears since the last time we talked, Maddie. You told me that I had things backward, that I was putting work ahead of family. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t let myself believe it. And then you walked out of my life and I realized that my dedication to my work had pushed half of my family away from me.”
Had he called her family? Maddie trembled. Could he possibly mean all this? And if he did, could she accept it?
“Charlie begged me to bring you back.”
“I can’t come back just for Charlie.”
“He’s the one who made me realize I needed you to come back,” Eli said. He reached across the table and took Maddie’s hand.
Maddie didn’t pull away. She couldn’t. She met his eyes instead, feeling breathless.
“I’m going to scale back my time at work,” Eli said. “I mean it this time. I know you want your child to have a father who’s actually involved. I want that for Charlie, too. And for us — for you, Maddie — I want us to see each other. To have time for each other. I want us to have… a real relationship.”
“You want us to have a relationship?” Even in her daydreams, the fantasies she’d tried to suppress, this was so far beyond anything she had imagined that she could hardly believe she was hearing it.
“I love you,” he said quietly. “I’m a better man because I know you, Maddie. I’m so sorry it took all this for me to realize that. But I would be a fool to let you go. I know I treated you badly, but if there’s even a chance you’d consider coming back to me, I have to beg for your forgiveness and hope you’ll be willing to consider it.”
“Are you really going to have time to step back from work?” Maddie asked him. “I do want this, Eli. What you’re saying — it’s exactly what I want. But I don’t know if I can let myself hope for it again. I believed in you, you know. I believed that things were going to be different when you said they were. That you were going to make a real change and start coming home more often. And you did — for a while.”
“I know. I don’t want you to think you had anything to do with my failure to see it through,” Eli said. “It wasn’t because of the time you and I spent together. It wasn’t because we slept together that night. I have no regrets about that.”
“Not even now?”
“Especially not now. This has shown me what kind of life I want to have moving forward. I’m grateful for this,” he said. “I’m grateful for this child, and for you, and if I’ve lost you through my own carelessness, I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself.”
Maddie shook her head. “You haven’t,” she whispered. “You haven’t lost me. If you mean what you’re saying now…”
“I do. Truly.”
“Then of course I want to give this another try,” she said.
She was trembling all over, terrified of her own words, afraid that she would live to regret this moment. And yet, if she didn’t accept what he was saying, she knew for certain that she would regret it. There would never be another chance like the one she was being given right now — a chance to make things right with the father of her child and the man she knew she loved.
He got to his feet. “Come with me.”
“What? Where are we going?”
“I need you to see something,” he said. “Something that I think will make clear to you how serious I am about all this.”
“You don’t have to prove yourself to me.”
“Yes, I do. I know how much my actions have hurt you, Maddie. I do need to show you that I’m going to be a better man now. Come with me.”
She got to her feet and followed him out of the cafe, perplexed. They crossed the road, and even then, Maddie didn’t realize where they were going. It wasn’t until they stopped in front of the empty storefront that she understood.
“I made you a ballet studio once,” he said. “Would you allow me to do it again?”
“You mean… but I can’t afford the rent on a place like this,” she said.
“If I’m going to be stepping back from my company, it might help us to have a second income.”
He didn’t need a second income. She had lived in his house — she had worked for him. That wasn’t what this was about. “What are you saying?”
“I bought this property, Maddie. I own it.” He produced a small silver key. “I’d like us to turn it into your dance studio.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“If that would make you happy.”
“Eli… my God, what if I had said no to all this? You’d have been stuck with this property and nothing to do with it.”
“But you’re not saying no.” He reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder, sending butterflies through her. “I took a chance, Maddie. I owed you that much. Will you take the studio? You can become a dance instructor, just like you wanted, and we can spend our lives together.”
It was too much. It was everything she had dreamed of, and it was all being handed to her. Maddie felt tears beginning to well up in her eyes.
“Is something wrong?” Eli asked, concerned.
She shook her head and wiped the tears away. “You didn’t have to do this. It’s perfect. But it’s too much.”
“It isn’t,” he told her. “I want this for you. I want this for us. And if it makes you happy…”
“It does.”
“Anything that makes you happy could never be too much, Maddie. I’ve taken too long to realize how lucky I am to have you in my life, but if you can give me this second chance, I promise you that I’ll never let myself forget it again.”
He held out his arms, and Maddie’s resistance crumbled.
She stepped into his embrace, and as he kissed her, she marveled at the fact that dreams truly could come true.