Epilogue
When Octavia came too, it took her a few moments to remember what had happened. Her eyelids were heavy. Her thoughts were clouded. And the last thing that she remembered…
Aaron!
She sat up quickly, her head spun, and she was forced to lie back down.
“Miss Finch!” She recognized the voice immediately, and unsurprisingly, it brought with it an immediate feeling of safety. “You’re awake.”
The Duke had been across the room when she’d woken, but he hurried to her bed and sat down beside her. Not too close, though, she noticed. He made sure to keep a small distance between them, even if it looked as if he wanted to be right by her side.
“What… where am I?” Slowly, Octavia pushed herself up. The room spun, but she shut her eyes, breathed slowly, and forced herself not to collapse.
“It is no wonder you do not recognize it,” the Duke said with a soft chuckle. “Even as troublesome as you have always been, I doubt you would have dared to venture in here.”
“What are you…” Octavia took a moment to consider his words.
She realized now that she was lying in a soft bed, one made of a dozen pillows and the thickest blankets that she had ever felt. Her eyes adjusted further, and one look around the generously proportioned room was enough to tell her exactly where she was.
“Oh…” Her cheeks flushed. “Yes, it might have been a problem if I had known it just from sight.”
“I would have had some questions.” The Duke smiled at her awkwardly, and she could see how nervous he was.
Lucky then that she felt the same.
Since the moment that Lady Redgate had appeared in her life, things between Octavia and the Duke had been nothing but awkward. Every time they spoke, every time that they were together, there had been a sense that neither was saying what was on their mind.
Octavia knew well enough what it was that she was holding back, but that was only done because the Duke was just as closed off.
There was an irony there, that Octavia, who preached openness and honesty, was unable to follow these same rules.
And she knew now that until she did as she claimed all should do, that nothing would change.
Is that not how it always was with the Duke?
He wanted to be more open and honest, but he did not know how.
I thought that the ball would be the last time I saw him. This… it feels like a final chance to say what I know that I must.
Wise words… but they caught in her throat.
“The boys are fine,” the Duke said to break the silence. “I spoke to them both, making sure that they know that what they did was wrong.”
“How did they take it?”
He chuckled. “I do not think they care. They wanted to see one another, just as they wanted you back here. So, likely, they see this as a victory.”
She laughed and shook her head. “It is my fault that –”
“No,” he said sharply. She frowned at the tone, and he grimaced. “Sorry, I should not… I just do not want you to blame yourself. For anything. And not just what happened today, but… You and I.”
“What of us?”
He could not look at her, forced to speak into his chest. “When I came to see you at the ball, I thought that I was doing the right thing. I felt that I had been unkind to you and that by seeing you and telling you that I did not blame you, that it would somehow relieve me of my guilt.” He laughed bitterly. “Typically, it only made things worse.”
Octavia had been here before. It was not the first time that the Duke had let his guard down, so she knew to be silent and let him speak.
However, as he did, she shuffled further across the bed so that she was right beside him. And then, feeling that it was the right thing to do, she took his hand. He flinched when she did, then he frowned at her hand, and then he squeezed it tight.
“There is so much I want to say,” he continued, still unable to look at her.
“I want to tell you how grateful I am for all you have done. But that feels… it feels like it does not begin to scratch the surface. I want to tell you how you helped me to see…” He bit into his lip.
“How you helped me to see who I am, or who I can be. You know of my upbringing, why I am this way. So, you know better than anyone…” He grimaced. “Why is this so hard to say?”
“Take your time,” Octavia said gently. “It is only you and I here.”
He breathed in deeply. “I was upset when you left. Not that you were given this opportunity, and not that you left us. I was upset because when you left, I realized how much I… that I…”
“That you what?” she pressed softly.
Another deep breath, and he looked at her finally. His expression was sad. He looked lost and afraid, as if he knew where he wanted to go but did not know how to get there.
Octavia’s heart started to flutter again, with a sense of hope. She was so certain of what he wanted to say, and it took everything she had not to finish his thought for him.
