42. Under Pressure
CHAPTER 42
Under Pressure
DUSTY
A s we pull up to the bar there’s a different kind of nervousness that jumbles my belly. The outside is nondescript. Brick with dark wood trim. The windows don’t give much away and the inside is dimly lit by the occasional neon sign. I slow down when we near the door, pulling Key to a stop.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“What if they really don’t like me?” I ask. “Or worse, what if . . . what if they don’t approve of, well, our situation?”
He kisses my knuckles again. “They’re a lot more open-minded than you would think. I know they’re going to love you. Come on.”
He pulls me gently and after a moment’s hesitation I relent, taking deep breaths as we pass over the threshold. It’s not overly busy inside. There are a few people sitting at the bar and several around a pool table in the corner, but then I see . . .
“Joel?” I whisper.
From the far side of the room, he smiles at me, flanked on either side by the two other couples. His hair is starting to grow back in and his face is still bruised, but he’s up and he’s out. He’s out of the hospital a day early.
Every worry I have flies out of my head as I run across the bar. That gorgeous grin spreads across his face as he stands and opens his arms so I can throw myself into him. He lets out a little oomf as we collide, and I realize maybe I shouldn’t have been so forceful, but when I try to loosen my grip on his shoulders he buries his face in my neck. Maybe he needed this as much as I did.
“Hey gorgeous,” he whispers in my ear.
I nearly sob on the spot but all I can do is hold fast to him. To take him in. His smell, his energy, his touch, it’s like the other half of me. Finally, I pull back to face him and he pushes the curls away from my face.
I lean forward to kiss him and feel him tighten his grip on my hips. An intoxicating rush of adrenaline rushes up through my toes all the way to the top of my hair. Key is all calm familiarity—Joel is electric spontaneity.
When our lips part I murmur against his cheek. “I love you so much.”
His nose nuzzles with mine. “I love you too.”
“Ahem.”
A throat clears and I’m startled to remember that we’re not alone. In fact, there’s a whole crowd of people I need to like me watching on. I jump away from Joel but he grasps my hand to keep me close by as he chuckles.
“Dusty Connors,” he says happily. “Officially, I’d like you to meet James, Becks, Dave, and Izzy.”
My cheeks burn as I wave and smile at the two couples in front of me. “Hi,” I say, my voice cracking. “It’s so nice to meet you all . . . officially and under happier circumstances.”
I see it. The looks in their eyes as they bounce between Joel, Key and me. The slightly forced smile on everyone’s face, except . . . the blond’s. She walks right up to me, her green eyes bright and her short hair swinging, and hugs me tight. My muscles relax as I sink into her hug before she pulls back and grabs my free hand.
“Dusty,” she says breathlessly. “You’re every bit as wonderful as I knew you would be. We’re going to be great friends.”
My heart swells. Friends?
“I’m Becks, James’s wife,” she says, tucking herself into my side so she can introduce the others more thoroughly. “That dark-haired stud muffin there.” She points and giggles, and I smile at the way James blushes.
He reaches out his hand and I have to let go of Joel to take it.
“It’s nice to meet you,” James says, and while a moment ago there had been judgement in his eyes, there’s nothing but kindness now.
“And this is Isabella, or . . . we call her Izzy,” Becks explains, pulling me away from Key and Joel.
I nod. “Yes, we . . . uh, we talked briefly already,” I admit. “At the hospital. And prior to that, apparently.”
“Oh! That’s right,” Becks says.
“To be fair,” Izzy intercedes, “at the hospital, it was a crazy night. I’d totally understand if you’ve blocked all memory of me.”
My jaw twitches as I recall what I can of that night. How horrible it all was. I must have looked like a lunatic to them.
“And this is Dave,” Izzy continues.
The blond man looks at me with piercing blue eyes. Eyes that aren’t judgmental but aren’t friendly. He nods almost imperceptibly, then stands up straighter. “I’m going to go outside for a smoke,” he says, then turns toward the door, the sunlight cascading across the floor for a moment as the door swings shut behind him.
