Chapter Sixteen – Jay
Jay sat by the fire pit, the embers glowing as the evening closed in around them. His elbows propped on his knees as he toasted his marshmallow in the fire.
Just like one of the kids, his bear chuckled.
Jay glanced up at the kids—Lewis, Tilly, and Tessa—laughing around the crackling flames. They’d spent the afternoon brushing horses, feeding goats, and doing a round of chores that felt surprisingly routine. Even if he didn’t recall the specifics of his old life here, Jay found that some part of him knew how to guide the kids, how to keep them safe around animals, and how to make the chores enjoyable.
They had fun, his bear rumbled contentedly at the back of his mind.
So did I, Jay admitted. It was good to be around them. As for the ranch, he was falling more in love with the place with each hour that passed by.
We belong here, his bear told him.
And he liked that feeling of belonging. The presence of his family soothed him. Even if those family ties remained fuzzy in Jay’s memory, the comfort was undeniable. Especially since they seemed to have gotten used to his lapse in memory.
Gradually, they had stopped looking at him with that mixture of concern and hope that pierced his heart. Instead, they’d slowly settled into a rhythm of working around the gaps in his mind. In the way they might skirt a hole in the floorboards, carefully, but without constantly drawing attention to it.
So now you are a hole in the floorboards? his bear teased.
Yeah, maybe that’s what happened to my memories, Jay replied. They slipped through a hole in the floorboards.
If only he could lever those floorboards up and retrieve all that he’d lost.
“Uncle Jay, your marshmallow is on fire!” Tilly’s voice broke through his thoughts.
Jay yanked the stick back, blowing out the small flame that had engulfed his marshmallow while he’d been lost in thought. The charred outer layer cracked, revealing the gooey center beneath.
“Just how I like it,” he lied as he blew on it.
“That’s gross,” Lewis declared with the absolute certainty of youth. “You’re supposed to make it golden brown, not turn it into charcoal.”
“It’s not the first time Jay has burned a marshmallow,” Mary said as the fire reflected in her eyes. “Even when he was a boy his mind was always off elsewhere.”
He glanced at Mary, who was toasting a marshmallow with a smile so filled with unconditional love that it made his heart ache. Jay’s throat constricted, and he swallowed hard to keep the sudden wave of emotion at bay. How could I have forgotten growing up here? Forgotten her and Dad? he wondered.
It’ll come back, his bear assured.
Mary shifted her marshmallow stick and reached out, covering Jay’s hand with her own. He jerked slightly, startled by her touch although he wasn’t sure why. He glanced down at where their hands met. Her touch was gentle, warm, and a little sticky from the marshmallows. There was no spark like with Alison, only a soft wave of familiarity that made his eyes sting a little. Or maybe it was the smoke that made his eyes misty.
“You okay?” Mary asked, concern edging her words.
Jay forced a nod and locked eyes with her. “Yeah,” he lied, but somehow it felt closer to the truth than before. For the first time, he truly believed it would all be okay. Eventually.
A high squeal of laughter from Tessa and Tilly snapped him out of his thoughts. He rose to his feet, brushing off dust from his jeans. Time to pull himself together. They were making s’mores, after all.
“Need a hand with the marshmallows?” he offered.
“I can do it myself,” Tessa proudly proclaimed as she jabbed a marshmallow onto a stick, grinning up at Jay.
“I can see.” Jay turned around to fetch more chocolate and graham crackers when he stiffened. Alison.
Our mate . His bear went alert, awareness thrumming through his veins.
He turned in the direction of the road and his nose flared as he sought to catch the first scent of her. His actions did not go unnoticed.
“Someone coming?” Mary asked with an arch of her eyebrow.
He nodded. “She’s at the gate.”
“You stay here. I’ll go meet her,” she said quietly, setting aside her marshmallow fork. “If you greet her looking like that , you won’t fool anyone.”
“Looking like what?” Jay asked, frowning as he ran a hand over his face.
She just chuckled. “You boys,” she teased, shaking her head as she got up and went around to the front of the house.
Jay’s bear huffed, Alison needs to know. She deserves to know.
