Chapter 15 – Beth
“Your husband is in recovery,” Dr. Markowski informs me.
“We had to give him two more units of blood during surgery, but we stopped the internal bleeding caused by a nick to a vein. I’m afraid we couldn’t save his spleen.
The damage was too extensive, but fortunately, that was the only organ damaged.
He was very lucky in that regard. Right now he’s holding his own.
We’ll just wait and see how he’s doing.”
“Will he be okay without his spleen?” I ask.
She nods. “He can survive without a spleen. He’ll need to watch for future infections, but that’s manageable. You don’t need to worry about that.”
My heart lodges in my throat, nearly cutting off my air. I can barely get out the words. “Please, can I see him?” I need to lay eyes on him and see for myself that he’s alive.
“You can see him for a few minutes. Keep in mind, he’s still sedated. We’re going to keep him that way until we know he’s out of the woods.”
“Is he going to be okay?” Cooper asks, his own voice rough with emotion.
Dr. Markowski looks from Cooper to me, then back to Cooper. “I’m afraid it’s still too early to tell. Right now, we’re concerned about the risk of infection.”
He’s alive.
That’s what I needed to hear.
Shane is alive.
“I’ll take you to him,” the doctor says. “This way.”
Cooper accompanies me as I follow Dr. Markowski to the recovery unit.
She leads us into a private room, where Shane lies utterly still on a bed surrounded by electronic equipment that is beeping and whirring as it monitors practically every major function of his body.
There are sensors attached to his bare chest. The bandages wrapped around his torso peek out from underneath the sheet covering him.
I stop dead in my tracks when I near the bed, shocked to see how sickly pale he is.
Slowly, I approach the side of the bed, wanting to get closer.
His arms are lying at his sides. There’s a blood pressure cuff on his right arm, and there’s an IV line going into the back of his left hand.
A small device is clipped to the end of a finger on his left hand.
“What’s in the IV?” I ask.
“A sedative and some pain medication,” she answers. “Plus, fluids.”
Instinctively, I start to reach with one hand, but I freeze. “Can I touch him?”
When Dr. Markowski nods, I gently lay my hand on his forehead and lean close to whisper, “I’m here, Shane. I’m right here.”
My eyes sting as tears form. I can’t help it. He’s here, right in front of me. He’s alive, and I can touch him.
My throat is so tight it hurts to speak.
“You kept your promise,” I say to my husband.
“You didn’t let Andrew hurt me. And we don’t have to worry about him ever again.
He’s dead. But now I need you to make me another promise, okay?
Promise you won’t leave me. Please, Shane.
I need you. I know you’re strong. Be strong for me. ”
My knees give out then, and when I drop, I find myself landing on a chair, Cooper right beside me. His eyes are on Shane, though, and he looks as bleak as I feel.
I’m not the only one suffering here. Cooper is hurting as much as I am. He and Shane have been as close as brothers for years, since their time together in the Marine Corps. They left the military and started McIntyre Security together.
Cooper clears his throat as he reaches down to grip Shane’s bare shoulder. “You don’t need to worry about a thing, Shane,” he says in a gravelly voice. “Sam and I will hold down the fort until you come home. We’ll take care of Beth and the kids. You just focus on getting better.”
Dr. Markowski steps forward. “Mrs. McIntyre—”
“I’m not leaving,” I say, my voice suddenly sharp. I spare her a quick glance. “I’m not leaving my husband’s side until I know he’s going to be okay.”
Wild horses couldn’t drag me from this room.
Dr. Markowski nods. “I’ll be back shortly to check on him.” She gestures to the machines beeping quietly. “We’ll be monitoring his vitals. If there’s a problem, we’ll know.”
After the doctor leaves, I pull my chair closer to the bed and gently reach for Shane’s right hand.
Cooper lays his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll go update everyone in the waiting room. I’ll also bring you some water and something to eat.”
As he turns toward the door, I grab his hand.
“Would you ask someone to bring me my breast pump from home? It’s in my bathroom cupboard.
