Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Evander stood before his painting, arms folded, expression discerning and filled with judgment.
When Evander started a new project, he never knew what might come from it. He did not plan. He did not consider. He simply painted, using the canvas to express his thoughts and his feelings in ways that he never could do out loud… or even to himself.
It was his therapy, and the paintings that hung on the walls of his studio presented a tapestry of his life thus far.
Most of it were dark, twisted images that told of a monster hungry for pain and misery and sorrow.
But some of it, those rare pieces that he dared to complete, showed a different side.
He turned slightly, catching sight of one such piece.
It hung in the very corner, out of the way so that most would miss it if they were not looking.
It was a painting of a family, not his own, out for a walk through the park.
The sun shone bright. The grass under their feet was green.
And their faces wore happy smiles such that when he had painted it, Evander had imagined laughter filling the air.
A different time… a different man…
That piece had been painted shortly before Aaron was born.
His mother, Liliaane, although not someone whom Evander had loved, his marriage to her was for expectation, done because of his position in society, had still taken up a place in Evander’s heart.
She was softly spoken. She was obedient and not the type to cause an argument.
But she was his wife, the mother of his future child, and that had meant something.
It was enough that Evander had allowed himself to feel a semblance of hope in what the future might bring. He did not think himself to be the type who might look forward to happiness, but the idea that such a state of being might somehow find him was a feeling that he had started to covet.
So, he’d drawn that painting, imagining himself as a father and a husband. Not something he had ever seen himself as, but something that he might have liked to grow into, was he given the chance.
I was a fool to let myself succumb to such emotions, such fanciful dreams that I knew deep down could never exist. And now, while some might see that painting and smile, I see it and scowl, knowing it for what it is.
It is false hope… that is all it can ever be.
He tore his eyes from the painting and looked at what he had been working on. A verdant landscape, tranquil and serene on first inspection, but with a storm approaching on the horizon.
Evander scowled at the storm. His first inclination was to increase its size, to make it more menacing and apparent so that nobody would mistake this painting for what it was.
However, the longer he looked, the more he dared to wonder…
should he remove the storm entirely? Should he paint blue skies only, as if such a thing exists?
“Knock, knock,” a soft voice spoke from behind him.
Evander’s eyes widened, and he snatched at the sheet which hung from the easel, quick to cover the portrait as if he should be ashamed of it.
Then he turned, and he scowled at the intruder. “What are you doing here?”
Miss Finch did not appear in the least bit threatened by his temper. Rather, she seemed amused by it, even smirking as she stepped into the room.
Evander continued to scowl, wanting to put her in her place… he needed her to know that this was not an act. Even if it felt that way.
“Might we talk for a moment?” she asked, coming to a stop halfway into the room.
It was a small victory, but that she did not come too close was a sign that she was not as comfortable around him as she wanted to appear. No doubt, their conversation last evening, and what happened after, still sat with her.
Evander allowed a smirk of his own, somewhat happy with this realization. It gave him leave to pretend that their kiss was done for good purpose, that he still had power over her, and that he had not kissed her for the exact opposite reason.
I was merely putting her in her place. That is all it was. She is so desperate to prove that she does not fear me that I need to remind her why she should.
It was weak reasoning, and the way that Evander’s body began to sweat, just as his eyes flicked to her luscious lips, was proof enough of this.
“Have we not spoken enough for one day?” he said sharply.
“You refer to this morning?” she said, still smirking. “I would agree, had you said more than two words. You know, part of joining your son for breakfast means being present.”
“I was there, wasn’t I?” he dismissed. “That is enough.”
“And it was a wonderful success,” she said, turning the smirk into a warm smile. “So much that Master Aaron had not stopped speaking of it all day.”
“Really?” Evander’s heart skipped a beat.
“He has been,” she said. “Which is why I wanted to see if you might join us for a walk this afternoon? I know how much Master Aaron would appreciate it.”
He very nearly said yes.
While Evander liked to pretend he did not care about his son, nothing could be further from the truth.
