Chapter 18 #2
Saffron arrived at the door and realized the keys to the office were missing from her bag.
Had she dropped them in the stairwell? She dashed across the North Wing and into the Wilkins Building, but when she reached the stairwell where she’d spoken to Blake, they weren’t there.
She exhaled slowly, trying to focus when all she could think about was Berking’s last words.
“You’ll get your study if I’m pleased with what you have to offer. ”
One thing at a time. She didn’t have too long to get the typing done before meeting Dr. Henry—that was the priority. Alexander would probably let her use his typewriter if he was in his office.
Luckily, Alexander was inside. She entered at his word and sat on the chair opposite where he stood at his desk, sleeves rolled up and pouring over files.
Her heart was still pounding from her jaunt back and forth across the Quad, but she forced her voice to be steady. “I just went to see Dr. Berking.”
He looked up quickly, concern sharpening his eyes as he looked her over. “What happened?”
Saffron still felt dazed, like the last ten minutes had been a bizarre dream. Running her own study was a dream, but being indebted to Berking would be a nightmare. “He offered me my study.”
“Your study? Which one?”
“I proposed a project when he, you know, bothered me, and he hadn’t said anything about it, and I never thought he would agree to let me do it—not after what happened.
It’s regarding the pigmentation of different kinds of tropical plants.
He mentioned it at the meeting, but not very accurately.
I think he said it like that to bother Dr. Henry.
Didn’t you notice how he got all stiff and annoyed when Berking was speaking?
It’s because some of the specimens are rather poisonous, and I wanted to determine what differences there were in pigmentation since Dr. Maxwell will already be working on chlorophyll.
Except that now Berking says his study is off.
” Saffron realized she was rambling. “Anyway, he said I could do it if I could get it ready in time.”
Alexander frowned, leaning his knuckles against the surface of his desk. “Dr. Maxwell’s project is scrapped, and yours is going forward?”
“It seems so,” Saffron said, a little hurt at his complete lack of enthusiasm. Was he angry that hours of research had been wasted? “I know you’ve already done so much work for Maxwell’s study, but I’ll be able to do most of the work myself, so you won’t have to—”
“I’m not concerned about the work,” he said impatiently. “I’m curious why he’s allowing you to do it now, just before we’re leaving. And why is he giving you your project rather than one of the professors or researchers?”
“Well, it was a rather good proposal,” Saffron muttered, put out at his inference.
“What did he say you have to do?”
Her stomach dropped at the prospect of being in that office with Berking again. “He said I have to finish my proposal and discuss it with him tomorrow to finalize it.”
“You have to go speak with him?”
“Yes,” Saffron said slowly.
“In his office?”
Saffron nodded, excitement replaced entirely by anxiety.
Alexander crossed his arms. “Don’t you think he’ll use this situation to his advantage? You’re going to him for approval for a project you shouldn’t even get the chance to do—”
“Shouldn’t get the chance to do?” Saffron repeated, her voice rising. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Alexander grimaced. “That isn’t what I meant. I mean that there is a reason he’s offering it to you and not to an actual researcher with more experience. You’re just an assistant.”
Even if she knew what he was saying was true, that he would say it hurt more than she would have thought. “Maybe it’s because my design was good. Maybe it’s because—”
“Maxwell is now gone and Berking knows you badly want to get ahead in the department? He’s already targeted you once.”
“I don’t have a choice!” She was on her feet in an instant, unable to sit still with the roiling anxiety in her stomach.
Saffron hated that she knew how right he was.
But even though she knew Berking was scum and might have a mind to repeat his prior actions, how could she say no to the possibility of her own study, one that might possibly be published?
This might be her only chance. If she said no, she doubted the offer would be repeated.
“Of course you have a choice,” Alexander said, his voice more gentle. “I don’t understand—”
Saffron blinked away furious tears. “You clearly don’t understand, Alexander.
You’ve no idea what it’s like to come in here every day and feel inadequate, to feel like an imposter.
You don’t know what I gave up to study here, let alone work here.
You came to the university and found your place and thrived.
You have no concept of the daily struggle that I have just to be here. ”
Alexander’s face turned stony, though his eyes burned hotter. He just stared at her, jaw clenched.
