Chapter Twenty-Four – Jay
Jay returned to the ranch just as the first rays of sun began streaking across the horizon.
After he left Alison’s house, he’d shifted into his bear form, cutting across the mountain trails, feeling the stretch of his muscles and the cool air against his fur. He could have run for miles, and miles, fueled by happiness, the happiness that only comes when you have met the woman of your dreams.
And made love to her.
Jay could still feel the heat of her body next to his. He could still taste her on his lips.
Jay could still hear the sound of ecstasy that had escaped her lips when they’d moved together, her body arching beneath his as she came around him.
His bear wanted to roar from the highest mountain peaks and tell the world Alison was his. And always would be. It was freeing, a rare moment where he wasn’t caught in the tangle of his missing memories.
But freedom had its limits and so he headed toward the ranch, aware of his waiting chores and his duty to his family. No, it was more than duty. He loved them. And he knew they loved him.
Today is going to be a good day, his bear said.
Oh, yeah, Jay agreed.
Jay reached the spot at the edge of the tree line where he and his brothers had shifted last night. Was it only last night that he’d run with them over the mountains? It felt like a lifetime ago. Like he was a different person now.
And in a way he was. In a way, he was more complete. Memories or no memories, for the first time since he’d woken up in the hospital, he felt whole.
After returning to his human form Jay made his way to the house where the scent of breakfast greeted him before he had even stepped inside. Just what he needed, a good hearty breakfast before work.
He entered the kitchen to find Mary standing at the stove, flipping pancakes and humming under her breath. It was becoming a familiar sight, one that tugged at something deep inside him, something that felt like home even if he couldn’t recall the memories attached to it.
“Morning,” he’d said, scrubbing a hand through his damp hair as he stepped into the kitchen.
“You’re up early,” Mary said as she half-turned to look at him. “Or out late.”
“Do you need a hand with anything?” Jay asked, refusing to be drawn into a conversation about his nighttime activities.
Mom would be happy for us, his bear told him.
I know, Jay said. But for now, I want to keep it to myself.
Ourselves, his bear reminded him.
Well, since you can’t talk… Jay said as he crossed to the counter and poured himself a mug of fresh hot coffee.
Point taken, his bear said and settled down to sleep.
“You can set the table,” Mary said, thankfully not pressing for details. “Ezra is coming over for breakfast this morning, so set four places.”
“Sure.” Jay nodded and reached for the plates and laid them out on the table. As he fetched the silverware from the drawer, he sensed his dad and Ezra approaching.
We aren’t the only ones who are up early, Jay’s bear said.
“Morning,” Waylan said lightly as he entered the kitchen and hung his hat up on the coat stand near the door. It was one of Mary’s rules, no hats at the table.
“Morning.” Mary smiled as Waylan crossed the kitchen and slipped his arm around her waist, kissing her on the cheek.
“It’s a beautiful day out there,” Ezra said as he went to the coffee pot.
“It sure is,” Jay said with a dreamy tone that made everyone turn and stare.
“Something to tell us?” Waylan asked, his arm still wrapped around Mary.
“Only that the sun is shining and the air is clear,” Jay said as he picked up his coffee cup and took a sip to hide the smile he could not keep from his face at the thought of Alison.
“Okay then,” Ezra said, an amused expression on his face as he held up the coffee pot. “Anyone else?”
“Yes, please,” Waylan said as he let go of Mary and accepted a cup of coffee from his son.
“Come on now, let’s sit down and eat. Jay, could you grab the eggs and bacon? Ezra, there’s orange juice in the fridge. Waylan, the glasses.” Under Mary’s direction, they were soon all seated at the table within minutes, the rich aroma of pancakes and bacon filling the kitchen. Jay found himself stealing glances at the clock, wondering what Alison was doing right now. Was she eating breakfast with Tessa? Was she thinking about him, too?
“You planning on eating that bacon or just staring at it?” Ezra asked, breaking through Jay’s thoughts.
Jay blinked, realizing he’d been absently pushing the food around his plate. “Sorry, just thinking.”
“Must be some powerful thoughts,” Waylan commented, exchanging a knowing look with Mary.