I’ll need to keep pumping while I’m here so my milk production doesn’t stop.
Ava can have the stored milk in the freezer at home.
There’s enough to last her quite a while. ”
Cooper frowns. “I assumed you’d go home tonight to sleep. You need your rest. The kids—”
“My kids are safe. Right now, my place is here. I won’t leave Shane until I know he’s out of danger.”
“All right,” he says, sounding more than a little reluctant. “I won’t be gone long. Text me if you need me. I’ll come straight back.”
I nod, already turning my attention back to my husband. “Thank you, Cooper.”
I can’t help touching Shane… running my hand gently along his arm, tracing the veins on the back of his right hand, brushing his hair gently.
“I’m here, Shane.” I rise up so I can kiss his forehead. “I’m right here.”
I sit at his bedside, my eyes glued to the rise and fall of his chest. I’m not sure how much time has passed, maybe an hour, when a shrill alarm goes off. I jump as my heart skyrockets up into my throat.
I jump to my feet just as a nurse rushes into the room. She checks one of the machines and presses a call button.
“What’s wrong?” I say, my voice shaking as my pulse pounds.
The alarm continues to blare loudly, sending warning bells through me.
The nurse spares me a quick glance. “His blood pressure is dropping.”
“What does that mean?”
Dr. Markowski rushes into the room. She pulls the sheet down his torso and gently palpates his abdomen.
“Prep him for surgery,” she says to the nurse.
“He’s still bleeding internally,” she says to me.
“We’ll have to go back in.” The woman doesn’t even look at me as she says, “I’m sorry, Mrs. McIntyre, but I’m going to have to ask you to return to the waiting room. ”
I have no choice but to leave Shane’s room. A member of the medical staff directs me back to the waiting room, where I find our family members seated together as they wait for news.
My brother shoots to his feet the moment he spots me, no doubt fearing the worst because I’m crying. “Beth?”
I swallow against a painful knot. “They’re taking him back to surgery. He’s still bleeding internally.”
Tyler comes to me and wraps his arms around me. “Sit down before you fall down,” he says, rubbing my back. “It’s going to be okay.”
Everyone keeps saying that, but the truth is, Tyler doesn’t know for sure. No one knows what the outcome will be. The fact that he’s going in for a second operation doesn’t bode well.
Cooper walks through the automatic doors and into the waiting room carrying a small overnight bag. He’s surprised to find me here. “What’s happened?”
“He’s back in surgery. His blood pressure started dropping. They think there’s more internal bleeding. I guess they missed something the first time.”
After dropping down into the chair across from me, Cooper mutters fuck as he scrubs his hands over his face. “He’s already lost so much blood.”
A few more hours of painful waiting pass before a nurse comes out to tell us he’s out of surgery and back in recovery.
* * *
Once I’m back at Shane’s bedside, I quickly lose track of time. Nurses come and go frequently, assessing Shane, checking his bandages, emptying his catheter bag. Occasionally one of them will put a fresh IV bag on the pole.
“Is that the sedative?” I ask one of the nurses, a young man with light brown skin and black hair.
“Yes,” he says.
“How long will he be sedated?”
The young man shrugs. “I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that right now. That’s for his physician to determine.”
I stroke the back of Shane’s right hand. After the nurse leaves, I resume talking to him. I’ve been talking to him the whole time, hoping he can hear my voice, or at least register the fact I’m here.
“I’m here, sweetheart,” I murmur again and again. “I’m not leaving you.” My throat threatens to close up on me again. “Please, Shane. I need you to be strong for me. For Luke and Ava, too.”
I can see outside the window that the sun has set long ago. It’s late. My heart aches when I think of Luke and Ava, confused because we didn’t come home. I just hope they didn’t have too much trouble falling asleep.
And my poor mom—she’s probably exhausted after taking care of so many kids today.
I’m sure Bridget and Calum will spell her, and the others will, too.
One thing about the McIntyre family is they all come together in times of need.
