27. Love is the Drug
CHAPTER 27
Love is the Drug
DUSTY
I watch the sun rise over the San Francisco hills, relaxing into the plush seat and feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks. Months? Joel must have given the cab driver his address, because without me having to utter a word, we sped off toward one of the nicer areas of town. Seeing the houses over here, with their pristine lawns and fancy cars, uncertainty encroaches on my sense of peace.
Maybe I never really thought about it before, but . . . Joel must have money. I mean, obviously, he has money. He’s a rockstar whose songs are on the radio, and that hardly pays pennies, but as I gaze out the window, I start to think that maybe I underestimated just how many more pennies he makes than me.
Me. With my studio apartment over a laundromat in one of the roughest areas of town, who talks dirty to men on the phone and gets paid by the minute. I sigh and let my head rest against the glass. For all of our class differences though, Joel has never made me feel lower than him. It’s rare for a man who finally makes his fortune to not treat people like dirt. Especially women. But Joel is just sweet.
I wonder what his bandmates are like. Do they have girlfriends too? Girlfriend . It’s such a foreign word, it feels surreal saying it in my head. And what about his best friend? The one with the song problem? The one who’s missing. The one who is so important to Joel that it seems like his whole world revolves around him. And with him missing, that world is falling apart.
Does he know about me? If he does, then does he know the truth about what I do? Did? And if he doesn’t . . . why not?
The cab driver turns down a sunlit street. The houses are low and long out here. Bungalows with garages and wide lots. It’s so strange to think that a rockstar lives here, but what did I think? That he was living in a gilded mansion with a giant wrought iron fence? We pull into a driveway, and a grin tugs at my lips at the sight of Joel sitting on a chair beside the front door. He grins at me and jogs over to open my door.
“Hey, gorgeous,” he says, and without missing a beat, kisses me full on the lips. When he pulls away I nearly whine at the loss. It wasn’t enough. I need more.
He closes the door behind me and turns to the driver. “Thanks, man,” he says, palming him a few bills. “Have a good one.”
The cab backs out and drives off down the street and I turn toward Joel, but a moment later I’m scooped up, a face buried in my chest. Even though I’m tired, I’m energized by his touch. And he needs me. He’s going through a hard time, and I meant what I said. His hardships are mine too.
When he sets me down in the entryway and shuts the door behind us, I crane my neck to get a better look at his place. “This is your house?”
He shrugs. “It’s a rental. Got a few more months on the lease, then we’ll have to find something else.”
“Oh.”
“I’ll be sad to go, though,” he admits, wrapping his arms around me and drawing his nose along my cheek. “This was the first house we all rented together when we came out west.”
I perk up at this. “You all lived together? That’s adorable.”
He rests his chin on my shoulder. “Not much that’s adorable about four guys and one girl living together.”
“One girl?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, Becks. James’s wife.”
My eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. “One of your bandmates is married? How old is he?”
His face scrunches as he thinks. “Almost twenty-one. She’s twenty.”
“Twenty-one . . . That’s so young!”
He laughs. “Not for them. I guess when you know, you know, right?”
I nod, and my stomach twists unpleasantly. Wasn’t I younger than that when I got engaged? Didn’t I think I’d be married and starting a family at eighteen? But now that I’m twenty-five . . . it seems so impulsively stupid . What had I been thinking? What had he been thinking? Maybe it was better it didn’t work out, or we’d hate each other now. A phantom pain hits me, and I rub at the skin on my ring finger.
“You okay?” Joel asks.
I nod. “Yes, sorry.”
“Anyway, Becks, she took good care of us. Still does. You know, you and I actually met on their wedding night.”
This does shock me. “That’s whose wedding you were in Vegas for?”
He grins and nods.
“Wow. Well, I hope to meet them someday.”
He pulls me closer and presses a firm palm into my backside. “You will. Soon. I already told them about you.”
“You did?”
“Mhm.”
“So, this—us, I mean. You’re serious.”
He frowns. “Did you think I wasn’t?”
I gnaw at my bottom lip. “Yes, but I—sorry, I just have a hard time trusting people, that’s all. But you keep surprising me, Joel Thanger.”
“It bodes well for me that you like surprises.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his jaw. “You’ve been my favorite surprise.”
His hands slowly wind up my waist, over the curve of my hips, up and over my shoulder blades to grasp my face. Eyes locking on mine he leans forward and kisses me. Deep and slow and passionate, my knees already buckling beneath me at their intensity. My body is pliant, ready to give him whatever he wants. He pulls me this way, pushes me that way, angles my head or tugs it back to expose my throat. I allow my brain to turn off and simply be for him.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you,” he whispers breathlessly. “It’s like I’m addicted to you.”
“You make me feel,” I say, my body growing hot as I try to find his eyes again and when I do, I say it again. “You make me feel .”
His smile is soft this time. “Do you want a tour of the rest of the house?”
Slowly, I shake my head, then grab the neck of his shirt. “Only if you show me your bedroom first.”
His lips tease mine again as he picks me up and carries me down one hallway. The door opens, and I break away to take in my surroundings. His room is dark but cozy. Thick, lush curtains keep out most of the early morning daylight. A large bed with black sheets and walls covered in music posters. There are a few bass guitars on stands in one corner, as well as an amp and pair of headphones.
“Will you play me some of your music?” I ask as he sets me back down on my feet and kisses my neck.
He blinks. “Right now?”
I smirk. I can’t wait either. “Later.”
He nods. “Later. Definitely. But right now, I need you naked.”
“That can be arranged,” I tease, swaying my hips toward his bed. Keeping my back to him, I pull off my shirt, the fabric inching up my stomach until it slides over my arms and head. My hair cascades down, tickling my back, and goose bumps prickle up my spine.
