Chapter 20
Thalia tossed and turned in her bed that night, unable to sleep at all.
Her thoughts were plagued with images of Finlay again, and she could not banish him from her mind.
The quilted blanket scratched against her skin as she thought about his hands on her.
The way his lips had felt, the way his hot breath had brushed her—
She sat up, threw the blanket off her, and climbed out of bed. Her body was hot with a need she still didn’t quite understand, but she knew that lying in bed another moment would drive her mad.
The floorboards were cool beneath her feet, and she padded over to the wardrobe to grab something to cover herself with.
It was the middle of the night, and she did not want to get fully dressed just to take a walk around the castle, but she also did not want to be caught in only her shift by a servant either.
She pulled out a cloak and wrapped it around her body before leaving her room.
She had not seen Finlay the whole of yesterday, and she was trying not to be too upset about it.
Perhaps he wasn’t really avoiding her. Perhaps he was simply too busy with the upcoming cèilidh.
However, he hadn’t attended any of their meals, and that alone was suspicious enough, since Daisy had started joining them.
He was still such a puzzle to her, and she could not deny that she wanted to solve him.
Was it normal for the Highland Wolf to nearly bed a woman and then abandon her without any further explanation? Perhaps it was. She was, after all, just one woman in a long line of women he had conquered. Ava had told her more than enough over the last few years.
There had been a time when Ava herself had almost married Finlay, though he had backed out in favor of his brother.
Apparently, he had not felt that he could be a good husband to her, and she had been acutely aware of that.
He had continued his wolfish behavior over the years with who knows how many women.
Thalia’s jaw clenched as she imagined the other women he had been with.
She was vastly inexperienced compared to him.
Were the other women he’d been with more experienced?
Would he rather go back to them? Was that why he didn’t want to marry her, and he would rather continue enjoying his life as a laird with all of the numerous faceless women who were now plaguing her thoughts?
She scoffed loudly, the sound echoing in the empty halls as she paced along them. These thoughts were pointless, and she was not doing herself any favors by entertaining them.
She made her way to the springhouse outside, hoping that there was still some leftover milk from earlier that day. A warm glass of milk always helped to calm her mind, and she hoped it would do the trick now.
She encountered no servants on the way, and she arrived at the small shed easily.
It was barely one room, built atop the creek that ran past the back of the castle through the gardens.
The door creaked open as she pressed her hand against it, and she found butter and cheese that had been made earlier that day.
A small glass of thick white milk sat next to them.
Thalia pressed her hand against it. It was still cool to the touch. She took the glass and walked back to the servants’ entrance, as it was the closest way to the kitchen.
The hall was still as she entered, and she assumed that everyone was asleep, until she turned the corner and saw the faint flicker of shadows from a lit candle.
She entered the kitchen, expecting to find a maid or a cook, and nearly jumped out of her skin when, instead, she found Finlay leaning against the table.
His eyes widened in surprise, and he straightened quickly as if he were a young boy caught doing something he shouldn’t. Her eyes went straight to his exposed torso, and her face warmed as the memory of what those muscles felt like under her hands flashed through her mind.
Why must I always find him undressed? Doesnae he own enough shirts?
“Apologies,” she blurted, forcing her eyes back to his face. “I didnae ken ye’d be here.”
She turned to leave when his voice rang out across the room. “Stay.”
She turned back and was shocked to see his face more open than it had been the last time she had seen him.
He gestured to the glass in her hands. “Do ye need help with that?”
“I just wanted to warm it up to drink,” she replied.
Finlay nodded, turning to the fire behind him. The embers glowed bright red, and he grabbed a log from the pile as well as some of the smaller sticks lying near it. After a few minutes of carefully organizing the wood, and with a few blows of encouragement, a small fire roared to life.
Thalia grabbed the nearby kettle and poured the milk inside before handing it to Finlay, who hung it on the hook above the fire.
“Should only be a few minutes,” he murmured.
Thalia had watched him throughout the entire process in silence, but she could not hold back any longer. “I’m surprised ye would do that.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Ye think I daenae ken how to cook me own food?”
“Nay,” she huffed. “I’m sure ye’ve cooked yer own food when ye’re out on the road or before goin’ into battle. But I would have thought ye’d have gotten a servant to do it for ye in yer own castle.”
“I daenae like to wake them unless it is necessary.” He shifted the box on the table, and Thalia eyed it with interest.
“What are ye doin’ up so late anyway?” she asked.
His features twisted into a guilty expression again, and he lifted the lid of the box. Thalia leaned over to see what was inside and found it full of small brown squares.