You don’t have to ask for help—it simply arrives at your doorstep, often accompanied by a hot casserole dish.
Cooper walks into the room carrying a small overnight bag, which he sets on a large shelf beneath the window. He opens the bag and pulls out a small bottle of what looks like orange juice. “Here.” He hands me the chilled bottle. “Drink this. You need some calories.”
I twist off the cap and take a long sip. The cold, sweet-tart liquid feels good on my parched throat.
When I try to hand it back to him, he says, “Keep drinking.”
I do as he asks because I know he’s right. I can’t afford to get dehydrated. As I’m sipping the juice, he pulls out a packet of peanut butter crackers, one of my favorite snacks.
I stare at the food and sigh. I have zero appetite, and the thought of eating anything makes me feel queasy.
Cooper takes the juice bottle from me and opens the packet of crackers. “Beth, please eat these.”
Reluctantly, I pull one out of the package and take a bite. Not because I want to, but because of the tone of his voice. He sounds exhausted. He sounds like a man who’s barely holding on, and suddenly I feel ashamed for adding more worry onto his shoulders.
“Thank you,” I say. And then I take another bite and chew slowly before swallowing. The thought of eating makes me want to gag, but I know Cooper’s right. I have to keep my strength up, or I won’t be any good to Shane.
“I brought your breast pump. By the way, Sam just left for home. He’s going to take over child care duty and give Ingrid and Joe a break. Bridget is organizing a childcare schedule for the foreseeable future, so you don’t need to worry.”
Fresh tears spring to my eyes. “Please tell everyone I’m grateful for their support.”
“They know you are,” he says. “Your mom also packed a change of clothes for you and some toiletries. She said if you need anything else, just let her know and she’ll have someone bring it to you.”
When I’ve eaten three of the crackers, he takes the packet from me and hands me what’s left of my juice.
“Do you think he knows we’re here?” I gaze at my husband’s too-still body. I stare at him, hoping he’ll open his eyes and look at me. But that’s wishful thinking.
“Yeah. I think he does,” he says as he takes a seat in a guest chair over by the window.
Now that my belly is full, I find myself growing sleepy, unable to keep my eyes open.
“Get some sleep,” Cooper says. “I’ll wake you if there’s any change.”
* * *
I wake with a start when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, sugar,” Cooper says.
I sit upright and attempt to straighten my hair. “What is it?”
“It’s okay. Relax. They’re getting ready to move Shane to the ICU.”
“Intensive care? That’s a good sign, right?”
“His vitals have remained stable, so yeah, that’s a good sign. They’re still going to monitor him closely for a while until he’s out of the woods.”
Hospital employees come to wheel Shane’s bed to a new location. We follow them. Once they have him situated in his new room and hooked up to all the monitors, they leave.
It’s late, and normally I would have already nursed Ava by now before putting her in bed. My body has its own internal clock, and it knows. My breasts have grown heavy and full.
I stand up from my chair at Shane’s bedside and retrieve the breast pump from the overnight bag. “I need to pump.”
Cooper nods.
I slip into the room’s private bathroom and use the device to relieve the pressure in my breasts.
It breaks my heart to pour the expressed milk down the sink, but I’m not set up to keep it sterile here.
When I’m done, I return to my vigil at Shane’s bedside.
I’m so tired I can hardly sit up. Carefully, I lean forward and rest my head on my arms, as close to Shane as I can get without actually touching him.
Finally, unable to stand it, I lay one of my hands over his right hand and gently cradle it.
“I’m here, honey,” I murmur as I gently squeeze his hand. “I’m right here.”
I can feel Cooper’s worried gaze on me. He’s not only worried about Shane, but about me, too.
We’re part of his family. Sam may have Cooper’s heart—and wears his wedding ring—but Shane and I are just as much a part of his life. Cooper’s parents disowned him when he was a teenager, the moment they learned he was gay. He never reconciled with them.
Cooper can’t bear to lose Shane any more than I can.