Chapter 13
They walked out to the gardens in a tense silence. Thalia did not want to speak first, but her anger and frustration bubbled just beneath the surface, and it all threatened to spill over at any moment.
She huffed and stomped along the path, and she could feel rather than hear Finlay following behind her. His presence just served as a further reminder of this strange hold that he seemed to have on her, and it only angered her more.
There was a large row of shrubs along the front of the gardens, and she went behind them for extra privacy. She stopped, then rounded on Finlay, who looked as if he wanted to be anywhere else.
“I cannae believe ye,” she started, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Me?” Finlay gave a harsh laugh. “What about ye?”
“Ye are the one who just this mornin’ said, ‘Stop bloody apologizing.’” She lowered her voice in a poor attempt to mimic him. “And then ye turn around and blame me again!”
“Aye, well, if ye hadnae enchanted Laird MacGibbon, maybe neither of us would be in this mess right now!” he bellowed.
“Enchanted?” she cried.
“Aye!”
“Enchanted?” she repeated, hardly believing the accusations she was hearing. “I have never ‘enchanted’ anyone in me life!”
“Well, how else do ye explain his obsession with ye? His attempts to undermine me at every opportunity? He desires ye greatly, lass, and there’s nay any other way to explain it.
I could have killed him for what he said in there.
How he acted in front of ye, in front of Daisy.
Just when we were startin’ to make progress! ”
He slapped at the branches of the closest shrub, and Thalia suspected he was imagining Harrison’s face as he did. He had terrified Daisy; no doubt, he had reminded her of the previous Laird MacAinsley.
Still, it was true what he said. Laird MacGibbon was only here for Thalia.
“Do ye want to call it off?” she asked, her anger fizzling into self-doubt and misery.
“What?” He turned back around, shocked at the sudden change in her tone.
“The betrothal,” she clarified. “There’s still plenty of time. I told ye before that ye didnae have to do this, and I meant it. I can take the blame. I’ll go and marry that awful man to please me uncle, and ye can pretend that ye never met me.”
He stared at her. “Is that what ye think I want?”
“Is it nae?” She threw her hands up. “I daenae understand ye. One minute ye can be the most frustrating person I’ve ever met, the next ye turn around and are this wonderful faither. How… how ye can flirt with me, and then once ye kiss me, ye kick me out of yer room?”
Her face burned at the confession, but she stood her ground, raising her chin in defiance. She needed to know how he felt, or else it would drive her mad.
Did he feel the same things she was feeling now? Despite her anger, all she wanted to do was feel his arms around her again.
“That kiss shouldnae have happened.” His lips pressed into a hard line.
“Is that why ye’ve been in such a foul mood? Because ye regret kissin’ me?” She fought to steady her voice, refusing to show that his words hurt.
“Aye.” He took a step closer. “I do regret it.”
“I see.” The words were hollow as they left her mouth.
Regret. He regretted their kiss.
He hesitated at her expression. “I think ye misunderstand me, lass.”
“Nay, I understand ye perfectly,” she huffed. “Do ye find me repulsive as well? Is that why ye want me to buy a new dress? Perhaps ye prefer softer women who would—”
She broke off when he stepped even closer. Close enough to kiss.
“I daenae find ye repulsive, Thalia.” His voice was low and husky again. Thalia found that she quite enjoyed the way her name sounded on his lips. “I think ye are trouble, or maybe ye’re me punishment for everythin’ I did to be called a Wolf. But nae repulsive. I almost wish I did.”
“Really?” she breathed, her heart thudding against her ribs.
“Aye.” His chest rose and fell with quick, heavy breaths.
Thalia wished she could see it again. To run her fingers over the muscles as she had been able to do earlier that day.
“Then why did ye stop?” she asked.
“It’s because I didnae want to stop. I had to for yer sake.” The words sounded as if they were torn out of him, but she wanted more. She needed to hear more.
“Me sake?”
“Aye. If I had gone further with ye… ye would have been ruined. I willnae do that to ye. In fact…” His eyes darted down to her mouth, then back up to her eyes. “I promise I willnae touch ye again.”
“Nay?” She leaned in, just a little. Enough to test that claim.
He noticed, too. In an instant, his hand was on the back of her neck, and he was pulling her into another kiss.
