Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
I have always known I would be queen one day.
I just never thought I’d be the queen of my enemy’s kingdom.
Erax's kingdom. The way he called me his queen sent shivers racing through my body, igniting every pore and scar with a desire I’ve been too frightened to feel.
The excitement is palpable in the air the moment we exit the chapel. I squint my eyes against the blinding sunlight reflecting off the rows of golden armour lined up outside. Beyond the wall of guards framing the pathway, thousands of people have gathered behind them to celebrate, and they’re all cheering and throwing confetti. Gold petals cascade around us, some of them landing on our heads and shoulders. I smile at the white sunflower seeds being tossed alongside them, scattering over the ground at my feet. It was tradition in my parent’s kingdom to throw the seeds at newlyweds to wish them good luck in their marriage.
Newlyweds .
The word stops me in my tracks. Erax —my husband —glances at me. Is that apprehension or annoyance on his face? My hand throbs, and I absently rub it, my fingers brushing the cut that bound us to each other. It pulses under the bandage Erax wrapped around my hand before we stepped outside. He watches the movement and then, to my surprise, takes my hand in his injured one. Once more joining us.
I hold my breath as I let him lead me down the path to the carriage waiting for us. He waves to his people—to our people. I glance up at their faces peering around and over the guards, trying to get a glimpse of us. Children poke their hands through the legs of the guards to throw more confetti. I raise my free hand, and I wave at them all.
They return the gesture with even louder cheers, and even more applause. Somewhere amongst these people are assassins and people who want to hurt me. I allow myself just a moment to forget about that. It’s not every day a woman gets married to the enemy of her life.
Besides, the dragons flying low overhead, and the hundreds of guards forming a protective wall around us, are surely enough of a deterrent for now. At least I hope so.
At the end of the path, Erax helps me into the carriage. He then climbs in and slides onto the seat beside me instead of the one across. I stare at the empty seat, my whole-body tensing as it instantly begins to heat up. We’re so close to each other. Far too close. His scent engulfs me, mingled with the smell of his blood on my lips and the memory of the kiss we shared as man and wife. Man and wife. The reality is like a heavy fog wrapping around my senses until they’ve been completely devoured by him, and all I can think about are those three things. His scent, his blood, and that awful kiss that bound me to him and made me weak at the knees.
He taps the roof, and the carriage jolts into motion. The sound of the seeds pelting off the carriage reminds me of rain tapping against a windowpane, and for some reason it makes me smile. I always liked the sound of rain. Even on stormy nights, I found its presence to be comforting. Grounding. However, in the corner of my eye, I spot Erax watching me, as if scrutinising my smile, and it makes me uncomfortable. My cheeks flame.
Why, now, am I suddenly feeling embarrassed with him?
No, not embarrassed.
Shy , as if I’m just a girl again, with a stupid little crush on the boy who always tried to look out for her at the convent. I shake my head. Husband or not, Erax is still my enemy. The convent suddenly feels like another lifetime. I can’t let myself forget it. I scoot as close as I can to the window and focus on the people cheering outside. No, I can never let myself forget what he did that day he burned my world to the ground.
It feels like only minutes pass before the carriage arrives. It halts outside the palace doors, and I’m relieved to see no more nun-eating-dragons or bodies being burned alive. I think I’ve had my fill of that. I don’t want any more gifts from the king.
As I let him take my hand and help me out of the carriage, I can’t help but wonder if that is what he’s doing—making amends via these gifts—and why. I thought he hated me.
I thought I hated him.
But the way my ridiculous heart is beating right now makes me wonder that perhaps I don’t hate him as much as I once did. Perhaps neither of us do. Or, and this is not highly unlikely, perhaps he’s just trying to lull me into a false sense of ease, so I’ll let my guard down. Then, when I least expect it, he’ll attack again.
My heart doesn’t seem to believe that. It’s still beating like a star shooting across the sky at hypersonic speed.