“Speaking of thoughts,” Mary said, passing the syrup to Ezra. “I thought we could have a family get-together. You know it would be good to get everyone together. Don’t you think, Jay?”
“Sure.” Any excuse to be with Alison was a welcome one. Plus, it would be nice for Alison and Tessa to meet all his family.
You do know we will be meeting some of them for the first time, too, his bear reminded him.
I think I’m ready, Jay replied. With Alison by my side, I’m ready for anything.
He picked up his fork and dug into his eggs and bacon while across the table, Ezra was saying something about the north pasture. Jay tried to tune in—he honestly did—but each time his mind latched on to the words, it pivoted back to the memory of last night. Alison. The press of her body beneath his, the soft sigh she’d made when—
“Jay,” Ezra prompted, leaning forward, brow raised.
“Hmm?” Jay blinked, then realized everyone was staring. He stiffened. “Sorry, I was…somewhere else.”
A small grin tugged at Waylan’s lips. “Ezra’s asking about the irrigation in the north pasture. Think we should expand it, or do we risk drainage problems?”
Jay swallowed the embarrassment that threatened to creep up his neck. “Oh, right. Um…” He faltered.
Irrigation issues. The north pasture. The words turned to fog in his head. The problem was, he did know these pastures, but his mind refused to cough up specifics.
“Too busy dreaming of your mate to think about the ranch?” Ezra teased.
Mary caught the flicker of confusion in Jay’s eyes and gently set down her coffee cup. “Ezra,” she chided.
Ezra raised both hands in mock surrender. “I’m just used to the old days. Jay usually had the best take on these things.”
“The old days…” Jay echoed, trying to muster a lightness he didn’t quite feel. It stung, if only a little, that he couldn’t simply slip back into who he’d been.
His bear rumbled. We’re doing fine. Don’t let it ruin the morning.
Jay exhaled, forcing a small smile. “It’s fine,” he said, wishing he could be the person Ezra expected him to be. “I’ll head out there today and take a look. Fresh eyes might help.”
Ezra nodded and picked up his coffee cup. “That would be great.”
His bear rumbled approvingly. Fresh air and exercise are just what we need.
“I could come with you,” Ezra offered as if worried he might have offended his brother.
Jay shook his head. “I thought you were going into town for the feed order?”
“I am,” Ezra admitted, “but I could go later.”
“No, I can handle it,” Jay said as he finished the last of his coffee, hopped to his feet, and snagged a slice of toast. “Thanks for breakfast, Mom,” he said, dropping a quick kiss on Mary’s cheek. The word “Mom” felt more natural each time he said it, a comfort in its own right.
“Of course, honey,” Mary said, patting his hand as she smiled happily.
Jay headed outside. Ezra was right. It was a beautiful day. Whistling a tune, he headed for the stables, collected a head collar, and went to catch Hero. By the time he reached the meadow, his horse was waiting for him at the gate.
“Someone is eager to get going.” Hero nickered softly as Jay approached, pushing his velvety nose against Jay’s chest in greeting. The gelding’s dark eyes seemed to hold an understanding that went beyond words, as if the horse sensed Jay’s lightened mood.
“Yeah, I missed you, too, buddy,” Jay murmured, running his hand down Hero’s sleek neck. “Let’s get out there.”
He led Hero to the stables, where he quickly brushed him down and then tacked him up. Swinging into the saddle, Jay pressed his hat down firmly on his head and clicked his tongue, urging Hero forward. The horse responded immediately, his powerful muscles bunching beneath Jay as they set off toward the north pasture.
“You know where we’re going better than I do, don’t you?” Jay murmured, patting the horse’s neck.
His bear stirred within him. He remembers. Even if we don’t.
As they crested the hill overlooking the north pasture, Jay pulled Hero to a stop. Below, the land stretched out—lush green in some places, patchy and brown in others.
Jay studied the layout, letting his instincts guide him where memory failed. There was something about the way the land curved, the natural slope that seemed to trigger a flicker of recognition.
“What do you think?” he asked Hero, who stomped a hoof impatiently. “Yeah, I think we need a closer look, too.”
