Chapter 25 #2
“No, no.” Eddie waves his hands dismissively. “This is a good thing.”
“I don’t see how,” my mother says. “He’s using her face and body like she’s an employed actor or something.”
“That’s right, I’m acting,” I say with a tiny smirk. “It’s something you’re familiar with.”
I half wonder if she’s jealous it’s a role she can’t play. Any moment now I expect her to remind everyone I’m taking after her. It was her influence that led me to this moment in time. Her genes that made me who I am.
But instead, her lower lip is trembling as if she’s going to cry.
“Acting is something you never expressed any interest in,” Mami says.
“Maybe she’s proud of you, Geneva,” Eddie says, placing a hand on her shoulder. “And wants to be more like you.”
That’s a reach but I appreciate Eddie trying to smooth this over.
“That’s the last thing I want!” Mami says, standing, and dramatically throwing her napkin on the table.
She then turns in the direction of the hallway and stalks off toward the bedrooms.
Eddie and I stare at each other.
“What just happened?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “Don’t know.”
Abuelita pipes up. “Go talk to your mami, Luci.”
“Me?” I put a hand to my chest. First, I’m not done with the fried plantains or my rice. Second, what can I possibly say to her other than I’m sorry I lied, but that’s in my job description.
“Do you see any of her other daughters in this room?” Abuelita says.
“Fine!” Now, I get up and storm off.
At the closed bedroom door, I knock. “Let me in, it’s me.”
“Come in,” she says.
When I do, she’s hunched over, sitting on the edge of the bed, not prostrate in dramatic diva fashion as I’d expected.
“Okay, listen. See, I don’t understand why you’re so upset. Want to tell me? I’m the one who should be upset because I shouldn’t have said anything at all.”
“How can you not see why this bothers me?”
“I never wanted to be an actress, you’re right. And I’m still not. This was a one-time deal and it’s definitely typecasting. It’s like having a pen name, which a lot of authors do.”
“You don’t feel…used?”
“Not at all. It was my choice. My decision. They’re paying me well for this. Plus, I’ve had a lot of doors open and the next book will actually be written by me. It’s the greatest opportunity I’ve ever had.”
My mother sniffs and I notice she has a rumpled piece of tissue in her trembling hands. “I know how opportunities can pull you in but if you have to change who you are, it will only lead to disappointment.”
“I’m not changing who I am. Basically, Elizabeth Brogan is me, and I’m Elizabeth Brogan.”
“He’s never going to…change his mind who should play Elizabeth?”
It hadn’t even occurred to me, because it’s too late now, and we have a contract. Still, it’s stated to be valid for only one year. I’m not sure what could happen after that but it wouldn’t make much sense to hire anyone else.
“We have a contract.”
“Contracts can be broken.”
“It wouldn’t be in his best interest because that would lead to a lot of questions he doesn’t want to answer.”
Mami puts her hand on mine. “Don’t let anyone, especially a man, have too much control over your career.”
And just like that, a wave of unwanted sympathy for Mami washes over me.
My mother was raised by a Latina generation of women who had only begun to question a man’s role, authority, and control over them, so I’m surprised by this enlightened view. I’ve never once considered Ryan had any control over my career, but in a small way he does.
“Is that what happened to you? Did Seb take control over your career?”
“And I didn’t even see it happening. But it wasn’t just him. Him, and all the men who control everything. He even controlled my body. What I ate, and when. I could never be thin enough for any of them.”
This is brand new information to me, the idea this obsession with weight and looks didn’t originally come from her.
The wave of compassion becomes a tsunami. My poor mother, believing her worth was tied to how men felt about her. And the way they felt about her was based on her looks.
Except for my father.
Except for Eddie.
“I’m sorry he made you feel that way. Your body is beautiful, no matter the size.”
She dissolves into tears and I can’t take it anymore. I wrap my arms around her and feel her body shake with wracking sobs. Patting her back gently, I remind her I’m here. She’s home and no one is going to ever judge her again.
And now that includes me. I won’t judge her for leaving me behind. I won’t judge her for pursuing her dreams after she lost my father. I won’t judge her for marrying my father when she wanted Eddie.
After a while, her sobs become whimpers, then hiccups. Eddie gently opens the door once, throws my mother a worried look, and I wave him away. I’ve got this.
“Why did you choose to come home?” She doesn’t respond right away, so I prompt. “Was it all about Eddie?”
In the space of that moment, I realize I want it to be him. He should be the reason she came back because he deserves it. I don’t want to hear she came back because she ran out of other acting opportunities.
“No, it was you. I hated myself when I was with Seb, hated that I never stood up for you. And I didn’t mean any of those things I said to you yesterday. You’re not too much, Luci. I wonder if you’ll ever forgive me.” She pats her nose with the tissue.
“I know what it’s like to say things you don’t mean in the heat of the moment,” I say. “I hope at least part of you came back for Eddie and that it wasn’t just because you had no choice.”
She shakes her head. “Eddie always accepted me for who I am. Just like your father did. I wanted to see for myself if there was still something there.”
“And there is.”
“Yes, but I won’t do anything about it. I can learn how to be alone like you have.”
“No, you can’t,” I snort. “But it’s nice you want to try.”
“I’m not like you and your hip generation. Maybe if I’d started sooner, learning how to rely less on a man…”
“I don’t want to be alone forever,” I explain.
“Oh, thank God. I’d like to be a grandmother someday.”
“Eddie is a good man,” I say. “He will never leave you, or hurt you, or let you down in any big way. I’m sure of it. He’s waited a long time for you, and in my opinion, you two should be together. You’ve waited for each other long enough.”
She brightens through red eyes and it’s like someone turned on her light but it’s too much wattage. “Really? It’s okay with you?”
“You’ll need to take care of him. He’s about as old-school as you are.”
“No doubt.”
“But let me be clear.” I hook a thumb to my chest, putting some steel into my spine. “If you ever hurt him, if you ever leave him, you will have to deal with me. And it won’t be pretty.”
I don’t tell her, but I’ll issue Eddie the same threat, though it’s hardly necessary.