Erax climbs out of the carriage first and then again offers me his hand. I slide my own tentatively into his. His grip is surprisingly firm as he leads me back into his home. Behind us, his people wait in anticipation at the gates. It had been customary in our kingdom to allow those wishing to celebrate the royal wedding into the palace where they would be invited to feast and enjoy the festivities. However, the guards are ordering everyone to return home.
“Why are you not letting them in?”
Erax pulls me after him, his strides long and hurried. “I want the feast to be an intimate one. Close friends and members of my court only.”
“Don’t you trust your people?” I ask.
“Do you trust our people?” he retorts, with a light emphasis on the word ‘our’.
I glance back at the palace doors closing behind us. Even when this kingdom was my home, I could never trust everyone in it. Now that this kingdom—my home —is bonded to another one that quite clearly wants nothing to do with me, even if their disdain is subtle, I can only imagine how greater at risk I am here.
Erax approaches the great hall quickly and confidently. The doors are opened for him, and he leads me inside, his hand still tethered to my own.
The room has already been filled with tons of people but I’m too busy taking in the stunning decor to pay them attention. Gold paper dragons blow in the breeze across the ceiling, with silk ribbons falling from them and stopping just above our heads. The tables are all matching with gold plates, clothes and glasses but it’s the orbs filled with soft gold light that line the edges of every table that really make it feel magical in here. My eyes land on the two thrones raised on a high dais in front of the spectacular window. I have my own one now, and it looks just like the kings, except it’s white instead of black. The thrones are dragons themselves, curled around a seat. The tails of the dragons are wrapped together in the middle of the two thrones.
I climb the dais with Erax who stands to address everyone. I recognize none of them except from Noble, who is front and centre, his tall, lean body draped in a green cloak with gold buttons and embellishments. He looks so regal. Noble, even.
I fight a smile as I turn to face the people in front of me. A strange part of me wishes that I could find a familiar face. I know I should be totally against this marriage. The mere thought of wanting to celebrate it makes me feel sick, and yet… and yet there’s a part of me that wants to. The same part that cannot forget the kiss we shared and the words he said to me in that chapel. It’s like they’re poisoning my mind, taking root at the very depths of my being.
“Since the beginning of our world, our kingdoms have never known true peace. We are a people built and bred in war, for war and to die in nothing but fire and blood. Today marks the end of this endless cycle as we unite our lands in one kingdom. I fought and bled for each of you here today, and many of you stood proudly at my side and now I have my wife. The queen wants the same as I. In the name of the gods we all worship, may today begin a rule of peace.”
He nods at me, and we both settle into our thrones. I place my hands on the armrests, feeling the smoothness of the stone and leather seats. I blink at Erax suddenly reaching for my hand and holding it, his own now draped over the space between us just to touch me. The dance my heart gives is equally gut wrenching as it is exhilarating.
A servant offers me a glass of wine, but I shake my head. I’ve never tasted wine before—the smell always made me gag when the sisters made me pour it—and I have a feeling my opinion is not about to change. Erax, however, drinks the wine and then orders several more refills. His wine glass is soon replaced with a large goblet. All the while, he holds my hand, and pays thanks to those in his court offering their blessings and gifts. The latter is placed on a long table at the other side of the room and it’s not before long that the entire surface is covered in gifts.
After an hour of this, I squirm in my chair, my bones growing tired and achy. Erax snaps his fingers, and a servant holds out a glass filled with red wine.
“Here, drink it.” He nudges the glass towards me. “It makes sitting here for long periods more bearable.”
I stare at the wine glass. The colour reminds me of the blood he pressed to my lips before he kissed me.
“No, thank you.”
Erax raises his eyebrows in mock surprise. “Does my wife not trust her own husband?”
I glare at him, painfully aware of the smile threatening my lips. “Your wife doesn’t trust you as far as she can throw you.” I remove my hand from his. The absence of his warmth is instantly noticeable. “Besides, I’m allergic.”