“I couldnae sleep, so I came down here to clear me head.” He gestured to the box again. “And I couldnae resist havin’ some while they were here.”
“Chocolate?” Thalia asked, amusement clear in her voice.
He really did seem like a boy, sneaking out of bed for some sweets.
“Aye.” His tone rang with a hint of defensiveness. “I cannae eat them in front of Daisy.”
She waited for him to elaborate, but when he didn’t, she decided to ask, “Why?”
He gave a long sigh. “Because she will eat all of them. She would look at me with those big eyes, and I cannae refuse her, given everything she’s been through, so I’d let her have some. And then, before I ken it, she’d eat all of them, ruining her dinner. And I’d be left with nothing.”
He looked so upset, so offended by letting the young girl eat all of his chocolate, that Thalia couldn’t help but giggle. She tried to keep it in, but the second the first snicker came out, she was done for. Laughter burst out of her, and she clapped a hand over her mouth in an effort to stifle it.
“‘Tis nae funny!” Finlay protested, but the corners of his mouth curled up as well.
He cleared his throat, forcing his expression into one of a stern and powerful laird, only for her to laugh harder.
“Oh, of course nae,” she said, breathless from laughter. “Who would have thought the big Highland Wolf would be so…”
“So…?”
He leaned over the table, and her laughter died in her throat as she realized how close he was to her again.
They hadn’t been that close since they’d come back from the cabin, and it shocked her how easily her body responded to his. She wanted to lean in, to close the distance between them, but she resisted the urge.
Instead, she reached over the table and plucked a square of chocolate from the box. She popped it into her mouth, letting the sweet taste melt over her tongue.
“Human,” she finished with a smile.
Finlay laughed at that, straightening again as he fished out another square for himself. They were quiet for a moment, but the silence that filled the room was not tense or awkward. It was comfortable, almost companionable, and Thalia found that she quite enjoyed it.
“Do ye remember that night about two years ago? In the gardens of MacCabe Castle.” His eyes had locked onto hers again, and there seemed to be another question in them, yet for the life of her, she could not decipher it.
“Aye, I remember,” she said, wondering why he decided to bring that up now.
“Ye told me then that ye had assumed the ‘Highland Wolf’ nickname had come from battles I had won,” he continued. “It was true, at first. They did call me a Wolf because of that, but then I grew a reputation with the lassies who started using it as well. Now, that is mostly what I am ken for.”
The sweetness of the chocolate turned bitter in her mouth. “Does it bother ye?”
“Well, it doesnae please me.” He scowled.
Thalia wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she fell quiet again.
Finlay sighed, turning back to the fire behind him. He grabbed a rag, removing the kettle from its hook and setting it down on the table. He went to a cupboard and grabbed a cup from one of the shelves. Carefully, he poured the warmed milk into the cup and slid it across the table towards Thalia.
“Thank ye.” She took it gratefully, blowing on the top before taking a small sip.
The warm liquid was comforting as it went down her throat, and she felt her entire body relax.
If only those women could see this side of him. Then they wouldnae be so quick to call him a Wolf.
“What if ye could prove them wrong?” she asked. “I could help.”
Finlay scoffed. “Ye’ll do nothin’ of the sort.”
“Nay, think about it!” She set her cup down and rounded the table so they could be face-to-face. In her excitement, she didn’t even think about the dangers of being that close to him again. “During our betrothal, we could show the world this side of ye. Then, they would surely stop callin’ ye—”
He grabbed her by the shoulders, interrupting her. “During our fake betrothal, we will continue our lives as they are now. I willnae have ye meddlin’ in me life any further. Is that understood?”
Her breath hitched. His tone was harsh and angry, yet she remembered her conversation with Daisy about how people can misplace their emotions.
She looked at him, really looked, and saw that it was not anger in his eyes, but fear. Realization dawned on her like a blanket. Something was holding him back, but she knew she would not get through to him tonight. It was late, and they were both exhausted.
“Aye, me Laird,” she replied, stepping out of his grip. “I understand perfectly.”
She whirled, swiping up her cup of cooling milk, and left the kitchen. Her thoughts raced, and in her effort to calm herself enough to sleep the rest of the night, she feared she had only made it worse.
Every step forward she made with Finlay felt like three steps back. Every time he opened up to her a little more, he would ruin it by shutting her out.
She would have stomped back to her room if she hadn’t been so worried about waking someone by accident. She was agitated and flustered again by his indecision. Perhaps tomorrow, things would be easier again in the light of day.