Jay tensed his jaw. I’ll tell her soon, he promised.
Then you won’t have to explain why you are drooling over her more than your s’mores, his bear replied with a rumble of amusement.
Am not. Jay brushed his arm over his mouth just in case, then turned back to the important task of s’mores assembly. As he felt Alison approaching, his hands shook, but he managed to calm himself by concentrating on arranging marshmallows, chocolate squares, and graham crackers on a small table by the fire.
Moments later, he heard Mary’s voice and caught the faint sound of Alison’s reply. His heart seemed to gallop like Hero racing across a mountain meadow as Mary and Alison came to join them at the fire pit. The moment Alison’s eyes landed on Jay, a subtle tension in her posture seemed to ease, but he also noted how she glanced over her shoulder as though checking for something—or someone.
The realization that she might be uneasy made a protectiveness flare in Jay. “Hey,” he greeted, coming over to her. He wanted to reach out, to hold her, but he forced his arms to remain at his sides. “Everything all right?”
She nodded, though a hesitant flicker in her eyes told him it wasn’t the whole truth. “Yes,” she said, voice a bit too light. “Just a long day. But I’m glad to be here.” She ducked her head, cheeks flushed pink in the glow of the fire as she confessed, “I kind of would have preferred to be out here than where I was.”
Yes! his bear said at her open admission.
Jay fought the urge to brush his fingers across her cheek, to lean in and breathe in her sweet, subtle fragrance, and then press his lips to hers. Instead, he murmured, “I…I’m glad you’re here, too.” Which sounded totally inadequate.
Even so, a faint smile curved her lips, and he let himself relax a fraction. But then she glanced at him more closely, her brow pinched. “Are you all right?”
Jay tensed, wishing he had a simple answer. He shrugged, shifting his weight. “It’s been fun.” He grinned. “Tessa has had a great time.”
“And you?” Alison asked.
“I’m getting there,” he replied.
Alison searched his face, perhaps sensing his uncertainty, but before she could press, Tessa came barreling over, flinging her arms around her mother. “Mommy!” the little girl cried with unrestrained joy, then launched into a retelling of her afternoon with Tilly and Lewis.
“I missed you.” Alison hugged her daughter close.
“I missed you, too,” Tessa said. “I wished you were here when we met the ducks. They have the cutest little babies.”
Just look at them, he said to his bear as they bore witness to the closeness between mother and daughter.
Perhaps one day we will share the same closeness, his bear said. Be a part of their family .
“Mary, I can’t thank you enough for this,” Alison said as Tessa ran back to Tilly and Lewis.
Mary shrugged it off good-naturedly. “My pleasure,” Mary said. “She’s welcome anytime. The three of them are thick as thieves.”
“I can see.” Alison nodded as she watched Tessa making a sticky s’more. “We should get going, Tessa. You are going to need a bath and then bed, or you won’t be getting up in time for school tomorrow.”
“Aww,” Tessa pouted. “Just a little longer.”
Jay found himself stepping forward. “You can come back whenever you like,” he offered. He caught Alison’s gaze for a moment, letting her see he meant it.
“Like tomorrow?” Tessa asked with a mischievous grin.
Alison smothered a smile and shook her head. “Not tomorrow.”
“Saturday?” Tessa asked with the puppy dog eyes.
Alison rolled her eyes and said, “We’ll see.”
Jay bit back a smile. Tessa sure is persistent.
An admirable trait, his bear said happily.
“This is for you,” Tessa said as she presented Alison with a s’more.
“Thank you.” Alison accepted the sticky treat from her daughter with a warm smile. “This looks delicious.”
Jay watched as Alison took a careful bite of the s’more, chocolate and marshmallow oozing from between the graham crackers. A small smudge of chocolate lingered at the corner of her mouth, and his fingers itched to brush it away. He clenched his fist at his side instead, forcing himself to look elsewhere.
“We should really get going,” Alison said, wiping her mouth with a napkin Mary had handed her. “Come on, sweetie. Say thank you to everyone.”
