Chapter 19
Town Hall Meetings were usually my cup of tea. I loved the drama, sitting back and watching Albert and Odette go at each other while Albert dropped an F bomb and Odette lost her mind, but tonight, I had no desire to be here.
I had a family size bag of tortilla chips and a jar of salsa with my name on it at my place. Most woman drowned their feelings in ice cream or sweets, but being around cake all day every day, my guilty pleasures tended to be heavy on the salt.
This was all Nero’s fault, of course. If he didn’t show up at the distillery right when the Shining twins turned into slaughtered carcasses, I might not have been craving salt and season two of Sex and the City. But no. He had to show up, look as if he was searching for me, only to walk away without a damn word.
I almost ran after him. Secretly, I hoped for another coat closet situation, but Damian had wrapped his arms around me. I had thought my gasp was in correlation with the movie, but it was because I’d spotted Nero.
I placed the cake I made for the meeting on the snack table next to the pot of coffee. Albert was the first there, impatiently waiting for me to cut the cake into slices he could snatch up.
“Good evening, Albert,” I said, attempting a smile, but it fell short.
“What flavor do we have today?” he asked, rocking on his booted heels.
“Carrot cake with a cream cheese frosting.” I caught the unmistakable twitch of his lips. “I can take a hint when I get one.” He had given me several bunches of carrots at no charge when I had stopped by his farm stand for apples.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“So you gave me those carrots out of the goodness of your heart?” I slapped my hand over my chest and stared at him lovingly. “I knew there was sweetness beneath all the gruff.”
“Fine, I wanted carrot cake. You happy?”
“Very.” I handed him the first slice that was equivalent to two slices. Though I’d put money down he’d be back for another slice.
“Can I have a slice, or is it only for people who don’t drag you into closets?”
Shock slammed into me, and I spun toward Nero. He was sporting a five o’clock shadow and looked sexy as hell. He swished his lips to the side and shrugged.
“I thought maybe you were still in that closet since I haven’t seen you.” I didn’t dare mention I had seen him at the distillery.
“You haven’t been by the winery.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy to have a glass of wine to unwind?”
“Yes. Why are you here, anyway?” This wasn’t exactly Nero’s scene.
“Phoebe and Laurent had some wedding bullshit. Franc and Quinn are taking Gio to some kid’s movie that came out this week, and well, you know Chardonnay has basically been banned from ever coming again.”
“And Sherry is taking an online seminar tonight.” I tried to talk her into coming with me, but she was adamant that she couldn’t miss the class.
“Yup, and Rose and Wyatt had a dinner party with friends. Which leaves me. The last resort.” His lips pressed into a forced smile.
“You’re not the last resort.”
“I was kidding, Lanes. Besides, we all know Rhone is the last resort.”
A laugh burst from my mouth, and I slapped my hand over my lips. “That’s not nice.”
“Someone has to keep him grounded.”
“Oh good, Nero.” Odette popped up behind us. “I can use a strong, strapping man like yourself.”
“I am at your service,” Nero said. “What can I do for you?”
“I have a box of clothes for Craig to bring to the school in my trunk.”
Nero held his hand out. “Keys.”
She handed them to him. “He might need some help, dear. I can man the cake and make sure Albert doesn’t eat it all before everyone gets a slice.”
“Thanks, Odette.” I gave her the knife and followed Nero into the parking lot.
He opened the trunk and found a single small box. “Why do I feel like we were set up?” he asked.
“I don’t know why. I told her the kiss in the tasting room meant nothing.”
“You and I both know that’s a lie.”
Words stopped in my throat, and I stared at him.
“Char told me I should fight for you.” He pulled the trunk down, placed the box on top, and rested against the bumper. “But I don’t know how to do that. Not when you have a chance at being happy.”
“I don’t want you to fight for me.”
“Then what do you want?”
“I want you to want me.”
“I do.”
I shook my head. “You don’t.”
“I literally just told you I did.”
And it should have been enough, but I knew my worth, and as much as I was head over heels in love with the man in front of me, I needed more than sex.
“You want me in your bed, and while it’s tempting, I want more. I want all of you, and maybe that makes me foolish or selfish, but I don’t want to settle.”
“And Damian gives you everything you want?”
My head tilted, and I inhaled before meeting his gaze again. “No, which is why I ended things with him.”
He blinked, then stared at me in what almost looked like confusion, but then that confusion dissipated as his eyes widened. “What? Why?”
“Because he wasn’t you.”
He stepped toward me, but I put my hand up. “I’m not na?ve. I know you’re not going to open your arms and give me the fairytale I’ve dreamed about for half my life.”
“Lanes, I’m trying to tell you.” He stepped into me, and this time I didn’t stop him. His hand cupped my cheek, and I nuzzled into his palm, loving the heat that radiated from his touch. “I want to give all of it to you.”
“You say that now, because the words are easy. What happens in a year?” His body tensed at the mention of a timeline, but I didn’t stop. If anything, I needed to prove my point more than ever. “When you get bored with me and are craving a different body type? Craving something that is deviant and reckless?”
He shook his head. “The only body type I want is whatever body you’re in.”
“I want to believe you.”
“Then believe me.”
It killed me, but I stepped out of his touch, giving us much needed distance. “I need time.”
“Time for what?”