I blink. Did he—does he not like me? My suspicions are confirmed when I see the look that transpires between Becks and Izzy. Well . . . I guess as far as success goes, three out of four isn’t bad. Maybe he just needs time to warm up to me. Or, maybe he’ll be the person to remind everyone I’m trash and that I’m not worthy of being part of their group. Their band. Their family.
“I think I need a drink,” I say, and pull my arm away from Becks. “I’ll be right back.”
I weave my way toward the bar and take a deep breath, trying to will the blood out of my cheeks. As I wait for my whiskey and soda, warm fingers slide along the back of my neck.
“Why so tense, sweetheart,” Key whispers in my ear as he comes around to face me and leans on the bar. “I told you everyone was going to love you.”
My fingernails click on the bar surface. “Not sure everyone does,” I mutter.
I see Key frown out of the corner of my eye. “What do you mean?”
“It’s nothing.”
I grasp my drink and take a long sip, nearly draining it down. When I try to walk away, Key grabs my wrist. “It’s not nothing. Did someone say something?”
My eyes flick to the window where I can see Dave standing outside smoking alone. I shrug. “I just don’t think some people are as excited for me to be here as you think.”
Key glances at the window and I can tell he’s fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “So it’s a Dave problem.”
I open my mouth to say no, but there’s only four of them. He would’ve figured it out eventually. “Maybe.”
“Just talk to him,” Key says with a soft smile. “If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you can talk anyone into doing whatever you want.”
“There’s a big difference between getting a guy off over the phone and trying to get this guy to be my friend. Or at the very least, not my enemy.”
Key leans forward to kiss my temple. “I’m sure you can figure it out.” He pats me on the bum then heads back over to his friends. Rolling my shoulders back, I take the last sip of my drink then head outside to find Dave smoking his cigarette and staring out at the road.
“Hey,” I say, trying to sound casual and failing.
He glances over at me, then back out to the road. “Hey.”
“Think I could bum one of those?” I ask.
I watch as he hesitates. Yup, really doesn’t like me. Miraculously, he decides to hand me one, probably knowing he’ll be a complete asshole if he doesn’t and wants to save face. I’m even surprised when he holds out his lighter for me.
The smoke pleasantly burns my lungs and I try to focus on it to make it less awkward that we’re standing in silence outside together. But his cigarette is almost burned down and if I want to try and fix anything, I need to do it now.
“You know,” I start, and he looks over surprised. “I should probably mention that I quit my job—at the phone sex line.”
His eyebrows rise spectacularly high on his forehead.
“It paid well but it made life too complicated, and I realized I wanted more for myself than that. Is that really something you’d judge me for enough to hate me?”
Dave’s mouth goes a little crooked. Is he confused? I take another drag on my cigarette to mask the nervous tremor in my hand.
“I know it’s not as refined as award-winning journalist or trend-setting fashion designer like the other girls, but this kind of work has been all I’ve known. All I ever thought I was good enough for. And even through that, I was never ashamed of it. The only problem I had was jerks who judged me for it. And really . . . who are you to judge me? You don’t even know me!”
“No, I?—”
“I’m going to make something of myself, but because I want to. Not because I have to.”
“Wait—”
“And if you think I’m with them for the money, you’re dead wrong. I haven’t taken or asked for a cent of their money, ever.”
“Dusty, stop,” Dave begs, holding his hands up in front of him. “Stop. Your job was never the problem. Nor did I ever think you were a gold digger.”
I swallow and it feels like barbed wire. If it isn’t my job or the money, then it really is about the three of us together. I rub my lips together. “I understand that three people in a relationship together isn’t exactly normal?—”
He shakes his head and steps toward me. “No, no . . . it isn’t that either.”
I frown. “Then what? What is it about me you don’t like?”
He looks down and crosses his arms over his chest. For a long moment he’s quiet, as though putting together what he wants to say. Finally, he looks up at me.
“You almost broke up the band.”
My immediate reaction is to argue, but I stop. The words wash over me. Ones I hadn’t even considered. “I—what?”
Dave flicks away his cigarette and lights another. “You and Joel. You and Key. I don’t know what the odds are on it all but fuck, the universe really likes to mess around doesn’t it?”
