Chapter Ten – Jay
Jay ran a hand down Hero’s strong neck, feeling the warmth of the horse’s coat beneath his palm. His fingers traced familiar patterns, yet his mind remained a blank slate.
You know him, his bear rumbled in his head.
Jay exhaled slowly, letting the comforting presence of the horse ground him. Yeah. I do.
Are you sure that’s his name? his bear pressed.
He paused, his hand still on Hero’s coat, gaze drifting toward the distant tree line. Was he sure? The memory had come without warning. There was no vivid recollection of riding Hero before he left, no snapshot of times spent in the stables. It was just the name, rising from somewhere deep inside of him where it had lay dormant, waiting to be triggered.
His grip tightened in Hero’s mane, a sudden dryness in his throat. Yeah, he murmured inwardly. I’m sure.
His bear hummed, sounding pleased at this unexpected breakthrough. And it’s not just wishful thinking?
Jay swallowed, gaze shifting to Alison. She stood nearby, quietly observing him with that mixture of empathy and curiosity that somehow both soothed and unsettled him.
Perhaps that was all he was to her, a curiosity. A thing to be pitied.
Jay, focus, his bear said. This is important.
No. It’s not wishful thinking, Jay replied. I’m as certain of Hero’s name as I am that Alison is our mate.
His bear rumbled in satisfaction. Good.
Before Jay could unpack the implications, the sound of approaching footsteps yanked him back to the present.
“Well, look who’s reacquainting himself with his old friend.” The voice was friendly, laced with an easy warmth.
We know him, Jay’s bear said.
No, he knows us, Jay replied. There is a subtle difference. Knowing and being known are two entirely different things.
Jay turned, as a man with familiar features approached with two kids trailing behind him. The boy looked about nine but bore no family resemblance to the Thornbergs. Neither did the girl, who was a couple of years older.
Another brother? Jay asked his bear.
That would be my guess, his bear replied.
The man clapped Jay on the shoulder, grinning. “Guess Hero’s got a better memory than you, huh?”
Jay attempted a smirk, but something inside him twisted. This brother— Henry , a voice in his mind supplied—talked like Jay had never been away, like there had been no lost years between them. Like they knew each other inside and out.
That raw, empty ache in Jay’s chest deepened.
His bear grumbled in agreement. We do know him…or at least we did.
Jay cleared his throat as he replied, “Yeah. Looks that way.”
“Well, it’s good to have you back.” Henry nodded to the two kids. “This is Lewis and Tilly. My step-kids.”
Jay’s stomach tightened. His brother was a stepfather now. More proof of how much time he’d lost.
Tessa stepped forward confidently. “I’m Tessa!”
Lewis offered a small wave. “Nice to meet you, Tessa.”
Tilly glanced at her brother, then smiled at Tessa. “Wanna come see the horses in the stables? There’s one named Daisy who loves kids.”
Tessa glanced up at Alison, eyes big and hopeful. “Can I go, Mommy?”
Alison brushed a hand over Tessa’s hair. “Of course, sweetheart. But don’t wander off.”
“I won’t.” Tessa nodded enthusiastically before racing off with Lewis and Tilly.
Jay watched them go. There was something familiar in the sound of their laughter. Like an echo from the past. A time when he and his brothers had been kids, racing around the ranch with boundless energy.
“She’s a great kid,” Henry remarked, leaning against the fence.
Jay turned back to him, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah. She is.”
We like her, his bear said. A lot.
Jay’s gaze flicked to Alison. We like her even more .
Maybe introduce her to Henry, his bear prodded.
Oh, Jay jerked his head up, he’d forgotten Alison and Henry had not been introduced. Being around his mate was starting to feel so familiar, as if she were an intricate part of his life that had always been there.
Do not take her for granted, his bear warned.
“And this is Alison, Tessa’s mom,” Jay said.
And our mate, his bear announced, even though only Jay could hear him.
“Hi, Alison. It’s good to finally meet you. Mom has been so looking forward to you and Tessa visiting.” Henry nodded at Alison.
“She’s been so kind,” Alison replied.
“I’m Henry, by the way,” Henry said and then glanced at Jay. “In case you don’t remember.”
“I do,” Jay replied.
“You do?” Henry cracked a wide smile. “Now that is good news.”
“Don’t get too excited,” Jay warned. “Your name is all I remember.”
“Well, that might not be a bad thing,” Henry said with a chuckle.
“You must have some stories to tell,” Alison prompted with a sideways glance at Jay.
“Oh, I do,” Henry said with a wicked grin.
“Pity everyone has strict instructions not to share any,” Jay said quickly. “I am supposed to remember things all on my own.”
“Now that is a pity,” Henry said with a grin as his gaze swept around the ranch. “So, what’s it like, seeing the place with fresh eyes?”