A glance over my shoulder exposes his hungry stare. My pulse throbs between my legs at that look. It’s like he wants to devour me and I’m getting his meal ready. I reach behind and unclasp my bra, letting it spring apart, then in a way I learned at the strip club all those years ago, make a show of sliding the straps down both arms before holding the garment out to the side and allowing it to fall.
I can practically hear him swallow as he takes a few steps toward me, brushing aside my hair before trailing his fingers down my spine. His lips press gently to my shoulder blade, and I close my eyes against the cacophony of sensations shooting through me.
“I could kiss every freckle on your skin,” he whispers, winding his hands around to splay across my stomach.
With a smile, I reach back and tangle my fingers in his silky hair. “That might take a long time.”
He nips the skin of my neck, the sting eliciting a small gasp from my throat before he licks gently over the same spot, and I think I might melt into a puddle on the shag carpet. “I’ve got nowhere else to be.”
I turn in his arms, my breasts brushing against his chest. “I thought about what you said. Last time, I mean,” I say, forcing my chin up and my shoulders back.
“You have?” he asks. “About?—”
I nod and swallow. “If it’s what you like, then I want to give it a shot.”
Eyes tracking mine, he holds my face. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I say. “You’ll make it feel good?”
“Oh, baby, I’ll make you feel so fucking good you won’t want anything else.”
I cock an eyebrow. “You’re mighty confident.”
He kisses me again. “I have a few tools up my sleeve.”
I’m not quite sure what he means by “tools,” but color me intrigued. “Okay then.” I drag my fingers against his abdomen, his muscles contracting as I pull his shirt up and over his head, and he takes my nipple in his mouth before it even has a chance to land on the carpet with a soft thump . I throw my head back as his tongue swirls and flicks, and I close my eyes as a groan escapes my mouth.
His lips worship my other nipple, and I start to sweat, the room becoming so warm so quickly that I feel like putty in his arms.
“Turn around for me,” he says.
I nod and do as I’m told, standing before the bed to face our reflection in the mirrored closet doors. I’ve always enjoyed looking at my body. I grew up knowing it was my best asset. Perhaps that’s why it never fazed me to let others look at it too. However, the sight that I behold of Joel kissing my spine as he bends to pull down my jeans will be something I remember forever.
His fingers nimbly undo the button and zipper as he kisses down the base of my spine, then over my hip, slowly pulling down my jeans and underwear before helping me free my legs.
“Bend over on the bed,” he rasps, and my stomach flips with both excitement and nerves.
I step forward until my knees sink into the mattress, and with everything completely bare, I bend forward, placing my hands on the sheets. My aching breasts hang heavily, and for a moment, I’m reminded of my phone call with Baby. How he told me to get on my knees and crawl. A knot forms in my stomach and I clamp my eyes closed, trying to block the thought.
Joel. Joel. You’re here with Joel. He’s here and he’s real. Stop thinking about what could have been.
Joel steps up behind me, his jean-clad hips hitting the backs of my thighs. My hands grasp behind me for any of him I can get. I need to focus. He’s crazy about me and I’ve fallen for him.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” he mutters, “you smell so good.”
I swallow hard, the knot tightening before I discreetly pinch my stomach to rid Baby from my mind. “Can I ask one favor?” I whisper.
He traces the shell of my ear with his lips and I shudder. “Anything.”
“Don’t call me sweetheart.”
Without any hesitation he kisses the spot where my earlobe meets my neck and my knees nearly buckle. “Princess it is.”
I let out a breath, the guilt that had built up so quickly dissipating as his fingers explore my body. He presses between my shoulder blades, pushing my chest down further, my ass up in the air in front of him. “Do you have any idea how goddamn gorgeous you are?”
My chest flutters, and he palms my ass tenderly. For a moment I think he might smack it—I want him to smack it—but I shudder hard when his tongue licks up my slit from my clit until it sinks into my pussy.
“Oh fuck,” I whine, my words muffled by the sheets. Then he’s feasting on me, licking and teasing and I grab on to anything I can, my fists grappling with the black sheets.
It feels so fucking good that I spread my legs wider for him, pushing my hips back for more. Fuck, his mouth is a masterpiece, and he endlessly works at my clit as my breathing grows ragged.
“Oh god, Joel,” I moan, my thighs beginning to shake as I careen toward an orgasm. The position he has me in, coupled with his miraculous mouth, has my belly poised to burst, toes scrunching. “Fuck, I’m going to come.”
His tongue is gone in an instant and my eyes fly open as the coil starts to decompress, my impending orgasm fading away little by little.
“Wait—” I say, pushing myself up off the bed. “What are you doing?”
Joel stands behind me, his face slick with my juices, smirking down at me. “Not yet, princess.”
I open my mouth but can’t seem to find the words. “But—but . . . I was so close.”
He walks around me to the other side of the bed, unbuckling his pants as he goes, and I realize what’s coming. I can’t fucking wait.
“You’ll be close a lot,” he says, dropping his pants and reaching forward to grab my neck so I have to crawl across the bed toward him. “You’ll be so desperate to come that you’ll do anything for it.”
His stiff cock springs forward, the tip glistening in the low light.
“And you’ll come, I promise you that,” he says, pulling my face up toward his. “But only while I’m fucking you in the ass.”
I can taste myself on his tongue when he kisses me next and it’s heady and hot. My pussy throbs, my swollen clit desperate for more of his touch. He pulls away though, releases his grasp on the back of my neck, and my body drops back down until his cock is inches from my face.
“Now,” he says in a tone I’ve never heard from him before. “Does this pretty mouth want to be filled with my cock?”
I stare up at him, mesmerized by his eyes. “Yes, please.”
He nods, and then his cock is pressing at my lips. “That’s my good girl.”