He wanted his son to love him, just as he wanted to be the type of father that he’d never had.
While Evander was damaged beyond repair, there was still hope for Aaron, still a chance that he might grow into the man who Evander could never be.
Sadly, it was because Evander was so broken that doing something as simple as spending time with his son was just about impossible. He simply wasn’t that man…
“I told you I was busy,” he said. “I do not have time for walks.”
“Are you sure?” Miss Finch pushed. “It will only take an hour or –”
“I said no,” he snapped.
What is wrong with you, Evander? Say yes. Go for the walk! It should not be so hard!
“Very well,” Miss Finch said simply, not sounding in the least surprised. “I thought I would ask.”
She did not turn and leave.
Rather, she stood with her hands folded before him, saying nothing, but looking at him expectantly, as if she did not believe a word of what he had to say.
The room was dark, but somehow the darkness did not touch her.
She was like a light that shone bright, despite the oppressive shadows that crept from the walls and suffocated.
Her green eyes glimmered. Her white skin sparkled.
And Evander found himself grateful that she had decided to stay across the room.
It is no wonder that men like Thomas flirt with her. Any man, regardless of his station, would be lucky if they…
He shook his head, trying to force those thoughts away. And all the while she continued to watch him, the softest of smiles on her full lips.
“Actually…” Evander found his lips moving as if on their own. “I have just had a thought.”
“Oh?”
His mind turned back to earlier this morning, when he had seen Thomas flirting with her. Evander should not have cared one whit about something like that. Let Thomas flirt. Let her be flirted with. He did not own her, and she was free to do as she pleased – a point she proved often.
But the idea of someone else having her… Of Miss Finch giving herself completely to another… Jealousy spiked through Evander, white-hot rage, and that pesky need to be in control, always.
“Seeing as you are so fond of rules,” he started as the idea formed. He attempted to act casual and aloof. “I will join you for this walk, so long as you agree to a rule of my own.”
“I cannot imagine why I wouldn’t.”
He exhaled sharply out of his nose and allowed a smirk of his own. “You have six months here, as you know. Six months during which you work for me… where I am your employer, and everything you do is with that very real state of being in mind.”
She frowned. “And…”
“For that reason, during those six months, no matter what, you are not to court anyone. And you are especially not to wed.” Her eyes widened in surprise and Evander chuckled. “I would hate for anything to get in the way of your duties. Distractions such as that need to be avoided.”
Miss Finch frowned at him, looking uncomfortable and confused for the first time since entering the room. Evander relished this state of being, pleased to see that he still had what it took to keep her on her toes.
“I… That should not be a problem.”
“That is not an answer,” he said.
Her expression hardened. “Oh, so you wish for clarity? Although I think the rule is somewhat silly and unnecessary, I can assure you that I will not be courted or marry so long as I am employed by you. There.” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Is that good enough?”
Was it so strange that Evander felt a sudden weight lifted from his shoulders? It was relief, the jealousy that had spiked through him, gone completely.
“Good,” he said. “In that case, I will happily join you for your walk.”
She continued to watch him, the confusion still clear upon her face. No doubt she wondered at the true nature of this request… not that she would dare voice it.
“Is there anything else?” she asked.
“That will be all,” he said. “I will see you this afternoon.”
Her frown deepened, a final look of confusion, before she turned and walked from the room.
Evander allowed another smirk to touch his lips as he turned back and removed the sheet from the painting. He told himself that this was another victory, because all he had done was prove once again that he was in complete control.
But if I were in control, why make the rule in the first place?
He knew the answer, just as he would never admit to it.
However, as he studied the painting, as he eyed that storm cloud, he decided that he would not add to it. It was fine as it was, no need to add further darkness to the scene because it did not feel right.
That alone should have screamed for all to hear how Evander truly felt… but again, he would ignore it, as he did so often. Such was the fear of happiness that lurked within, because men like Evander were not bred to be happy. Nor would he ever be.