Jay hesitated. How could he describe it? Describe the void inside him. As if there were a black hole where his memories should be.
He let out a slow breath. “Honestly? It’s frustrating.”
Henry tilted his head and studied him for a long moment. “You’ll get there.”
Jay wanted to have that same faith. He wanted to believe that one day, all of this would click into place, and he’d just…remember.
But what if he didn’t?
What if this version of him—the one who was still a stranger to his own life—was all he’d ever be?
But he didn’t say that. Instead, he forced a smirk. “I’ll take your word for it.”
Henry chuckled. “That’s usually how this works, yeah. I am the oldest, after all.”
Despite himself, Jay found his lips curving upward. The banter felt natural, almost comforting. Which only made the ache in his chest sharper. He wished he could just slip back into his old life.
Because from what little he could piece together, from his interactions with his family, it had been a good life.
So how had it all gone wrong?
He wondered how much he’d missed. Henry had step-kids. Did the rest of his family have partners, children, and entire lives that Jay knew nothing about? Even with his memories restored, the years he’d been gone would still be irreplaceable.
“I’m going to go check on the kids,” Henry said. “Good to meet you, Alison.”
“You, too, Henry.” Alison nodded as Henry sauntered away, leaving Jay alone with his mate.
Do you think he knows? Jay’s bear asked.
That we’re mates? Jay turned to watch Henry as he reached the stables. Maybe.
“How are you feeling?” Alison asked as she closed the distance between them.
“Feeling?” Jay asked.
Like we’re on cloud nine, his bear said dreamily.
“Yes, you remembered Hero’s name. And then Henry’s, that’s a breakthrough,” Alison said.
“Oh, yeah.” Jay nodded as he stared out across the meadow to where Hero had returned to grazing. “You’re right, it’s a breakthrough.”
“Hey, small steps.” She threaded her arm through his and he turned to face her, enjoying the warmth of her touch and the beauty of this perfect moment.
She belongs with us, his bear purred.
“You know,” Alison said as she gazed out at the pasture, “sometimes I think we put too much pressure on breakthroughs.”
Jay raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
She shrugged, her shoulder brushing against his. “As a nurse, I’ve seen patients fixate so much on big moments of recovery that they miss the small victories along the way.” Her eyes met his. “Sometimes healing happens in the quiet moments when you’re not even looking for it.”
“You’re right,” he replied. “It’s just with my family… I feel as if I should be looking for it, harder. Like I should be wrangling this head of mine and herding these memories out of wherever they are hiding.” He snorted. “Sorry, that was unfair. I know they mean well, and I know how much it must hurt them. Especially my mom.”
“But it’s pressure you don’t need,” Alison added.
“Yeah.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Sorry, I don’t want to spoil your afternoon.”
“You’re not,” she assured him. “It must be exhausting, trying to force yourself to remember.”
Jay let out a breath. “Yeah. Like chasing shadows. Or maybe it’s like chasing stray cattle.” He shrugged. “Who knows?”
She turned to face him. “Maybe stop chasing for a while. Let the cattle come to you.”
“Is that your professional opinion, Nurse Alison?” he asked, a small smile playing on his lips.
“It is.” She nodded, her expression serious despite the light in her eyes. “Doctor’s orders, actually.
Jay let out a laugh. Maybe his first since he woke up. “Well, I guess I can’t argue with doctor’s orders.”
“Then my job is done,” Alison teased as she leaned closer to him, and for a moment, they just stood there, the afternoon sun casting long shadows across the pasture.
“You know,” Jay said finally, “I think this is the first time I’ve felt...not exactly at ease, but...”
“Less like you’re drowning?” Alison suggested.
He glanced at her, surprised by how accurately she’d captured it. “Yeah. Exactly like that.”
His bear rumbled contentedly. See? She understands us.
Perhaps because she knows what it’s like to feel that way, Jay replied.
Then we need to make sure she never feels that way again, his bear replied.
“It’s getting late.” Alison checked her watch. A flicker of reluctance crossed her features as she pulled away from him. “I should go round up my daughter and get her home.”
Jay’s stomach tightened with disappointment he couldn’t hide. He didn’t want the day to end. He didn’t want to lose this connection to his mate. Not for a second.
“Come on, this way.” He desperately wanted to hold her hand as he led her away from the meadow. But he didn’t need his memories to know that might be a step too far, too soon.
“Thanks for this,” Alison said as they walked around the side of the stables.
“No, thank you,” Jay replied. “I can’t think of a better way to reacquaint myself with the ranch.”
“Then you are welcome.” Alison grinned at him before her eyes shifted to Tessa, who was feeding a calf with Tilly. “We have to go, Tessa.”
“Oh, already?” Tessa asked, her expression one of pure disappointment.
