Chapter 26 Lil Mermay
LIL MERMAY
brAD
Apprehensive doesn't cover how I'm feeling right now, and Larissa is fidgeting up a storm beside me. We’ve been sat on my sofa in this exact position for the last half hour, counting down the minutes until Shari and Lizzie arrive.
I take her hand and try to reassure her, “You have nothing to worry about. Shari already likes you and Lizzie will adore you. This is just the first step to getting to know her. That's all.”
Her eyes swivel to me without turning her head – a little creepy, but ok.
“You're really bad at pretending like you're not nervous too!
What if she doesn't like me? What if Shari sees Lizzie being uncomfortable in my presence and decides she no longer likes me?
What if Lizzie just cries every time she looks at my face?
What will that mean for our relationship?
Because you can't be with someone if your daughter can't stand to be around them too! What if—”
“What if she loves you? I can guarantee you that Shari is just as nervous about this as we are. The only one who isn't is Lizzie. And she will love you. I know it,” I squeeze her hand.
“But if she doesn’t?”
“It's only the first meeting. She might be shy, but that'll be it. It doesn't stop after one encounter, sweetie.”
I can hear the girl of the hour babbling outside before the doorbell rings, and Larissa and I stand as one, our sweaty palms sliding against each other.
“This will be great,” I reassure both of us.
As soon as I open the door, Lizzie launches herself at my knees, squealing and giggling, so I crouch down to smother her in hugs and kisses. Still at eye level with my girl, I say, “Lizzie Loo, Daddy wants you to meet his friend, ok?”
She looks over my shoulder, clearly noticing Larissa for the first time since they arrived, and hides her face in the crook of my neck. I rub her back. “This is my friend Larissa. She's been really excited to meet you, baby girl. Can you come say hi?”
Shari is still standing just inside the door, gnawing on her bottom lip and winding a lock of hair around her finger so tightly that the skin bulges in the gaps. A mesh of pink, white, and purple. We make eye contact and she attempts a smile, but it falls from her face just as quickly.
Lizzie pulls back enough to turn her head towards Larissa as she chews on her forefinger. Larissa crouches down beside me and holds her hand out – I don't miss the slight shake of her fingers. “Hi Lizzie, I'm Larissa. You can call me Riss if you like. I've been looking forward to meeting you.”
My girl rests her head on my shoulder, still facing Larissa, and mumbles, “Wissa,” around her finger.
The biggest smile lights up Larissa's pretty face, and she beams, “I like Wissa, too.
It can be your special nickname for me. One that nobody else uses because you're special. Does that sound good?”
Lizzie nods against my shoulder and I can't help my relieved grin.
But I notice Shari still looks like the world might be ending.
“Hey, Sunshine, Wissa has some new colouring books and crayons for you, would you like to colour with her at the table?” She nods again and reaches out to grab Larissa's hand tentatively.
As soon as they're sat at the table, I walk over to Shari, who still hasn't moved from her spot. “Hey. You ok? I think it's going really well so far, don't you?” I wrap my arm around her shoulders and give her a squeeze, and I feel the breath stutter out of her.
SHARI
Brad squeezes me against him in a side hug, and I let out a shaky breath in an attempt not to let my tears well up.
I nod so he doesn't scrutinise me too closely, and take a moment to gather myself enough to speak. “Yeah, it's going really well. Larissa's a natural.”
I can still feel him looking down at me, so I tack on, “Obviously she would be since she's a teacher and all. Lizzie seems really taken with her already.” The statement drags Brad's attention back to the table and the soft smile on his face only makes my own pain more acute.
This is good, Shari. If Brad's going to be with someone else, then Larissa seems to be the perfect choice for him and Lizzie. Maybe if I keep telling myself it's a good thing, I'll start to believe it.
I slowly extract myself from Brad's embrace and start making my way to the kitchen. “I’m just going to sort a snack for Lizzie and make a cuppa. Does anyone else want tea or coffee?”
“I can do it, Blaze. It’s my house, so I should be serving you.”
“Nonsense! I’m hardly a guest at this point. You go spend some time with Lizzie and Larissa. I’ll make a pot of tea for all of us,” I shoo him out of the kitchen so I can have some time to regroup.
I'm still amazed that Brad actually owns an actual teapot, because I don't, but it's an adorable baby blue set with white polka dots that his mum gave him when he moved in.
As I bring out the tray laden with the teapot, cups, milk, sugar, honey, and snacks for my daughter, I nearly trip over my own feet at the sight before me.
Brad and Larissa are sat on chairs either side of Lizzie, smiling tenderly at each other over the top of her head whilst she babbles away.
