22. Eye Patches & Ponytails
Eye Patches what brought her joy; what made her sad.
I wanted to see what she looked like when she stood before her students, passionately lecturing in her classroom.
I wanted to hear her laugh as I teased her.
I wanted to hold her hand as I took her to a loud pub—that she would claim to hate—so I could see the twinkle in her eye as she let herself relax.
Fuck. This was bad…I was falling for this woman.
“You’re a talented healer, Cerise,” I said, trying to distract myself from wanting to shove my tongue in her mouth again. “You truly used to want to be an animal healer?”
“Yes,” she said, moving her fingers to my last broken knuckle.
“Well, what’s stopping you?” I asked.
She paused, meeting my gaze. “I have a job and a career.”
“So?”
“It’s too late for career changes, Liam.” She shook her head, pouring a little more magic into my hand before letting go. I flexed, my hand sore, but perfectly intact.
“It’s never too late to go after the things you want,” I said.
“I’m too old to start over.”
“Too old? How old are you anyway? Thirty four?”
“Thirty five,” she said, hands on her hips. “Wait, how old are you?”
I gave her a smirk. “Thirty one. You’re going after a younger man.”
She scoffed but it didn’t hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. “I’m not going after you.”
“Sure.” I shrugged. “That’s exactly why you kissed me this morning.”
“I did not kiss you. You kissed me.”
“That’s what you want to think, but I’m quite positive you initiated it.”
I didn’t actually know, but teasing her was fun. And perhaps it would get her to open up and not be so uptight about what had happened.
She made a noise of frustration. That cute noise I adored.
“Anyway, sunshine, back to our previous conversation. You are not too old to start over. Let me ask you a question.”
Her arms were crossed as she waited.
“If you didn’t have to worry about your mother. Or money. Or your reputation, what would be your dream job? What does your heart want?”
She was silent, shifting on her feet.
“No judgment. Tell me.”
“I would own my own clinic for animal healing.” Her voice was timid, as if she was embarrassed to admit it out loud. “It’s been my dream since I was a child…”
“So do it.”
“It’s not that simple. I can’t just quit my job and buy a piece of property to open a clinic. That takes time and money. Lots of money I don’t have. And I’ve spent so many years of my life working toward being dean…I’d have to give that up.”
“So?”
“So? You don’t get it. I can’t…I don’t live my life by the seat of my pants like you do.”
Ouch.
“Quitting my job and starting a new career would be reckless and impulsive. I don’t do things like that.”
I took a step forward. “Is that why you pushed me away this morning?”
I couldn’t stop myself from bringing it back up.
I told her we were going to talk about it.
I wanted to talk about it. Needed to. Because I knew exactly what was going on in her brain.
She couldn’t reconcile her life back home with the kind of life I lived.
And whatever feelings she was developing for me… she couldn’t accept them.
“I—I don’t know.”
“Tell. Me.” My voice had gone low, serious.
“Tell you what?” Her breathing sped up.
“Why you pulled away from that kiss this morning.”
“I already told you, I don’t know,” she whispered.
Our bodies were close, only inches away. But I wasn’t going to close the distance. Not yet. Not now.
“You’re scared,” I said.
She didn’t say anything as the breeze blew a piece of her hair across her face. I reached out and took it between my thumb and forefinger, feeling the soft texture.
“You’re scared of whatever this is.”
“I don’t know what this is…” Her violet eyes were wide, confused and yet…there was a tenderness there too.
“You’re scared you actually have feelings for the troublesome professor and what it might do to your reputation…or what your mother will think.”
I knew I was right, I just wanted her to admit it.
She backed away, her hair slipping from my grasp. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Reading my thoughts. It’s unsettling.”
“I’m just saying you need to stop trying to plan out every detail of your life and just live. Even if it’s only temporary.”
Because right then I knew. This probably would only be temporary. Even if she was able to let loose and let me kiss her again, once we were rescued and eventually back home, she’d go back to her old boring life of stuck up colleagues and climbing the career ladder.
So I would enjoy what we had now. The friendship, the flirting. Anything she would give me.
Because I knew it wouldn’t last.