2. Amelia
Chapter 2
Amelia
I ’ve worn many masks in my life, but ‘devoted girlfriend’ is proving to be the most suffocating of them all. And I should leave this apartment now, but I’m no longer going to pretend that he isn’t cheating on me.
I thought he loved me. He’s never told me, but he bought me nice things, took me to fancy restaurants, and showered me with attention.
What is love supposed to look like?
It cannot be like this.
I want to scream as I pull at the necklace around my neck, the one he bought me. I snap the chain, letting it and the heart drop on the floor.
At least, my cheating boyfriend fucked my best friend in the spare bedroom.
Small blessings.
Why did I think he loved me? I don’t know.
Come to think of it, only my parents gave me any genuine love.
Though I’m no better, I never loved Felix when I moved into his apartment. Back then, I was desperate for a home, not love. After a year of couch surfing, I jumped at the opportunity to live with him.
I see it now. We were a transaction. Each party got what they wanted without ever connecting.
And now, as I hear him in the next room of this sleek high-rise apartment in Manhattan, I’m struck by a cold realization. My life as I know it will change once again.
But I can’t stay here at the expense of my self-respect. Not again…
Because I never expected to come home from a work event to find him sleeping in the bed with her.
One of my best friends.
I’m not upset like I thought I would be. There are no tears coating my eyes, but bile rises in my throat as the truth hits me like a hard slap on my cheek.
He doesn’t love me, and he never has.
I’ve been too blind, too desperate for someone to want me to see it.
A lump forms in my throat as I realize how much time I’ve wasted. All this time I’ve spent with him, convincing myself that the material comforts he gives me can fill the void in my heart.
But they can’t—nothing can.
When I stand up, my legs are shaky. But I walk to the floor-to-ceiling windows and look out at the glittering city that sprawls out before me.
New York was once the place I sought safety. A place full of possibilities.
Now I feel trapped, scared to walk away from what I have—but I have to.
I sold my soul for safety and empty promises, and the price tag is only now becoming clear.
“Jo…” Felix calls my friend’s—former friend’s—name.
Again?
I peek around the doorway to see them.
Anger roils in my stomach. I have to leave.
While he enjoys her mouth on his dick, I do what I should’ve done when I found them. Not confront them—I don’t care enough for that.
I storm into my bedroom. A place that was once a haven after living on the streets, but now it’s like everything here—tainted.
I grab a black duffle bag from the closet and throw my clothes and make-up inside.
The hangers clatter against each other as I grab what I need when I spot his black Amex card lying on the dresser. The same card he used to buy me expensive gifts, or wine and dine me at fancy restaurants. Only now do I realize this card represents the materialistic trap I’ve been stuck in.
I snatch it, shoving it into my purse because a night in a hotel is the least he owes me. After tonight, I’ll have to beg a friend to let me stay.
Then I see his gold card to Club Elysium on the floor, the membership he treasures more than anything else in his sad life. A smile curls upward as I crouch to the floor and take it. Twirling between my fingers.
The smile remains until I glance at myself in the mirror. My long, dark brown hair is boring next to Jodie’s golden blonde tresses. Yet, I do like my bright blue eyes and olive-colored complexion, but Jodie is who everyone wants to fawn over.
I close my eyes and shake away my insecurities as I take out my phone and send a message to Carly.
“Hey girl, want a night out on me? I’m buying.” I pause, thinking about how I’m going to process this whole thing with her, but for now, I just need to escape. “At Club Elysium.”
“It’s a members-only club,” she says about the sex club hidden in a side street deep in Manhattan.
“And I have got a membership card.”
There’s silence for a few seconds before she yells, “Fuck yeah! I’m in.”
Minutes later, my bag is packed, and I dump it at the door, but I’m not ready to leave yet. I need to see them one more time to etch the evidence of his infidelity in my brain–or my phone.
I creep back to the spare bedroom, careful not to make any noise. I stand at the doorway with my back against the wall, trying to remain out of sight.
My eyes roam over the rumpled sheets on the bed, the discarded clothes strewn over the floor. Then at them.
They are oblivious to me being here, lost in their moment of lust. Her mouth is bobbing around his dick. His fist grips her hair as he stares at her, mesmerized.
His mouth is open wide, his face contorted, and his dick is so far down her throat it has rendered him speechless.
He looks fucking ugly when he’s about to come.
I should move, but I remain frozen in the doorway with my hand still gripping the cool metal of the handle. I’m etching every detail in my brain for when my dickhead ex-boyfriend tries to tell me it never happened.
But it is, and the scene before me is not the first time. The trouble was that the last time I only caught them afterward. With disheveled hair and her lipstick on his face. At least Jodie panicked and pretended she was at Felix’s apartment to see me.
I should’ve walked away that time and not accepted it when Felix told me I was paranoid. I certainly shouldn’t have accepted him turning it on me by telling me he was angry at my lack of trust in him.
“Jodie...”
I press the record button on my cell as Jodie glances at me. She doesn’t stop looking. She’s not worried. It’s like she is goading me.
“I’m coming, Jodie...”
His breathy moan cuts through the air like a knife in butter, and I should feel it twisting in my gut. I should be devastated, shattered. Or better still, I should unleash a tempest of fury.
Instead, I’m eerily calm as I add Felix to the long list of disappointments in my life. Right below ‘deceased parents’ and ‘losing my inheritance.’
That is probably why my heart doesn’t hurt. I’ve been through too much, seen too much, to break over something as mundane as infidelity from a man I never loved.
My pride, though? That’s smarting. It’s screaming at me to storm into the room and make a scene worthy of my family name. To let Felix and Jodie know exactly who they’re dealing with.
But I can’t do that. That’s not who I am anymore. Or at least, not who I’m supposed to be.
Jodie knows I’m here, but he still doesn’t know as I creep away and make my way to the front door. When I reach the entrance to his apartment, I lean against the door and stare back down the hallway. I let out a soft but bitter laugh and think about what happens now.
What should I do?
I loved his apartment. Living in New York is expensive, and having a boyfriend who worked on Wall Street had its perks.
It’s just another bump in the road. I tell myself. Because I’ve had plenty.
I straighten up, smoothing down my dress. I have to decide now, and it’s not about Felix or Jodie or the shambles of my love life.
But first, I’m going to get steaming drunk, and for the first time in my life, fuck a stranger.