Brad's arm is resting along the back of Lizzie's chair and he's stroking Larissa's upper arm with the backs of his fingers.
It's all so sweet and domestic and...wholesome.
They look like a real family, and it hits me like a freight train.
Lizzie might be my daughter, but I feel like the outsider here.
My stuttered step makes the crockery knock together on the tray, and Brad rushes over to take it from me. My insides feel too raw for me to argue with him, so I let it go without protest.
When I sit down opposite Lizzie, I give her my sole focus, handing her snacks and juice, listening to her chatter on and praising her colouring.
I try my hardest not to notice the adults on either side of her, I can't bear seeing them look so happy and in love right now.
I don't want to stay, but I can't think of an excuse to leave either.
So I sit, and I keep my tunnel vision on my girl whilst feigning contentment.
“Blaze,” Brad's hand tentatively touches the back of mine on the table. “Are you alright? You look a bit peaky.”
I blink out of my daze to see his furrowed brow, and notice that Larissa is no longer sat at the table. When did she get up?
“Hmmm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit tired. Where's Larissa?” I look around, slightly confused. Seriously, when did she leave the table?
“She's in the loo,” his concerned expression hasn't waned, if anything, his frown etches deeper into his skin. “Are you sure you're alright? I'm worried about you. Do you want to go lie down upstairs?”
On your bed where you probably fucked Larissa recently? No thanks.
The thought makes my stomach riot. “No, no. I'm good. I'll just have a nap when I get home. In fact, if you want to keep Lizzie for the day so you and Larissa can spend time with her alone, then I can go now, and you can just bring her over later?”
His frown morphs into shock. “You...you'd be ok with that?”
Not even a little. “Yes, absolutely!” I stand to neck the rest of my now-lukewarm tea and make my way around the table to pick Lizzie up.
“You be good for Daddy and Wissa, ok, baby?
And I'll see you later.” I smother her gorgeous face in kisses as she squeals, but as I pull back, her little face scrunches into a frown that matches her father's.
“Mama stay!” She places her tiny hands on my cheeks and squishes them together. I use the duck pout she's giving me to kiss her again on the nose.
“Mummy's just got to go home and do a few things, baby girl, but I'll take you home later. You can stay and play with me and Wissa!” Brad rubs her back, and his big hand makes her look even smaller.
He's standing so close to me I can smell the sunscreen and cedarwood that seem to be permanently etched into his DNA, and it makes my lashes flutter with nostalgia.
Which is ridiculous because I see him every day.
With a pout of her own, Lizzie adamantly states, “Mama, stay! We play.”
“It's ok,” comes a small voice from behind us. We seem to turn as one to find Larissa hovering in the hallway, her eyes flicking between us uncertainly. “If she wants to be with you, it's ok. We've at least met and spent some time together now.”
“No, she wants to stay, she just wants me to stay too. She'll be fine once I've left.”
Turning back to the little madam in my arms, I rub my nose against hers and whisper, “You stay with Daddy and Wissa and play and do some colouring, and when daddy brings you home later, we'll have a picnic dinner. Ok? And we can watch The Little Mermaid.”
Her gorgeous face lights up at the mention of her – our – favourite movie and she nods emphatically, “Lil Mermay!”
With a grin, I pepper her face and neck with kisses once again, and hand her to Brad.
“Bye, baby, I love you and I'll see you soon.” I shift my attention to Brad, who hasn't yet stepped away to widen the space between us, and tilt my head back so I can look him in the eye, “You sure you're ok to drop her back? I can always come get her later.”
“No, you rest. I'll bring her over after I drop Larissa home. Maybe I can join you for picnic dinner and The Little Mermaid?” he asks quietly.
“Lil Mermay! Lil Mermay! LIL MERMAY!!” Lizzie screeches in his face, making us laugh.
“Sounds like Little Miss would love that. Ok, text when you're heading over.” I turn to Larissa, feeling guilty that we've effectively left her out when today was meant to be about her and Lizzie. “You could always join us, if you like?”
She looks unsure of herself but cracks a small smile as she glances at her sock-covered feet. “Thank you, Shari. That's really kind of you to offer, but I'll leave you to your family time since I get to spend a couple of hours with Lizzie now. Maybe next time?”
“Definitely. I'll see you soon?” I turn my attention back to Lizzie, “Be good for Daddy and Wissa, remember? Love you.”
“Luvoo, Mama.”
“See you soon, Blaze.”
“Bye, Shari.”
And as I get into my car, leaving two-thirds of my heart in Larissa's hands, I'm irrationally annoyed that I can't even hate her. Because she's genuinely lovely, and I stupidly wish she were a bitch.