He rode across the north pasture, studying the land, and forming a plan in his head. When he got back to the ranch, he’d talk it over with Ezra and his father. Get their take on things.
“Time to head home,” he told Hero and the horse seemed to almost nod in agreement. Jay guided Hero back toward the ranch at an easy lope, the morning sun warming his shoulders. His thoughts drifted between the practical matters of the ranch and the much more pleasant memories of Alison.
Ah, Alison, his bear said dreamily.
Jay chuckled and let his mind wander as he enjoyed the moment. A half-hour later, he stood by the meadow gate, scratching behind Hero’s ear. There was something about these small, simple pleasures that Jay found deeply satisfying. “Good boy,” he murmured as Hero rubbed his head against Jay’s shoulders.
Then, suddenly, something shifted inside him and a prickle ran down his spine.
His bear stirred within him. She’s coming.
Jay turned toward the road, his pulse kicking up a notch. She’s nearly here.
A few minutes later, a familiar car rounded the bend, kicking up a small cloud of dust in its wake. Even from this distance, he could sense her— Alison.
A slow smile curved his lips as he leaned against the fence, trying to look calm and nonchalant as he watched the car approach, but he had to grip the gate to stop himself from hightailing it over there to meet her.
But the feeling of anticipation was different from before. He wasn’t nervous about how she would react to him. She had seen him, all of him, and she hadn’t run. No, the feeling he had now was one of pure excitement.
It seems you are not the only one who is excited, his bear said happily, as the car rolled to a stop near the house and the passenger door flew open. A second later, a blur of blonde curls and polka dots shot out.
“Tessa,” Jay murmured, chuckling as the little girl sprinted toward the house before realizing she hadn’t waited for her mom.
She skidded to a halt, spinning on her heel, the sun catching her sparkly unicorn T-shirt. “Mommy, hurry up!”
Alison stepped out of the car more slowly, brushing her hair back from her face. But then she stalled and turned slowly toward Jay as if she had sensed his presence.
Just as we sense hers, his bear said.
When her gaze met his and she smiled shyly, Jay’s breath caught in his throat. Damn, if she didn’t have the same effect on him every single time.
He pushed off from the gate, his legs a little unsteady as they carried him toward her before he could think twice.
“Morning,” he called as she shut the car door.
“Morning,” she echoed, her smile widening.
This was real.
She was here.
She’s very real. And very here, his bear said, humming with excitement.
The moment stretched between them, unspoken words hanging in the air before Tessa broke the spell. “Jay! Can I go see the horses?” she called when she saw him and altered her course to sprint in his direction.
Jay glanced down at her eager face, grinning. “Of course. Come on.”
Tessa didn’t need to be told twice. “Can I give Hero a treat?”
“You sure can.” Jay lifted Tessa onto the gate, steadying her with a firm hand as she wobbled slightly.
“Hello, Hero.” Tessa held out her hand to the horse just as he’d taught her as Alison came to join them.
“Hold on tight,” he murmured, as Tessa leaned forward to reach Hero, the treat precariously balanced on her palm.
The gelding lowered his head, snuffling against her palm before taking the sugar cube with a gentle nuzzle. Tessa giggled, delighted. “He likes me,” she announced proudly.
“He does,” Jay agreed, one hand still bracing her. “You’ve got a way with animals.”
Alison moved closer, much closer, pressing against his side. Jay felt the contact like a live wire, his body instantly attuned to hers. He turned his head slightly, catching her gaze, and for a moment, neither of them moved.
She smiled softly, and Jay mirrored it, feeling a warmth spread through his chest that had nothing to do with the morning sun. “I hope we’re not too early.”
“Never,” he murmured, and she ducked her head as color infused her cheeks.
“How’s the cabin coming along?” she asked after a moment.
Jay exhaled, amused. “Haven’t made much progress.” His eyes flicked back to hers. “Been a little…distracted.”
Alison’s blush deepened, and she playfully nudged his arm. “I wonder why that is.”
Tessa, oblivious to the exchange, clapped her hands together. “Can we go see it?”
“The cabin?” Jay chuckled. “Sure. Let’s go.”
