Chapter 10
Jamison
“Mike said the final tux fitting went well,” Mom said.
I nodded, staring out the back windows of The Poison Place as the rain splashed on the lush colorful leaves of the gardens outside.
It was early enough that most of the billiard tables in the bar were empty, but the patio and outdoor spaces being closed meant people were filling the place up.
I expected that it’d get busier as the evening passed into night.
Crowds usually amped up my anxiety, which was one of the reasons I hadn’t committed to moving to Chicago years ago, despite my job wanting me to.
As the years had passed, I’d realized that groups of people in Chicago rarely felt like crowds the way they did in other places.
Hopefully, the bar tonight would have the same effect.
“How was the rest of your day?” Mom asked. She was finishing her drink before joining Sadie and June’s mom for some shopping.
“The day was fine.”
“You had that dance class, right?”
“Yeah.”
“How was it?”
“Good.”
“Was it nice to get to know Sarah better?”
“Sadie, Mom.”
“Right. Gosh darnit.”
“I did learn a couple things about her.”
“She’s seems like a nice girl.”
I pulled in a deep breath through my nose, and swallowed. “She is.”
“Is there something on your mind, Gene?”
“Hmm?” I raised my brows.
She narrowed her eyes, considering me. “Are you alright?”
“Sure, why?”
“You seem distracted.”
Running my index finger up my nose, I went to push my glasses only to remember I’d put in my contacts, the humidity was making my lenses fog up too much. “I’m alright.”
“You know you can talk to me.” She had said those same words to me so many times in my life; if she were a toy with a pull string, that would be one of her phrases.
Like a dutiful son, I nodded, while knowing my preoccupying thoughts would be the most awkward conversation I could have with my mother.
In my mind, memories of the last night I’d spent with Sadie played.
I wish I had known it would be the last time.
I would have committed more to memory—noticed more.
Given her a real kiss goodbye instead of . . . how did I leave?
I couldn’t even remember.
It was harder to get her off that night—which was fine, I liked a challenge. Had she been thinking about the other guy?
I covered my mouth with my fists leaning my elbows on the tabletop, my stomach suddenly roiling.
The idea that she might have wanted someone else while I was inside her filled me with a rush of emotions that pummeled into one another.
They swirled and mixed until the rage, jealousy, and hurt were intertwined and inseparable.
A sludgy brown-gray simmering in my gut.
“That work for you?” Mom asked, pulling my attention back to the present.
“What?”
Tilting her head, she glanced down at my hands fisted so tightly my knuckles were white. “Son, are you okay?”
“I am,” I lied. “What’d you say?”
She narrowed her eyes at me as if she was considering pushing the issue but then shook her head. “I’m gonna head out. Mike just texted that they’re on their way to meet you. I was just asking if you’re good to wait alone.”
“Yeah, go ahead. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Mom left, and I resisted the urge to go to the bathroom to check my hair and outfit.
I didn’t even know if Sadie was on her way with Mike and June.
Not that it would matter how I looked. She didn’t want me the way I wanted her—and if she did, we weren’t acting on attraction. Preening wouldn’t change that.
Platonic friendship. If I wanted her in my life, and I did, I’d have to settle for platonic friendship.
The waiter came up to the table, clearing Mom’s empty drink away.
I almost ordered a mojito for Sadie, her usual drink, but decided that would probably raise some questions about our familiarity.
Instead, I ordered another Old Fashioned sipping on the remainder in my glass and leaned back in my chair to wait.
But I’d hardly settled before I picked up on the familiar ring of Sadie’s laugh.
It sent a thrill of anticipation down my spine, and I was looking up with a lopsided grin on my face before I even realized it was there.
Strolling across the bar at the front of the group, she demanded my attention.
Her hair was pulled back in some swoopy up-thing at the back of her head with wispy strands soft around her face.
Whatever she’d done with her makeup was subtle, but her eyes were practically shining, and her lips were plump and soft pink.
The skin on her shoulders was sun-kissed and bare.
A strapless floral pattern dress cascaded to the floor and ruched across her breasts.
It was going to be a struggle not to stare at her all fucking night.
The smile slipped off my face when I noticed the man laughing next to her was my cousin Derrik.
Whether it was the fact that we were two competitive boys born months apart in a society that thrived on comparison, or the Universe needing to humble us, Derrik was my foil in nearly every way.
Growing up, we were neck and neck in academics, sports, and extracurriculars.
I did slightly better than him in each of these places, but he dominated me in every social arena.
Where I was anxious and grumpy, he was carefree and easy.
I’d become a lawyer. He’d become a pediatrician—from what I’d heard, he was very good at it.
I didn’t hate him. I didn’t think he hated me. But we hadn’t grown out of the undertone of competition between us.
And I hated the gleam of interest in his eyes when he smiled down at Sadie.
I clenched my fist then stretched my fingers twice before I could stop myself. Breathing out a long breath, I lounged in my chair as if I was completely unbothered while under the table my left leg bounced.
“Gene!” he called widening his arms for a greeting hug.
Standing, I returned his hug with one hand, holding my drink in my other hand. If I appreciated that I was slightly taller than him, I wasn’t going to resent myself for that.
“How have you been?” he asked. “I don’t think I’ve seen you since the family Christmas.”
“That’s sounds right. I’m good,” I answered him distractedly as I held my empty seat out for Sadie. There were only three chairs at the table, Mike had already ensured that June got the one Mom had vacated a few minutes ago and Derrik was moving toward the one closest to the window.
Sadie gave me a smile that looked almost sad and shook her head, but I lifted an eyebrow. “I need to stand anyway.”
“Oh, you need to?”
“I do.”
“Is it a medical condition?”
“Yeah, I have an allergy to chairs, but it’s just minor.”
She fixed me with the full force of her smile, warming me from the inside out. Sliding into the tall seat, she adjusted her dress.
“Thank you,” she mumbled down to her lap.
“You’re welcome.”
Mike gave my shoulder a squeeze, and I nodded a hello to June. The waiter came back to the table with my fresh drink and took everyone else’s order.
As soon as Sadie ordered a mojito, I regretted not already getting her one.
I did know her, and as she fell into easy conversation with Derrik, I didn’t care if it raised questions about how well I knew her.
It was proof that our time together had happened.
And even if I couldn’t remember exactly how it ended, at least right now, I knew her well enough to convince her to take my seat and what drink she liked to start off with, and that someday when I didn’t know those things it would hurt.
The truth of my feelings for Sadie were too clear for me to ignore. They loomed in my peripheral vision. It was a comfort and torture that she didn’t feel the same way about me.