Chapter 35
Ophelia
Is therea reality of being that is neither here nor there?
I think perhaps that is where I am. Cocooned in blankets that smell of pages and coffee. Lanston’s drawings are crumpled in my hands, pressed tightly against my chest.
He is my only comfort, my only thought. Even when I’m at war within myself, he’s here. I love you, I want to whisper to him even though I know he will not hear it, cuddled in sheets. I’ve loved you all along.
A small voice whispers above me from outside the blankets. It doesn’t sound like the darkness that chases me, it’s someone else; someone familiar.
“Ophelia.”
My eyes slowly open and I lift my head to the voice. “Yelina?”
The blanket unfolds and delicate hands reach for me, pulling me from the misery and dark. A dull pain throbs through my chest as I stare at the four people before me.
Jericho, Yelina, and two phantoms I don’t recognize.
I survey the female’s dress and recall seeing it on Elanor, dancing mournfully through the cathedral halls. “Elanor?”
She smiles, a beautiful thing to behold. Her hair is red with tight curls and freckles spread across her fair skin. “Hello, Ophelia.” She follows my eyes as I look at the young man beside her. Elanor slips her hand into his and she says cheerfully, “Lanston found my love—my Gregory.”
Tears brim in my eyes. “How did the four of you find me?”
Jericho grins and folds his arms thoughtfully as he says, “We couldn’t leave one of our own behind. He’s searching for you. His heart breaks more each day you’re not with him.”
The tears fall freely, crashing against the back of my hands.
“He’ll never let you go, Ophelia. And he’ll never find you here,” Yelina adds softly.
My voice is choked with emotion. “I love him. But the darkness… it won’t leave me. I fear it will hurt him.”
Elanor brushes my hair back behind my ear and presses a warm kiss to my cheek. “You must return; you cannot stay in this purgatory you’ve created for yourself. That darkness you speak of, I’d not seen it at first, but I do now. It is your fear that gives it life. Your own agony that feeds the beast and gives it power. You have to let it go, sweet one.”
“My fear?”
She nods, eyes looking past me toward the dark they pulled me from. I turn my head and find three shadows standing behind me. Father. My stepmother. Him.
“You are the phantom, my dear, but still they haunt you. Chasing you with their poison. It’s time to stop them. Time to say enough.” Elanor takes my hands and for the first time I see the shadows for what they really are. Three pitiful memories.
All this time. This is all they were?
“We create our own whispering darkness, don’t we?” I say sadly as I meet all four of their gazes. Yelina gives me a somber nod. “No more then. Not when he waits for me.” I blink the tears away and wipe my eyes.
“He loves you unbearably,” Jericho adds, tipping his hat. I notice it’s Lanston’s and my smile grows. The four of them look at me with kindness and warmth, and in this moment I feel something shift inside my heart.
“He loves me?”
Yelina rolls her eyes and Jericho chuckles as she says, “You two are the biggest idiots. Find him, and once you do, never let go. We’ll be waiting for you two.”
She hugs me and I return the tight embrace.
“Are you leaving?” I ask, crying still.
Jericho nods. “But it’s not goodbye forever. I’m just borrowing this hat, you see.”
I watch as the four of them walk away, leaving me behind, but not forgotten. They found me for Lanston… and I won’t make him endure the world alone any longer. We’ll banish our demons. Together.
A deep breath coils in my lungs as I take a step out into the void. I shut my eyes and focus on Lanston. Take me to him. Please. The next moment, I’m standing atop a skyscraper, far above the city lights. My eyes widen with the explosion of stars and cold air that stings my skin.
He stands at the edge, his light brown hair blowing in the wind without his baseball hat, his hands tucked into his pockets. His head is lifted to the sky.
“Lanston,” I say breathlessly. Chills spread across my arms.
He turns his head quickly. The most heart wrenching expression is painted across his lovely features. His hazel eyes take me in. And the universe rejoices loudly, silently, colorfully.
He runs to me. “Ophelia.”
Together we collide. The stars our witness as he lifts me into his arms and presses feverish kisses to my cheeks, my lips. Our laughter warms my chest, and his tears mix with my own.
Lanston lowers us, still gripping me tightly in his arms, “I searched for you until there were no corners left to be sought. Until my heart ached and sores grew on the bottom of my feet.”
I thread my fingers through his hair, memorizing his sullen, handsome face. Beauty such as his should be framed, stared upon, for he is of the gods.
The sob in my throat threatens to blur out my words as I sputter, “I’m so sorry, Lanston.” I bury my face into his chest and cling to him like the reaper himself will tear me away. “I’m so selfish for leaving you. The thought of the Those Who Whisper catching you was too much to bear. I-I—” My weeping gets the better of me.
“Shh.” Lanston presses his lips to my head, stroking my hair in long, languid motions. His soft touch is enough to put me on the edge of madness. No person should ever be deprived of love as pure as his. “I’m just happy you’ve returned to me. I think I would’ve suffered for the remainder of time, alone and wandering, walking this plane of sorrow, until I reunited with you.”
I lift my eyes to his. Both of us are sobbing.
“I don’t deserve your affection.”
“You do. So deserving, yet you don’t even know it.” Lanston nuzzles his nose to mine. The warmth of his breath makes my heart yearn to beat alongside his for an eternity. “I want my love to haunt you. Until the stars die—until all the water in the ocean dries and we’re all that’s left in this cruel, dark world.”
