39. The Search Is Over
CHAPTER 39
The Search Is Over
DUSTY
“H ey there, gorgeous.”
I open my eyes and nearly squeak when they lock on Joel. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze. He grunts, and I scramble off him.
“Oh my god,” I say, checking him over. “I’m so sorry.”
But that smile . . . oh, that smile will be the death of me. “Don’t be. Best thing I’ve ever felt is that hug.”
I’m all aflutter. There’s so much I want to say, but before I can even begin, his finger touches my lips.
“It’s okay,” he says softly. “You don’t need to explain yourself.”
I shake my head. “No! No, I do. You have to let me tell you why?—”
“Key told me.”
My heart sinks. “He—what did he say?”
“That you love me.”
My eyes flutter closed. I don’t know why I thought Key would try to keep us apart. A part of me will always jump to the worst possible conclusion. But he loves his friend like a brother. He’d never hurt him. He’d never hurt me.
“And,” he continues, “that you’ve been here since the accident?—”
“I couldn’t leave?—”
“And you haven’t eaten anything for fear you’d miss my waking up.”
“It’s been a rough twenty-four hours.”
He chuckles, the dimples I love so much appearing in his cheeks. I reach forward and press my hand to his warm face.
“I thought I might never see you again,” I croak.
He turns his face to kiss my palm. “I’m okay now, but you also need to take care of yourself.”
“I love you.”
I prayed for the chance to tell him, and I’ll be damned if I don’t follow through now. I’ll tell him every minute of every day from here on out until life pulls us apart forever.
“I love you too,” he says back. His voice is clear, like there’s no chance of him changing his mind.
My muscles ache, but I let the smile split my face anyway, burying myself against him as he does his best to hold me. And for one spectacular moment, everything is perfect.
“Dusty?”
“Hmm?”
“I need to tell you something important, okay?”
My throat tightens. Oh god. All this time I’ve been worried about choosing between them. But what if they don’t choose me ?
He takes a shallow breath. “My whole life I’ve been waiting for you and I didn’t even know it. Key was waiting for you but didn’t want to admit it. The two of us, we love each other in a way that transcends friendship, in a soulmate kind of way. And you know what I realized? I don’t want you to choose. He doesn’t want you to, and I don’t think you do either. I think you want to be with both of us, and we want to be with you. We want to keep being soulmates, except you’re here now, and neither of us has to wait anymore.”
My heart might be exploding. I don’t even know if I can speak through the blubbering mess I’ve become.
“You know, we’ve done it before. I don’t think either of us has mentioned it, but in the past, we’ve been with the same woman at the same time. Nothing like this, of course. It was just a hookup preference we both enjoyed . . . Who knew we were just getting ready to welcome you into our lives?”
I blink. Then blink again. Maybe I was in the accident too, because what Joel is saying right now doesn’t make sense. “. . . at the same time?”
“Do you understand what I mean?”
“I—”
“It was just for sex, but for you it would be everything. I’m telling you this because you could live in a world where you don’t have to choose.” He takes a deep breath. “The three of us could be together,” he says. “If that’s something you want.”
“The three of us . . .”
“Together.”
What does he mean, the three of us? As in . . . be with both of them together? Us all living together in the one house? Where would we sleep? Would I have my own room? Would I sleep with Joel one night and Key the next? Odd versus even days? Or do they mean . . .
“So, Key and I would date, and you and I would date—but at the same time?”
He smiles gently. “Well, yeah?—”
“Would we keep a schedule?”
He chuckles. “I?—”
“Would we draw straws on whose turn it is to . . . oh god, how would sex work?”
He clears his throat. “It would be up to you. It could be you and Key or you and me or . . . all three of us at once.”
I think I’m starting to finally understand. “Oh.”
“I know it’s not natural for most people to think about?—”
“You wouldn’t be jealous of me sleeping with another man?”
He grins. “I thought we already established that I’m not the jealous type.”
“But me talking dirty on the phone is a bit different than sleeping with your best friend down the hall,” I argue, then remember the revelation of Baby. “Speaking of, I guess if we’re laying everything out on the table . . . Key is the reason I quit the fantasy phone job.”
He frowns. “What?”
“Turns out Key and my connection even transcends the phone lines,” I admit with a shake of my head. “I swear I didn’t realize it was him. He didn’t recognize me either. But there was something between us there too.”
He smiles and pushes back my hair. “That must have been hard. That you had to lose him all over again.”
Tears spring to my eyes, but I hold them back. “I was getting too deep with someone over the phone, but you . . . you were real. I had to leave that behind to give this a real chance. I wanted to give all of myself to you.”