How did I explain to him his betrayal by walking out on me made me see him in a different light? It turned the brightness down and showed me a dark side I wallowed in for one too many days. That pain, that excruciating pain mixed with regret, anger, and disappointment was something I never wanted to feel again. And though I believed him, I was still scared. He left me once. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again?
I survived a betrayal from him once, and I could probably survive again, but I didn’t want to survive. I wanted him to be the Nero I always thought he was. He might be being honest with me right now because emotions were high, but what about when that died down?
I met his gaze. “You said you’d fight for me.”
“Always. Even if you don’t want me to.”
“I’m asking you to stand down while I figure out a way to trust you again.”
His entire body stilled, and lines plagued his face as if I had physically harmed him. He inhaled sharply. “I understand.” He moved away from me. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I never should have given you reason to doubt me. Knowing I lost your trust… I imagine a knife to the heart would be kinder.”
“Tell that to Judith Meyer or Bob Simms,” I said, and when he laughed, my heart healed a little more.
“I’ll stand down, but I don’t want to be out of your life, Lanes. I miss you showing up at the tasting bar every night for a glass before you head home. I miss seeing you and talking to you. I think it’s why I haven’t been sticking around the winery. I have no reason to anymore.”
“If you think your charm is going to make me forget—”
“It’s not charm, Lanes. It’s the truth.”
“Did you two get lost?” Odette’s voice echoed across the parking lot.
“Will you leave them the hell alone?” Albert’s voice was like thunder.
Nero held his finger up and counted down to three and mouthed, “Language!” right as Odette said it.
Nero held my gaze for a second longer than stepped out from behind the cars. “We’re coming,” he said. He turned to me. “Ready to head to the circus?”
“Only if I can fly on the trapeze.”
“I don’t think there are any of those, but there are tons of clowns and even a lion tamer.”
A very unladylike snort came from me. “Did you just call Craig a lion tamer?”
“Swap his gavel for a whip, and it’s the same thing.”
“You got a point.”
He held his arm out to me, and I didn’t hesitate, slipping beneath it. He pulled me to his side, and for the first time since he left me in that hotel room, things were finally feeling like us again.
I stood outside the tasting room. Nero said he missed me, but was I setting myself up to go to the friend zone? I’d been there before. I was okay there. Comfortable. I knew my place. Maybe going back there was for the best.
Either way, I missed him, too, and if friends were what we were supposed to be, then I would accept it. No matter what happened, Nero had always been and would always be a part of my life. I just wished I could still trust him. Or at least understand why he bailed on me.
He made me think I was special. Made me believe I was different from the rest. But in the end, I wasn’t, and that’s what hurt the most.
With a deep breath, I stepped inside. I avoided my intrusive thoughts and went right to the tasting bar. It was a bit crowded and would continue to be as fall approached. Chris and Donna were behind the bar, but I couldn’t find Nero.
I found an open stool and glanced around, searching for him.
“If you’re looking for Nero, he took off,” a woman with long brown hair and a pretty smile said.
“Oh. I…”
“You fall for his charm, too?” She shifted, her tight low-cut shirt showing off pert breasts and a tiny waist.
My eyebrows drew together. “No.”
“It’s okay if you did. Happens to the best of us. Though, I’m happy to say by the piece of fabric I found in my dog’s mouth, he was in need of some new underwear after he ghosted me.” She took a sip of her wine and placed the glass down. “I should have known, though.”
“Known what?” Why I even cared was beyond me, but my curiosity took control.
“That it was just sex. I mean, he came right out and said it, but you know how it is. You think you could be the one to change a man.”
I didn’t think I could change Nero. I never wanted to. “But how did you know it was just sex? If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”
She swatted her hand in the air. “He never once made eye contact. Dead giveaway.”
My mind flashed to our night together. His intense gaze locked on mine and never left. I had never felt so connected to another person in my life. I thought he would bury his head in the pillow, or flip me over, but he never had. He’d never stopped eye contact.
I wasn’t like the others. It wasn’t just sex like he made me think after leaving me. It was more. I knew it then and I let my own insecurities overshadow the fact that Nero had his own insecurities. There were a million reasons he could have left, but I didn’t think it had to do with just me.
The woman finished her wine and slid off her stool. “I have to finish packing. Vacation is over.”
“Good luck,” I said.
“Thanks. You, too. Who knows? Maybe prince charming is waiting for me back on Long Island.”
“I hope he is,” I said, and as soon as she walked away, I spun toward the left side of the bar.
“Chris!” I called out.
“Hey, Lainey. What can I do for you? Want your usual?”
I shook my head. “Do you know where Nero is?”
“He had to help out a friend. He has Sutton and Rhone coming in to man the bar.”
“Do you know what friend?”
“Sorry, he didn’t say much else.”
I dug my phone out of my bag and texted Sherry.
Lainey: Do you know where Nero is?
My phone vibrated within seconds.
Sherry: No. What did he do?
I laughed and rolled my eyes. Sherry really wanted him to mess up so she could deck him one.
Lainey: Nothing. We’ll talk later.
Sherry: Are you sure?
Lainey: 100% positive.
“Did you want that wine?” Chris asked.
“No, thank you.” I slid off the stool. “I have to go.”
“Do you want me to tell Nero anything if I see him?”
“Yes, tell him I’m looking for him. Thanks.”
I hurried out of the tasting room with no idea where I was going.