“Thank you for your concern,” Saffron said stiffly, looking away, “but I’m quite sure I have it under control. May I use your typewriter? I need to prepare the meeting notes for Dr. Henry, and I’ve lost the keys to Dr. Maxwell’s office.”
Alexander went to the cabinet behind his desk. He lifted the heavy typewriter from within and set it on the desk, then left the office without a word.
Saffron finished typing the notes much sooner than she expected, spurred on by Alexander’s voice in her head with each punch of a key.
“You’re just an assistant. You shouldn’t get the chance.
” It infuriated her that he would say something that could have come from the mouths of any of the cynical men she’d worked with. She’d thought he was different.
Alexander returned just as she stood up with her stack of notes.
“Thank you,” she said, not looking at him. “I’ll let you know what needs to be done to prepare for my study, if it’s approved.”
Saffron was still angry when she reached Dr. Henry’s office ten minutes later.
Snyder was gone and Saffron was early, so she paced around the fine carpets in the small outer office.
Better to be angry than afraid. She’d feel plenty of fear tomorrow when she walked into the room with Berking, and the anger would fuel her work more effectively now.
“Miss Everleigh, do come in!” Dr. Henry called from his office, his brusque voice making her jump.
Saffron stepped inside, making sure to leave the door opened. The hall outside the office was still bustling with students and staff, so if things went awry, someone would hear her calls for help. The thought made her insides squirm.
Dr. Henry stood at the glass shelf by the nearest window on which stood a scollection of liquor bottles.
He poured a good amount of scotch into a glass that had the dregs of a prior drink.
He lifted the glass to his lips and caught her looking.
“Damned gossips will drive a man to drink, you know. Will you join me?”
“No, thank you.”
Either he didn’t hear her, or he didn’t care, as Dr. Henry brought her a small glass of chartreuse from a nearly empty bottle. The terrible thought that the drink could have been laced with poison crossed her mind, and she sat it on Dr. Henry’s desk, untouched.
Dr. Henry settled behind the large desk and said, “I brought that back from a conference in Marseilles. Waste of bloody time.” He took a long drink from his tumbler. “Good liquor, though.”
Saffron smiled slightly and put her notes on his desk. He didn’t look at the file, just continued looking at her, his eyes narrowed.
“Snyder says you assist old Maxwell. What’s he got you doing? Typing and shuffling around books? Or out in a field, pulling up plants?” He chuckled and took a drink.
Despite herself, she was gratified by his question. Usually people assumed she just typed things and stood around like an ornament. “I do a bit of everything. Dr. Maxwell usually gives me work in the greenhouse or research to do. I’ve been helping to gather his materials for the expedition.”
Dr. Henry nodded and finished his drink. He swaggered back to the bottles for another, his eyes still on her but perhaps a little unfocused. How many drinks had he had? Maybe enough to talk.
“There seems to be so much to do for the expedition. I can’t imagine how you’re coping with your responsibilities on top of caring for your poor wife. I was at the party when she was taken ill,” Saffron said sadly, her eyes innocently wide.
Dr. Henry made an impatient noise and looked off toward the window. “Yes, it’s been challenging. Can’t even go see her without …” He cleared his throat and took another gulp of his drink. “But that doesn’t matter. Expedition is on. I’ve got work to do.”
Saffron shifted in her chair, attempting to get a view of his face. “It’s got to be such a burden, trying to get everything straightened out before your departure. You know, arrangements for your wife, sorting out equipment and finances …”
Dr. Henry drained his glass and clunked it down on the shelf, causing the glass panels to tremble and Saffron to jump.
Hurriedly, she said, “I’m sorry, Dr. Henry, I didn’t mean—”
“No, no,” he said gruffly, looking about the room disconsolately. “She hasn’t woken up after that blasted drink. I don’t know what to do. Poor girl is right out of it, and I’m going off …” His throat bobbed as he swallowed.
Saffron was rather at a loss. Dr. Henry was surprisingly emotional at the mention of his wife. He didn’t seem to even hear her obvious reference to the embezzlement.
His hand shook as he refilled his glass, and his face was clouded.
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Dr. Henry. I’m sure you’re doing what she would have wanted you to do,” Saffron said softly, aware that her words were absolute rubbish. She had no idea if Mrs. Henry wanted him to travel and explore.