Before she said her own piece, he needed to do so first. He needed to know that it was right to speak his truth, that it was what she wanted.
“I realized how much I need you,” he said painfully. “As soon as you left, I turned into the man I used to be. I ran straight back, falling into old habits as if they were a second skin. I knew it was wrong, and I knew I could do better. I just didn’t know how.”
“I think you underestimate yourself.” Octavia was sure to look at him as she spoke. “The man I saw today, the one who ran all over London looking for his son… he was not that same man who I met on my first day here. You think you are this man, but you are not.”
He laughed softly. “You see that, right there. That is why I need you here. Only you could…” He shook his head. “Only you see me that way. As only you make me want to be better.”
“Is that all?” She shuffled in closer so their knees touched. “Is that the only reason you want me to stay?”
“No.” He licked his lips, and his expression hardened. “The truth is that I… for so long I have… I fought against it, I… I denied it, I…” He grimaced. “I was scared that you would not…”
“Just say it!” Octavia cried.
“I love you,” he blurted, and his eyes widened as if in shock.
“I mean… I did not…” The Duke’s brow furrowed.
She thought he was going to turn away again, but he forced his eyes on her.
The sadness was gone. The loneliness slowly vanished.
He met her eyes, she did the same, and such was the look in them that even if he tried to lie to her, it would have done no good. “I love you, Miss Finch…”
“Octavia,” she said. “Please, call me –”
“Octavia,” he spoke over her as his other hand went to her face.
He cupped it gently. “Were you still just a governess, were you a street urchin, or were you the Queen of England, it would make no difference. I love you, and if admitting that makes me weak, then… Then I am a weak fool, and proud of it.”
Octavia’s heart soared.
She had doubted it for so long. She had denied it. She had refused to see what was so obvious. Perhaps it’s because she was scared too, afraid of what might happen if she truly let her heart open. Funny, in many ways, as she had accused the Duke of doing the same thing.
But with his confession, all her doubts faded like mist in the rain. The Duke loved her; her love for him had never died, and there was really nothing else to say. Well, except for the obvious thing.
“May I call you Evander?” she said with a coy smile.
He chuckled. “I insist.”
“In that case…” She rested her hand on that which cupped her face. “I love you too, Evander. Foolish, I know, falling in love with a duke, but I have always been stubborn like that.”
“Perhaps the most stubborn person whom I know.”
“Coming from you?” She beamed. “How dare you?”
He laughed. “Two stubborn fools, that we are. It is just lucky that we found one another.”
“No, not luck.” Her eyes sparkled. “Fate. Let us call it fate.”
With that said, words no longer held any value.
They sat facing one another on the edge of the bed.
Their knees touched. One hand holding the other, the other hand cupping Octavia’s face.
They stared into one another’s eyes, the world around them vanished because they were the only two people who mattered, and all that had troubled them, all their doubts and worries and misgivings… again, they simply did not matter.
Evander’s eyes flicked down to Octavia’s lips. His head tilted. Her breath caught as he started to lean forward. And so it was that they sealed their love with a kiss.
Rather, that was how it started…
As soon as their lips touched, Octavia knew it wouldn’t end there. How could it possibly? With all they had been through to get there, how often they had been forced to hold back, it was a wonder that their self-control had lasted this long.
That time was over now. With their loved ones admitted to. With their feelings laid bare. With nothing but a future together to look forward to living, there was only one thing left for them to do.
“Octavia…” Evander breathed as they kissed passionately. “I want you.”
“I know you do,” she said through steamy kisses.
“More than you can even –”
“You have me.” Octavia pulled back just long enough to look at him. “Now, what are you going to do with me?”
Evander grinned wickedly. She saw that look behind his eyes that she had come to relish. His hands, on her face, moved to her legs, behind her knees, and she yelped as he pulled her forward and lifted her so that she was forced to straddle him.
“Taking command,” she grinned as her hands took his face. “It is about time.”
They started to kiss again. Octavia on top, she held his face steady as their tongues lapped and licked, as their lips sucked, and as their teeth nibbled.