“We do,” Alison said gently, smoothing Tessa’s hair.
For a moment, Jay wasn’t sure if Tessa was going to protest. But instead, she sighed and said, “Goodbye. I’ll see you soon.”
“Tessa said she’s coming over on Thursday after school,” Tilly said. “I’m going to show her the treehouse that Henry built.”
“Wow, that’s something to look forward to, huh, Tess?” Alison stretched out her hand to her daughter. A subtle way to say it was time to go.
“I can’t wait.” Tessa slipped her hand into her mom’s and then waved at Tilly. “Bye. See you soon.”
“See you soon,” Tilly said, returning the wave.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Jay offered and fell into step with Alison as they made their way toward her car,
Tessa skipped ahead with all the energy of a kid who had just had the best afternoon of her life.
She’s not the only one, his bear said.
You’re probably right, Jay said. Not that we have anything to compare it to.
Don’t spoil the moment, Jay’s bear told him.
Nothing can spoil the moment, Jay said in reply.
As they reached the ranch house, the door opened, and Mary and Waylan appeared on the porch.
Do you think they have been waiting for us? his bear asked.
Absolutely, Jay replied as they came down the porch steps to meet them.
“Did you have a good time today, Tessa?” Mary asked.
Tessa beamed and gave a little hop. “The best! I got to feed the goats, and I met a horse named Hero, and Lewis and Tilly said they have a magic tree!”
“I believe they do,” Mary said with a laugh. “Does this mean you’d be happy to come and spend time here if your mom ever needs a babysitter?”
Tessa tilted her head, her small brow furrowing. “I’m not a baby.”
Jay bit back a smirk as Mary chuckled, undeterred. “Of course not. But sometimes, moms need help, and we have plenty of room for you to run around. Would you like that?”
Tessa hesitated, glancing up at Alison. When her mother gave a small nod, Tessa offered a shy grin. “Yes, please.”
Mary glanced at Alison with a meaningful look. “How about Thursday, right after school?”
Tessa practically glowed. “Yes, please !”
Then, surprising even herself, it seemed, Alison stepped forward and hugged Mary. The older woman froze for a split second, then returned the hug fiercely.
“Thank you,” Alison murmured, voice thick with emotion.
“You’re more than welcome,” Mary replied, giving her an extra squeeze before pulling back. “It’s nice to have you both here.”
Jay swallowed around the lump in his throat. Something about Alison hugging his mother struck a chord deep within him. He was overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions. Longing, relief…fear.
Fear that this was too good to be true.
But it is true, his bear said, I’m back on cloud nine.
“Come on,” Alison said to Tessa, gently drawing her away. “Time to go.”
Tessa let out a dramatic sigh. “Okay.” She climbed into the car, although she was looking tired, as if she had used up all her energy.
I bet she’ll be asleep before they get home, his bear chuckled.
She might not be the only one who needs a nap, Jay said, it has been a long day.
And if we sleep, we can dream of our mate, his bear said with a wide yawn.
“Here, let me.” Jay opened the driver’s side door for Alison without thinking.
She hesitated. Not long, just a flicker of a moment where their eyes met, where something passed between them. Then she slid into the seat. “Thanks.”
“I’ll see you soon?” Jay asked hopefully.
“I’d like that,” she replied and then inserted the key in the ignition and started the engine.
As he shut the door his heart skipped a beat. Best day ever, he said, echoing Tessa.
Jay stood there long after their car had disappeared down the dirt road. He didn’t know why he felt like something had been taken from him.
His bear sighed. Because we don’t want them to go.
Jay clenched his jaw. That was the problem. He barely knew who he was, but he knew he wanted her. Wanted them.
A shadow fell across Jay, and he turned to see Henry standing beside him, arms folded, gaze fixed on the spot where Alison’s car had vanished.
“What?” Jay muttered, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his tone.
A faint smirk curved Henry’s lips. “Nothing. Just…you look like you lost something.”
Jay fought the urge to snap back. Instead, he took a breath, releasing some of the tension. “No. I’m fine.”
Henry’s smirk softened. “Right. If you say so.”
They stood in silence for a moment, the ranch quiet around them—only the distant lowing of cattle and the rustle of wind in the trees.
Finally, Henry spoke again. “Anything I can do?”
Jay hesitated, remembering the swirl of half-formed questions in his mind. He needed answers. Needed to piece together the fragments of who he was and why he’d left.
He turned to Henry, his voice rough. “Yeah. Take me to the place where I was found.”
Henry’s teasing demeanor dropped, replaced by something more serious. “The mountain?”
Jay nodded and swallowed hard. “I need to see it.”
Henry regarded him for a second, then nodded slowly. “Sure. We can go tomorrow. If you are sure.”
Dread twisted in Jay’s chest. “I am.”