The constellations shine through his eyes, the celestial light that is Lanston Nevers.
“I love you, Lanston.” I sniffle past the tears, a wavering smile pulling at my lips. “Together we stand, two phantoms amidst the dark, the cruel. Our love is damaged but healed with unbreakable bonds. We will light the way.”
Lanston presses his forehead to mine, letting his tears fall as the sky dances around us this close to the veil. “For all those who stray.”
“For all those who stray,” I confirm.
An endless night brings upon the dawn.
Our lips meet, hands gliding over each other’s hearts, chests, hips, and thighs. His fingers smooth over my hip bones, following the curvature and dipping where flesh meets bone.
“Jericho and Yelina found me. Elanor and Gregory too,” I admit, pulling back from our kiss and his eyes widen a fraction before pooling with more tears. “They said they’ll wait for us. Wherever that may be.”
He grins, a hopeful, charming smile.
“They’ll have to wait a bit longer; we still have a ballroom dance to finish and a few more stops.” Lanston tilts me back and kisses my neck, sending warmth through my body.
“Elanor told me what you did for them.” My voice breaks. “And in return, she helped me see what the darkness that chased me truly was.”
Lanston pulls back and searches my eyes. “Really?”
I nod. “It was my fear. All this time, it was me.” My voice breaks at that. It’s hard to admit that I’ve been the one causing all the despair. All the heartache.
He brushes my hair back and hushes me softly.
“I found your last letter,” he finally says. I take a sharp breath and hold it. Fear itching close by. Please don’t look at me differently. “I wish I could’ve been there for you. To be the one to comfort you when you needed it most. To tell you that they were wrong.”
There are no words to say. I bury my face into his shoulder and find that all my tears have already fallen.
“I won’t let them continue to hurt me anymore,” I say with finality.
Lanston pulls back and grins before spinning me to face the city. “Camp with me? We didn’t exactly get to finish our beach night.” He laughs, letting his fingers fall to my sides and tickling me.
“Lanston!” I shout-laugh and break free from his grasp.
He chases me around the roof until we’re winded and cannot laugh any longer. We steal blankets and sheets from the hotel’s penthouse suite and lay them out over the roof.
He pulls me in close and points at the stars, telling me all he knows about them, which isn’t much, but I still listen with a warm heart and bright smile.
Lanston falls quiet and all I can hear is his heartbeat against mine. Curious, I look up at him. His eyes are already on me, endearment and heat burning where they trace over my face. His soft lips beg to be kissed.
He pulls me close, threading his fingers through my hair and kisses me. They are small ones at first, then our mouths open, searching and yearning for the dance we’re so familiar with.
“I missed you so much,” he says between breaths.
I let my fingers glide down his neck, over the flexed muscles that meet his collarbone. “You were all I knew as I fell into the dark.”
He breaks our connection and bestows kisses to my neck. I fist his short hair and let my head fall back, a soft moan on my lips. He presses his lips to my neck, then my sternum. His fingers trail down my spine and his other hand smooths over my ribs up to my breast.
The thin black dress I wear falls over my shoulders easily, exposing my chest to him. Lanston braces my back and pushes me against his chest as he lifts us into a sitting position. He pulls me into his lap, returning his attention to my breasts.
His erection is evident beneath me. My core heats, urgent for him.
He senses my growing need and starts kissing up my chest. When he reaches the vulnerable skin of my throat, he strokes his tongue up the center, drawing a gasp from my lips. Lanston silences that gasp with his crushing kiss.
He leads me down until my back rests on the ground.
As he rises to his knees to remove his pants, I murmur, “I like you best in the light of the universe.”
Lanston chuckles; it’s a low, seductive sound that sends a throb through my core.
“Tell me why,” he says, freeing his cock and returning to me.
Our lips connect and I whisper to him, “You look like a god. The constellations behind you.”
His smile against my lips makes me weak.
“And here I thought you were a goddess I worshiped in secret.” He breathes and pushes inside me. His groan is deep and reverberates through his chest, sending lust through my veins like a drug.
My back arches instinctively as he slowly thrusts into me. Our legs tangle as we become one soul. Chasing, kissing, biting. There isn’t a part of him I don’t adore. His half-lidded eyes draw up to mine, sweat keeping his hair to his forehead.
Our eyes lock in this moment, and everything I haven’t yet said, and everything he’s been wanting to, threads between us. Can you feel the weight of a heart through a man’s gaze? I feel it, wholly and entirely.
“I hear you,” I say, reaching my fingers up to trace his cheekbone. “Your cry for life is deafening.” His motions slow, drawing his hips to mine until they are pressed together.
“You are the butterfly,” he says, staring down at me like nothing else matters. “I am the moth.”
My tattoo. His brilliant mind finding us as the somber creatures warms my heart.
We don’t smile as we stare into each other’s souls. It doesn’t feel right to.
Lanston lowers his chest to mine. A fresh wave of pleasure rushes through me as he moves in slow tandem. Our limbs tangle and our hearts cry out until we both cease, still and moaning with our release.
After our breaths calm and the storm in my mind clears, I ask, “Why am I the butterfly?”
Lanston pulls me to his chest, my head resting on his sternum as we stare up at the night sky.
“Because you”re colorful and lively, like a butterfly.”
“And why are you the moth?”
“Because I’m always chasing your light.”