Joel chuckles and shakes his head. “Just another reason why you should give this a chance. He is destined to be in your life. One way or another.”
I play with a loose thread on his pillow. “And if we—” Now it’s my turn to blush. “If we were all together?”
With a gentle touch of his hand, the heat from my face spreads to my chest then down to my belly. “If you were with Key and me, well, I’m already imagining you pinned between both of us.”
My pussy clenches hard at the visual.
“Dusty,” he whispers, gently pulling my attention back to him. “I want to have you in my life, and the thought of Key having you in his doesn’t make me jealous. It makes me ecstatic. He’s the best person I know, and he deserves to love and be loved by a woman like you. And I do too. And you deserve more love than you can handle, which we would both give you. You’re not mine and you’re not his. You’re ours.”
While the prospect of being the redheaded filling of this man-sandwich makes my insides squirm delectably, there’s something even more powerful going on in my chest.
“You know, that’s the one thing I wished for as a kid. Over and over again. To be loved,” I whisper. “And now that it’s here, I’m not sure how to accept it. It’s been this unattainable thing and now it’s in my hands like a gift. I love you both,” I admit. “So very, very much, and I desperately want to live in a world where all of us can be happy together.”
Joel nods with a small smile. “You don’t need to decide anything right now, take as much time as you need.”
I brush back the hair from his forehead. “Are you tired?”
“A bit.”
“You need to sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
“No, you should go home.”
“Don’t be stupid, I’ll?—”
“Dusty,” he says sternly. “You haven’t been home. You need to sleep and eat and shower and none of those things are fun to do at a hospital. Please.” He dips low to catch my eye. “I’ll be fine. It would make me feel better if you went home and made yourself feel better too.”
I want to argue, but it’s hard when he’s making sense.
“I suppose Stella must be wondering where the hell I am. She’ll probably claw my legs apart desperate for food when I get home.”
He smiles. “See? I’ve got to look out for my girl, Stella.”
I nod. “Okay, but I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
The corner of his mouth twitches.
“I love you,” I murmur.
He peeks through a squinting eyelid. “I love you too.”
I smile and push myself off the hospital bed.
“Do me a favor?” Joel adds.
“Anything.”
“Take Key with you.”
“Are you sure?”
He nods. “He’s been through a lot and—” He looks up at me through his eyelashes. “I know he’s beating himself up over everything. Besides, I think he needs to know for sure how you feel about him.”
Joel doesn’t say anything else. He closes his eyes and lays his head back against his pillow, and I stand lost in thought by his side until he drifts off.
For so many years I thought me leaving was what Key wanted—what he needed. But if what he said is true, then everything changes. How did my leaving affect him? I imagine that scared boy sitting with a single bag and his guitar at that empty bus station. The panic on his face growing more and more pronounced as he wondered why I wasn’t there. Why I didn’t I wait for him. How he must have thought his life was over.
I shuffle out into the hallway. I’m feeling better, but I’m also craving a shower and my own bed. Joel isn’t wrong; I need to go home.
“Dusty?”
Framed in the doorway is Key’s silhouette.
“Hey,” I reply, biting my cheek.
“Feeling better?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah, much. But, umm . . . I’m going to duck over to my place for a bit. Joel’s insisting.”
“Oh, right. Of course,” he mumbles.
“Only,” I start, peering up at him. “I don’t have a ride. Do you think?—?”
“Oh! Yep, right . . . umm, let me just check with Dave and I’ll be right back.”
In a moment of panic, I reach forward and grab his arm. “Wait, Dave?”
“Yeah, he has a car. I don’t think he’d mind driving you home.”
“Oh.”
“Is that okay?” he asks.
“Uh, yeah—yes. Only . . .”
Take Key with you.
“Only, I was wondering if you could drive me home.”
He tilts his head, angling his ear toward me like he didn’t catch what I said. “You want me to?”
I nod. “Do you think that would be okay?”
His mouth works for a few moments until finally, “I—yes. I mean, let me ask Dave if I can borrow the car. Just . . . hang on, okay?”
“Sure.” This feels so awkward but, I suppose it can’t be helped. How can we act like ourselves when there’s this huge decision weighing over both of us?
Before I know it, Key’s back, keys in hand.
“We’re good. James and Becks just got here so they can drive Dave and Izzy. You ready?”
My eyes flutter closed. “I’m more than ready.”
A quiet peace washes over me as the two of us walk side by side toward the parking lot and I think that elusive, hard-to-accept reality finally cements in my heart. Joel wants this. Key wants this. All I need to do is show them I want it too. Both of them. Forever.