“Mm. Convincing.”
Before I can claim my hand back, Erax grabs hold of me again. In one quick stride, he pulls me onto his lap, and his free hand falls upon my waist. I let out a surprised squeal as our faces are brought dangerously close, mere inches apart. A slight flush colours his smooth cheeks as he looks down at me. Even now, he still has to tilt his head. My own cheeks flush as I hold his stare.
Then, when I think I can’t possibly turn redder, he pulls me in for a kiss.
My entire body flares as it’s pressed against him, and my lips immediately part, as though they know exactly what this captor wants of me: to surrender, to obey. His tongue slides between them, taking mine prisoner, and a strange, bitter taste trickles to the back of my throat. It’s not unpleasant. It’s strong, like his scent which is invading my very lungs.
When Erax pulls away, there’s a grin on his lips. “Still allergic”
“Y-yes,” I lie again, “and it still tastes foul.”
I try to climb off his lap, but he tightens his hold on me. I search his gaze questioningly. There’s a dark glint in them that makes me stay quiet for a moment.
“You’ll sit here, wife, until you go into apoplectic shock.”
“I—” I cut myself off. How can I get out of this now? I don’t want to sit on his lap, and in front of so many people. I catch a glimpse of Noble smirking at me as he passes the foot of the dais, ordering the servants to bring more wine and ale. “Fine. I hope you’re prepared to bury your wife on the same day as you married her.”
Erax digs his fingers into the skin on his hip, making me wince.
“I was joking,” I say, not sure why I’m whispering or feeling the need to explain myself.
Erax softens his grip on me, but his eyes remain just as intense. “ Don’t .”
The warning laced around that one syllable makes me shiver.
Gods above, can he not take a joke? In a way our marriage is nothing but the biggest joke of all, but I don’t say that to him. I don’t like the chances of him bending me over his knee and spanking me like a child. I instead train my attention on those feasting and dancing before us. They're a good distraction, a reprieve from the man holding me prisoner in his arms.
“Here comes my other gift to you,” Erax says, his voice considerably softer.
My heart jumps. “Your gifts are beginning to frighten me, Erax.”
He laughs, and I hate how the sound makes me want to laugh with him. “I think you’ll like this one.”
I turn back to the crowd. My eyes seem to be playing tricks on me because for a moment I think I see my uncle working his way towards us. And then he stops by the bottom of the dais, removes his hat, and bows.
“Uncle?!”
I practically choke the word out as I push Erax away and climb off his lap.
“Pardon my tardiness, your royal highnesses, but there was a delay on the road. Fortunately, one of your dragon riders assisted me, though I must say I’m not as fond of flying as I thought I’d be in my youth. I damn near fell off and succumbed to death.” He raises his head, his eyes flickering between us before settling on me, and a sad smile twists his rugged lips. “Maelena. How the sun itself fails to rival your beauty on this day.”
Tears prick my eyes and, customs be damned, I climb off the dais and leap into my uncle’s arms. He catches me, albeit a little surprised, and I’m very aware of everyone watching us but I don’t care. Even if my uncle played a part in all this, I’ve missed him too much and how I have longed to hug him. He’s the familiar face I’ve been searching for. One of them, at least.
His arms enfold me in a familiar, much needed embrace as I glance at Erax from the corner of my eye. Now this gift… this gift I could get used to. He clears his throat, and my uncle lets me go. Straightening, he bows again to the king, keeping one arm around my back to grasp my shoulder.
“Your Majesty, I am honoured to be celebrating this day with you. To see my niece in such spirits…” His eyes cloud with tears and his throat jerks. “...you have given this old warrior a reason to smile again.”
“I hope not too old,” Erax replies, his hands draped over the armrests. “I was told you were the best warrior in the old kingdom and that you know these lands better than any mortal”
“I know them like the back of my hand, Your Majesty.”