This one wasn’t as rough as before. The first kiss had felt like she was giving bread to a starving man. He had been hungry, ravenous, and desperate. This kiss, while not gentle, made her feel as if he was savoring her.
He sucked on her lips as if he couldn’t get enough of them, and she mirrored the motion, moaning as his tongue slid over hers.
Those flames returned. They spread through her body, making her arch into him. His hand cradled her head, pulling at the hair at the base of her skull.
There was no space between them. Her arms circled his neck, while his free hand grabbed her waist. She wanted him too, wanted this, and it was getting harder to deny it.
A twig snapped, and they jumped apart as quickly as they had come together.
Finlay’s head swiveled around as he scanned the area around them. Thalia looked around too, panting as she tried to catch her breath and prepare for the inevitable explosion that was bound to come from whoever had followed them.
A grey bunny hopped out from underneath the shrub. Its nose twitched curiously, and its ears flicked as it assessed whether Finlay and Thalia were friend or foe.
Thalia knelt down slowly, cooing at the small creature in delight, until it hopped away. She stood, brushing off her skirts as she did. Finlay watched her every movement, and his eyes held hers as she struggled to calm her racing heart.
“I think we gave that bunny quite a show,” she said cheekily.
“I think we’re lucky we didnae get caught,” he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest.
“So much for nae touchin’ me again.”
He did not laugh at her joke.
She shifted her weight uneasily under his gaze, and she could not help feeling angry with the bunny for interrupting them.
Would he have continued kissing her until he completely lost control? Would he have taken her right here in this garden?
The fire in her stomach sparked again at the very idea.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. His voice was no longer low, and he seemed back to his normal self.
She clenched her hands into fists in disappointment.
“Ye daenae have to apologize,” she answered. “It’s just as much me fault as yers.”
“Nay, the blame rests entirely on me,” he sighed. “We are friends, and we had a deal. I am supposed to protect ye. I promise that from now on, I will be respectful. This was just a slip.”
Thalia swallowed against the nerves in her throat.
A slip. A mistake. If this was how he truly felt about these moments between them, then perhaps she ought to start treating them the same.
“Aye, and I think it might be best if we avoid each other from now on,” she added. “I wouldnae want ye slippin’ again.”
He gave a stiff nod. “Right.”
“Right,” she echoed.
Silence stretched between them, and Thalia fought against her rising displeasure. He wanted to respect her as a lady and as a friend. She should want that, too.
She moved closer to him and thrust out her hand. He looked at it in confusion.
“What are ye doin’?” he asked.
“Renewing our deal,” she replied. “A fake betrothal, and nay funny business between us.”
His lips quirked up in amusement as he reached out to shake her hand. “It’s a deal.”
She dropped his hand and gave him a nod. “Then it’s a pleasure doin’ business with ye. I promise, I willnae trouble ye… much.”
He shook his head, chuckling. “I thank ye for that.”
She nodded again, then turned to walk back up the path towards the castle.
It was only a year, and it would fly past in no time. Until then, she could throw herself into her work. There was always more to learn, more people to help. That was what was important, and not these feelings that had begun brewing between her and Finlay.
It would be best to put it all out of me mind until it is nothing but a distant, pleasant memory.
Finlay watched her go, reminded of that night in a different garden two years ago. Only this time, it was worse. Because this time, he knew what it was like to kiss her, to hold her. It was maddening.
Despite being inexperienced, she was a quick study. He should have expected that, seeing how intelligent she was, but it was still surprising that she knew how to press herself against him, and how to coax him into doing something that he knew he shouldn’t do.
The next year was going to be the longest of his life if he had to spend so much time with her without being able to touch her the way he wanted.
Perhaps I should try to find other women who can distract me from her.
However, as soon as he tried to picture it, he deflated. The only woman he wanted was Thalia.
Thalia, with hair as soft as silk between his fingers. Thalia, who sighed so sweetly under his touch. Thalia, who seemed to want him just as badly as he wanted her.
He turned on his heel, walking not back towards the castle, but to the training grounds. He had a lot of energy that he needed to expend now.
The training grounds were on the other side of the stables, a wide area that spread up until his men’s sleeping quarters. Straw dummies lined up in a row along one end. A dozen men practiced in the open space with wooden swords, sparring with each other.
Finlay found Peter further away from the action. He stood before two young boys who were sparring with thin, wooden sticks. As Finlay drew closer to the group, he heard the instructions Peter was giving.