Tessa made her rounds, giving hugs to Lewis and Tilly, a shy one to Mary, and then paused in front of Jay. She looked up at him with those big eyes, so trusting and innocent. “Thank you for showing me how to brush Hero,” she said, wrapping her small arms around his waist.
The gesture caught Jay off guard, and for a moment, he froze. Then, slowly, he placed a gentle hand on her back. “You’re welcome, kiddo,” he said, his voice gruff with unexpected emotion. “You did great with him.”
His bear rumbled with satisfaction. Cubs belong in our life.
As Tessa stepped back, Jay caught Alison watching them, something achingly vulnerable in her expression that made his heart skip. When their eyes met, she quickly looked away, but not before he caught the flush spreading across her cheeks.
And so does our mate, his bear added.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Jay offered, the words tumbling out before he could stop them.
Alison hesitated, then nodded. “Thank you.”
Jay followed them around the side of the house, and it was all he could do not to beg them to stay. Was it his imagination that Alison’s footsteps slowed as they neared the car, as if she wanted to linger longer?
But then she glanced over her shoulder again, that same wariness returning to her posture. Jay followed her gaze to the darkening road that wound down toward town, seeing nothing but shadows and trees. Still, his bear stirred uneasily.
“Everything okay?” he asked quietly as Tessa skipped a few steps ahead.
Alison hesitated, then forced a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Fine. Just...I guess I’m not used to the remoteness of the ranch.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Jay asked.
“No. No.” She shook her head, but he wasn’t convinced.
“It’s no problem,” Jay insisted.
“No, honestly, I’m fine.” She smiled but it was forced. “Thank you again for this. For today. Tessa hasn’t been this happy in a long time.”
“Will you come over on Saturday?” he asked. “I’d like to show you the cabin.”
“Can we?” Tessa rushed back toward them.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Jay shrugged.
“We’d love to come over on Saturday,” Alison replied with a tilt of her head. “As long as you are sure we are not taking up too much of your time.”
“No,” he said firmly. “I’d like your opinion on the cabin.”
“You would?” she asked, her surprise evident in her tone.
“I would,” he said with a nod as he locked eyes with her. “Your opinion means a lot to me.”
“Come on, Mommy.” Tessa tugged at her hand. “The sooner we go to bed the sooner we can come to visit again.”
“Goodness, she sounds like me,” Alison said with a laugh.
“Come on then, let’s get you in your seat.” Jay opened the back door, letting Tessa scramble inside, her excitement not dimming even as she yawned. He leaned across and helped her buckle the seatbelt. Her hair smelled faintly of hay and chocolate from the s’mores.
“See you soon, Jay,” Tessa said as he straightened up.
“See you soon,” Jay replied. “Sweet dreams.”
Alison stood by the driver’s door and Jay could make out the subtle notes of her perfume, the clean scent of her freshly washed hair, and it nearly undid him.
We could lean in, his bear murmured hopefully.
But Jay forced himself to step back, giving her space. Not in front of Tessa. Not yet.
“Thanks again for having Tessa,” Alison said, searching his face. “I really appreciate everything you—your family—has done. For both of us.”
Jay dipped his head, heart thudding. “You’re…both…welcome. It’s…” He swallowed, wishing he had the right words to articulate what it meant to him to have her here. “It’s nice having you around.”
Nice having her around? Jay could have kicked himself for the lame words, but Alison’s smile deepened, reaching her eyes this time.
Her cheeks colored slightly, and she offered a half-smile. “We’ll see you again soon.”
“Drive safely,” he said, stepping back as she slid into the driver’s seat.
“I will,” she promised, then hesitated, her fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel. “Jay, I…” She stopped and shook her head slightly. “Never mind. I’ll see you Saturday.”
Before he could press her about what she’d been about to say, she closed the door. Jay stood in the gravel driveway, watching the taillights of her car wind down the mountain road until they disappeared into the darkness. Only then did he turn back toward the house with longing for his mate churning inside him.
His bear paced restlessly as Jay walked back to the fire pit, the scent of Alison lingering in his nostrils. Even the stars overhead seemed dimmer now that she had gone.
But one day there would be no goodbyes. And when he said goodnight, she would be there by his side, in his bed.