“Then later you and I will discuss having you join my guard. They could do with learning some new tricks and you are no longer of use to the convent.”
Not far off to the side, Noble scoffs and mutters something under his breath. I don’t think he appreciated the comment about the king’s guard learning new tricks. Erax doesn’t take his eyes off my uncle, who hasn’t looked so happy in a very long time.
“I would be honoured, my king.”
Erax makes an affirmative gesture with his hand. “Consider it done. We must talk later. Tomorrow, perhaps.”
My uncle bows. “As you wish…” He trails off, and I watch the muscles along his jaw flutter. “If I could be so bold as to beseech more of your kindness, my king, and have a moment alone with my niece.”
Erax regards my uncle for several moments. “Since we are kin now, I don’t see why not. Noble—” He gestures to him. “Watch over them while I’m gone.” Then, turning to me, he adds, “Don’t get any funny ideas. I’ll just be over there.”
He casts a look across the room.
I nod at him and bite my lip. I have so much to discuss with my uncle, but most of all, I want to know if he knows about Lochlan. I need to know if he’s safe and if he ever made it to that place where his mother was born.
“I see our king has managed to tame you,” my uncle says to me, “and without noticeable injuries which a feat I thought no mortal capable of.”
Okay. So, I no longer want to hug my uncle. I want to punch him. I forgot how annoying he could be with his teasing. Erax narrows his eyes at him. Oh. Right. He doesn’t really understand the concept of a proper joke. Thankfully, with a quick glance at me, he returns my uncle’s nod somewhat curtly, before stepping off the dais and making his way to the banquet table. He is immediately sequestered by his people. Noble leans against the side of his vacant throne, his arms folded, and his eyes locked on me. Does that grin ever leave his face?
I turn to my uncle. “You must tell me everything!”
He chuckles, the sound tapering into a cough. That’s new. “Always eager, aren’t you, my little maeflower?” He smiles at me fondly as he leads us to a quiet corner of the room. Noble follows us with his gaze. “There is not much to say. The convent is no more; the king had it burned down not long after you departed. We lost many lives that night, including our possessions. Barely anyone survived. Nasty business. I still don’t know why he did it, but then, he is the king.”
My heart sinks. I don’t have the heart to tell him why Erax did what he did. Or rather, who for. I also don’t have the heart to tell him what Sister Gabriella put me through all those years. It would destroy him.
“I was lucky to make it out alive,” he continues, reaching for one of the small cakes on the dessert table. “If the boy Lochlan hadn’t come back when he did, I’d be rotting in the ground with the others.”
Instead of sinking, my heart leaps inside my chest, almost into the back of my throat. Lochlan… went back ? Why? I told him to keep going and leave without me. I promised I’d meet him and that when I did, we’d both be free again.
“How is…” I swallow the lump building in my throat, trying to appear calm. “Lochlan? Is he well?”
My uncle side-eyes me and there’s a knowing glint in his eye that makes me look away. “The boy is fit and well, but no less stupid, if you want my honest opinion. Insisted on coming here with me today. It was his fault we ended up lost and stranded and damn near became dragon lunch.” My uncle licks the cream off his fingers and reaches for another. “Did you know that he has family here? An estranged brother. That gentleman over there, if you could believe it.”
I follow my uncle’s gaze, my heart pounding. For a moment it stops beating when my eyes land on Noble. He’s still watching us. He unfolds one arm to give me a wave which my uncle returns. Gods above… The resemblance between Noble and Lochlan seems to slap me in the face. How did I not see it until now when it was pointed to me?
“Does he know? Noble, I mean, that Lochlan is here?”
“I don’t think he’d be alive if he did.” My uncle leans in and lowers his voice. “I think the boy came here to kill him. You get to know that look in a man’s eyes, and he had it.”