Now it’s my turn to look shocked. “Sorry?”
Dave takes another step toward me. “Listen, you’re perfectly lovely. You’re beautiful and I couldn’t care less about what you do for a job . . . but those guys in there are my brothers,” he says, pointing with his cigarette back at the door. “What do you think would’ve happened if they weren’t the type of guys who like to share their girl?”
I press my lips together and think about it, but Dave continues voicing my thoughts out loud.
“They would’ve had to choose. You would’ve had to choose. And do you really think their friendship would’ve ever been the same if you picked one over the other? They’re more than friends. They’re brothers. Closer than brothers. In truth, it’s actually even a little weird sometimes how close they are. They’re like soulmates. And the only time there’s ever been any drama between them is when you showed up.”
There’s an edge to his voice and it’s clear to me now that he isn’t angry. He’s worried about his friends.
“Would they have been able to stay together in the band if one of them was left out? Do you know what it’s like having to choose between your dream career in music and the love of your life?”
He sounds as though he knows exactly what that feels like. “No. I suppose I don’t.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m unbelievably grateful you knew Key all those years. Some of our best songs are about you. Then when that lawsuit happened and you had them . . . You really saved us,” he says with a half-hearted smile. “But you also almost destroyed us.”
My heart is pounding.
“I know that’s not what you meant to do and I apologize for being standoffish, but I guess I’m just worried that this whole thing you three have arranged is going to blow up in your faces and it’ll ruin everything all of us have worked so hard to achieve. Sacrificed so much for. We’re just at a really vulnerable point right now.” He scoffs. “I don’t even know if we’ll ever be able to get the public back on our side after everything either.”
I look at the ground, shuffling from foot to foot as I take another drag on my cigarette, but it tastes bitter now.
“I get it,” I say quietly. “I understand, and while I can’t predict the future, I’ll tell you, truly, that I am in love with them. Both of them.”
When I glance up, he’s watching me. His blue eyes meeting my own.
“Key was always the best thing in my life. I’ve always loved him, ever since I was a little girl. It seems like some kind of predestined miracle we keep finding each other. The universe’s way of trying to make up for all the horrible shitty things we both had to endure growing up. And even though I thought he was lost to me for good, I never stopped loving him. In fact, I was sure there’d never be anyone else. No one could ever replace the space he took up in my heart.”
I lick my lips and swallow.
“But then I met Joel. And meeting him changed my life. Not only that but also changed how I felt about myself. Just in the short time I’ve known him, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with both him and myself. Something I’ve never been able to do. He’s seen something valuable in me besides my looks that no one but Key ever has.”
Dave nods.
“So, I know our arrangement is unusual, but I can’t choose, and I shouldn’t have to. I can’t choose between two halves of my own heart. Can you at least understand that?”
His eyes bounce between mine for a moment then relief washes over me as a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I think I can.”
A sigh rushes out of me and I close my eyes in relief. “Thank you.”
He steps closer to me. “No, I’m sorry. This has been a really stressful few weeks and . . . well, it was wrong of me to take it out on you.”
“So . . . you really didn’t care about what I did for my job?” I hedge.
He shrugs. “Dusty, we’re in a metal band. If you think any of us would judge you for making a living, then you definitely need to get to know us better.”
I smile as he tips his head toward the door.
“Come on, I’ll buy you a drink for winning us the case.”
“Actually, I might be able to do better than win you the case.”
His blond brows scrunch. “What do you mean?”
“That public opinion problem? Do you think it would be easier to get your fans to believe your side if you had Logan’s confession that he lied?”
His lips part. “I—I mean, shit, yeah . . . but we don’t have that. And I doubt he’ll publicly take back what he said without a huge payout.”
I smirk and pull my purse across my body onto my hip. I dig into it only to retrieve the cassette recorder I stashed there this morning and hold it out to him. “What if I happened to record a little encounter Key and Logan had outside the courthouse?”
Dave takes the recorder from my hands as if it were a fragile baby bird. “You did what?”
“I’m about to save Carnal Sins.”