Chapter Sixteen
Easter
A s soon as I wake, I know that I’ve slept in for the first time in, perhaps, ever. The bright spring sun bursts through the thin linen curtains, adding a warm glow to the room. I can feel it on my face and I chuckle to myself. Even as a child, I would never sleep in, always the first one in the house to rise, leading my own secret life watching Blue Peter and eating Ricicles from the box before the rest of the house woke. I guess that’s what love does to you. Makes you sated and lazy. Fuck. I’m in love. In love. With Benjamin. With the sweetest, sexiest soul to ever walk this earth. It feels… strange . To have handed my heart over to someone, but still, it also feels like it couldn’t be any other way. That it was always going to end up like this—he and I, in love—from the moment he walked into my shop for the first time. Soulmates . I used to laugh at people when they spoke of the one and only . The one that was made just for them . Now I am them. I’m a believer. Benjamin, with his massive heart and vibrant personality, has turned me into a believer .
A sudden feeling of loss invades my chest, and I instinctively turn and reach for him, only to find his side of the bed cold and empty. Fuck, he did leave, after all. Even when he promised he would stay. My elusive little Bunny. I’m going to have to talk to him about that later, but right now, I’m just too goddamn lazy, and I need a dose of bunny. I reach for his pillow, burying my face in it, breathing in the remnants of his sweet, intoxicating scent. The moment I breathe him in, my cock awakens, hungry for him, and I groan pathetically into the fabric. Last night was everything. Being inside him. The sweet whimpers and moans that I pulled from his body. The way he made me feel. I’d never been able to let go like that before, but being inside his warm, tight hole, moving with him, was so liberating I could finally just let go.
I inhale again, rubbing my nose across the pillow, pretending it’s him. Then, little by little, a tangy smell hits me. It’s not sharp, but it tickles my nose. It takes a few seconds for my brain to recognise the smell and match it with a word, but when it does, my heart sinks. Urine . The smell is, without a doubt, the smell of urine.
I sit up, confused, taking in Benjamin’s side of the bed, and at first, I don’t notice it. But as my eyes get used to the white sheets, I see it. In the middle of the indent that his body has left behind, there’s a fairly large spot, slightly darker than the rest, with a yellowish tint to it. I swallow, reaching out my hand and brushing my fingers along the still-damp material. It’s cold and my heart sinks again because it means that he must have left when it was still dark outside. My poor Bunny, sneaking away like a thief in the night. My heart breaks for him. For how he must’ve felt waking up, wet and cold and… oh Christ, the shame. The shame. My eyes sting, a mix of sadness and anger building inside me. Sa dness because he felt he had to leave. Anger because he felt he had to leave. Did he think that I… that I would be mad? Upset? Repulsed? Perhaps he did, but Jesus, nothing that beautiful man does will ever repulse me. Nothing.
Within seconds, the anger fades, and all that’s left is only a feeling of all-consuming worry. I have to find him, hold him, reassure him that everything is okay. To tell him nothing has changed between now and last night when I told him I love him. Because I do. I love him with a fierceness that should scare me, but which only makes me feel more complete than I ever have before. If Benjamin thinks that wetting the bed is a deal-breaker, he’s got another thing coming. No fucking way. It’s not even close to being a deal-breaker. Although, to him, my lovely, wonderful darling, it probably feels like the end of the world right now.
My stomach does a weird somersault, and a pitiful yelp leaves my mouth. My body aches for him, protesting his absence, and I know what I need to do. I have to find him and bring him back home. But first I have an errand to make. Because I need to show him he’s claimed a place in my life that is irrevocably his. That was always his. And a little pee is not going to come between us. Although I don’t understand why it happened or if it’s happened before, I’m determined that we will overcome it. I just need to show him we can. When I claimed him as mine, I meant all of him; I realise that now. Every single part of him. Just like he accepts every part of me, from my grumpiness to my bossy nature. For my need to dominate. All of it.
Within seconds, I’m out of bed, pulling on the discarded clothes I wore the day before. I sniff the shirt and deem it acceptable. I’m in a hurry. I’m a man with a plan and I can’t be bothered with meaningless things like a wrinkled cotton shirt or… or no briefs. Every second away from Benjamin becomes my sworn enemy. A mountain I must climb. A giant sea monster I must defeat. Because I know he will use every single second we’re apart convincing himself that it’s over. That we are over. When we’re not. We’re not near being over. I’m not done with my bunny. I’ll never be fucking done with him.
As I chase down the stairs, nearly stumbling on the second last step, centimetres away from bashing my head against the wall, I’m rewriting the wedding vows in my head. Will you take this Bunny. For better or for worse. Pee or no pee. In sickness and in health. I will. I do. I so do. Urine be damned.
In my office, I tear through the drawers, pulling papers from them and throwing them left and right until I find what I’m looking for.
“Aha!” I exclaim to no one at all, holding Benjamin’s CV victoriously above my head, like the head of a dragon I’ve just slain. As I skim through his neat handwriting, my stomach does another one of those weird somersaults, where it feels like it’s trying to turn me inside out. God, I miss him. I hold the paper to my nose and breathe it in, but there’s no trace of him, my Bunny, just the dull, bland smell of paper. Fuuuck . Is this what withdrawal feels like? I guess it is.
I sigh with relief when I notice an address written at the very bottom, just below his name. It’s not far from here, the street. Checking my watch, I jog to the door, swiping my coat from the hanger on the way. If I hurry to the shop, I can be back here by noon, get the bedroom sorted, and be at Benjamin’s place shortly after. It won’t take me long to put my get-my-bunny-back plan into action. I can have him back in my arms where he belongs before I know it. My chest and arms ache with the phantom feel of him and I hug myself, closing my eyes, pretending it’s him, my love. Then I suck in a breath, shaking my shoulders and bouncing on my feet—almost like I’m getting ready to take down Rocky himself—before I throw the door open and stalk down the street like a madman.