I can’t seem to look away from Noble. Why would Lochlan want to kill anyone, let alone his own brother? In all the years I’ve known Lochlan, he has never once displayed violent tendencies of any kind. He wanted to make the sisters pay for what they were putting us through, mostly putting me through, but he never did it. Besides, everyone who fell victim to them wanted to make them pay for their cruelty. What could Noble have done to Lochlan to warrant his own brother’s death? It just doesn’t seem like the sweet Lochlan I know.
“Where is Lochlan now?” I ask.
“I sent him back when he refused to get on the dragon.” He pops another dessert into his mouth. I have never seen him eat so much. In fact, I didn’t even know he had a sweet tooth until now. “He told me what you planned,” my uncle resumes, drawing my attention away from the sweet pastry and back to him. “The escape. The boat. The servant girl who was killed trying to help you.”
I don’t look away, even at the mention of the girl, who helped us, being killed. Did Sister Gabriella do that? I try not to imagine the horrific way she would have made the innocent girl suffer.
“Uncle, where is Lochlan?” I press him again.
He lowers the pastry that was about to be inserted into his mouth and his eyes harden, reminding me of the uncle who would scold me for always making your life so damn difficult, Maelena . The same eyes that used to look at me like I was his whole world, before the convent ripped him of that. That’s what Sister Gabriella and her followers did: they ripped you of every little joy until there was nothing left. And yet, on the rare occasions that my uncle and I were alone, I saw glimmers of the old uncle, the one who used to tell me silly stories and make me laugh until my belly ached. Now my stomach only clenches as he grabs my arm and pushes me to the nearest window, his features veiled in anger.
“It is time you grow up and start facing reality, Maelena,” he shouts in a whisper. “You are no longer a child but a woman. You are a wife now. A queen . You must start acting like one if we’re to get out of this mess alive!” His enraged features soften a little, and so does his voice, as he takes a deep breath and counts back from five. It’s a technique he taught me to do when I was little as a way to calm myself. “Maelena,” he says after a moment. “You must understand that your duty is no longer to honour what’s inside there”—he touches my heart, then nods over to the window— “but to honour what’s outside there. Go on, and look. Look at how our people are celebrating your union. Look at their merriment. Do you see them?”
Despite wanting to pull away from him, I follow his gaze to the window, where thousands of people are celebrating beyond the palace walls. Even some of the guards appear to be joining in on the songs at their stations.
“Don’t you see, my child? For the first time in decades, our kingdom can rest because for once there is peace among us now. Take it from this old warrior—peace is far more precious than all the gold in the world. And as queen it is your duty to help protect that peace.” He touches my cheek gently, wiping away a tear I didn’t know had fallen there. “Don’t throw it all away for the heart of a boy who’d rather burn that peace to the ground. I raised you to be wiser than that, Maelena. This boy?—”
“Lochlan,” I cut in, as tears race down my cheeks, “his name is Lochlan, and maybe… maybe there’s still a chance… I could be free again.”
That we could be free.
My uncle wipes my face with his sleeve. “As I see it, a queen is never free when the weight of her crown carries the fate of her people. Perhaps if you stopped fighting your king, and let the past be the past, and fulfilled your royal duty, then your crown might not be so heavy.”
What is he saying? Crown. Cage. They both mean the same to me now.
And royal duty? He means cementing my bond to Erax in a physical way I’ve never done with anyone before.
I turn around and glance around the room. My gaze instantly lands on Erax, as if called by him. I have spent most of my life crownless because of this man making his way towards me. His cruelty that awful day left me with a burden so heavy I have thought of nothing but my revenge, and Lochlan promised to help me get it. How can I just let that all go? How can I forgive Erax and leave what he did to me in the past when it was, he who so drastically altered my future?
This was never supposed to be my life, and I was never, ever supposed to feel happy about it. Yet when Erax kissed me inside the chapel, it was like he had stolen something from me because that was the happiest, I’ve ever felt.
It turns out the king is more than just a beautiful liar.
He’s a beautiful thief too.