They skirted around the house and headed toward the cabin. As they walked, Tessa ran ahead, skipping and jumping, in a world of her own.
“I wish I had her energy,” Alison said as her hand brushed against his.
“You had plenty of energy last night,” Jay said with a broad smile.
Alison gasped, her cheeks flaming red as she glanced at Tessa to make sure she hadn’t heard. “Jay!” she hissed, but there was laughter behind her scandalized tone.
He chuckled, enjoying her reaction more than he probably should have. “Sorry,” he whispered, not sorry at all. “But it’s true.”
She shook her head, fighting a smile. “You’re impossible.”
“Impossibly charming?” he countered, letting his fingers brush against hers again, deliberately this time. The simple touch sent electricity racing up his arm.
“Look, there’s a stream!” Tessa veered off the path toward the stream, balancing on the edge where the earth sloped gently down to the water.
“Be careful,” Alison called, as she hurried to catch up with her daughter.
Tessa grinned over her shoulder. “I will!”
Jay caught up with Alison, his hand instinctively finding the small of her back. It was as if there were a dark cloud hovering at the edge of his mind. A sense that there was danger ahead.
“Oh no! Mommy, I forgot Bumpkin!” Tessa spun around. “He’d love to see the stream, too.”
Alison glanced back toward the car. “Is he still in the back seat?”
Tessa nodded solemnly. “He wanted to come see the ranch, too.”
Alison sighed good-naturedly. “All right, I’ll go get him. Stay here with Jay, okay?”
“Okay,” Tessa agreed.
Alison turned to Jay. “Is that okay?”
Jay met her gaze, something passing between them that didn’t need words. “Always.”
Satisfied, Alison gave Tessa a final look before jogging back toward the car. Jay watched her for a moment before turning back to Tessa, who had crouched down near the water’s edge.
“I see fish!” she announced excitedly, pointing into the shallows. “Come look, Jay!”
Jay hesitated, his senses prickling. The stream wasn’t deep, and the banks weren’t steep, but the way Tessa leaned forward made his bear stir uneasily.
Stay close, his bear warned.
Jay moved toward her, careful not to startle Tessa. But as he neared the water, something else clawed at the edges of his mind.
The rush of the current. The patch of loose ground.
A memory slammed into him.
Lomas.
The river.
Jay’s breath hitched, his vision flashing back to that night… The cliff. The roar of water. The starless sky. Lunging forward—too late—Lomas’ terrified eyes. His outstretched hand.
The way he fell.
The way Jay had watched, helpless, as the current swallowed him whole.
Jay’s pulse thundered, his chest tightening as the present blurred with the past. He blinked hard, forcing himself back to reality.
Tessa was still crouched near the water, entirely unaware of his spiraling thoughts.
Jay inhaled sharply and crouched beside her, forcing his hands to remain steady. “Let’s not get too close, all right?” His voice was calm, even though his heart was racing.
Tessa looked up at him with big, trusting eyes. “But I want to see them!”
Jay offered her a reassuring smile. “I know. But it’s better if we look from back here.” Gently, he placed a hand on her back, easing her away from the edge.
She pouted slightly but didn’t argue, standing up and brushing off her hands.
Jay let out a slow breath, but before he could fully shake off the memory, his senses sharpened again.
Something wasn’t right.
His bear growled low in his mind. We’re not alone.
Jay’s gaze snapped up, scanning the tree line, the clearing, and the dirt road leading to the cabin. There.
His muscles tensed, his instincts screaming at him to pinpoint the source. But when he focused, it was gone. Like a shadow slipping out of sight.
His bear paced, uneasy. Someone was here. Watching.
Jay’s jaw clenched. His hands curled into fists at his sides. He could feel it, a presence lingering just beyond his reach.
He swallowed the bitter taste of unease and turned back to Tessa, pushing his fears aside.
“I think your mom’s coming back with Bumpkin,” he said, his voice steady despite himself.
Tessa brightened. “Yay! Bumpkin!”
Jay stood, his back still tense, his senses still on high alert. Whoever had been watching them was gone now. But for how long?
His bear rumbled low. We need to be ready.
We will be, Jay replied. But ready for what?